Good vs. Evil?

Hello All,

Alright, I have been trying to figure out what to write about this matchup for a few weeks now.

I mean, this is Notre Dame. Aside from the obvious (Florida, Florida State, Virginia Tech) there is no one I hate more in the country than Notre Dame.

I hate their “holier than thou” aura.

I hate that they get a different set of rules than everybody else.

I hate that they still are considered “elite” even though they have not won anything since the days of Rocket Ismail. And I know, if you are under the age of 25 you probably did not get that reference.

I hate that they labeled our rivalry “Catholics vs. Convicts”. I hate it even more that the media ran with it. If Miami labeled our matchup against UiF as “Graduates vs. Pizza Delivery Men”…how do you think the media would like it?

I hate that the refs screwed us out of the 1988 National Title in the infamous game I just referred to.

I hate their uniforms.

I hate touchdown Jesus.

And yet, I still find myself a little underwhelmed by this matchup. Maybe it is because of all the turmoil around the Canes right now. Maybe it is because we are finally getting another crack at these wussies…and it is in the freakin’ Sun Bowl.

Regardless, it has been hard to write about.

I have recently been reading a book called “Perfect Rivals: Miami vs. Notre Dame”.

It labeled the series played in the 1980’s as a battle for the soul of college football.

This rivalry really did tell the perfect story, and reminds me now why I am so invested in my hatred for Notre Dame even though I wasn’t old enough to have any clue what was going on while these games were played.

Notre Dame is part of the “royalty” of college football. Always have been. They’re the ones with the gold dust in the paint for their helmets. They’re the program of “Rudy” and a zillion Heisman Trophies and a bunch of national titles back before integration.

They are everything that every young man growing up in America is supposed to want to be a part of.

And then there is Miami. Thug U, filled with black guys who should have been left in the street to rob people instead of given a chance to share the field with the all powerful Fighting Irish.

Miami is the underdog story. Only this is the underdog story that kept going. The charm wore off and everybody was left to deal with the fact that these guys who weren’t supposed to be here in the first place had crashed the party for good. Not only that, but they just went into the bedroom with the host’s girlfriend.

This is what frames this rivalry. It is bigger than the current teams. This game is not about who takes the field Friday. It is about everyone that has taken the field before them. It is about the ghosts in the smoke of the Miami tunnel and about playing for the pride of the U on your helmet.

This is the ultimate battle of good vs. evil.

Only the good and the evil are not who you might think.

Notre Dame is bad in the same way that Cobra Kai and the Yankees are bad, only not nearly as successful.

They get every break. They get every call. A kid dies taping their practice and the administration is found to be negligent? Story dies the next day. A girl from a sister school accuses a player of rape? You hardly hear about it. That’s Notre Dame, all that is right about college football.

They’re the guy at the party that roofies a girl and then gets their rich mom and dad to make the charge go away. And then probably has the cop fired for even bringing it up.

Now let’s flip it around.

Even when Miami was at their “worst”, the peak of “Thug U”, the greatest empire since the Roman, they graduated their football players. These were not the thugs they were made out to be.

Those guys have gone on to become very successful businessmen, lawyers, educators and civil servants. Does that story get told? No.

What gets told is how bad their attitude was. The attitude of “just win baby”.

Another thing that isn’t told? Notre Dame, with all the advantages, all the calls, all the homerism and all the protection, had the same mantra. Miami was just better at it.

And that’s why I am still pumped for this game, even with its diminished meaning. I would love for this to be a national title game. But it isn’t. I would love for it to have more national stature. But it doesn’t.

What it does have is Miami and Notre Dame.

It has all the pent up hostility of twenty years. It is a chance to drudge up all those bad feelings from all those years ago and put it toward cheering like hell for your team. All the media miscasting and stereotyping and another chance to throw it in their effing face.

And a chance for Miami to play the villain again.

I hope we embrace it like we used to.

It’s fun to be the bad guy, especially when you know you’re better than the good guy.

Clear eyes, full hearts, Go ‘Canes.

And always guard the inbound passer.

Sidenote: I have been weighing getting a tattoo for a few years now. I have always known if I got anything, it would be the ‘II__II”, probably between the shoulder blades. It’s the only thing besides my family that I really care that deeply about. Anyway, I have decided that after going through a stretch like the last few seasons and not seeing my fire for the ‘Canes go out, it is time to do it; I have put it on my New Year’s Resolutions list. I feel like it is a fitting tribute to the ‘Canes. After all, don’t all the bad guys have tattoos?

