STEIN ON THE SIDELINES

Opening Day

2012-02-17T08:54:00.001-08:00

Hello All,

The beginning of spring is upon us, as marked by opening weekend for the Miami Hurricanes baseball squad.

And as they say, hope springs eternal.

The last time I wrote about the Hurricanes, it was an open letter to Jim Morris demanding that this team get tougher and get back to playing the type of baseball that made this the most successful program of the last twenty years (I am sure he devoured it and took it to heart…and also possibly got confused why I was essentially writing the same exact letter to him I had just

written to Al Golden).

Well, this might just be the spring talking, but it looks like this is the type of Miami team we once upon a time grew accustomed to.

Since last season, Morris has added an old face at pitcher that should front the rotation at best and provide a steady veteran presence that has been to Omaha at worst (Eric Erickson) and a new face at catcher (Pete O’Brien) that should be the centerpiece of the everyday lineup and provide the threat to opposing pitchers that last year’s team lacked.

Perhaps more importantly, Morris brought back Gino Dimare, who was a terrible third base coach (think Boston-era Dale Sveum) but has always been one helluva recruiter and hitting coach. It is never this black and white, but the last time this team went to Omaha was the last season Dimare was on the coaching staff. He has his shortcomings, but he knows what it is like to be around championship baseball. That cannot be understated.

Miami lost some guys to the draft, as usual, but returns a team that seems built to Morris’ order. First and foremost is the pitching. Erickson will be the Friday night guy, but the important thing here is the depth.

The Miami staff might not have a first round presence in the rotation, or a staff full of them (UiF…cheaters, scoundrels and thieves), but it will have depth. Erickson’s presence allows last year’s ace, Eric Whaley, to become the Saturday night guy, making it highly unlikely for the ‘Canes to drop the first two games of any series. That means at worst most series will come down to Sunday, where Miami will roll out last season’s Friday night starter, Bryan Radziedfgjkhsdfghsjkdlgjkdfs. We will call him B-Rad. Anyway, he reminds me a lot of Erickson in style and is a third starter most programs would kill for. On top of that, Steven Ewing has come up big for this team in the past. He will start off as the mid-week guy, but he and Andy Suarez will push for inclusion in the weekend rotation by the end of the season. At worst, this team has 5 solid starters. Which is good news, considering the past two seasons have ended in Gainesville largely due to a lack of depth on the pitching staff.

Morris addressed other concerns as well.

He got rid of the Nike bats that were proven to weaken offenses and now players have their choice of any manufacturer.

Infield defense plagued the past two post season runs, and Morris increased competition at each infield spot. While the faces might look the same at the end of this season (particularly at shortstop, where the mercurial Stephen Perez is already a junior), you can bet it will only be because they fought off a hungry youngster or two to keep their job. Michael Broad figures to return to form at second this year, and the corners will be some combination of UiF transfer Tyler Palmer, Puerto Rican Esteban Tresgallo, Sophomores Brad Fieger and Scott Wiebel, and Senior Cade Kreuter. Also, don’t be surprised if you hear from freshmen Alex Fernandez and Jarred Mederos before the season is out.

The bullpen has a lot of talent and good names, but little proven talent after the departures of Travis Miller and Daniel Miranda. The closer will be E.J. Encinosa, who was a solid starter and has great stuff but, as Morris said, has never worked the 9^th. You have to be a little different to be a closer…we will see if Encinosa has what it takes.

Catcher was addressed with the addition of O’Brien as a transfer from Bethune Cookman. He is a borderline first round talent and will be relied on to be a star.

Finally, the outfield has to be more productive. Julian Santos, the feel good story of the fall after coming back from two different ACL tears, will be the opening day centerfielder and leadoff man. The ultra-athletic Dale Carey will man right field but needs to progress with the bat to hold off Chantz Mack. If those two improve as the season moves along it will give the ‘Canes one of the stronger outfield trios in the conference, as Rony Rodriguez will be the cleanup hitter and figures to have left field on lock. He reminds of Lale Esquivel.

Top to bottom, this is a stronger team than last season’s and should go further.

Time will tell if this team is the answer to our prayers. Teams change as seasons go, and pre season praise can often ring hollow. But Morris still knows how to manage, and this is they type of team that he has won with before, at least in theory. Keep the other team off the board, play good situational baseball and keep the damn ball in front of you. It is a simple sport made complicated too often.

And while we don’t know if this team will breakthrough and go to Omaha, there are some things that will never change.

The fan experience will be as good as ever. I truly regret that I will be unable to make opening night for the first time in 6 years, but the real world does beckon. Alas, I will be there in spirit and taking part in every “RAAAAGGGGAAAARRRMMMM” and “Baallllllll twwwwwooooo…WHOOOOOOOO!” chant that echoes throughout The Light.

More importantly, so will the curse of Stein and Scarpa, as we have once again decided to claim a guy as “ours”.

Esteban Tresgallos, the freshman from Puerto Rico, excites both of us. Not sure why. Maybe it is the name. Maybe it is the fact that he comes from a land afar. Maybe we just know he might actually be good and we are sick of “our guys” playing like cheese dicks (see last year’s post for a description of the curse of Stein and Scarpa but before you do just ask yourself if any of these names excite you: Freitas, Diego, Weislow, Blackman, Ratcliffe, Mack…the answer should be a resounding “NO”.)

Dust off your ballcaps and get out the sunflower seeds. Have a milkshake for me. It is time for ‘Canes baseball.

And while it ain’t football, it is just as good in a different way.

Let’s go ‘Canes.

Sorostitute Superlatives v.2012

2012-02-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

It is time, once again, to highlight some of the highs and lows of this recruiting season. Of course, this is just one man’s opinion.

Mandatory explanation: For any man that has ever been to a Sorority Formal, we all know what Superlative Time (yes, both words capitalized, like Neolithic Period or Cabs Are Here…it is that big a deal) is.

A time for women to pretend they like each other more than they really do as they cheer for awards that they really don’t care about…and a time for their dates to get up, take a pee and go to the bar to hammer down some hard liquor.

To be fair, if men do not do this then Kappa Kappa Gamma quickly turns into Kappa Kappa PLEASEGODSTRIKEMEDOWNWHEREISITANDENDTHISMISERY! Trust me, we all win here.

Superlative Time is also the inspiration for my favorite write-up of the year, where I get to come up with ridiculous awards and then hand them out to 17 and 18 year olds kids I have never met!

THE SOROSTITUTE SUPERLATIVES…2012 EDITION!

(Note: For a rundown on each individual recruit, bang it here.)

Best Get:

Duke Johnson. The Duke is a 5 star all everything recruit and put up maybe the best state playoff run of anybody in state history as he almost single handedly carried his team to the state title. Superman asked his mom for Duke Johnson pajamas for Christmas. FACT.

Rumor is that before the playoffs he gathered his team in the locker room, walked to the white board, and simply scrawled “STATE” before walking away without uttering a word. Maybe that was Coach Taylor. But still, he probably could.

He committed to Miami in September… of 2010…and never wavered. In the state semi-final and final games combined, Duke went for over 500 all purpose yards and 7 touchdowns…and ohbytheway (can’t see me Chris Berman) played a lockdown corner in the 4^th quarters. Not much else to say about this kid. Will be leading the way alongside Anthony Chickillo for the next generation of ‘Canes.

And for those who think Tracy Howard was the better get, as he was the No. 1 guy at the biggest position of need, I will say you have a fair point…BUT…without Duke, we don’t get Howard. So give Howard the distinction of Second Best Get.

Best Quote 1:

“We need to stand up, we need to fight, we need to be proud of who we ARE. We did a good job of holding serve down here in Broward and Dade. We’re gonna be tough to beat down here. We SHOULD be. We’re a good school, got the most players in the NFL, got the most players in the Pro Bowl a year ago, most first rounders the last 20 years. It’s time we start acting like Miami Hurricanes and stop having an inferiority complex. We beat some good teams down here. Now it’s time to start doing that on the field again, and we will.

Are we not supposed to beat Alabama down here? I mean are we not supposed to beat Florida or Florida State down here? I mean I don’t get that. The challenge for me everyday…and I understand it and I think every coach that walks in here understands it and it’s time for the players to understand it…look at the rings. There’s five rings in that office down the hall. That’s the challenge. That’s what we’re fighting. That’s what we’re trying to get back to. So, again, add all those guys together they don’t have five rings. That’s what I mean by inferiority complex. Let’s be proud of who we are. We’re NOT a large state institution. We’re a small private institution. We have the best of both worlds here…we have everything you could possibly ask for.”

-Coach Al Golden, talking about “Miami’s inferiority complex”. Preach, brother.

Best Quote 2:

“I’m not going to sit here and tell you we didn’t get absolutely crushed by our opponents on this. And we fought back…They saw a soft spot and they went after it. Guys took a shot at us, ok? Get your licks in now. That’s how I feel.”

-Coach Golden, on the negative recruiting that riddled this year’s recruiting effort. Note: this was said with the swag of a man who just signed a Top 10 rated recruiting class by dominating South Florida despite a 6-6 record and a very public, very salacious, ongoing NCAA investigation.

This was essentially Omar from The Wire saying “come at the king, you best not miss.” Golden also wins the award for Michael Corleone-iest. Omar comin’, and there are scores to settle. He wants his corners.

Is it too late for Al to run for the GOP nomination?

Best Quote 3:

“Why am I going to The U? Boats ‘n’ Hoes homie!”

Just kidding, no one said that. But wouldn’t it have been awesome? Probably would have been my favorite recruit. Dan Stein Jr. will say something like this one day before winning 4 national championships and 3 Heisman trophies.

Just kidding. He will be playing tennis. That’s where the REAL babes are at. Stein men are savvy.

Best Quote 4:

“Why not win in my home town and my city, why not do it here?”

-Tracy Howard, the nation’s number one cornerback recruit, when announcing on national signing day that he would be playing for The U. This is not just rhetoric; this is a challenege, a call to arms. “Look at me young’ns. I am the number one player on this Earth and I am going here. I dare you to do the same. Play with me here or lose to me there.” If you got a little Alonzo Highsmith flashback, you weren’t the only one.

Best Quote 5:

“I gotta put my city back on the map.”

-Deon Bush, when committing to The U on national television.

Best Quote 6:

“I told him congratulations on not being a dumbass.”

-Taylor Gadbois on his prep school teammate Robert Lockhart committing to the ‘Canes. A man after my heart.

Best Quote 7:

"[It was] kind of the environment and plus they had no Chick-fil-A on campus," McKinzy said when asked why he didn't choose Clemson . "You had to go like, probably like 15 minutes off campus to go to like a real restaurant. Their café was kind of small."

-Cassanova Mckinzy, on choosing Auburn.

Non- Miami winner. A man after Chapman Root's heart.

Best Signing Day Outfit:

Goes once more to Duke, who rocked an unbuttoned black vest over a white Al Golden “Fear the Tie” t-shirt and a hat that said “SWAG”…which he picked from a group of 5 Miami hats on a table. Kudos go as well to Deon Bush, who rocked a U shaved in to his buzz cut.

Worst Quote 1:

“Taking my talents to South Beach.”

-Tyriq McCord, when committing to The U on national television. I wanna like it. I really do. But this is like people who still say “winnnning” and think it is funny.

Worst Quote 2:

“Iowa is the hometown team and has a reputation for putting players in the NFL.”

-Recruit Greg Garmon, of Pennsylvania, on why he chose Iowa over Miami. This is pretty self- explanatory.

Best Recruiting Board Meltdown:

The Gators, after losing Tracey Howard and seemingly their will to go on. This actually was really funny and I would have felt bad for the guy if he wasn’t, ya know, a Gator. Take it away, Mus_Champ11:

“I will vomit everything I've eaten the past week if we lose Tracy Howard to Miami. What a disaster this is if true. Howard going Miami who is about to get nailed by the ncaa! Agholor to Lane Kiffin while USC is on probation. Diggs to OSU. Is there any evidence that Diggs has OSU #1? This pis**s me off to no end! Now I'm starting to get down on Muschamp. What a *****p this is. And we wasted that time with Fowler hanging around (Editor’s note: Fowler actually signed with UiF, which makes this even better). I'm disappointed in our staff. Yes you heard right. What an awful closing. We lose a RB (Davis and that was a blunder on the coaches) and now these 3 and we are not getting anymore OL trust me on that. so no depth at RB, shaky depth at the OL (??), and no depth at WR. The WR's we have are so so at best. 1 WR in this class (Editor’s note: they ended up adding another, more off the radar target at WR).”

Feels good to be on the other end of this for once. And for the record, I left out the usual obscene non-sense from the Gators. It is old hat.

Best Recruiting Board Meltdown, Runner-up:

Georgia Tech, after the late switch by Antonio Crawford from the Jackets to the ‘Canes. It went something like …well actually, it ain’t worth getting in to, but know that it involved several references to “hookers”, “blow”, “boats and hoes”, “Thugs” and “NCAA ass pounding”. Honestly, by the end of it I was a little confused, and I am rather more clever than most Georgians.

Best Non- Recruiting Board Meltdown:

This from Adam Silverstein:

“Muschamp and Robinson found out earlier in the week that Howard was going to Miami. I was told that Muschamp's reaction - literally - was him throwing stuff across the room.”

(Dan nods head eagerly)

Best Non-Recruiting Board Meltdown, Runner Up:

Virginia Tech assistant Charlie Wiles after Ja’Wand Blue flipped to The U (as told by @mattyports):

“I'm listening in right now as Wiles is telling Ja Wand Blue, "you lied to me."

Blue is telling Wiles, "I wanted to stay home." Wiles: "This doesn't make any sense. I've never felt more betrayed or lied to."

Whiles, to Blue: "You want to go to a program that wins bowl games, a clean program, that dominates in the ACC?"

Whiles: "It would be a blessing for you to go away for school. I promise. You've got homeboys here. ... We need you. We're counting on you."

Ja Wand Blue is listening to Whiles speak his piece. This is incredibly awkward.”

Annnnnnd scene!

Question: what happens if Whiles decides to take a new job? Does Blue get to tell him how lied to he feels in front of a room full of people? Does he get to denigrate his character as he pleases?

Worst Recruiting Board Meltdown:

That belonged to one of our fans, who upon learning that Robert Lockhart was leaning toward sticking to his Virginia Tech commitment made a few remarks about “people getting shot on their campus”. All jokes aside, that is pretty messed up, no?

Bound for Divorce:

Reggie Northrup. Said numerous times he was “committed” while also saying he was “open to other schools”. Listen, I am not the type to get preachy about this type of thing. I remember being an 18 year old dumbass. But let’s just say if I told the girl I was “committed” to that I was “open to other girls” things would go to hell in a hand basket. Just ask Newt Gingrich.

Prologue: Northrup signed with Florida State. He was very committed to Miami up until that though I guess.

Maybe Going to Regret This Statement:

To David Thompson’s coach, who called his former player a “right-handed Tim Tebow”. Listen, I think Thompson is a great prospect, as I have said. But let’s not forget that Tebow, although the anti-Christ, did win two national titles and a Heisman Trophy. Maybe we don’t want to be slapping that label on a kid who hasn’t even stepped on campus yet. Just a thought.

Signed,

Ray Ray Armstrong (the “next Sean Taylor”) and Vaughn Telemaque (who “reminds some of Ed Reed”)

Most Likely to Set the UM Record for Most Personal Fouls In a Career:

Taylor Gadbois, a mountain of a man who talks like a country-strong badass and apparently has a few arrests on his record as a youngster. Not that that’s a bad thing. But I am pretty sure that Gadbois held Lockhart at gun point until he “re-thought his situation” and decided for the ‘Canes.

