Miami vs. Clemson Breakdown

Hello All,

This week the 'Canes head up to Death Valley in the third leg of their road odyssey to begin the season; if this is The Odyssey, Jacory Harris is Odysseus. As he goes, so goes the crew. And maybe even we will get lucky and see a vintage Vanessa Williams sex scene during this game...I digress.

So that is your cheesy, Musburger-esque setup and this is your breakdown:

QB

If Jacory limits mistakes he is the better player. Clemson's Kyle Parker, or as he is known in my living room, the poor man's Dan Stein, doesn't have much going for him. It's not like the guy hits 20 bombs a year for the baeball team, plays quarterback on the football team, already has a multi-million dollar job waiting for him upon leaving school and rocks a great faux-mullet. Wait, he does? Anyway, Parker will be dealing with plenty of pressure from Miami's defensive front this game, unlike last season. I also still believe he gets way more credit for last season's win than he deserves. However, with Clemson's DeAndre McDaniel lurking in the secondary, I have no clue who has the upperhand between these two talented players. EDGE: Even

RB

Clemson relies on Jamie Harper (if you ever want to hear a messed up recruiting story, ask me sometime about why Harper is a Tiger and not a 'Cane) and Andre Ellington. Both are big and explosive. Miami will have their hands full with the duo, and that includes as receivers out of the backfield. However, I said the same thing before the Pitt game and look how that turned out. Miami, meanwhile, is establishing Damien Berry as the plowhorse and Lamar Miller as the flash to his smash. EDGE: Clemson

WR

Miami, and it isn't close. Clemson starts a junior who has not done much and a sophomore. They have big play capability but do not come close to resembling Miami's arsenal. EDGE: Miami

OL

Both teams have physical lines that are probably better in run blocking than pass blocking. Both have to deal with athletic, versatile defensive lines. EDGE: Even

DL

Miami's front four (which is really more like a front 9) is playing great football right now. They have Allen Bailey (a superfreak) at one end, three complimentary ends that are playing well and 4 solid tackles. Clemson has DeQuan Bowers (a superfreak) at one end, a solid complimentary piece at the other and four solid tackles, lead by Brandon Thompson. The top line of the depth chart is relatively equal, but after that it slides in Miami's favor. EDGE: Miami

LB

Sean Spence will be the best player on the field. Clemson, much like Miami, has an athletic group that struggles with positioning. They are lead by Brandon Maye, who I am pretty sure has been on the team since 1997. All things being equal, Spence gives Miami the leg up. EDGE: Miami

Secondary

If Spence gives Miami the linebacking edge, McDaniel gives Clemson the edge in the secondary single handedly. EDGE: Clemson

Special Teams

Miami has the best return game in the nation and one of the most mediocre coverage games. Clemson lost C.J. Spiller but will have speed back to return kicks. Matt Bosher is great, obviously, and rates Miami the edge in the kicking game. Also, Alex F-ing Uribe will not be screwing up and kicking deep to Spiller instead of squibbing it at the end of the half when the 'Canes have just scored to take momentum back headed into the locker room and in the process giving up a return touchdown to reignite the Tigers because he kicked deep when the call and resulting formation was set up for a F*CKING SQUIB KICK. Not that I'm bitter. EDGE: Miami

So there we have it. This one will come down to the wire. My dad predicted a late drive to come from behind and win for Miami. So we will go with that. Also, since I know you're looking for it with your Apple F function, good luck in Regionals this weekend Steve. Austin is a fine town, try to leave it in one piece.

And now we do some picks:

Texas A&M over Okie State

In the battle of the big programs that couldn't: Think it is possible that the two ADs get together and agree to simultaneously fire both coaches at midfield when it is over? Maybe trade them straight up for each other out of boredom? Maybe implicate them in the BP Screwup and have them brought up on federal charges?

Oklahoma over Texas

Michigan State over Wisconsin

This is what happens when you get ready for your first big road test in conference by playing the likes of Austin Peay and the Girl Scouts of America. Or at least, what I hope happens. Never had anything against Wisconsin until a bunch of their fans mysteriously turned into Ohio State fans the one weekend that OSU played Miami. Yes, OSU, a bitter rival. Well, not really bitter, because in order for it to be bitter Wisconsin might want to, oh, I don't know, win a national title for once in the history of their program. Like the 5 that Miami has won. Since 1984.

Virginia Tech over NC St.

Tech is starting to warm up. There was no way they were going to stay down all season.