The reason I bring it up is to gather any strong feedback one way or the other. Let me know if you have any.

Bowl Spectacular!!!!!!!!! (This Should be a Premium Service)

Hello All,

Time for me to do everyone in my Bowl Picks pool a solid favor.

I know, I know, I am the king of picking college football games. My record this year was a staggering 52-33. Oh yes, my always sound picking schemes (mostly consisting of trying to reverse jinx teams I hate and allow for snide social commentary) produced a record 19 games over .500. And this just in: d-bag Hurricane fans just flew a banner over my office calling for me to be fired! Ba-dam-cha!

Anyway, time for the second annual Bowl Picks Extravaganza. Excited to be here. And I am putting this up before picks are due to me just so that all the people in my pool looking to do some research can get behind my very sound research methods.

New Mexico: UTEP over BYU

Every sororostitute’s dream game…both teams are written in Abbrevs!

uDrove Humanitarian: Northern Illinois over Fresno State

This will actually probably be a pretty good game. Northern’s coach is named Jerry Kill. Which is awesome from a pure name standpoint, but also because he is a legitimately good coach. And we all know that Pat Hill at Fresno does a good job. Wait, we don’t? Maybe I should stay off the message boards…

R+L Carriers New Orleans: Troy over Ohio

Troy is sneakily fun to watch. And I will always take the Rebs over the Yanks if I have no other basis to make my prediction. Kind of a rule I have when picking bowl games.

Beef O’Brady’s St. Petersburg: Louisville over Southern Miss

Two coaches moving in different directions here. Larry Fedora seemed to be a rising star when he took over at Southern Miss but has since plateau’d. Meanwhile, Charlie Strong is building something at Louisville and is quickly becoming a star.

While we are here, let’s talk about how terrible a chain of restaurants Beef O’Brady’s is. This is the chain that sponsors a “wing challenge”, which my brother beat in half the time allotted while barely breaking a sweat. He then had to pay for his meal in its entirety, was not given a t shirt and did not even get his picture on the wall. What is this, amateur hour? Who’s the next restaurant to get a bowl game, Jack in the Box? Can we play the “Dan Stein’s Chili Santa Monica Bowl” next season?

MAACO Las Vegas: Boise State over Utah

Wow. How the hell did the freakin’ Maaco Las Vegas bowl stumble into this high quality matchup. These are teams that with a month left in the season both had legitimate BCS hopes. Christ, I still think Boise would beat Oregon and probably come down the wire with Auburn. Instead, they meet on December 22. I am just glad Miami doesn’t have to play either of them. That would be a slaughter.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia: Navy over San Diego State

I literally forgot SDSU even played the sport. Also, is this the longest bowl game title ever? Was that the point of this?

Sheraton Hawaii: Hawaii over Tulsa

Well, this is the annual slot where I care so little about the game that I would rather talk about music.

Last year, I gave my ten best songs of the decade. This year, I will give my all encompassing song of the year. And the winner has to be Cee Lo Green for “Fuck You”.

This is the rare rap song that I could play for my mom and dad and they would enjoy. It joins the list of “I Like The Way You Move” by Outkast and…that’s actually the whole list. And what’s even better is that it is an entire song about a guy telling the girl he likes and her boyfriend to go eff themselves. Literally. And what’s even better is that everyone is eating it up. This guy is going to win every Grammy there is for this song. He went on Ellen the other day and the audience of middle aged women was LOVING it…granted, it was the cleaned up “Forget You” version.

Genius. Brilliant. Love listening to it. And it was easily the song of the year, in a year that was actually decent for music. At least country music. Which I have been known to enjoy. (For the record, second place goes to “As She’s Walking Away” by Zac Brown Band and Alan Jackson)

Little Caesar’s: FIU over Toledo

Did I already use my spot to talk about music? I did?! Damn it.

AdvoCare V100 Independence: Georgia Tech over Air Force

Two triple option teams. GTech is more explosive. And I will probably watch. Not because I want to. Because I am compelled to.