Proof the Star System is Broken:

Josh Witt (1^st Team All Broward LB) / David Thompson (1^st Team All Dade QB) / Vernon Davis (1^st Team All Dade CB) / Antonio Crawford (1^st Team All STATE CB). All were absolute studs in the best state for high school football in the nation. None is ranked in the top 50 at their position by Rivals.com. You figure it out.

Most Likely to Be a First Round Pick:

Ereck Flowers, a 6’6”, 310 pound left tackle prospect with fantastic athleticism. As an early enrollee he could see the field early and will one day make a lot of money if he works hard.

Best Name:

Gray Crow. Self explanatory, yes? Runner up: Ja’Wand Blue.

Non- Miami winner- Leviticus Payne. I am pretty sure he is a James Bond villain or should be. Notables: Jazzman Clax (live at Chateau Marmont next weekend!), MacGarrett Kings (star of CBS' new cop drama this fall?)

Best Highlight Reel:

Josh Witt blowing up a fullback and running back on the same play was pretty badass, as were all of Lockhart’s full extension layouts. But if you watch Duke Johnson’s tape and don’t come away thinking of Heismans…you are crazy.

Most Looks Like Colin Hanks:

Jake O’Donnell. Have you seen them in the same room before? Me neither.

5 That Will Play Now:

Duke Johnson- RB/KR/PR

Tracy Howard- CB

Deon Bush- CB/S

Malcolm Lewis- WR

LaDarius Gunter- CB

5 Sleepers:

Jacoby Briscoe- DT

Josh Witt- LB

Jake O’Donnell- DE

Gabriel Terry- OLB/DE

D’Mauri Jones- WR

Always guard the inbound passer.

2012 Recruiting Roll Call- Devil Dogs; The Lion and The Gazzelle

2012-02-01T10:15:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

One of my best friends in Los Angeles is named Tori. Tori is a fellow second generation ‘Cane and one of the sweetest people in the whole world; she does not quite fit in here in Los Angeles.

Last spring, Tori’s dad passed away too young. I never knew the man, but from all accounts he seems like the type of person that makes America awesome. Since his death, Tori has told me some stories about him: mostly about how he played football for The U back before it was cool and how he one time had to have his class ring cut off his finger after getting in (I can only imagine, given his seemingly old school persona and Steel City roots) a bar fight. In short, the guy was a total badass.

Anyway, last time we had lunch Tori was telling me about her dad’s favorite motto. It goes like this:

Every morning in Africa, a Gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn’t matter whether you are a Lion or a Gazelle…when the sun comes up, you better be running.

I think Mr. Riley would like what Al Golden has done with this recruiting class.

At the outset of this recruiting cycle, we knew a few things about what Miami needed. We knew that the secondary and the d-line were areas of great concern, and that the receivers potentially could be.

More to the point, we knew that the team needed a heart transplant after years of playing sub- Hurricane grade football. Character would be of the essence in Golden’s first full class…a class that essentially needed to form the backbone of the next generation of Miami Hurricanes football.

Since the beginning of this recruiting cycle, Golden has faced the pressure of not only finding the kids that would form this backbone, but also having to do so amid swirling allegations of a program-crippling nature, rumors that he would be leaving to take a new job, an ongoing NCAA investigation and a 6-6 season that ended with a self-imposed bowl ban.

Given this hand, a lot of coaches might have folded or played for

second place. Instead, Golden became part Gazelle and part Lion. He was the first to arrive on several under the radar kids, taking “reaches” that he thinks he can turn into stars. He ran down the pack on several others, putting Miami in position to land several highly rated studs, both early on and late in the game. He closed down players like Duke Johnson and Raphael Kirby early, while staying in the fight for guys like Darius Hamilton and Tracy Howard until the very last moment (both were once considered longshots in the most literal sense of the word…he ended up signing Howard and nearly signing Hamilton).

This class is truly remarkable.

The first thing that will stand out is numbers. The program needed to add depth in the worst way possible. But just as important as adding bodies was adding the RIGHT bodies. This program needed depth of character, the type of kids that want to be Hurricanes and take pride in putting in the work and effort to do so. Unselfish kids that know that playing time is something that is earned and not given, and that surrounding yourself with guys who want it just as much as you is the fastest way to a title.

I call these types Devil Dogs. They go down in to the pits of hell and come out with the football, or the yard, or the touchdown, or whatever it is they need…and they enjoy doing it. That is what this class if filled with. Guys who, no matter what their star rating, show a willingness to do the dirty work needed to win and win big. They know that they might not be the highest ranked kids (even though some of them ARE the highest ranked kids) and they take it personally.

It is that type of character that made this program great, and it is that type of character that you see in spades in this class.

(I hope I don’t eat those words in a couple of years)

Roll Call:

Preston Dewey (Austin, TX)

Dewey is the most polished member of this quarterback class. He comes from Texas, always a plus with quarterbacks, and despite missing most of his senior year with an injury, he was coached by Ty Detmer, a name all Hurricane fans remember with no fondness. The most likely of these quarterbacks to play early, and yet still has room to grow. Early enrollee.

David Thompson (Westminster Christian)

Thompson is the wildcard for perhaps the whole class. He is also a stud baseball player and most assume he is going for the first round baseball money. This has also probably caused him to be overlooked in many circles. However, this kid has “it”. If I were to bet on one of these three quarterbacks to be a Heisman candidate and the leader of a championship contender, Thompson would be it, assuming he makes it to campus, which is a longshot. He has the arm and the ability to scramble. He plays tough, scrappy football and looks like a winner; I do not think it would be far fetched for this kid to have a Colt McCoy type of skill set if he makes it to school. Fingers are crossed, because we sure as hell could use a left side infielder with the power to hit 15-20 bombs as well. The ultimate wait and see.

Gray Crow (Countryside High)

Crow was one of this class’ first commitments and has stood by it. He is built like a brick shithouse, can throw it through a brick wall and looks the part of the classic gunslinger, but has struggled with interceptions in high school. Part of that is most likely due to trying to do too much at a weak program, but Crow certainly has a lot of growth to accomplish before he gets on the field and is trusted with this offense. The consensus is that a lot of tools are there, but the kid needs to work on footwork or he will get decapitated. One word to describe him: project. Early enrollee.

Duke Johnson (Miami Norland)

Best player in the class, period. Fast as hell, with wiggle, and is also a stellar DB, so you know he can get physical (in fact, some have suggested his future might be as a lockdown corner). Should step on to campus in July and immediately seize a role as a return man and work his way in to a role on offense as a freshman. Ceiling is Reggie Bush-esque.

Danny Dillard (Venice High)

Dillard is a below the radar big back who runs hard. Similar to Mike James. Always a role for these kinds of guys on special teams early, and at the high turnover position of running back you can never be overstocked.

Robert Lockhart (Fork Union Prep)

Late switch from Virginia Tech that will most likely play right away. He came out of high school as a late bloomer last season and was long and wiry but had damn good film, including some of the best layouts you will ever see. Now he has grown (his brother has him at 6’3”, 200 lbs) in to his frame a bit. This kid will make some serious noise.

Angelo Jean-Louis (Palm Beach Central)

Speed merchant who could be a great receiver or corner. Thick and physical. Apparently has terrible grades and still some work left to do to actually enroll. Tore it up in practice at the Under Armor All American game and had his man dead to rights a couple times in the actual game before being underthrown. A lot of people will see the speed and relative lack of height and think “slot”, but this is the type of kid that will stretch the field on the outside with his speed and is also tough enough to go over the middle on dig and slant routes…and then make something happen after.

Malcolm Lewis (Miramar High)

Lewis is a stud that could contribute early. Isn’t the biggest or fastest, but he knows how to run routes and get open. Has been a key piece for a Top 5 team in the state for three years and that shouldn’t change in college. Was a big recruiting win for Miami, as he was truly open and got a lot of love from the Big 3, Alabama, LSU and the rest of the big boys. A candidate for early playing time, similar to Phillip Dorsett, although not as fast. Made a catch in the state title game that will be on every Florida high school highlight reel for years.

Herb Waters (Homestead High)

Waters is not the fastest but he is smooth and a great route runner and athlete. Measurables do not jump out but he put on a show at an elite camp in Oregon last summer and just makes plays.

D’Mauri Jones (Leesburg High)

Jones is a bit of a sleeper but has offers from Arkansas and West Virginia, who both know a thing or two about receivers. Jones has the ability to go up and get it, as they say.

Jontavious Carter (Cordele, GA)

Carter is a big body (6’4”, 200lbs) who profiles as a possession guy and red zone threat as a former basketball player. Golden and Co. believe in going out of the state only for impact guys, so the potential has to be high for this lowly rated player to be included in the signing class.

Ereck Flowers (Miami Norland)

Duke’s teammate and a fast riser as a left tackle prospect. Will most likely be afforded the chance to redshirt before pushing for playing time but enrolled early, so playing time will be his to earn. Ceiling in unlimited for kids like this: he is tall and physically built, has a thick trunk and shows a nice natural ability to bend. That sounded bad didn’t it? Alright, moving along…

Danny Isidora (Cypress Bay)

Isidora is a big ol’ boy (330 lbs.) who was recruited as a pulling guard and also had Wisconsin and Michigan bidding for his services; they know what they are talking about when it comes to guards. Quiet kid who lets his play talk. Probably needs to lose 10-15 lbs. before he can get a legitimate shot at playing time.

Taylor Gadbois (Fork Union Prep)

Gadbois is big, mean and nasty and signed last year before being placed at a prep school. Had the quote of the year in regard to prep teammate Robert Lockhart committing: “You’re not being a dumbass anymore.” Apparently had a bit of a…ahem…record in high school; I expect a few personal foul calls throughout his career. Hopefully he can point that aggression in the right direction…nothing wrong with having a mean mother or two on the o-line. Early enrollee.

DE/DT

Tyriq McCord (Tampa Jefferson)

Ultra athletic rush end. He is undersized right now but has a great frame to grow in to and in the right scheme could be an absolute nightmare with the ability to drop and cover or put his hand down and get after the quarterback. Told a national audience at the Army Bowl he would be “taking his talents to South Beach” and picked the ‘Canes over Cackalacky, Georgia, USC and UiF.

Jelani Hamilton (St. Thomas Aquinas)

Hamilton is a highly ranked end/tackle tweener who is most likely a tackle in the 4-3 package and an end in the 3-4. Was hurt his senior year but if healthy could be a rotation player from year one and a long term compliment as Anthony Chickillo’s bookend.

Jake O’Donnell (Doyleston, PA)

O’Donnell is tall (6’6”) with a lot of weight to potentially add (233 lbs. right now). Will bring the Midwestern attitude to the d-line and after a redshirt projects as a jumbo end that could get up to 260-270 lbs with relative ease. A lot of people questioned the recruitment after he came to camp and accepted the offer, but back when Butch Davis was still at UNC they wanted this kid…so yeah, the kid can play. Also kind of looks like Colin Hanks. Has the potential to be in the Calais Campbell / JJ Watt mold.

Earl Moore (Tampa Hillsborough)

Moore is a bowling ball on the inside who will most likely compete from day one, given the line’s depth concerns. Plays low to the ground and should be a pass rusher on the interior line.

Jacoby Briscoe (Lafayette, LA)

Surged in the state playoffs and started drawing interest from LSU, Tennesse and Texas A&M, but Miami was quicker to the punch. After one in-home visit from Al Golden, Briscoe told him to hug it out and he was a ‘Cane. Big boy (6’4”, 290 lbs.) who, if he keeps his motor running all the time, will be another below the radar steal. However, if he isn’t motivated he will be the type of player who constantly has fans pulling their hair out. Briscoe is a tackle that could contribute to either an even or odd front, fitting the “flexible” profile of seemingly all of this staff’s defensive line prospects.

Dwayne Hoilett (Vero Beach)

Hoilett is an undersized rush end who looks like a “flex” player in the 3-4, pass-rush package. Great athlete who shined at The Opening in Oregon last summer. Could be the natural successor to Andrew Smith with far more upside. Early enrollee.

DeQuan Ivery (Lake City Colombia)

Signing day flip from Louisville who convinced mom that the big old city of Miami wasn’t all that bad. The kid is country strong and a little bowling ball (6’1”, 310 lbs.) who profiles as a clogger in the middle. Won’t be glamorous, and probably never will be an All American, but he might be just as valuable as the sexier pass rusher types (McCord, Hamilton). He also could anchor the odd front as a 5 technique or line up as a 3 in the even front.

Raphael Kirby (Stone Mountain, GA)

Highly considered outside linebacker recruit who could compete for playing time from day one if he can get involved on special teams (like Denzel Perryman). Former teammate of current ‘Cane safety Tyrone Cornelius. Was used as a pash rusher heavily in high school (18 sacks senior year), so could need a year of adjusting to the art of moving backward and playing in space. Played like a heat seeking missile in the US Army All American Game and looked hell bent on hurting people. Which I like. Early enrollee.

Josh Witt (Cypress Bay)

Isidora’s teammate and an absolute maniac on the field. Might be the first of this linebacker group to get on the field as an early enrollee. Witt is smart, gritty, maximum effort guy…and any other cliche for a white linebacker. I honestly have nothing else to say…wait ‘til you see him.

JaWand Blue (West Boca)

Blue was a signing day flip from Virginia Tech to take the place of Reggie Northrup. This was actually quite impressive, not because he is such an outstanding prospect (although he is solid and with a couple of years could be a real good one…very explosive), but because on signing day Al Golden was able to say “fine, Northrup is going to FSU…we’ll just call someone up and take him from Beamer.” This also lead to maybe the loudest riot act ever read to a recruit over the phone by a coach, as a VT assistant really let Blue have it (and in the process said some things he will not be proud of…to the point that VTech’s spokesperson had to get on the line and clarify some things). For the play by play, go follow @mattyports and view his timeline. Seriously, this was a little crazy.

Gabriel Terry (Palm Beach Central)

Terry is a late-bloomer who was on no one’s radar three months ago. Had a monster senior season after moving from Nebraska. Was named MVP of the South Florida All Star Game with 2.5 sacks. Former star wrestler, which is always a good thing, especially in Midwestern states. Great blend of size and speed, with a badass attitude. Could be a special teams coverage nightmare. As I write this, he is 19-0 this season while wrestling at 195 lbs. This tells me he is a badass and also will have to gain at least 20 lbs. before he can get on the field.

Tracey Howard (Miramar)

This was a BIG ONE. Howard is the best corner in the nation and could start from the second he steps on campus. Two weeks ago we had no shot at this kid. On signing day he announces on national television he is a ‘Cane. This was just pure Al Golden…as well as a lot of help from Duke Johnson, Malcolm Lewis, Deon Bush and Herb Waters. This kid can flat out cover, but does not sacrifice physicality to do so. Very confident, which makes up for the fact that he isn’t the physical freak Patrick Peterson was. Will come up and bump you or drop in to space just interchangeably. Long arms and big hands. Really, this was a home run and made National Signing Day a good God damned day.

Deon Bush (Miami Columbus)

Broke Miami’s curse when he chose the ‘Canes at the Army game over Alabama and Auburn by proclaiming “I gotta put my city back on the map”. This is what you love to hear. Also, teamed up with Duke Johnson, Herb Waters and Malcolm Lewis to become huge recruiters in the chase for Tracey Howard during the final two weeks of the recruiting season. Has long arms and nice hips. Hasn’t quite lived up to his potential in games yet but could be a nasty press corner, a ball hawking free safety, or a combination in the Merriweather / Antrell Rolle mode.

Rayshawn Jenkins (St. Petersburg Admiral Farragut)

Jenkins is an absolute playmaker and a great athlete who for some reason is under the radar. Played quarterback, receiver, and defensive back in high school as he lead an undermanned team to the state finals, where their inadequacies were apparent in a blowout loss to North Florida Christian (a team lead by Clemson recruit Travis Blanks). Potential to be the ball-hawking safety this team has lacked for a LONG time, and has the right attitude to do it if nothing else.