Wake Forest over Georgia Tech

MARYland over Duke

Oregon over Stanford

Alabama over Florida

If it weren't a Miami gameday I would be wearing red all day long. In a similar vein, UiF will probably have someone arrested after the game.

Redheads over Blondes

To answer the debate in my favorite Billy Currington song.

Gordon Gekko over Barack Oabama

UPSET SPECIAL

FIU over Pitt

I am going to ride this damn hunch until I am forced to stop. Or next week. Whichever comes first.

Season Record 15-9 (0-3 in Upsets)

Always guard the inbound passer.

Miami vs. Pitt Recap

Hello All,

Ok, so there is no way I can write about Saturday's slate of games. Let's just say there was some late morning beer action. And some afternoon beer action. And some Evening beer action. And some late night beer action.

Anyway, here is the cliff notes version of what I think we found out in the Pitt game:

-The 'Canes offense is the only thing that can stop the 'Canes offense.

-Jacory has terrible luck. He threw essentially two bad passes all game and they both got picked. Not only that, Pitt's safeties made very athletic plays on both.

-Joel Figueroa is not a starting caliber right tackle.

-The receiver crew is as good as we thought, but the tight ends are probably worse.

- Damien Berry can and will be a plowhorse.

- The offensive line in general is solid.

-The defense, without getting too elaborate, is one of the top 5 in the nation when they are playing well.

-Pitt is not as bad as people are claiming now that the game is over. That was a talented team playing at home on national tv. They might not be an elite contender, but they certainly are no slouch (Georgia on the other hand...).

- Sean Spence is a baaaaaadddddd man.

- The Santa Ana winds SUCK. Like living in a hair dryer. Oh, wait, that was not during the game? I digress.

-Wisconsin really cleans up well against the Girl Scouts Association of America non-conference schedule they play...again, I digress.

-Florida went a full week without getting a player arrested!...I swear, last time.

All in all, it was a great win for this 'Canes team that should get things back on track. I thought the offense essentially sleep-walked through the first half of the game and we still were able to win by four touchdowns. As I have said, I think Jacory's interceptions are a combo of bad luck, trying to do too much, receivers not being physical enough and just plain bad throws. I think they will go down as time goes along. However, here's the thing: if the defense plays like that all game and Miami can maintain good position in the field position battle, Jacory can throw two picks a game and the 'Canes will win out.

Clemson will be a tough one on the road before we get back home. However, there is nothing about this team that makes me believe we can not stop a team that relies on its running backs to win. As evidenced in the Pitt game, featuring two elite-level runners for the opposition, Miami plays downhill against the run. Barring total self-destruction, Miami is definitely a force to be reckoned with again.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Miami vs. Pitt- The Breakdown

Hello All,

Let me give you an example of why Miami fans suck (yep, I am done hedging, done couching and done apologizing: our fans as a whole are terrible).

In the ten days since Miami essentially beat itself against a Top 5 team in the country (interceptions, missed tackles, more interceptions, more missed tackles and dropped turnovers on defense...let's see what the final score is if the 'Canes hold on to one of those turnovers and only throw two interceptions, which is a very plausible scenario for anyone that, gasp, watched the game) the fan base has decided the following:

-Jacory sucks and so does future 'Cane Teddy Bridgewater because he goes to Jacory's High School and is also black.

-Our running backs all suck, except for Lamar Miller.

-Our wide receivers all suck, except for Leonard Hankerson.

-Our offensive line, despite playing pretty evenly against a strong defensive line, sucks and true freshman Seantrel Henderson should be starting.

-Our defensive line sucks except for Allen Bailey, because Bailey can bench press a ton.

- Our linebackers are all too small, too slow and suck.

- Our secondary is terrible, including all american candidate Brandon Harris.

-Matt Bosher is our best player.

-Randy Shannon should, obviously, be fired along with his whole staff.

-Miami will never be back.

-No loss is acceptable.

-College kids should never do anything that distracts from football like go on Facebook. God forbid.

-Jacory Harris is a n-word.

The list could keep going. And this is without having played a game in the ten days.Needless to say, getting back on the field is a good thing for everyone. Now, if I just had the ability to parse the fan base a little bit...