Champs Sports: West Virginia over North Carolina State

This is part of my new “when in doubt, go against the ACC” corollary. And that’s all I have to say about this game played in a shitty stadium on a shitty field in most likely shitty weather.

Insight: Mizzou over Iowa

Part of my “the Big 10 still sucks and is overrated” corollary.

Military: Maryland over East Carolina

We gotta get a couple here and there down Tobacco Road

Texas: Baylor over Illinois

And be ready for a crap load of “the team that saved Waco” articles. Because every time Baylor does anything we need to be reminded that this is the same town that saw the Branch Davidian Slaughter and the basketball scandal in which one player murdered another and the coach covered it up. Yeah, I am sure that Baylor beating Illinois in this worthless bowl game will really take the sting off of that.

Valero Alamo: Oklahoma State over Arizona

Blowout.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces: SMU over Army

How many games are the Armed Forces sponsoring?!?!?

New Era Pinstripe: K State vs. Syracuse

Hope a meteor hits the stadium just because it would leave the Yankees homeless. And because this is just too cutesy for me.

Franklin American Mortgage Music City: Tennessee over North Carolina



Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl: Nebraska over Washington

What is Bridgepoint Education?



“Bridgepoint Education provides quality, higher education and online learning opportunities at affordable rates for both traditional and online students.”

Well, that solves that. Glad we did this.

Meineke Car Care: Clemson over USF

Because it will make us look better.

Hyundai Sun: The U over Notre Dame

God made Notre Dame #1. Miami made them #2. Ahhhh yes, we finally get our shot. Of course, it happens to be after a wildly disappointing season with an interim head coach and a group of players that most likely will not be motivated. And it is a day game. In El Paso. Snarl. Still, screw you Notre Dame. I will have more on this before the game.

While we are here, my quick thoughts on the Al Golden hire. I made fun of him in my last rant, which was written in anger. That being said, I support the hire. He is a fiery guy with a lot of intensity. If you have passion, it brings a lot to the table. He is a recruiter and a motivator. He has a lot to prove, but reminds me a lot of Jimmy Johnson. Most underrated aspect: Masters in Sports Psych. Also, looks like a GOP Presidential Candidate.

AutoZone Liberty: UCF over UGa

Weird year for both teams.

Chick Fil- A: FSU over South Carolina

Again, weird seasons. FSU is turning back into a power and South Carolina will either win by two scores or lose by four.

Also, reason 54584984 I despise LA: no Chick Fil-A. Anywhere. Snarl.

TicketCity: Texas Tech over Northwestern

First one to 50 wins.

Outback Bowl: Penn State over Florida

As Russo so eloquently put it on her picks sheet: “Fuck you Florida”.

Capital One: ‘Bama over Michigan State

I could write the non-UiF SEC team vs. any Big 10 team joke, but we all already know it.

Gator: Mississippi State over Michigan

Stunned that Michigan made this bowl. Oh wait, bowls are a joke and not based on merit. Silly Dan.

Rose: Wisconsin over TCU

They were playing REALLY well down the stretch. Even if it was against the shitty Big 10. This one’s for you Doug.

Fiesta: Oklahoma over Connecticut

Yikes

Orange: Stanford over Virginia Tech

Really good game. I just like Harbaugh. And DESPISE Tech.

Sugar: Arkansas over Ohio State

I hate Ohio State.

GoDaddy.com: Middle Tennessee over Fake Miami

Will Danica Patrick be there stripping? That’s the real question…

Cotton: LSU over Texas A&M

The Mad Hatter will win this one when A&M, with one minute left and up 8, takes a safety and then gives up a Hail Mary touchdown. Write it down.

BBVA Compass: Kentucky over Pitt

Who the hell knows? I literally know nothing about Kentucky, but I know Pitt sucks.

Kraft Fight Hunger: Nevada over BC

ACC loves to make itself look bad.

National Title Game: Auburn over Oregon

Hope they enjoy it until they are stripped of their title in 2015.

Also, I don’t think Cam Newton is clean. But damn that kid can play. And he is fun as hell to watch. This is like LeBron on a college football field. Or Lance Armstrong. Or Tiger Woods. Or Bo Jackson. Simply baffling how one kid could be so much better than all the rest.

Figured I should tip my cap as the year of Cam comes to an end. Should be a great game.

Always guard the inbound passer.