Vernon Davis (Coral Reef)

Davis is another lowly rated, physical guy who is probably better in the slot but has a lot of time and opportunity to figure that out. Returned 4 punts for touchdowns his senior year, playing in Dade county, so he can make things happen on the field, regardless of how highly he is rated. Potential grades casualty according to some reports.

Antonio Crawford (Tampa Plant)

This kid did epic battle with Malcolm Lewis in the state title game and was a late switch from Georgia Tech. Crawford is a little raw, as this was his first year on defense, but has obvious natural ability as he picked off 4 balls and defended another 28 passes as he was named First Team All State. As good as he is at a position of need, it may be just as important that he is the first recruit toward rebuilding a relationship with one of the top 3 high school programs in the state, which soured after the Robert Marve fiasco.

Larry Hope (Miami American)

Hope is physical and not afraid to stick his nose in there in run support from his corner spot. A little rough around the edges but could turn in to a solid cover guy who fits the system well and plays early. At best he could be a nightmare on the corner blitz and a similar player to Brandon Harris. Early enrollee.

Nate Dortch (North Ft. Myers)

High school teammate of current ‘Cane safety Dallas Crawford and Clemson receiver Sammie Watkins and relative of former All- Pro Jevon Kearse, Dortch is another below the radar corner that Golden targeted, stealing his commitment from North Carolina (again, Butch Davis). Has just as good a chance to succeed as anyone and certainly will provide some depth, but needs to bulk up first, as he is reed skinny. Tape shows a physicality that belies a man as slight as he is.

Ladarius Gunter (Fort Scott Junior College)

Gunter has three years of eligibility left, and has fantastic size (6’2, 200 lbs.) and speed (4.4 forty, reportedly). Is listed at corner but with his size could very well be a safety as well. Early enrollee.

So there you have it.

This class has everything you could ask for. Numbers. Guys at positions of need. Local high school heroes and out of state blue chippers. Highly ranked and below the radar guys. Guys that will come in an contribute immediately and projects that could blossom in a few years’ time.

Most of all, this class serves as a reminder. Miami is still Miami, no matter what. If we can pull this type of class now, imagine what we can do without all the turmoil, once we start winning some games.

Better yet, for one day in February it is a reminder of how awesome college football is and how awesome it is to be a Miami Hurricane.

Go ‘Canes, always guard the inbound passer.

And make sure when the sun comes up you hit the ground running.

What the Hell Was That?

2012-01-10T10:08:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

Last night I watched two different events that overpromised and under delivered, or as I like to call it, pulled a Lance Leggett.

First, that abortion of a football game that was the BCS title game. Everyone save me the "Alabama just played great defense" and the "it was a good game" arguments. That game sucked. It was like watching the first time the varsity played the JV in Mighty Ducks 3, except instead of playing the JV the varsity was playing the special needs team from across town.

Before this game I thought it was the right matchup. These were clearly the two best teams in my eye. Now, it sucks that we had to arrive here using the BCS in lieu of a playoff (which would actually prove whether these were actually the two best teams), but the goal is to match up the two best teams and based on regular season resumes that is what happened.

I also appreciate the SEC style of football, where the dynamic athletes are found on defense and they make no excuses for their desire to come up and hit you. It is big boy football, but not the slow, crappy brand they play in the Big Whatever It Is Called Up North. It is superior to every other brand. If you need proof, look what happens whenever these southern teams hook up with someone from north of The Line or west of the Mississippi. SEC teams can score on anyone as long as the other team isn't in the SEC. The same can not be said in reverse.

Having couched my statement thusly, I can now say that this was a terible game to cap what was, really, a boring season that felt like a chore by the time bowl season came around. LSU thought they could get away with running the option against an Alabama defense that was given 4 weeks to prepare for it. I would have had a better chance running a pick up line on Kate Mara at Club 50 than Jordan Jefferson did of executing that gameplan.

The game did the same rating as Game 6 of the World Series in football starved America. It was down 14% from last season. That about sums up this season. "Down across the board". Instead of great teams rising up, it kind of felt like a season of teams shitting the bed. Alabama was able to win a national title (and I would say they proved they deserved it) without winning their half of their own conference. Enough said.

Meanwhile, NBC hyped up The Firm, starring Josh Lucas, one of my favorite "he's not that good an actor but I like him for whatever reason" actors. I got home from watching the football game pumped up to see this show, which I knew had done a 1.4 rating in The Demo the night before (for those unfamiliar, that is what we like to call "cancelled after one fucking episode"territory). For some reason I just thought this would be a show for an active consumer of television, but probably not for everyone, kind of like LSU- Alabama was supposed to be a football game for the true football fan.

I lasted 8 minutes before deciding that it was so bad I needed to turn it off.

So what did they have in common?

Both starred southerners that have impressed me in the past. Both were based on a successful prequel (the book and movie "The Firm" / Alabama-LSU Part I). Both kept me entertained for roughly 8 minutes before their fraud became apparent.

At the end of the day I kind of wish neither had happened, because they both took a little bit away from something I really liked.

I woke up this morning kind of hoping this was a bad dream and I would have something to look forward to today. Alas, I have to write them both off as reality, realities I will never get back.

Oh well. We are now in the college football offseason, the 8 month winter that seems to get longer every year.

This season was a dissapointment, both as a Miami fan and as a college football fan. It is now over, put to rest, after meeting an unceremonious end.

How many days 'til kickoff?

Signing Day 101

2012-01-06T16:35:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is that time of year again. Recruiting season has entered its final stretch, marked by the 17 high school all star games being played this month. We are officially in “water boarding” season.

This is the time of year where seemingly well adjusted, grown ass men ebb and flow (like 50 Cent except maybe I got the title wrong) over the college decision of 17 and 18 year old kids.

In the past decade, National Signing Day has essentially become a holiday for anyone who follows college football closely. It is the day when players officially become the next generation of (insert team nickname here _________).

ESPN has 24 hour coverage of the events, which is really weird when you think about it, because it is mostly just kids faxing letters to the college they want to attend (it seems as though PDF files have not yet made it to college campuses; I have a theory that ESPN is in bed with the facsimile machine industry and that is secretly their “third” revenue stream).

The unfortunate side effect of this is that all of a sudden these 17-18 year old kids become “superstars” for a couple of months…and what’s worse is that they are very aware of this fact. They hold press conferences and play the “hat game”, wherein they put baseball caps of the schools they consider on a podium and then, usually after a terrible job of trying to build suspense, announce which college they will smoke pot and rape women….I mean, play football at for the next 3-5 years. They put the ballcap on their head (doing their best to pose as a backup quarterback for whatever reason) and mean mug for the cameras like Kanye after playing “Paris” for the 11th straight time at Staples Center.

(SIDENOTE: why are people excited when he does this in concert? If I went to a Kings of Leon concert for the latest update as to whether their lead singer had yet found somebody and they played “Sex is on Fire” 11 times in a row and then BRAGGED about how awesome it was and that they had never done this before, I’d be pissed. No shit you’ve never done this before Kings of Leon, we paid to hear you do a BUNCH of songs, not the same one over and over. Assholes.)

After watching said announcements, the denizens of the college football message board world react one of two ways: if their school was on the “winning” end of the recruitment, they begin a furious deconstruction of every flaw of said player’s game based on 3 minute YouTube videos set to terrible rap music while simultaneously going to their rival team’s board and bragging about what a bunch of shitsippers their rival team is; if their team was on the losing side, they begin their equivocation: “we didn’t want him, he’s too small/slow/dumb/wears his pants too short”. They thus take all the joy out of the announcement for both fan bases. The internet is great.

If anything I just described sounds insane, that is because it is. And yet every year this thing gets bigger and bigger. It makes no sense. It’s like traffic backing up every day at the 405 entrance ramp on Santa Monica Blvd. We all know the 405 is coming up. It is right fucking there. It is huge. It is the busiest highway in America by roughly 20% (all stats fabricated).

And yet, people still wait until the last second, realize the middle lane doesn’t merge to the on- ramp (go fucking figure), and then back up traffic behind them as they wait with their nose in the turn lane and their ass out in traffic. Every. Fucking. Day.

I was going to use this blog post to really try and dive in to the psyche of the modern college football fan and figure out WHY we have this obsession. But I am pretty sure it is a combination of a self-fulfilling prophesy, a fascination with Starter Snapbacks and Americans’ internal drive to better themselves while actually doing nothing to improve their lot in life. If you want to discuss this further email me.

Anyway, instead, here are your rules for surviving the next month or so leading up to signing day (and assuredly, for a few real asshole kids…looking at you Terrelle Pryor and Bryce Brown…another month or so after NSD).

Rule 1:

Do not stay home and watch NSD coverage (yes I am going to be pretentious and call it “NSD” from now on because I am quite frankly too lazy to do a find and replace). This just reeks of Sandusky and cell phone holster.

Rule 2:

If you stay home and watch NSD coverage, take a shot every time you hear the following: “want to thank my support system”, “got together with my family and prayed”, “best opportunity for me”, “dream school”, “made me feel the love” or “all I got to say is”.

Also a shot anytime you see a grill, dreadlocks, a tacky suit or a kid pick up one hat, do his best “contemplative” look, and then throw it on the ground and put a new one on his head.

Rule 3:

Assume that, if a kid has, say, Miami, South Carolina, Georgia and East Carolina hats on the table and chooses EAST CAROLINA he has bad grades. And no ACTUAL offer from the other schools. Think about it people. Think about it.

Rule 4:

Know that AT LEAST 1 of the kids that is considered “vital” to your class will not have the grades to get in to your school. Unless your school is West Virginia, LSU or Florida State. In which case a chimp could most likely get in to your school.

Rule 5:

Take joy in knowing that if a recruit chooses FSU or UiF over your school, you have a 90% chance of seeing their mug shot within a year. Never gets old.

Rule 6:

Know that every recruit you sign has a 50-50 shot at succeeding (which is obvious if you are a Klosterman fan). They will either be good or they won’t. It does not matter how many stars they have. They will either take their natural ability and combine it with the required work ethic and film study required to turn in to an impactful player…or they won’t. College has a lot of the following: booze, women, free time. Some kids know how to handle this. Some kids don’t.

Think about yourself. If you are reading this you probably went to the University of Miami right around the time I did. Remember how hard it was to study for a final in some bullshit philosophy class when ALL your friends were going out to the bar? Remember how all you wanted to do was go with them and say “fuck it”? Well, I got news for ya. A lot of these kids don’t have that discipline. And here’s something else: football players get offered better looking women and less expensive alcohol with much greater frequency than you or I did. THAT IS WHY RECRUITING RANKINGS ARE BULLSHIT. We have no idea how these kids will respond once it is time to actually be a college football player.

Rule 7:

If you have a Florida State fan near you, they will be insufferable on NSD. They ALWAYS sign the top ranked class. They always tell you about how awesome they are. They always get ranked #4-6 to start the season. They always lose 4 games. They always live in trailers.

Rule 8:

No touching of the hair or face! Now let's do this!!

Now everyone, you have been warned. This is a day for morons and gluttons for punishment. It should be avoided at all costs. NO ONE should pay attention.

However, if you do, print these rules off and STICK to them. You will be inebriated within an hour, you will be passed out within three and your dealing with FSU fans the next day will be much easier to take.

Sounds like a win to me.

Rule 9:

Always guard the inbound passer.

Bowl EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-15T10:10:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

After turning down the Arizona State and UCLA head coaching jobs (ZING!), Stein on the Sidelines is back to bring you the third annual Bowl Predictions Blog.

Sadly, Miami will not be in a bowl this year. Although, let’s be real, is it that sad? I know the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl is a game filled with tons of history and tradition, but the matchup with 6-7 UCLA probably would have just been…ironic? Sad? Not really sure what to call it. Just wouldn’t have felt right without Troy Aikman’s ankle to snap (HEY-O!).

(For the record, that is two UCLA jokes already and we are just getting warmed up.)

Anyway, on to the bowls, where yes, we have to watch Louisiana Lafayette play even though we no longer will get to watch the East Dillon Lions play. Sad times.

Season record coming in: 68-28. What up.

Gildan New Mexico Bowl- Temple over Wyoming

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl- Utah State over Ohio

R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl- San Diego State over Ooh La La (I mean Louisiana Lafayette)

So glad we have this many bowl games, otherwise we wouldn’t get to watch games sponsored by potatoes and played in such exotic locales as Albuquerque.

Quick, what does Gildan make?

*Types it in to Google*

Give up?

Gildan is, as far as I can tell from looking over the top results on the internet, a company that makes t-shirts which you can buy and customize. Yep, there are so many bowls that they are able to sponsor one. Glad we did this.

Speaking of Google results, did ANYone else here know that the top result when you type in Craig James on Google is “Craig James killed 5 hookers”? Not kidding. Look it up. Before you even get to "Craig JA" it pops up. Try it. Right now. Do I believe that CRAIG JAMES KILLED FIVE HOOKERS? Not at all, but is it really that far out of the question? F you Craig James, f you. I hope you win your senate seat and I never have to listen to your bullshit again. F YOU.

Beef O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl- FIU over Marshall

Everyone wins here. T.Y. Hilton has a solo stage on ESPN for the last game of his career, which I am willing to bet he will gain 400+ yards in. Marshall gets a trip to beautiful St. Petersburg (they’re from effing West Virginia, lay off). Miami fans get to watch a future Hurricane head coach in Mario Crisotbal (who I am pretty sure will one day look like the Most Interesting Man in the World). Win-win-win in the words of Michael Scott of a show that I used to watch called The Office. I recommend people check it out. Kind of a cult classic, had a good few seasons and then just disappeared.

Oh wait, The Office is still on? This is awkward. Gotta love NBC though. The UCLA of broadcasters.

San Diego Credit Union Poinsiettia Bowl- TCU over Louisiana Tech

I literally fell asleep on the keyboard while typing the name of that game and had to delete 4 pages of “hhhhhhhhh” before I posted this.

MAACO Las Vegas Bowl- Boise State over Arizona State

So let me get this straight. Boise loses one game to a top 15 team (TCU) on a last second field goal. They beat Georgia, the winner of the SEC East (might as well be God because, you know, it is the SEC). They have a quarterback who, save for three missed field goals, would have finished his career undefeated (Kellen Moore) in 9 years as a starter. Let’s be clear: that is a better resume than Arkansas. And yet, here they are, in the MAACO Las Vegas Bowl. Against 6-6 Arizona State, losers of 5 straight and playing without a coach. BCS! BCS! BCS!

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl- Nevada over Southern Miss

After costing Conference USA the $10+ million that would have come with Houston’s birth in the Sugar Bowl, Southern Miss loses their coach but gets a trip to Hawaii. They will lose this game, but they might run in to Stein on the Sidelines top 4 woman on Earth Grace Park. Google her. Trust me, it is a better use of your time than reading this meandering blog post.

AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl- UNC over Mizzou

This game used to be a good one. I think. Maybe. Seems like it should have been, right? Anyway, I don’t know why I am picking UNC. Call it a hunch. Although Mizzou is a new member of the SEC (yeah, it IS weird) and this is smack dab in the middle of the bayou. I don’t know. Who cares?

Little Caesars Bowl- Purdue over Western Michigan

And we have reached that time where we talk about the best songs of the year. This one is simple. Who didn’t love “Rolling in the Deep”? Find me one person. You know who didn’t love that song? Qaddafi. Bin Laden. Look what happened to them. All I’m saying.

Album of the year: Watch the Throne. This was not only a well constructed album but also a bit of a social movement (hell of a lot better than OWS too).