BREAKDOWN (For you, Russo)

QB

Ok, let's get this straight. Do I think Jacory's receivers will essentially give away two interceptions again? No. Do I think Jacory is going to have a big bounce back "F*ck You" game after being told how terrible he is for two straight weeks? Yes. Do I think the Miami defense is going to be a little feisty after last week? Yes. Do I know that Pitt's QB, Tino Snseri, is a freshman that will most likely make some mistakes under pressure? Yes. EDGE: Miami

RB

If you are ranking the individual players, then Pitt's Ray Graham and Dion Lewis might be the best duo not named Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson in the country. If you are ranking overall running game, than it is closer than you think. Pitt runs the ball more than Miami and will keep going back to it. When Miami runs the ball they are usually very effective, even though they spread the ball around to four different backs. Regardless, Lamar Miller is the most talented player at this position group in the game. Still, Pitt runs it well and often enough to outweigh Miami's talented depth here. EDGE: Pitt

WR

Pitt has big play weapon Jonathan Baldwin. I read somewhere that over the last two seasons he has 15 catches of 40+ yards, 9 for touchdowns. He is also 6'6", which makes him even tougher to figure out, especially since Miami's best corner is 6'0" tall and DVD is not physical enough to hand with this freak. Miami, though, has the next 6 best receivers in the game. Miami's passing game is lethal when everyone is doing their job, and I would bet the farm (if I were a betting man and, you know, owned a farm) that they will play with their ass on fire this game. Baldwin is a beast, but Hankerson, Benjamin, and Laron Byrd are going to be tough for Pitt to cover in a pick your poison scenario. Meanwhile, Aldarious Johnson will work the middle of the field on third downs and Kendall Thompkins might get his chance in space this game. Pitt's tight ends are solid, and unless Chase Ford can use stick 'em this time out or has magically gotten over his dropsies, the Panthers get the edge here. EDGE: Miami

OL

Miami's o-line looked very solid last week. Pitt's, as testified by several close to their program, is big but doesn't get a great push. Also, Pitt will be without their best pass rusher and Miami has a fierce defensive line that is pissed off and has been getting disruption all season. EDGE: Miami

DL

Pitt is without All American Greg Romeus, who is injured. They will have All- Conference end Jabaal Sheard (great name), who can list throwing a man through a plate glass window at a bar and not being suspended on his resume. Stay classy, Pitt. Meanwhile, Miami is getting great efforts right now from Bailey, Vernon, Forston, Ojomo, and Regis...and solid efforts from several others. EDGE: Miami

LB

Pitt has a group of four fairly interchangeable players that rotate here. They are all solid, and Dan Mason is being touted as a possible future first round pick. He is, however, apparently benched for the start of this one due to off the field issues. There ya go, Wanny. I wonder what this kid must have done. Murder someone? Send a text that said "Time to die Bitch"? Oh, wait, that was a Florida player? Thaaaaaaaat's right, silly me. Meanwhile, Sean Spence is playing well and I still think McCarthy is a stud. Miami is also going to be working Jordan Futch and Ramon Buchanan into the rotations more heavily. Still, until Miami is getting solid play from 4 or 5 guys and not just 2, they will be behind the 8 ball. EDGE: Pitt

CB

Pitt does not have the horses to run with Miami's receivers, in this blogger's opinion. Miami's secondary would look a l0t better if they held on to a fraction of the passes they disrupted. Snarl. EDGE: Miami

Special Teams

Matt Bosher is a stud. Pitt has solid kicking as well. The winds in this stadium probably play in to Pitt's favor. Travis Benjamin and Lamar Miller are better than any duo of return men in the country. Pitt probably plays better coverage, although I honestly could not tell you...I just assume that they usually do not give up an average starting field position of the 50 yard line. EDGE: Pitt

Coaching

For some reason, people forget that the Wannstache has never really done anything as a head coach but talk a good game. Meanwhile, Randy Shannon is getting better every game. However, Mark Whipple's gameplan was so terrible last week that I am gun shy here. EDGE: Push

I expect Miami to play a very good game under the lights and will have a chip on their shoulder, similar to Georgia Tech or Oklahoma last season. However, if they let Pitt hang around they will get burned by the run game. Miami HAS to limit turnovers on offense and create some on defense or they will be staring down the barrel of a 1-2 start with a trip to unpredictable Clemson coming up next. Essentially, this is as close to a make or break game as you can get out of conference.

Other quick picks:

NC St. over GTech

VTech over BC

FIU over Maryland (Semi-Upset)

Alabama over Arkansas

Stanford over Notre Dame

FSU over Wake

UNC over Rutgers

Boise St. over Oregon St.

Auburn over South Carolina

LSU over WVU

UPSET SPECIAL: SMU over TCU

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Hello All,

So, can we just pretend that Ohio State game didn’t happen?