Other gems from the world of music this year, and keep in mind that Stein on the Sidelines is oftentimes late to the party with music:

Dog Days Are Over- Florence + The Machine
The Brothers Album- The Black Keys
Finally Famous- Big Sean
R.E.D- The Game
Dirt Road Anthem- Jason Aldean
Take a Back Road- Rodney Atkins
The Zac Brown Band
The Band Perry
Hell on Heels- Pistol Annies

This was a bad year for music. Lil’ Wayne and Drake both dropped shitty albums that we waited a long time for. Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift still exist. The chick who sang “Friday” became a national sensation. The Grammy’s, for whatever reason, did not nominate Kanye’s Dark Twisted Fantasy for ANYTHING.

(That’s right. Maybe the best album since his debut for the most talented man working -yes he’s an asshole but I don’t care- didn’t get a sniff. I hate everyone.)

Music really just kind of blows right now. Turn on the radio (which I do for about 2 full hours every day) and it is seemingly the same techno beat over and over again with usually a generic rapper trying to SING over it. However, amid the interminable dross, there is always something good to find. And I would always rather talk about this than Purdue or Western Michigan. Unless I was talking to Bobby Knight. Because he is “sick of losing to FUCKIN PURDUE” and I laugh every time I hear him say it.

The Belk Bowl- Louisville over NC State

Yes, Belk now has a bowl game too. And great deals on Seersucker Blazers this weekend I heard.
Military Bowl presented by Northrop Grumman- Air Force over Toledo

I will be watching this game actually. I don’t know why, but this game mildly excites me.

Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl- Texas over Cal

This game used to mean something. BYU won a national title in this game one time. Now it means watching a mediocre team play an underachieving one. I am noticing a theme here…

Champs Sports Bowl- FSU over Notre Dame

By a lot. Loser has to settle for a Top 10 pre-season ranking (again) and only getting a hand jibber from Mark May. Winner gets a Top 4 pre-season ranking (again) and a full on beej from Lou Holtz. Hopefully no one shreds their knee on the shitty Citrus Bowl turf. Although on the other hand…no. Bad Dan. Do not wish harm unto others. Whoooooo saaaaaaaaa…

Valero Alamo Bowl- Baylor over Washington

We are starting to hit our stride here. Love RG3. Keith Price might be next year’s version. Lots of points will be scored. Baylor will win. And this might be the most intriguing non- BCS game.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forced Bowl- Tulsa over BYU

Insert Mitt Romney joke. Or a UCLA joke. We haven't had one in a few paragraphs.

New Era Pinstripe Bowl- Rutgers over Iowa State

Gift basket for both teams provided by Derek Jeter. The greatest man in the history of men.

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl- Mississippi State over Wake Forest

S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!

Insight Bowl- Oklahoma over Iowa

And we are back in a rut of endless bullshit.

Meineke Car Care of Texas Bowl- Texas A&M over Northwestern

The Aggies overcome their lack of a head coach (and a team in the second half) and are buoyed by the home crowd to a win.

Hyundai Sun Bowl- Utah over Georgia Tech

And in a weird twist, CBS gets fewer viewers for this year’s game than last year’s Miami vs. Notre Dame matchup. Who’d have thunk it?

AutoZone Liberty Bowl- Vanderbilt over Cincinnatti

S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!

Kraft Fight Hunger- 0-0 Draw between UCLA and Illinois

HERE WE GO! I…just…wow. Both teams finished with at least 6 losses. UCLA finished with 7 and then begged their way in to a bowl game anyway. They will surely lose this game if either team actually scores. They will then be 6-8…and Pac 12 South Champions. Gotta feel good about that conference.

These teams are both so wretchedly bad that NEITHER will have their coach for this game. Yep. Both teams fired their coach. It is a remarkably awful matchup. It is Bizarro World Rose Bowl.

Here are things I would rather do on New Year’s Eve than watch this game (which I am sure I will watch anyway, like a car crash):

Sleep
Gargle Bombay Sapphire Gin
Eat a cilantro pizza (I effing hate cilantro)
Sit through “New Year’s Eve” in theaters
Watch Western Michigan vs. Purdue
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep

THIS is the reason we have too many bowl games. Blood is on your hands NCAA.

Chick Fil- A Bowl: Virginia over Auburn

Because one of these teams is replacing two coordinators and their top player on offense. And that team is not Virginia.

Ticket City Bowl- Houston vs. Penn State

Nice consolation prize for Houston. Sure, they don’t get the national media exposure and payout of a BCA game, but they still get to beat the hell out of Penn State, which let’s be real, is high on everyone’s list right now.

Outback Bowl- Georgia over Michigan State

Despite Drew Stanton’s dazzling blue eyes.

Capital One Bowl- Cackalacky over Nebraska

Does anyone else confuse this game with the Outback Bowl?

Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl- Ohio State over UiF

I’m just saying it would not be the worst thing ever if someone cut the brake lines on these team buses. Sad? Of course. But I would recover.

Rose Bowl- Oregon over Wisconsin

Oregon is REALLY fast. I mean REALLY fast. Fast like a Wisconsin player running from a marijuana screening (hey-o!).

Fiesta Bowl- Oklahoma State over Stanford

The winner of this one will give the winner of the other semi-final, LSU vs. Alabama, a hell of a game. Oh wait, that’s right. Silly me.

Sugar Bowl- Michigan over Virginia Tech

Hmmmm…I don’t have anything witty to say here. We must be nearing the end.

Cotton Bowl- Arkansas over Kansas State

Some things change, but at least Bobby Petrino will always be a dickhead.

BBVA Compass Bowl- SMU over Pitt

As Pitt struggles to find its 4th coach in just over a year. Wait, 4 EFFING COACHES?! That can’t be right.

*Looks it up*

Nope, it’s right alright. Jackie Sherrill is disgusted somewhere as he dives headfirst in to a pile of prostitutes.

GoDaddy.com Bowl- Northern Illinois over Arkansas State

As I like to call, the “Turd in the Punch” Bowl. Can we combine the UCLA and Illinois teams and instead of having a football game have a three way, Hell in a Cell cage match?

"Oh my God, that's Kevin Prince's music!!!"

BCS National Title Game- LSU over Alabama

For some strange reason, I feel like we have seen this game before.

Go to Vegas and bet the money line on all these games as I advised. If you’re an idiot.

Always guard the inbound passer.

End of a 'Potential' Era

2011-11-26T12:11:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

The end of the Jacory Harris-Sean Spence Era at the University of Miami came to a screeching halt on Friday evening, and much like the rest of it, it was quite disappointing.

This is the part of this post where I should say something cliche about how Jacory throwing interceptions on 4 of his last 17 career attempts was a microcosm of his career, or how the team falling short at home against a team it was supposed to beat by multiple touchdowns was a microcosm of their tenure.

However, everyone else and their fucking mother has taken that angle and quite frankly it is annoying.

I will say this: I thoroughly enjoyed Jacory Harris and the rest of his class. They were fun. Sure, they played some dreadful football at times. But I watched these kids grow up on a football field, and I thought they did alright, given what was put in front of them. They will not go down as the class that restored us to greatness. They were not champions. They lost a lot of winnable games and seemingly always managed to be beating themselves just as much as the opponent.

But at the end of the day they were 'Canes, and they fought. Maybe their burden was unfair. Maybe 5 star recruiting and high school national championships...GASP...do not matter once you get to college. Maybe to expect Ken Dorsey was just a mirage that the media and fanbase ran with, when in reality Jacory Harris had a hard enough time just being Jacory Harris. The fan base fell in love with potential. Potential is maybe the dirtiest word in college football, the type of word that gets college kids booed and coaches fired.

I said in my last post that the signing day class of 2008 was the one that was supposed to bring us back. It in many ways was the biggest reason I advanced at the school paper. Those kids

seemed to lift everyone up. Energy on campus was electric for the first semester they were there, because damn it, they were winners and we were sick of losing.

Now most of that class has moved on. They will be in the NFL or grad school or the work force or wherever these kids go. It seems fitting to take a look back at the expectations these kids had and where they ended up. Maybe I just like doing these run downs. Maybe this is like going to a funeral, something which is supposed to be a celebration but really mostly seems like self torture. Maybe I am just bored on my couch, watching Big Blue close out Ohio. Doesn't matter.

Ladies and gentlemen, with the aide of hindsight, here is the revised breakdown of the class of 2008, which came in as the #1 class in the nation and perhaps the highest ranked in the history of the program:

Jacory Harris

Harris came in as the leader of the Northwestern 8, the captain of their offense and the future of our program. He was set to battle with Robert Marve for the quarterback job and eventually take it over from him. He was the next Ken Dorsey, the guy who just knew how to get the ball to his playmakers and win the game.

I have written a ton about him; his career was obviously uneven. When he was good he was great, when he was bad he was dreadful. He was always a fun kid who handled himself with class. He took an unfair amount of the blame and never got enough of the credit. All in all, his will be a career of unfulfilled potential.

Taylor Cook

The big Texan was a project type who was supposed to battle for playing time after a couple of years in the system. Clearly had the best tools of any QB on the roster but the least polish. Hope was that with time he could be Ben Roethlisberger.

In reality, he transferred after one year to Rice, where he never played quarterback and was moved to tight end.

Cannon Smith

Smith was never supposed to be anything other than a depth chart guy, a career backup. Most, including me, didn't really get why we signed him.

Well, he was bad and then transferred to Memphis, where they made him the slowest safety in the history of football.

RB/FB

Pat Hill

Hill was a bowling ball from junior college and the guy who was supposed to just clear out holes for our running backs and destroy linebackers.

Spent three years clearing out holes and destroying linebackers. Was the man and completely underrated.

John Calhoun

Did not realize he was never redshirted and forgot to include him in the senior day write up. Oh well. He was a project that had no other offers and hopefully would develop in to a serviceable special teams guy and role player who at best would be a starting fullback.

That is exactly what he ended up being, and got his first start at fullback in his last game. Solid player who knew his role and stuck to it.

Travis Benjamin

Was one of the least hyped of the receivers but everyone knew his speed. Was supposed to be the next Roscoe Parrish and a guy everyone thought was underrated.

Ended up the most productive receiver in the class and at times was an absolute game changer. Also had some total bonehead moments and again, never quite lived up to the hype.

LaRon Byrd

Byrd was a physical force from Louisiana who was a little below the radar as a recruit, but the coaches raved about him. One time he was compared to Terrell Owens.

Showed a lot of potential as a freshman but plateau'd afterward. Never could be the go to guy and disappeared for large portions of games and seasons.

Aldarious Johnson

Another Northwestern guy, he was a 5 star recruit, Jacory's go to guy in high school and the next coming of Andre Johnson with his size, speed and "glue hands".

Has a few big games and big catches but all in all was a bust because he lacked the speed to gain separation, was lazy and out of shape, and had a knack for dropping the easy ones. Was kicked off the team his senior year.

Tommy Streeter

Lower ranked than his high school teammate Johnson but had people inside the program more excited for his potential as a tall, lanky guy with room to put on weight and maintain his 4.4 speed and highlight reel body control.

Spent three years on the bench, either injured or in the doghouse. Broke out this season and is poised to become an All American candidate next season. Could go down as the best player in this class.

Thearon Collier

Collier was one of three guys from Booker T Washington in this class and was the lowest rated. Committed to Auburn before flipping to The U. Was a space player that you "couldn't touch in a phone booth."

Collier was a stud for two seasons. He was a nice little punt returner and a clutch receiver who always seemed a little overweight but always on the spot. He ran in to some personal issues, however, and transferred to USC after his sophomore year. He never saw the field there and has not resurfaced. This is a kid who apparently never could shake "the street"...hopefully the street doesn't come back and claim him, as is often the case.

Kendall Thompkins

the third Northwestern receiver in the class was supposed to be another pocket rocket that could make things happen in space. He did not have much hype but was easy to see as a difference maker when watching Northwestern play.

Still has one year left but his only real contribution so far has been as a special teams coverage guy. You hear about him in practice every spring and never during games. The type of kid you root for, even though you're not really sure why he stands out to you.

Davon Johnson

Collier's teammate in high school who was known for his blazing speed. Was highly recruited and was supposed to be yet another option on offense that made for nightmares for opponents.

Showed some promise as a freshman at receiver, then voluntarily took a redshirt as a second year guy. Didn't see the field much last year and then switched to DB this year. Saw special teams action but would not surprise if he chose to use his last year of eligibility elsewhere.

Brandon Washington

Another Northwestern guy, was graded as an absolute mauler out of high school who could help our weak offensive line right away.

After prepping for a year, became an All ACC guard and then moved to left tackle. Will be back next year, most likely as the left guard next to Seantrel Henderson.

Ben Jones

Jones played defensive line at Northwestern but the big boys wanted him as an offensive tackle. He was highly regarded as an athlete more than as a football player.

Has not done much, and at this point, with one year left, seems like the type that will leave in the off season.

Andrew Smith

One of the least regarded prospects in the class, Smith actually was fairly productive throughout his career and will leave as someone who made his fair share of plays and always seemed to be around the ball.

Marcus Robinson

Robinson was a highly rated outside linebacker and was recruited by every major program before deciding to stay home for the 'Canes. Had flashes of brilliance, including a three sack night against Virginia Tech as a freshman, and was a consistently solid performer as a senior. However, you always got the sense that he was best suited to be a stand up, pass rushing outside linebacker with his speed, and he never got a chance to be that. A team like the Steelers or Ravens will take a chance on him and might get a steal of player for their effort.

Gavin Hardin

Hardin was a standout linebacker in Mississippi that the Rebs, Bulldogs and the Tennessee Vols were in hot pursuit of before he chose Miami. Played fiery football and was a physical specimen, but had his career ended by a neck injury before he every got to play. He was the type of player that this program has been lacking for several years.

Marcus Forston

Jacory's counterpart on the defnesive line, this was Baby Sapp. He was supposed to be the next great defensive tackle, that opened up the entire defense and allowed us to start ball hawking again. The number one tackle recruit in the country, according to some, and one of the linchpins of this class from Day 1.

He has been hurt most of his career, and the rest has been inconsistent. He has one year left and HAS to get in better shape. When he is in the zone he is very hard to block, and he and Curtis Porter give fans hopes of a dominant pair of tackles next season. However, they are both made of glass, and it is hard to rely on either.

Micanor Regis

Thought was that Regis was one of the most underrated players in the whole country and would form an All American duo with Forston.

Regis turned in to a solid guy in the rotation but never a star. Will be remembered for punching a Carolina receiver in the crotch.

Jeremy Lewis

Lewis was a guy who wreaked of potential on film and had a quick first step but clearly needed work and would take a few years.

Still hasn't made an impact and has rarely seen the field. Is now an offensive lineman and has one year left to make something out of his career.

Sean Spence

The last of the Northwestern crew, Spence was the best player since the last of the champions in this program. Was considered undersized but from day one, it was clear he had something to him that few others did. There are certain guys that no matter the measurables, have always been the best player on whatever field they stepped on. Ed Reed was one. Anquan Boldin another. Spence is like that. That is the highest compliment you can get.

Arthur Brown

Nation's top linebacker recruit and in many eyes the top overall player.

Had a great spring game for the 'Canes and then disappeared, playing only on special teams for two years before transferring back home to Kansas State. Had a big season for them this year and contributed to their victory in Sun Life Stadium over the 'Canes in a big way.

Jordan Futch

Futch was supposed to be the big, bruiser at linebacker to compliment Spence. Another highly recruited, highly ranked player. Never did much.

Ramon Buchannon

Physical specimen who was a hot battle between Miami and the Gators before flipping back to Miami on signing day. Played safety for a year before moving down to linebacker. Was showing signs of a productive senior year before a season ending knee injury. Will be back next season, although his role will perhaps be minimized with the influx of young talent.

C.J. Holton

Came in as a highly regarded safety that we took from Florida State. Some silly folks threw the name Sean Taylor around as a comparison. Still hasn't done a dick damned thing and will most likely move on this off season.

Zach Kane

Sleeper who was arrested the summer before he enrolled, then tied up with the clearinghouse. Never made it to campus.

Antonio Harper

Tall, rangy guy from Memphis. Never made it to campus, ended up signing with Troy a year later.

Brandon Marti

Undersized kid with a bad attitude and a rumored drug problem. No one was really sure how he made it in to the class, and he fittingly was kicked off the team after one semester.

Brandon Harris

Was in my mind the biggest signing in the class. Was recruited by everyone out of high school at Booker T Washington and was one of the nation's top corner prospects. After Patrick Johnson left us at the altar and we whiffed on Janoris Jenkins (UiF) , T.J. Bryant (USC) and Travis Howard (Ohio), this recruitment took on extra significance.

Harris was a starter for three years and was a very good, if not great, player. Went pro a year early and probably regrets it. Now a member of the Houston Texans, but an extra year of school would have helped him a lot.

Vaughn Telemaque

VT was a highly regarded safety from Long Beach who spurned the Trojans for the 'Canes near the end of the recruiting cycle. Had solid moments through his first three seasons but was terrible for most of his junior year. Has one more season to put it all together, but Coach Golden can not be happy with his performance this year.

Joe Wylie

Patrick Johnson's friend who was very lightly recruited but was a great athlete. Lasted two seasons. Put on enough weight to look like a badass but ended up transferring to UT-Martin.

C.J. Odom

Odom was an athlete from Fort Myers that would have most likely been a safety. Grade issues sent him to prep school, where he clashed with the coach and went AWOL. Hasn't been heard from since.

Jake Wieclaw

The Claw looked like a lost cause for three years but had a big season as a junior and will be counted upon heavily as a senior.

Take a look at that list. Spence and Streeter are the only ones that lived up to or exceeded expectations, and even the guys who had solid careers like Brandon Harris or Jacory Harris are considered busts when compared to what they were supposed to be.

This is why we find ourselved in this precarious spot. The coach who pinned his future to this group was fired. The fans who boosted the expectations for this class in to the stratosphere are frustrated and cannot figure out why. But look at what I wrote. According to expectations, almost every one of them was told they were a stud from day one.

Maybe this case was an example of the worst part of fan-dom...proclaiming someone great without their proving it, and then being mad when they are not indeed great.

That is why I have learned my lesson. I will never again judge a class or a player by star ratings or what they have been labeled by the "experts". From now on you are what you show me. That is what gives me hope for this current class. Medium on stars, big on toughness.

We need more badasses. The funny thing is that Spence and Streeter, the two standouts from this class, were in the middle of the pack when it came to ratings for these kids. They have risen up through hard work and football intelligence.

They are the blueprint we have always lived on and thrived with. It is time to get back to it. Until we do, we are doomed to mediocre, overhyped football and football players. And more frustrating fades down the stretch.

Today is the end of not just a season, but an era. The Era of 'Potential'.

The nucleus of the past 4 years has now moved on. It is time to move on as fans. I am sad that the game is over, but at the same time, I am disgusted with the results we always seem to elude as of late. A new day is ahead, and I am just as happy to put this trainwreck of a season behind us as anything else. We will hold strong. We will be back. We are the Evil Empire. We are The U. We will always find a way, because that is what we do.

But until then, until potential turns in to production, we will have rough seas. Here is to next season being the one that we start playing the game the right way again. Physical. Violent. Smart. CONSISTENT. That is how you build a champion.

If you can find guys that do that, they don't have to be the number one recruiting class. Besides, we have all seen how that can play out.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Senior Day

2011-11-22T16:40:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

This is a weird day in the history of Stein on the Sidelines. This is the last time I will write about a group of seniors that includes Sean Spence and Jacory Harris, two players that I have written about and watched play for so long and with such intensity that they practically feel like family to me. Not in a weird way. Okay, this already just got awkward.

When I was a student, the signing day class of 2008 earned me my first cover story at the paper. They represented hope, the return of Miami to the pinnacle. While I will write more in depth on this class and its legacy after the season is over, this is a sort of unofficial end to their era. There will be players left, but the nucleus of the team will shift after the season. In a way, I owe this group of players a lot more than they will ever know. While they never achieved the succes they seemed so sure to bring, they did bring a lot of good times to the lives of Miami Hurricanes fans.

This is also unfortunately the last pre-game blog I will get to post for this season as we near the season-finale against Boston College (and the 4807578923475776234785 replays of Doug Fucking Flutie we will get to watch).

This season has been one of the weirdest, most up and down times I can ever remember. It seems as though it was just yesterday that the ‘Canes were getting laced up to play Maryland. Think about how much has happened in that time.

Miami lost to Maryland in that opener. Maryland featured the ACC’s Top Returning Quarterback in Danny O’Brien and seemed poised to make a run to the ACC Title Game.

Maryland is now 1-6 in conference play and the fan base has seemingly already turned on first year coach Randy Edsall. O’Brien was benched. The program is a tire fire.

Meanwhile, Miami returned perhaps the conference’s shakiest quarterback in Jacory Harris and seemed poised to spiral out of control after Yahoo!Sports’ salacious allegations dropped two weeks before the season.

Miami was a handful of plays away from an undefeated season, improved every week and saw Harris have an ACC Player of the Year type of season.

While the season began with a loss, it will end with a self-inflicted bowl ban. The irony of this bowl ban is that the players who I feel the worst for, namely Jacory and Spence, are culprits in why it had to be done. They broke rules. I still love them, but the simple fact is that they cost the program and now have to sacrifice for the future of the program in order to make good upon their rule-breaking.

(Really hard for me to actually be mad at a kid for taking a free dinner here and there...let's not go there.)

Between the turbulent beginning and end of the season for Miami, college football enjoyed its usual madness:

Virginia was picked in the basement of the ACC; they now are playing a one game playoff with Virginia Tech for the ACC Coastal Division after knocking off Miami and Florida State in the same season.

USC struggled to beat Minnesota on opening day in a game I attended…they have since taken Stanford to triple overtime in a loss and beaten Oregon on the road, eliminating them from the BCS title picture.

Clemson started off 8-0 and then Clemsoned itself against North Carolina State and Georgia Tech. Some things will always be predictable I guess.

Oklahoma lost a home game in which they were a 39 point favorite to Texas Tech, who then lost to Kansas, a team so bad that they are about to fire their coach and currently stand at 2-9.

Wisconsin lost on a Hail Mary…two weeks in a row.

Oklahoma State lost to Iowa State. Nebraska lost to Northwestern.

Bob Davie got a head coaching job. Joe Paterno lost a head coaching job. It is a crazy world.

LSU beat Alabama 9-6 in overtime, and they are widely considered the two best teams in the country. However, Arkansas could beat LSU this weekend and force their way in to the SEC Title Game (even though they lost to Alabama, who would also have one loss, assuming they beat Auburn in the Iron Bowl) against Georgia, which means that one of LSU and Alabama would then be playing in the Cotton Bowl. Awwwww, the BCS Era, ladies and gentlemen.

There is a current 5 way tie for first in the Big East, and none of the 5 teams would be bowl eligible in the SEC. However, one of these teams will make the BCS ahead of either Houston or Boise State, the two best non-automatic qualifiers, both of whom arguably would have run the table in the Big East.

UCLA is 6-5 and still in the thick of things in the Pac 12 South.

The ACC now includes Pittsburgh and Syracuse…in Pennsylvania and upstate New York.

The SEC now includes Texas A&M and Mizzou…. neither of which is in the Southeast.

(Apparently the SEC was desperate for their own Clemson but didn’t actually want Clemson (located in South Carolina...parenthetical reference inside a parenthetical aside!), so they took the two closest things from the Big 12 and said “what the hell?”)

The Big EAST…the conference of New York City and New England… is expanding to Idaho and Texas.

The Big 10 has 12 teams and no plans to change the name of the conference.

(And still sucks)

The Big 12 has 10 teams. They want to add TCU in an attempt to save their conference, which is ironic, because once upon a time, when the Big 8 and Southwest Conference merged, TCU was one of the schools kicked to the curb (along with SMU, Rice and Houston).

Notre Dame is still independent and still overrated but expected to join the ACC soon, which makes sense, because South Bend, IN, has a gorgeous view of the Atlantic.

In other words, it has been business as usual this year in college football.

Miami is coming off a 6-3 win against USF that was not pretty but was ballsy as hell. I know that nothing is ever good enough for the Miami fan base, but to compose yourself to go on that game winning drive took a mature performance from the whole team, especially Jacory. All season we have been waiting for the team to show that killer instinct and bitching when they don’t; this week they did and it still isn’t good enough.

That is probably the theme for this senior class. Not good enough. Friday will be senior day against Boston College. As I do every year, it is time to pay tribute to those seniors that depart. In no particular order, thanks go out to:

Sean Spence, LB

Easily one of my five favorite ‘Canes of all time. This kid has been nothing but a beast since Day 1 and left it all out there on the field. Emerged as a leader…did everything you want in a ‘Cane. The difference when he was on the field was palpable. Of all the players leaving, he will be missed the most. The best compliment I can pay is that it got to the point at which whenever a play was made on defense, I assumed it was him making it and surprised when it wasn’t. This kid could play on any team in the history of this program and fit right in.

Jacory Harris, QB

It feels weird that this will be the last time we watch him. For all the crap he has taken, Jacory has quietly put together an ACC Player of the Year type of season…if the defense had held tougher in a few games and Jacory had gotten the extra inch against Kansas State, Miami is undefeated and Jacory is in the Heisman conversation. The evolution this kid has made this season has been one of the most uplifting things I have ever seen in this program. Before the season I said that if Jacory could have a Brock Berlin type of season I would take it. He has done that and more…there are few players I would rather have leading this team than number 12. I feel like Jacory has become family over these past 4 years, and it will be very weird to not have him on the squad next season.

Travis Benjamin, WR

TB3, the Blur from Belle Glade, was oftentimes lightning in a bottle. He was more than just a space guy, becoming a mostly reliable receiver as the years went by. Perhaps never fully realized his potential, but was a constant threat that defenses constantly had to monitor and will be a tough guy to replace. Will always be remembered for his freshman year torching of the Seminoles and his follow up in the season opener as a sophomore, when he scored the opening touchdown and made perhaps THE vital catch down the sideline, enabling the 'Canes to pull out a win on the road in Trailerhassee.

Jo Jo Nicolas, DB

If there was one player that I have done a complete 180 on it is Jo Jo. He was my whipping boy for three years, next in line after Lance Leggett and Romeo Davis. I thought he sucked and was a waste of a jersey. He was always out of position, couldn’t tackle and couldn’t catch. He was a talent blocker. And then this season happened. He made a believer out of me by playing the game hard and stepping up to fill al leadership void despite personal tragedy. When this team needed someone to stand up and take the reins, he and Tyler Horn were there to oblige. Not only that, he turned in to our most solid, consistent DB this year, highlighted by the Georgia Tech game when he picked off his second pass of the season and recovered a fumble for a touchdown. He should get a chance in an NFL camp and if he is unable to stick there, he is the type of kid I would want around the program as a graduate assistant. I rarely take a hardline, negative outlook on a player. When I do, I hope they prove me wrong. Jo Jo did that, and for that I thank him. Consider me the driver of the Jo Jo Nicolas bandwagon.

Tyler Horn, C

Horn was not the most talented, but he was always solid and lead the o-line. Not only that, but he became a point person that the coaches could go to during the turbulent time that was this season, and a leader that the players respected. Horn is one of those “glue guys” that you hear about oftentimes from cliché sports writers and bloggers; their value is only known when they are no longer around.

LaRon Byrd, WR

Always one of my favorites, even this year, when his role was diminished. Byrd was an unselfish player who did a lot of dirty work (blocking downfield, running clear out routes, playing special teams) and never lost his commitment. Expected a lot of himself and while his statistics never panned out, he worked his ass off. Something gives me the feeling that he will be more productive in the NFL than in college.

Marcus Robinson, DE/LB

Robinson was a solid player who had the talent to be elite in the right system. He was put on this earth to be a pass rushing flex end, and really only was able to do that this season. Made big plays but disappeared from a lot of games. On pro potential, see: Byrd, Laron.

Micanor Regis, DT

Regis is a guy who I thought could be a standout, a potential first rounder and the leader of the ‘Cane resurgence. He turned out to be a solid but unspectacular defensive tackle who had a knack for batting balls down.

Harlan Gunn, OG

I will miss the name; it is of the greatest we have ever had. 2 year starter. He was strong off the ball and, like Horn, a leader. Intelligent man and very well spoken. Doubt he has an NFL future but will be successful regardless.

Joel Figueroa, OL

I think I have written his tribute three times now. He is now done with his 6th season and he will be moving on, presumably with a PhD. I have nothing else to say except “good luck” and thank you for setting a good example your senior year.

Chase Ford, TE

Pretty much a non-factor for two years. Every now and then made a surprisingly solid catch, and spent the rest of his time blowing crucial blocks, dropping easy passes or on the sideline in pain. Worked hard and that’s about all you can say. Thanks for the contribution, and I hope you get a shot in the NFL.

Blake Ayles, TE

Blake, we hardly knew ye.

Jordan Futch, LB

Spent most of his career hurt. I was enamored with the potential, and I think that is why his career goes down as a disappointment: there was a lot expected of him and it was never delivered upon. Will get a shot in the NFL, if I were a betting man.

Andrew Smith, DE

One of the least impressive physical specimens we have ever had, he still managed to always be around the ball. Like Robinson, he was a tweener. Not really sure what else to say…this is awkward.

Mike Williams, CB

Had a mostly mediocre season in his one year with the ‘Canes, peppered with flashes of incompetence. Loved the way he plays. Kind of reminded me of one of those guys at the pickup basketball game that is slow and can’t shoot or play defense but talks so much shit that they convince you they are good.

Lee Chambers, CB

Chambers showed promise as a running back and as a defensive back, but was always too injured to get in a groove anywhere. Another sad case of what could have been.

Chris Ivory, LS

Ivory is a 4 year starter you wouldn’t know about if you weren’t a die hard. The fact you don’t know his name means he did his job as a long snapper.

Spencer Whipple, QB

Sucked hard at QB but…well, I guess he made me laugh one time when he ran down on kick coverage. And…yeah, that’s all I got.

Vernon Gholston, DB

Walk-on. Thank you for the hard work on the practice squad and special teams young man. Make us proud as a future engineer.

Miles Levine, LB

Great story, felt worthy of a mention here. Came from out of nowhere and was on the field for one career play, but his is the type of story that make college football great. And if you don't believe me, Google it.

With that, we say good luck from the bottom of our hearts here at Stein on the Sidelines to all the seniors, and any underclassmen who may move on (I see you Lamar Miller...although PLEASE GOD stay around). You have each made your impact in some way, shape or form.

This week’s Rivalry Game picks, after my 2-4 week sent me to 52-26 on the season:

Texas over Texas A&M (-8)

That is the most ridiculous line I have ever seen. Just wow.

LSU (-12.5) over Arkansas

Here’s a little secret: Arkansas hasn’t beaten anyone except for South Carolina, the week after they lost their starting quarterback for the season. Ole Miss? Crap. Miss State? Crap. Auburn? Pretty crappy. Tennessee? Crap. If they were in ANY OTHER CONFERENCE the Boise State Corollary would apply. Here’s another secret: Boise has as many quality SEC wins as Arkansas. So…yeah. Just sayin’.

Georgia over Georgia Tech (+6.5)

Clean, Old Fashioned Hate! Great name for a mediocre rivalry.