That’s what I have been trying to do this week. Well, the last two days anyway. Sunday and Monday were marked by my perpetual scowl that prompted several “you sure you’re doing ok?” comments Monday morning at work. It also inspired this exchange:

Random lady (presumably my superior) walks in to the office of the guy across from me (a fellow football fan): “Hey, how was your weekend?!”

Guy across from me: “Good, the Seahawks won.”

Random lady: “Yeah, my team won too!”

Guy across from me: Cuts her off by pointing at me

Random lady: Looks at me and says “You’re a Miami guy?”

Stein on the Sidelines:

Random lady: “Well that’s too bad.”

Stein on the Sidelines:

Annnnnnd scene. This will not be in the next, updated edition of How to Win Friends and Influence People. It will also, most likely, not do wonders for my schemes to get hired on full time at this office.

But, now that the initial malaise has worn off, some thoughts from the game:

- Jacory is taking a ton of heat for this one. People are saying he has not progressed and is not the guy to take us to the promised land. I say that of the four picks, two (possibly three) were on the receivers. Additionally, the best throw he made all game was a DART to Aladrious Johnson in the end zone that the usually clutch and sure handed Johnson dropped. In total, there were 9 drops (according to Randy Shannon). That means that nine times Jacory hit a receiver in the hands and didn’t get a completion.

- Lamar Miller is the most explosive player Miami has had since Devin Hester. Oh, by the way, I called his kick return touchdown. Before the game started. Excuse me while I pat myself on the back.

- Annndddd…yep, pretty sure Harlan Gunn just jumped offside again. Alright, this is one thing that infuriated me almost above all others. I get it when Jermaine Johnson commits a bad penalty. This was his first playing time as a Miami Hurricane. That happens. However, Gunn and Joel Figueroa are in their fourth and fifth years, respectively, in the program. Gunn jumped the gun at least twice, possibly three, and Figs got called for a bad penalty too.

- The defense acquitted itself very well given that the Buckeyes’ average starting position had to have been near midfield (I have not seen the stats yet because they will only make me angry). However, take out the 3407653458734265 missed tackles and three dropped interceptions and this is a Miami route.

- Best players for the game: Jacory Harris (kidding), Miller, Sean Spence, Marcus Forston, Allen Bailey, Colin McCarthy, Brandon Harris, Brandon McGee, Damien Berry (2nd Half), Olivier Vernon’s Mohawk

- Special teams is a mixed bag. The return game is explosive and will be great to watch all year. There will be punts blocked this year. However, we have got to stop taking momentum and then giving up a big return.

- Bottom line is that this team is clearly the most talented we have had in a while but got punched in the face on the road and couldn’t strike back well enough to win. They fought all game but in the end beat themselves with penalties and poor execution. Against Duke, maybe you get away with this. Against Ohio State you lose. If the team takes this loss seriously and puts the pedal to the metal, they will be serious threats to win out, crack the top five and be in the title discussion if a few teams lose. If this loss fails to register and the team doesn’t take it to heart, then we will probably end up at 9-3 and in the Capital One Bowl as the most talented 3 loss team I have ever seen.

Quick Picks for the Week, after my dismal showing last weekend:

Gainesville Police Department over Florida
Cincy over NC State (Thanks for playing this week’s game of “Embarrassing OOC Losses”)
UGA over Arkansas
FSU over BYU
Texas over Texas Tech (Will be closer than you think)
Stanford over Wake Forest (I now appreciate the time difference excuse)
Wisconsin over (INSERT CUPCAKE HERE _____________)
Auburn over Clemson (Wraps up another strong week for the ACC)

UPSET SPECIAL

Duke over Alabama

PSYCH!

Let’s go with Washington over Nebraska. Why the hell not?

Always guard the inbound passer.

Week 2 Preview

Hello All,

Alright, not much time to write this week. That is what working 60 hour weeks between 2 jobs and somehow finding time for the gym will do to you. Especially in a town wherein it takes 45 minutes to drive 7 miles. And yet, I digress.

Anyway, time for the weekly picks, which I completely forgot about last week in my excitement over Miami football being back and figuring out how to pack up for a weekend out of town now that I am old and have things to worry about such as: my car not getting stolen while I am gone OR my apartment not catching fire.

Away we go:

Alabama over Penn State: this one really is not even worth a description. Penn State, perenially overrated, takes a team lead by a freshman quarterback into Tuscaloosa for a night game. Point blank.

Instead, let me talk about this week's "why women are insane" story. So there I am, minding my own business, waiting in line to buy cold cuts at Ralph's. Behind me is, like, this totally upset, like, valley girl.