Ohio State Fighting Urban Meyers over Michigan (-7.5)

Kentucky (+9) over Tennessee

Armageddon for Vols Nation. Kentucky wins the jug for the first time in roughly 118 years. That number may be an approximation. However, it does not change the fact that they play for a jug. Really, the more important issue here is that Kentucky still champions that hillbilly fire water they call bourbon over the smooth, superior, gentlemen’s Tennessee sour mash. Ingrates.

‘Bama over Auburn (+20.5)

The Iron Bowl! Spread seems a little big...rivalry game...

VPI over Virginia (+5.5)

So, yeah, this is what the ACC has become.

Wisconsin (-14.5) over Penn State

The Big 10 still sucks.

Mizzou over Kansas (+23.5)

The Border War! And by the way, this game is called that because these two territories LITERALLY fought a series of battles over the issue of slavery. If that does not make for a good rivalry, well, screw you.

Oregon over Oregon State (-28)

The Civil War!

The Meteor > FSU > UiF (+2.5)

Miss State (-17.5) over Ole Miss

The Egg Bowl! However, there is now way in hell the Dogs are 17.5 points better than the Rebs. They both suck, but they suck about equally as bad.

Washington (-6.5) over Wazzu

The Apple Cup!

Clemson over Cackalacky (-4)

I don’t know why this game doesn’t have a better name. The Palmetto Bowl is what I have heard it referred to as. Really? Sounds like some bullshit if you ask me. How do two programs that seemingly care not have a cool name for this game? Proposal….let’s call it...The Battle for Lee’s Saddle or The Stonewall Game. Done.

Stanford (-6.5) over Notre Dame

Notre Dame blows.

USC over UCLA (+14.5)

I like what they do with the uniforms here. Really all there is to say about it.

Also, not this week, but coming up, I like Oklahoma over Oklahoma State in Bedlam, West Virginia over Pitt in the Backyard Brawl and Navy over Army in my favorite non- Miami game of the year.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Trial By Fire

2011-11-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

No, I am not dodging the FSU loss. Yes, I am busy at work and quite frankly the amount of money I make off this blog is small (read: non-existent). So it had to wait.

I don’t know how many times I can type “at a loss” in one season but I am certainly there yet again.

We’ve all rehashed it. Penalties. Benjamin muffing a punt. Hurns dropping a two point conversion. Jacory throwing a pick.

It was yet another agonizing loss. However, here is the play I will always remember:

Kacy Rogers II in the end zone angling in on a floater from E.J. Manuel to Rodney Smith, and then pulling up before either picking it off and going the other way OR blowing up the receiver and disrupting the play.

It was this team in a nutshell.

They knew what had to be done: you had to punch in this game. The more physical team was going to win. Rogers saw what every defensive back dreams about unfolding in front of him…and for whatever reason, he came up short. He had never been there before, and it showed. He didn't have it in him to get it done.

Like 4th and Goal against K State….and coming up an inch short.

Like 4th and 1 against UVa…and blowing a block.

Like 4th and 1 against the VTech offense…and allowing a touchdown.

This team constantly lives every kid’s dream scenario, but they always seem to come up short.

I spent most of my free time between the ages of 8 and 12 playing driveway basketball or backyard football or playground baseball.

How did it always end?

“3…2…1…he made the shot!”

“Bottom of the 9th, full count, bases loaded, Stein at the plate…and it’s gone!”

“It all comes down to this folks, one play to win the game…Stein drops back in the pocket, he’s got his receiver downfield…touchdown!”

The good guys always won. I always handled the pressure. If I didn’t, I stayed outside until I did. Eventually I got a lot better at it. It was through repetition that I improved.

In real life college football, it is the same thing. Repetition is what turns a player to iron and turns their blood cold under pressure.

The difference is that my mistakes were not aired on national television. I was not under the constant fire of 1,000 message boarders and reporters and columnists.

This current ‘Canes team is going through the same sort of learning process, but without the same benefit that I had.

I guess that is what this season has become: one long, very public, trial by fire.

It has been frustrating and hard to deal with at times. Several times I have literally had ZERO idea what the hell I was watching.

5-5 blows. There is an old saying in football: you are what your record is.

But let’s not forget the circumstances around this team.

There is a new coaching staff. There is a new training program. The 2 Deep is filled with guys who never played much before this season (Feliciano…Dye…Clements….Hurns…Perryman…Chickillo….Williams….Chambers…etc.). 8 players were removed from the roster by Coach Golden between spring ball and the start of the season. 8 more were suspended at the outset of the season. NCAA Investigations have surrounded the program, as has uncertainty. The Penn State allegations have lead to even more uncertainty, as players can’t help but see Golden’s name connected to the job opening in the press.

None of this is an excuse for muffing the punt or pulling up lame on the interception opportunity.

There are no moral victories. Al Golden is certainly not happy with 5-5, and neither should be the fans.

But despite all this uncertainty and turmoil, this team has not once quit. Not once. Can you say that about last season?

This team very realistically could be undefeated. Think about it:

Brandon Linder penalty gets a long run called back against Maryland and we settle for a field goal instead of a touchdown that very well could have sealed the win. Instead we lose.

Jacory Harris is stopped a foot short against Kansas State.

The defense buckles on 4th and 1 for the win against VTech.

Chase Ford misses a block against Virginia.

The aforementioned mistakes against FSU…and we only lose by 4.

This team might finish with the same record (or worse) than last year’s.

However, you measure growth by comparing a season against the previous.

And even though the result might be the same, anyone who tells you this season’s squad is the same as last year’s clearly hasn’t been watching.

I hate 5-5. I hate losing winnable games. As encouraged as I am by the close results, I am equally as frustrated.

But I am not drinking the Kool-Aid yet. Not by a damn sight. This team stands tall and fights to the end. We owe it to them to do the same as fans…because eventually they will get it turned around.

Before Ed Reed was a monster he got torched for the game winning touchdown as a freshman against Penn State.

Before Ken Dorsey was unflappable, he threw a game away on the road against Washington.

Before Willis McGahee was robbed of a Heisman, he was so far down the depth chart that he almost quit.

Before Cortez Kennedy was a Hall of Famer, he was “Two Play Tez”.

Players get better. Teams learn to win. It all comes from repetition.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Quick Picks (3-2 last week; 50-22 season):

VTech (-11) over UNC
Nebraska over Michigan (-3.5)
Ohio State (-7) over Penn State
LSU over Ole Miss (-29.5)
Oklahoma over Baylor (+15)
Oregon (-15) over USC

Mutual Respect

2011-11-09T09:56:00.000-08:00

Hello All,

As a Miami fan, there are plenty of teams I hate.

UiF…well, I don’t really need to go in to it. No one likes a pansy. This is undisputed, pure hatred.

Ohio State…they robbed us of a national title and represent everything that we hate about “The Establishment” of college football.

(As a matter of fact, we hate any team that is part of "The Establishment" and look down on any one who isn't...the Virginias and Georgia Techs and BYUs...as teams that don't belong on our field. We are unique and maybe have created a self fulfilling prophesy.)

Virginia Tech…they beat us too often and have stupid looking uniforms.

Notre Dame…they represent everything we hate about humanity AND they took us off their schedule after starting that “Catholics vs. Convicts” crap.

Penn State…they molest children (required parenthetical note: ALLEGEDLY molest children).

However, the only team that can truly be counted as a legitimate rivalry game in this day and age is Florida State.

Look at the list above. Only Virginia Tech plays us every year, and that is really the only reason they are a rival. We are in the same division of the same conference and both play at a high level (work with me people). Take away the requirement to play every year and I would go on living my life and not miss the game for a second. It is not a rivalry that stands on its own.

Florida State is the opposite.

For years we were in different conferences and yet still played every year. As of now we are in the same conference, but in opposite divisions.

This was arranged in 2004 so that the ACC could get two TV dates a year out of this rivalry: the regular season matchup and the conference championship game. They started playing the game on Labor Day oftentimes in order to ensure that whoever lost then had the rest of the season to work their way back in to the national championship conversation.

Obviously these plans have not come to roost. Both teams have struggled, for largely the same reasons. Lackluster player development and bad quarterback play have submarined both programs for almost a decade.

However, think about those plans in a vacuum. These two programs demand such respect that the conference structured its entire divisional setup and oftentimes its conference schedule to ensure that two teams who seemed to have a birthright to the BCS would be allowed to flourish unfettered.

It seems as though Miami and Florida State are forever linked. Both rose to prominence in the 80’s. Miami once won 58 straight home games and 34 straight games overall (at different times). Florida State finished 14 consecutive seasons in the top 5 of the AP Poll.

The two teams recruit the same players and have rosters full of kids who are not only friends, but sometimes family. They never stopped playing each other, even when non-conference scheduling became more about preserving your record than testing your team. Miami invented swagger; Florida State gave us Deion “Primetime” Sanders.

When it comes to Florida State, I have vitriol. I can’t stand their fans. I hate their mascot and I hate their fight song and I resent their inclusion in the Good Ol’ Boy network. I hate that they can finish a season 9-4 and be ranked #4 to start the next season EVERY YEAR. I hate that they seem to be above the law. I hate the money they have to throw around while Miami maintains mediocre facilities and a lifeless stadium 45 minutes from campus.

But at the end of the day, I respect them. They not only always play us, but they always play us tough.

These games have given us Wide Right 1, 2 and 3. They gave us Wide Left. They gave us the 2009 season opener that ended on a low pass from Christian Ponder. They gave us the 2003 Monsoon Bowl. They gave us the 2008 Monsoon Bowl. They gave us Kirby Freeman’s Drive in 2007. They gave us the overtime thriller of 2004.

Whether it is Irvin’s catch or McGahee’s run or Dorsey- to- Shockey or Sean Taylor’s Pick 6 or Ed Reed’s speech, the stars come out during Miami-FSU.

This rivalry can not only create heroes, but forever ruin seemingly talented players (I see you Chris Rix).

It is a battle for livelihood; lose this game and you have a year of living in your rival’s shadow in the national media, the local media, the ACC and in the recruiting battles of Florida, the nation’s biggest recruiting war.

The uniforms clash, as do the student bodies. It doesn’t matter what the records are. Either team could finish 1-11; as long as the 1 win was over the other, that’s a year of happiness.

It is a perfect rivalry, right up there with Alabama-Auburn and Michigan-Ohio State.

Ladies and gentleman, this is Florida State week.

Time to get the big boy pants out.

Last week I went 0-1. I am now 47-20 on the season. This week’s quick picks:

Nebraska over Penn State (+3.5)

If anything is just in the world Penn State gets crushed by about 50. I won’t go in to this because enough good takes have been offered, but the fact that Paterno is coaching this game is a traveshamockery.

NOTE: I wrote this before the fired JoePa and were still planning on having him on the sideline for the game. He obviously has been fired, and with good reason. I genuinely feel bad for the Penn State students, fans and players. I am confused as to why McQueary kept his job, but that is an entirely different blog post.

As a final point, I must say that I have never been this upset about a sports story except for the Bryan Pata / Sean Taylor killings. I legitimately have been filled with some sort of weird rage about this story the past few days. I feel like I am on a high horse, but I don't know if that is possible in this case. I may not be a father, but I have people that I love and am protective over. I can't even imagine what a parent would feel during all of this. The whole lot of these guys deserve to be run up the flag pole as high as it goes, and I don't care how old they are or how many games they've won.

USCE (-3.5) over UiF

USCW (-11.5) over Washington

Auburn over Georgia (-13.5)

UPSET SPECIAL

Boise State (-15.5) over TCU

With that, I am back to work as the hours move extra slow during this week, which might as well be the week before Christmas for a ‘Canes fan.

Can't wait to see these teams take the field Saturday. Winning is pure ecstasy. Losing is pure misery. And the best part about it? We know we'll see them again next year.

Maroon shirts and yellow britches, go to hell you sons of bitches.

Go ‘Canes, beat the hell out of FSU.

Homecoming

2011-11-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

That deafening silence is the sound of me ignoring the game that was played last Thursday night. I am not even going to name which specific game I am talking about. I am burying my head in the sand, refusing to acknowledge it and moving on.

This is a shorter post than usual, because I am prepping for Homecoming weekend in Miami, which means I will be attending my first ‘Canes game since the Champs Sports Bowl in 2009.

Hopefully this is less embarrassing.

For all of those reading this that I am in contact with, get ready for a wild weekend.

For all of those reading this that I am not in contact with (I assume not many)…holler at me if you want some beer and ‘Canes talk this weekend.

I see you Miami.

Last week I was the definition of mediocrity at 5-5. That brings my season record to 52-24.

This week there is only one game that matters enough for me to pick it. Maybe you have heard it is being played:

Georgia over New Mexico State

...Kidding...

Alabama over LSU

Clearly the two best teams in college football. Both could probably beat the Dolphins. I like Alabama in a close one, which given this rivalry will probably be decided on a fake punt touchdown run on 4th and 17 late in the 4th quarter.

LSU’s defense is nasty, but here’s a little secret…so is Alabama’s. And Alabama is at home under the lights.

And yes, I am all for a rematch in the BCS Title Game. And no, I do not love the SEC.

Always guard the inbound passer.

I Love This Game

2011-10-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Last night I was driving home from softball on the 110 Northbound “freeway”.

As people familiar with the city of Los Angeles know, as you reach downtown on the 110-N you reach a crossroads that looks just like the heart of any highway interchange in any major city. The 10 shoots off to the east and west. The 101 shoots off at a diagonal to connect you to Hollywood.

Last night I looked at this interchange and wanted to stop my car, grab my nine iron out of the trunk (I guess at this point it is a mythical nine iron) and go straight Johnny Drama on the first car I saw. To me, last night this interchange represented nothing but another example of the malaise that living in a big city can be.

As I stewed silently, I began to think back to a simpler time, when I was a little guy who lived in the sticks of Wisconsin, or Texas, or Tennessee, or wherever we lived at the time.

When we used to go on our summer roadtrips as a family, nothing got me more excited than the first time we saw another highway go over the top of our car.

Signs that said things like “Chicago City Limits” or “Downtown Miami 12 Miles” would get me more excited than I can say. Every city was a new adventure. They were foreign and full of all the things I wanted but couldn’t find in DePere or Laredo. The trips were rather infrequent, and therefore every time was more exciting than the last. The final ten miles or so of any trip into the city saw the sudden progression of countryside to city décor, from my real life to the life I always read about and envisioned as an escape from the boredom.

Obviously living in the city strips away the excitement. The Walk of Fame is a really cool place to visit for an afternoon, but to live a half block away from there turns it in to the personification of all things bad about this town.

Things like traffic go from minor inconvenience to life-altering force. It is just the way it works. It takes a trip out of town to relax and recharge before you are re-awakened to the things that make a city cool.

(LA is an immensely diverse place, filled with talented people bordered on two sides by mountains and on one by an ocean. It is an outdoorsy city that has a culutral event seemingly every night. It is still the hub of the music scene, although Austin does at this point churn out better musicians in my opinion. And 78 and sunny with a breeze is damn tough to beat.)

The reason I am writing all this is because we have now passed the halfway point in the college football season.

I was talking to a certain someone from Chicago that shall remain nameless the other day on the phone and I asked her what she thought about the crazy Michigan State-Wisconsin game from the night before.

This is a girl who I have attended MULTIPLE live sporting events with. I know for a fact she knows what she is talking about. She is a good fan and a better ‘Cane. I would not hesitate to invite her over to Casa de Bro for any football game, and once there she would not receive any restrictions on her participation.

(Watching at Casa de Bro is an intense experience, so yes, there are restrictions on who is allowed to attend.)

She said “Dan, I haven’t watched really any football all weekend”.

This is not a girl who needs to have her fanhood called in to question. She’s a busy person who is doing wonderful things to better herself and the world which she occupies. But it did get me thinking about what I miss out on every Saturday when there is no college football to watch. This is not a piece directed at her, therefore, but a post that she inspired.