This girl decided that she needed to talk to her girlfriend, loudly, on her I-Phone about her very emotioal breakup. Which went something like this (keep in mind that this is in public and very loud):

Girl Behind Me: "It was, like, so crazy. I just don't understand why he did it. And I have been so motivated since then to just, like, look awesome."

Orders slice of pizza as unheard friend responds

Girl Behind Me: "Yeah, so then I was like 'Are we ever going to talk again'. And he said 'no'. So then I called him and it was like SOOO awkward."

Stein on the Sidelines fails to stifle the laughter

Girl Behind Me: "Omg, I think these people are totally listening to me."

Girl stops talking for literally 7 seconds

Girl Behind Me: "Ok, so yeah. We both got our tests back. I am totally good. I mean, I made sure to run it twice. It immediately went to blue."

Stein on the Sidelines ponders how on Earth this girl ever got dumped

Annnnndddddddd scene.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why women are insane.

Georgia over South Carolina: UGA gets the road upset. Although, I am not sure if it should be an upset. I mean, has South Carolina ever won one of these hyped up big games? Shout out to the first person that can name me one.

Jon Hamm over The Field: Yep, I am pumped for The Town. Gritty looking trailer. Blake Lively. Ben Affleck...the director. That guy from The Hurt Locker. And yes, Jon Hamm, my boy. Hmmmm, let's see, Don Draper or a bunch of dudes from Southie robbing banks in nun outfits while at the same time violating bank robber rule number one and catching a case of Reverse Stockholm Syndrome (understansable in the case of Lively, but still a bad move)? I will take Don Draper.

Oregon over Tennessee: Not the blowout that most are expecting.

FSU over Oklahoma: In the upset in Norman. Both teams could score in the fifties. FSU is like a chick. They have no clue what they want. Do they want to be the team that barely beats Jacksonville State or the team that goes on the road the following week and stomps out BYU? Both happened last season, and this team looks better than that one. And this year they aren't struggling with the Jacksonville States of the world.

USF over UiF: Now THIS is an upset special. .

In conclusion, I will not pick the Miami game, as per my own personal tradition. But allow me to share an antecdote about why I want this win so badly.

I was texting my buddy the other day about the game. He went to Ohio University. Not Ohio State. Still, anyone from Ohio thinks they are automatically a Buckeyes fan just because they own a pair of shorts that has a Buckeye on it.

He said "I can't wait to see you pissed off after the game".

I said "Ohio State is so good I don't know why we are even bothering to play".

He said "That's a bad attitude for life man". I am assuming there was no sarcasm; it isn't really his thing.

This perfectly encapsulates this matchup. First, their fans have given no thought to Miami actually winning. It doesn't compute for them. Regardless of the fact that every time they play a warm weather team early in the season with speed to burn they lose. I am not saying that they are slow, because I don't think they are. But if they want to base things off of our record the least 5 years, they should not forget their own.

Second, he actually was arrogant enough to think that I was being serious about not showing up to play them. Like it is a common occurrence that teams would rather not show up then take the guaranteed loss to the mighty might Buckeyes.

Just thinking about this has me riled up.

Go 'Canes. I want blood.

Superlatives!

Hello All,

Week one is in the books. It only took five days of games, or as the Steins call it, Christmas Weekend.

The ‘Canes looked awesome. The first team was crisp and looked ready to take on Ohio State. The ‘Canes could have either beaten FAMU by 45 neatly or sloppily. This was an evisceration of the first degree and definitely fell in the neat category.

Jacory was a man on a mission and was sharp in his half. Leonard Hankerson cannot be covered. The defensive line looked amazing, and the run game was very effective. I particularly enjoyed coming out in a no-huddle attack.

Personally, I think Miami is going to try and turn the Ohio State game in to a track meet. The no-huddle, up tempo offense is the best way to do that, and at the very least the Bucks have to gameplan for it now. It is also a good way to minimize the burden on the offensive line. If Ohio State tries to get in to a shootout with the ‘Canes, they will lose.

Personally, I feel very confident about the game. I have no doubt Miami will score points; it is a matter of if they can keep enough off the board.

I have some doubts as well. I did not like that we lost contain on FAMU’s quarterback a few times, and we have to clean up the tackling. I still have a good feeling about 9/11, however.

OSU is talented, no doubt. BUT…they are not as explosive as Miami and will rely on Terrelle Pryor to win the game. If Miami can keep him in the pocket, force him to throw the ball in the flats and avoid mistakes of their own, I think they will win the game. Essentially, playing the game the right way and executing the gameplan will result in a victory. Otherwise, it will be a long ride back from Colombus to Miami.