During the summer months, when the season is getting ready to start, we always feel like we are about to enter the city for the first time in months. Everything feels new and exciting. Training camp reports start to come in. The countdown to gameday goes below one month. Position battles get determined. Like CITY LIMITS signs and highway overpasses used to get me excited on the drive in to the city, every little nugget of information about the upcoming team gets me increasingly excited during the build up to the season.

Then the season gets going and we fall in to a routine.

Not only does it become routine, but all the things you don’t like about it get brought back up. The media suckfest with the SEC. The BCS. The NCAA and its blatant corruption. Nick Saban. The Gators.

It makes it easy to forget the goose bumps you get every time the ‘Canes run through the smoke.

The stadium coming to life on 4th & 1 in the 4th.

The Grove at Ole Miss.

Callin’ the Hogs at Arkansas.

The USC Song Girls.

The feeling of pure elation after a victory over a rival, a feeling only outmatched by the feeling of despair after any loss.

The rise of a true freshman (Sammy Watkins) or the resurgence of a fallen star (Jacory Harris) or the long awaited breakout of super talented recruit (Tommy Streeter, Arthur Brown).

“Enter Sandman” at Virginia Tech.

LSU vs. Alabama.

The Big Ten sucking.

Army vs. Navy.

Oregon’s terrible uniforms.

A southern team whuppin’ a northern team in the title game.

The taste of the first beer around the grill on gameday.

(sub in Mimosa if so inclined)

The Cocktail Party.

Red River.

Kirk Cousins going in to the stands to celebrate with his fellow students after taking down Wisconsin.

Les Miles, the Mad Hatter.

Yell Practice at Texas A&M.

The colors…oh the colors. Oranges and greens and yellows and blues and reds clashing in beautiful contrast.

The sound of a stadium falling silent when the road team goes ahead.

Sitting in my apartment alone on Saturday night because I can’t peel myself away from a game between two teams I dislike, and then screaming for five straight minutes “IT’S A TOUCHDOWN!” when the Hail Mary is completed and under review.

Swagger.

These are the things we miss during the summer. Then we move in to the season and can lose sight. I am guilty of it myself, and I don’t think anyone would ever say I am not a fan.

But every now and then, all you need to do is take a step back and think about how awesome this stuff really is.

I hope my friend in Chicago gets to watch some ball this Saturday, because it really is pure, unbridled emotion. It is all the things listed above and so much more. It is one of the few things left in this world that gets me as excited as the drive in to the city used to.

And there are only a couple more months of it left before another LONG break.

Last week I went 7-2 to extend the season record to 47-19. And yes, the Big Ten still sucks. But what a hell of a game that was in Lansing, huh?

Michigan State over Nebraska (-4)

aTm (-11) over Mizzou

UGA over UiF (+3)

My dream of a UiF 0-October comes to roost. I am happier than a pig in shit.

Wake over UNC (-7)

UPSET SPECIAL.

Oklahoma over K State (+14)

K State will cover.

Auburn (-11) over Ole Miss

Ole Miss wins the party again.

USC over Tennessee (+4)

Stanford over USCW (+8)

Clempson over GTech (+4.5)

Rutgers (+7) over WVU

Former Knight Eric LeGrand is leading them on to the field for this one for the first time since being paralyzed. Yeah, I think there will be a little emotion there.

To my friend in Chicago, watch this weekend (and of course this Thursday night) for your sake, because if you don't, our Sunday phone chat will once again be filled with half-comprehensible ramblings and exclamations from me that I am sure make either your head or your ears hurt, and probably both.

God I love college football.

Always guard the inbound passer.

One City, Two Very Different Teams

2011-10-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Today I find myself wanting to throw a keyboard. I had to walk off a frustrating loss this weekend yet again, a loss that came at the hands of a hated opponent after a late lead was blown.

And for once, I am not talking about the 'Canes.

I have reached a crossroads with the Dolphins. I am close to my wit’s end.

On the same weekend that the ‘Canes delivered a consistent, dominant victory over a Top 25 opponent, I watched the Dolphins blow a 15 point lead with 3 minutes left in their game against the Tim Tebow-lead Broncos.

This loss was frustrating for a number of reasons and was thrown into stark contrast after a terrific Saturday.

The ‘Canes, despite all the uncertainty surrounding the program and the flux the program seems to constantly exist within this year, are in a better position than the Dolphins, both for the remainder of this season and the future moving forward.

For the ‘Canes, I have nothing but hope. As the season evolves and players improve on a weekly basis, the ‘Canes have me legitimately excited. They will probably lose another game or two along the line, because they just aren’t where they need to be yet. However, they are getting there. Next season will be better. Barring catastrophic NCAA or self- inflicted carnage, year 3 will see the return of the ‘Canes to the national conversation.

On the other hand, I have NO hope for the Dolphins.

Let me take you though my thought process a little bit.

Leadership: Canes in a blowout

Listen, I like Tony Sparano. I think he is a great o-line coach and very capable of coaching a winning NFL team when he has good assistants on his staff. He has failed to produce results, however, and will be fired at some point during this miserable season or shortly thereafter.

When that happens, he will be falling on the sword of two absolute morons, Jeff Ireland (GM)…who will also likely be gone…and Stephen Ross (owner).

Yes, Stephen Ross is the same man who publicly declared that this year’s team would be more exciting despite retaining Ireland, a man from the Bill Parcells tree that still clings to the “size over speed” model that became outdated with the rise of the Jimmy Johnson-lead Cowboys.

(This makes sense, because Parcells was essentially running a one man show for three seaons as president of the team…or whatever the title was. Let’s just say his roster moves have been so good that we are currently on the brink of a second 1 win season in five years. This is a franchise that once went undefeated and has won multiple Super Bowls. This is Don Shula and Dan Marino’s franchise.)

The same man who flew very publicly across the country to woo Jim Harbaugh, only to be rejected and then come back and renew the contract of the coach who was STILL UNDER CONTRACT at the time. Implied meaning: not happy with you...just kidding we LOVE you!!!!

The same man who held Florida Gator Appreciation day to honor Tim Tebow and his national title teams this weekend. In Miami. While Tim Tebow started his first game of the season….FOR THE OPPOSING TEAM!!!!!!!!!!

(I was going to focus more on this but the thought of it makes me sick. I honestly am a bit at a loss. I WANTED the Dolphins to lose this game when I looked up in the stands and saw the number of blue and orange number 15 jerseys. It served them right. You don’t think Timmy was buoyed by the fact that he was on the “road” and yet had more fans in the stands than the home team? I just threw up a little bit in my mouth writing about this. Hey Stevie, know what will put people in the stands? Putting a winning fucking team on the field. Not putting a nightclub in the stadium. Not selling minority ownership stakes to B-List local celebrities. Not holding a Tim Tebow Suckfest. WIN SOME EFFING FOOTBALL GAMES.)

Sparano and Ireland will be fired. Will Ross do something smart like hire Rod Chuzinski, former 'Cane and current guru who has developed Phillip Rivers and Cameron Newton in to beasts and his offenses in to potent scoring machines?

No.

He will go for something splashy like Urban Meyer, probably fail very publicly, and then miss out on the good, under the radar candidates (guys like Mike Tomlin and Mike McCarthy would have never interested Ross) and settle for someone who is probably not as good. Why do I know this? Because he is Stephen Effing Ross. Oh, and ps, while we are here, "flashy" does not mean good. Go take a look at the track record for college coaches going to the NFL. I will wait.

On the other hand, the ‘Canes have a new AD in place who seems to have his ducks in a row (he will also, in all likelihood, never ask a prospective player if his mother is a hooker).

They have a head ball coach who oozes charisma and confidence and is building a program in his image; the results are already already being seen, and most college programs truly respond to coaching change in years 2 and 3.

(Witness: Alabama. 7-6 in Nick Saban’s first year. 11-1 the next season. Perennial Top 5 team. Barely even has to recruit, as the program now recruits itself.)

Golden has hired coordinators (Jedd Fisch and Mark D’Onofrio) who are rising stars in the coaching world and seem destined to run programs of their own one day.

He has hired assistants who have their position groups playing the right way. We may be shorthanded in certain spots this year, but every man on this roster is fighting to carve out a role. It is fun to watch.

Player A & D: Canes in a blowout

Miami recruits, the Dolphins draft and sign free agents. Where to begin, where to begin?

I suppose, to be fair, we will only go so far back as the beginning of the Parcells Era.

(Parcells directly ran two drafts and then turned it over to his protégé Ireland.)

Here are guys drafted in the top 3 rounds of the draft over the past four seasons:

Jake Long, LT

We picked Jake with the first overall pick in the draft. He is a great player. An All- Pro. A ten year starter on the blind side at a minimum. So what’s the problem? Well, since Dan Marino retired in 1999 the Dolphins have started 17 quarterbacks. The best? Chad Pennington and his rubber band gun of a right arm in the 2008 season. Second? The Immortal Jay Fiedler. It has been ugly. Also available in that draft: Matt Ryan.

The question, now as then, is this: what good is protecting the quarterback is you don’t have one? We have seen time and time again… you cannot sign a franchise quarterback off the scrap heap. You develop them. Tom Brady. Peyton Manning. Aaron Rodgers. Phillip Rivers. Ben Roethlisberger. Matt Ryan. It is still early, but Cam Newton and Sam Bradford look like they will be examples in the not too far future as well.

(Drew Brees doesn’t count…he was a good player who got hurt and therefore replaced with a young gun in San Diego. The Dolphins should have signed him then and are still suffering as a result of not pulling the trigger years later.)

This is a good player, but probably was the wrong pick.

Phillip Merling, DE

Merling has done pretty much nothing in his career and was a HIGH second round pick. Other guys available: Curtis Lofton, Desean Jackson (think he’d have helped with the speed problem on offense?), Matt Forte, and hometown guy Calais Campbell, a borderline Pro Bowler who plays defensive end in a 3-4 scheme. Excuse me while I go commit hari-kari.

Chad Henne, QB

Henne was a quarterback available in the second round that Parcells wanted to build around. The only problem is that franchise quarterbacks USUALLY aren’t around at pick 57. Go ahead, throw Kurt Warner or Tom Brady out there. The odds of finding that guy are astronomically small. There is a reason they make documentaries and movies about stories like that. They are almost always guys drafted by teams with a reputation for developing quarterbacks and can sit behind better players until an injury or some other fluky occurrence delivers an ooportunity to step up. Tom Brady had Drew Bledsoe. Kurt Warner had Trent Green (who was pretty damned good). Tony Romo had Drew Bledsoe (weird, right?). Matt Cassell had Tom Brady. Know who Henne had? Pennington. A mid-level guy with a big injury history. The point? YOU DON’T TAKE A GUY WITH THE 57TH PICK IN THE DRAFT AND TRY TO MAKE HIM YOUR SAVIOR. The best second round quarterback I can think of? Drew Brees. He went with the first pick in the second round, number 33 overall. The next best? Jake Plummer. Is that really what we wanted?

Kendall Langford, DE

Solid pick, good value in the third round.

Vontae Davis, CB

Solid pick in the first round of the 2009 draft.

Pat White, QB

Words cannot express my anger. This is a guy that every other team in the league thought was a WR. We took him IN THE SECOND ROUND as a quarterback. AFTER WE TRADED UP. A year after taking Henne in the second round. Two years after taking John Beck, another quarterback, in the second round. On the surface, this seemed like a nice wrinkle to add to the Wildcat which had been successful the year before, as he was a threat to actually throw the ball. Two problems: he couldn’t throw the ball and the Wildcat is a gimmick offense that is supposed to be merely a wrinkle, not a system. YOU DON'T DRAFT GIMMICK PLAYERS IN THE SECOND ROUND!!!!!! Oh, and also, Pat White really sucked. Guys we could have had: Lesean McCoy, Mike Wallace.

Sean Smith, CB

Jury still out…good cover guy and a physical freak but doesn’t make plays.

Patrick Turner, WR

On the practice squad for the Jets, last I heard. Dynamite stuff in the third round. Other receivers available: Johnny Knox, Julian Edelman.

Jared Odrick, DE

Injured his rookie year, jury still out. 3-4 Defensive ends are a tough sell in the first round.

Koa Misi, LB

Essentially, the Dolphins structured their entire draft around getting Misi. They traded down in the first round twice (passing up on, among others: Dez Bryant and Earl Thomas) to position themselves in the second round to get their man (who in reality probably would have been around ten picks later. Also, they had to trade down to acquire this pick because the original second round pick was traded for Brandon Marshall, who just so happens to lead the NFL in drops right now). The jury is still out. Could have had: Terrence Cody, Rob Gronkowski.

John Jerry, OL

Terrible pick who is headed to a practice squad near you. Could have had: Jimmy Graham. Arguably the best tight end in the NFL and a hometown guy.

This year’s draft is too young to get a good feel for yet but let's not forget they drfated an effing guard with their first pick when they KNEW they were going to lose their top two running backs and needed some speed at receiver. During a lockout. After a winless home season.

Take a look at what I just wrote. Three years, 10 picks, and AT BEST half will be considered successes. Seriously? Listen, I might be short, but at least I’m ugly too, right?

You build a team with the first three rounds of the draft. Any wonder why the Dolphins suck?

And as for free agency...let me list some names for you. Marc Colombo. Richi Incognito. Kevin Burnett, Karlos Dansby, Jason Taylor. Those are the big contributors the Dolphins have acquired through free agency on this year's team. Dansby is a borderline Pro Bowler. Taylor is a Hall of Famer who is now in his third stint with the team, meaning we were dumb enough to get rid fo him twice. The other three suck.

Reggie Bush was going to get cut so the Dolphins struck a trade for him. Marshall was traded for.

Not exactly an All Star Lineup, is it? No, it looks like the nucleus of a 2-14 football team when you combine it with poor drafting. Which we did.

Meanwhile, the Canes continue to bring in athletes to their system that can compete with anyone in the country. The players are starting to get better on a weekly basis. The team is thin in some areas but has a big recruiting class and a staff known for its eye for talent. Al Golden took a kid named Muhammad Wilkerson, who had never played football, and made him a first round pick in three years.

Currently, he has JoJo Nicolas being named ACC Defensive Player of the Week. For anyone who has ever read anything in this blog, then you know that is a big deal.

Embracing the Fans: Canes in a blowout

Listen, Stephen Ross just created a home game for Tim Tebow in Miami. Can not emphasize that enough.

Meanwhile, Al Golden has increased access to his program through the Raising Canes video series. He has created the Canes Walk. He engages the media on a regular basis. The fans love him. They aren’t showing up yet the way they should (they are, after all, mostly assholes) but signs of improvement are there.

On Field Performance: Canes in a blowout

My father seems to believe that the ‘Canes would beat the Dolphins. The sad thing is, if they played 10 times, he might be right 3 of them.

I don’t know whether that makes me more excited about the Canes or nervous about the Phins.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Doom Around Every Corner

2011-10-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

The Cardiac Canes continue to live up to their name, and I continue to struggle to find new ways to write about the anguish they put me through every Saturday.

Against UNC they put the shoe on a different foot, stomping the Heels in the first half and then allowing them right back in to the game in the second half, to the point that I legitimately was thinking exactly what statement it was that I made that cursed the team in the second half (after a big defensive stand on 4th and short early in the 4th Quarter, I stood up and declared “Ballgame!”…that was the leading candidate).

That is what the ‘Canes have done to me…as soon as the other team gets a glimmer of hope, I automatically assume we are going to lose.

It is like being a Cubs fan (or an Orioles fan…or the fan of a team comprised of the 12 best players from each of the two teams that would still lose 90 games a season and have serious disputes about where they would play their home games…if such a team existed…).

Doom is always hovering around the corner.

This time Doom was kept at bay by a blitzing Sean Spence, and the ‘Canes left my heart to die another day.