What else did we learn? Well, not really a whole lot.

Jacory looked great.

Virginia Tech is still Virginia Tech.

Florida is NOT the 4^th best team in the country.

Before we go any further, let’s hand out the Week 1 Stein on the Sidelines Sorority Superlatives

.

“Gay Bar Scene From American Wedding” Award

That goes to us as ‘Canes fans for organizing the Hollywood Area Alumni Watch Party at a place called The Happy Ending. Personal favorite actually. I was really excited that we were having it there, as I frequent the place almost every weekend with my buddies. I had never seen it in the daylight. Well, remember when Stiffler looks around after hitting on some babe and realizes that he is surrounded by gays on all sides? Well, I looked up after about five minutes on Thursday and realized that I was surrounded on all sides by Buckeyes. Yep, we scheduled our watch party at an Ohio State bar. Highlight: aside from slaughtering FAMU, I got to participate in a “We Are Mar-Shall” chant when The Herd blocked an OSU kick and scored. Lowlight: realizing that every one of the babes I had been checking out (who knew?) was actually a Buckeye fan. Womp womp.

“Holy Sh*t That Guy is Fast!” Award

Lamar Miller looked like he was gliding around on rails all night. He was very fun to watch and will definitely be a weapon. My favorite was when he beat the fullback through the hole on a

lead run. For anyone that knows anything about football, that is an amazing feat.

“Dennis Green ‘They Are Who We Thought They Were!’” Award

Virginia Tech was 1-25 all time against Top 5 opponents. They didn’t wake up until the second quarter, managed to come back from a 17 point deficit to lead for most of the second half, and then lost on a series of terrible play calls (and one terrible penalty). So much for a national title run this year Hokies. Make that 1-26.

“Any Given Sunday Terrible Uniforms” Award

Keeping it in the VTech vs. Boise matchup. Tech actually looked cool. Boise, not so much. However, one thing is absolutely sure: these were some bizarre uniforms . I half expected Tyrod Taylor’s jersey to say “Beamen” on the back and for Oliver Stone to be announcing the game.

“Barack Obama False Hype” Award

Every season, Michigan and Notre Dame win their first game and we hear how great they are. Let’s keep in mind that Notre Dame was playing Robert Marve, who is talented yet so

predictable that I called “interception” on a play in the first quarter just after he took the snap. What did he do? Throw a pick. Not the most inspiring opponent. Meanwhile, Michigan stomped UConn, a tough opponent. However, isn’t Michigan supposed to stomp UConn at home on opening weekend?

Best Back Story

Dan and Billy Stein. We were at a wedding in Charlotte for the weekend and by the end of the first night were telling chicks that I worked for CBS in Los Angeles (true), he worked for the firm that Mad Men is based on in New York (false), and our father is the Governor of Florida (REALLY false). Best part was this: a good amount of the chicks bought it.

Turd in the Punch Bowl

That would be the Gators performance against Miami (Ohio). Man they sucked. The stage was set for John Brantley to have a huge day against a bad opponent to start the season and get the hype maching rolling. Instead, the Gators struggled to put away a bad team at home and had 25 yards…total…halfway through the third quarter.

SIDENOTE: My parents were listening to this one on the radio when my mom, who could not care less about college football 99% of the time, figured out what the Gators announcers were doing when they repeatedly referred to UiF as “the Gators” and Miami (Ohio) as “Miami” instead of “the Redhawks”. If my mother can figure out that their team and entire fan base is a bunch of ninnies, don’t you think everyone else should be able to as well?

Tragic Comedy

Ole Miss going down to Jacksonville State as my brother followed on his phone. Sitting at the dinner for this wedding. His “Damn it!” exclamation came in the middle of a toast. High comedy.

Best Sean Taylor Impersonation

When Ray Ray Armstrong, wearing number 26, dove in for the Pick 6 touchdown. It was eerily reminiscent of the Sean Taylor play in the 2003 Mud Bowl game against FSU. Let's be clear: Armstrong is NOT Sean Taylor. But he looked like him on that play. I'd be lying if I said it didn't get a little dusty at my table for that one. Or when Graig Cooper made his return to the field. Alright, so maybe I'm a sap. But still, those were two great moments.

Best Tweet

@jstevenroot: Ba da bad a ba bum bum bum…TEQUILA!

A+ for effort.

Best Lesson to Take Away:

Look out Suckeyes.

Always guard the inbound passer.