This week the opponent is Georgia Tech, a buzzsaw of an offense reliant upon opposing defenses being greedy and leaving their lanes / missing tackles to hit the big plays vital to its success.

This would be fine except for our defense’s biggest problem areas are freelancing and missed tackles.

Translation: another shootout. Another rough day on the stomach.

The silver lining is that Miami’s offense is playing with a…dare I say, swagger…that we have not seen in a long time. I honestly feel that every time we get the ball we are going to score, and if we do not it is our own fault, not the opponents’. This offense seems to be capable of putting up 50 on any given day, and Tech’s defense is not stellar. We have a multitude of weapons in our arsenal with more seemingly capable of breaking out any week now (Eduardo Clements, Phillip Dorsett, Asante Cleveland, Seantrel Henderson, etc.).

The team is getting demonstrably better each week, even though there are overall themes that continue to bother, mostly the previously mentioned problems with the defense.

A great offense is fun to watch, but we all know defense is what sets apart the great teams from the fun ones.

And until the defense rights itself (I have essentially given up on this season), I will continue to have a gloomy feeling in the bit of my stomach until we are ahead on the scoreboard when the clock goes to triple zeroes.

Last week I went 8-3 to bring the season record up to 40-17. And yet, it is the near misses that will stand out (damn you Maryland).

This week’s picks that are sure to be laughed at:

Clemson (-11) over UNC

There’s no chance that a vastly superior Clemson team would ever trip up on their own feet when they control their own destiny, right?

Arkansas over Ole Miss (+16.5)
Ole Miss (Off the board) over The Party

Still undefeated.

FSU (-17) over Maryland

But wouldn’t it be nice?

LSU (-23.5) over Auburn

Northwestern (+4) over Penn State

Kind of an upset. But who cares about that? The real lesson? The Big Ten still sucks and Northwestern is kind of cool. Like Duke of the Midwest, except for bad at basketball too.

Bama (+30) over Tennessee

The Third Saturday in October has lost a little steam, granted, but it is still a great nickname for a rivalry. There are a few games I am interested in every year, regardless of records or intrigue, because the name is so cool. The Holy War (BYU-Utah). The Border War (Mizzou- Kansas). The Cocktail Party (Florida-Georgia). Clean, Old Fashioned Hate (Georgia-Georgia Tech). The Backyard Brawl (West Virginia-Pitt). Those are games I can get behind. Ya dig?

Notre Lame (-8.5) over USC

Who cares?

Stanford (-21) over U-Dub

SMU over SMU (-3)

Too good to pass up.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Yada Yada Yada

2011-10-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

I started to write a preview of the Carolina game when I stopped and realized I have written the same preview for every game this season:

We have more talent...yada yada yada...we have to play intense football for four quarters...yada yada yada...play for each other...yada yada yada...toughen up when it matters...yada yada yada.

Every week it is the same thing.

So, in the interest of brevity, I am going to just move right along to this week's picks and start praying to whatever football Gods will listen to me that we don't lay an egg against these light blue wearing sissy boys of that second rate institution that is the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Last week I went 6-1 (damn you Auburn!) to bump the season mark up to 32-14. I also went 1-1 on call-ins to The Solid Verbal podcast making it on air in their Reverb segment. Perhaps one could say alcohol fueled my mini-rant. Perhaps.

Michigan State (-3) over Michigan

Eventually, that Big House of cards we are seeing at Michigan will come crumbling down. Denard Robinsonn is a special player but at some point this team will have to throw to win against a good defense and just won't get it done. The mirage ends this weekend.

Baylor over Texas A&M (-9)

aTm plays the first half of each game like an SEC team and the second half like a Sun Belt team. Robert Griffin is special. Mini-UPSET SPECIAL.

Cackalacky over Miss State (+3)

If you don't love the Ol' Ball Coach, watch him kick a reporter out of his press conference and seem like the happiest man on Earth while doing so.

Oklahoma State over Texas (+8)

Texas just isn't elite. The 'Pokes are.

LSU over Tennessee (+18)

Wake (+7) over VT

Signed,
Florida State

Upset special!

Ole Miss (+26.5) over 'Bama

Juuuuussssttttt Kidding

K State over Texas Tech (-3.5)

Oregon (-14.5) over Arizona State

Afterwards, the players will get together and pick out some ultra chic new kicks, bro.

Auburn (+2) over UiF

Because my dream of the Gators going 0-October needs to live on.

Marlyand (+9) over Clemson

Because the Terps are the weirdest team in college football and Clemson is still Clemson. ULTRA UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!

Always guard the inbound passer.

Another Bad Afternoon

2011-10-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

After a weekend spent mostly trying (and failing) to forget the events that aired between 12:30 and 4:30 pm Pacific Time on Monday afternoon, I am at a loss.

I spent 6 hours playing beer pong. Didn’t work.

Went over to a friend’s apartment to try and be sociable. Didn’t work.

Went kayaking. Didn’t work.

I was not alone in my futility. My dad texted me about an hour after the game and said “I just went to the range and pounded sixty golf balls…still pissed off. This team will be the death of me.”

Different week, same result.

At the end of the Maryland game, I wrote the loss off to suspensions and weather and stupid uniforms and God knows what else…but I wrote it off.

After Kansas State, I didn’t even register we had lost. I was numb to it and didn’t really feel like we should have won in the first place.

This time, I have no excuses. I have nothing to write it off to. This game was lost because we were too fucking soft when it counted.

The way to win this game, in a hostile stadium against a pissed off team, was to hit them in the mouth early and force them to play catch up. I didn’t realize before the game what a shootout it would become; no one did. However, I did know that Tech was just too good a team to only play one half against.

To their credit, the Miami offense came out and immediately worked the body. After getting the ball deep into Tech territory, Miami was unable to get a yard on 2nd Down. And then again on 3rd down. Disappointing, but not devastating that early in the game. Take the 3, the lead and the early momentum. Hit them in the mouth and make them react.

Instead, Miami tried a fake field goal (love the sentiment and the balls, hate the timing) that was snuffed from the word “go”. No momentum. No points. A beehive kicked over. All because we had two shots to get one effing yard and couldn’t.

Virginia Tech scored a touchdown. And then another. All of a sudden the ‘Canes were chasing two touchdowns, and for the umpteenth time in the last 5 years the hole was just too deep to crawl out of.

Late in the game, against all odds, Miami had retaken the lead and had only to prevent the Hokies from scoring a touchdown in the final few minutes. That was it. Not force a 3 and out, not keep them from scoring, just not let in a touchdown.

Sometimes the simplest things are the most complicated.

With under a minute left, the ‘Canes were once again a yard from victory. 4th down. 3 feet. Protect your territory and gain a huge win. Falter and watch the other guys celebrate.

Touchdown Tech.

The comeback was valiant, but once again this team proved soft when it really counted. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but the core of this team has seen this type of loss play out over and over again for 3 years. Enough is enough.

This season has already been on of the most frustrating of my life. And it is not yet half over. I am glad I waited to write this for a couple of days, because otherwise it would have been more vitriolic.

This team is about 6 yards from being 5-0 as opposed to 2-3.

Think about what that feels like as a fan. Week in and week out I get up at 7:30 am because I can’t sleep. I pace around all god damned day to try and distract myself from the wait. I try and get invested in the earlier games to take my mind off the time.

I yell and scream for 4 hours during the game. I break a sweat and lose my voice (while sitting on the couch mostly).

And then it ends with a punch straight to the groin. Most of the time it is all I can do to keep from crying.

I empathize with Al Golden, who had tears in his eyes at the end of that game. This team has a habit of sucking you in and then causing you great pain.

Everyone can empathize with this, because we’ve all been there:

The promotion you want but keeps getting postponed.

The pretty girl you want that is just out of your grasp.

The ‘Canes fit right in: the football team that should win but finds a way to lose.

After the game I was left with an apartment full of people. Friends. People I hold near and dear. I had to excuse myself from the group to go in to my room for a few minutes to cool off. I didn’t want to say something I didn’t mean (sometimes it is the nice people that suffer the wrath of Stein on the Sidelines…not my finest trait).

After I emerged I sat down next to my roommate on the couch. He said something that anyone who has been passed over for the promotion or stymied by the girl that they know they belong with can understand:

“We deserve better.”

You’re God damned right we do.

We deserve a team that fights for the yard and wins.

If this were a girl or a job, we would advise a friend to move on. Find a new girl. Find a new job. Someone or something that values you as much as you value them.

Just like in real life, we don’t move on. We believe it will come eventually. We have the right guy in charge. We will figure out how to not roll over like cheap Hollywood hookers on defense, whether under this coordinator or another. We will learn to not take stupid penalties and we will win the inches that separate a 5-0 team from a 2-3 team.

But until then there are going to be a lot of pissed off afternoons spent drinking more than I should and pounding driving range balls.

I feel your pain Coach Golden. I need you to fix the problem just as much as I want you to, because whether you do or not we will be here waiting. My expectations of winning every week won’t come down, so hopefully the performance of the team comes up, because I know I can’t take many more afternoons like that one. Neither can my dad.

Always guard the inbound passer.

4 Full Quarters

2011-10-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

So at this point it is a little late to really talk about that Bethune Cookman game. It is Virginia Tech week now, and let’s be honest, Virginia Tech week means about 119813218946595165198 times more than a middling win over a less than middling opponent.

And when I say middling, I mean middling. So far in the middle that ABC’s “The Middle” is pissed off at Miami and thinking about suing them for intellectual property theft.

Being down 7-0 at home to a D 1-AA opponent halfway through the second quarter…not acceptable.

Being down 7-0 at home to a D 1-AA opponent who received no Top FIFTY votes in the D 1-AA poll following the game…well, now that is downright alarming.

Now, to the ‘Cane credit, they woke up halfway through the second quarter and then administered the kind of ass kicking they were expected to.

Therein lays the problem. Once again, no matter what Coach Golden says, this team came out flat. The defense looked listless, and if not for yet another All American type of play by Sean Spence would have been staring down the barrel of a 14-0 deficit.

When you are the University of Miami, you can not give the opponent hope. The other guy is always going to have a chip on his shoulder and emboldening them is what leads to dumb losses of the Kansas State variety.

This shit has got to stop.

My roommate and I spent five minutes trying to name guys on our roster who we thought, based on our fairly thorough following of the team, actually cared if we lost.

Spence. Jacory. Mike James. Perryman. Jo Jo. Eduardo Clements. Chickillo. Stephen Morris. Henderson. Gunn. Mike Williams.

After that, the list got hard to come up with. And that is a problem

This week the opponent is Virginia Tech, a team who will summarily curb stomp us American History X style if we go to their place and take an hour and a half to wake up.

They have a running back who is maybe the nation’s toughest to tackle, and we have a defense that seems hell bent on disproving the “defense wins games” mantra.

This is the sort of game that either results in Golden’s second big win as a ‘Cane and the driver’s seat to the ACC Title Game OR a devastating blowout at the hands of a rival. This is the sort of game that will require 4 full quarters of football.

As has been discussed in this space before, the difference between the two will be whether Miami can dictate the pace. This time, they can’t start doing so in the 2nd quarter, or they will enjoy yet another long plane ride home from a conference road loss. Thank God this year it will not be played in a green helmet.

Last week I went 4-3 in my picks but nailed Auburn taking down Cackalacky and Arkansas over aTm. For the season I am 26-13. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

This week’s picks:

Cackalacky (-21) over Kentucky

Kentucky with the back door cover (not a joke about you Ty, but then again, I guess it works…).

K State (+3) over Mizzou

When you’re hot you’re hot.

Georgia over Tennessee (+1)

Little known Stein on the Sidelines fact: the first college football game I ever attended was a Georgia-Tennessee game at Neyland Stadium. Peyton Manning vs. Champ Bailey and Hines Ward…not exactly Tyler Bray vs. Aaron Murray, I know, but they were quainter times.

Nebraska (-11) over Ohio State

Auburn over Arkansas (-10)

They helped me out last week in my upset special, and I am going to keep riding them against middle-tier SEC teams that don’t realize they are middle-tier.

Oklahoma over Texas (+10)
Red River Shootout. Bedlam. Does anyone have cooler rivalry game nicknames then Oklahoma?

LSU (-14) over UiF

That defense against a freshman quarterback? Oh yes, I will be watching. With great joy.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Sayonara Tobacco Road

2011-09-29T15:14:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

So, there isn’t much to say about this Bethune Cookman game except for that we should kill them. Period. No excuses. I know that they are a good team for their level and have some guys that can play. I do not care. This should be the type of bloodbath that the third stringers get to play in. Nothing less.

What I do have something to say about this week is conference realignment. I have been trying over the past few days to figure out how I feel about the expansion of the ACC to “super-conference” levels with the addition of Pitt and Syracuse and the continued pursuit (it might not be in the headlines but you can bet your ass it is happening) of Texas and Notre Dame. And here is the only real conclusion I can draw, which is superficial yet at the same time meaningful: call it whatever you want, just don’t call it ACC.

I grew up on Duke basketball (I know, I know, make whatever joke you want) and, in a larger context, the legends of Tobacco Road. Duke-North Carolina is the rivalry that the entire world revolves around when it comes to college basketball, a sport that I love nearly as much as its older brother, football.

The ACC I was raised on worked like this: Duke and North Carolina ran the show in basketball, Florida State in football. Maryland was the northern border and Florida’s panhandle was the southern most. The conference went as far west as Atlanta. It was the conference of David Thompson and Ralph Sampson and Len Bias and Michael Jordan and Coach K. It was the conference that embarrassed those Yankees up north over and over again and where REAL basketball was played

It was college basketball’s version of the current SEC in football…however, no one ever annoyingly chanted “A-C-C!” after a win.

It all worked. It was nostalgic and yet dominant in real time.

On the other hand, when it came to Miami, I came of age as a ‘Canes fan while they were routinely destroying the Big East. Having the father I have, I heard every Saturday how much better things were as an Independent. How much better the schedules were and how we could tell anybody we wanted to kiss our ass. As a Miami fan, I thought conferences were stupid and therefore had no loyalty to one over the other. Kill or be killed. I didn't care who won the game if Rutgers or Temple were playing an out of conference team. It did nothing for me. Miami's goal was championships and their conference made no difference to me.

Ironically for me, Miami joined the ACC in 2004. I was initially very happy. Suddenly I had the best of both worlds: I had my football and baseball teams in the same tradition rich conference as my basketball team. Little did I know this was the death knell of a conference I loved dearly.

In that moment, the ACC became something else entirely, because by adding Miami, Virginia Tech and Boston College, they traded their “Tobacco Road” image in for a big old pile of cash. That’s fine…it is part of business. The college landscape was changing, and as in any changing landscape, you must adapt or die. But you cannot have it both ways. When you move forward, you leave the past behind. You do not allow emotion to affect you. That is how effective corporations are run. They make cold, calculating decisions and leave emotion out of it. They evolve.

(That feeling of detachment has penetrated the conference to the field/court, by the way. The league has not felt right since it expanded for the first time.)

That is exactly what this new round of expansion is: evolution of a business.

Pitt and Syracuse aren’t the sexiest choices (not exactly Texas and Notre Dame). Scott Van Pelt said it best the other day on Bill Simmons’ podcast when he said this reminded him of 3AM at the bar when the lights come on and everyone who hasn’t left yet grabs the first person they think they have a chance of making out with.

“Man, I can’t remember anything from last night... What? I made out with PITT?!?! No!!!!!!”

It helps expand the ACC brand however, and therefore will lead to a bigger TV deal.

Super conferences are the way of the future, and I am glad that the conference that Miami is in was one of the first to strike instead of being left with the dregs (Pitt and Syracuse are powerhouses in basketball…they certainly get me more excited than the UConn – USF - West Virginia – Louisville Poo Poo Platter would have). The possibility is left to grab Texas and Texas Tech, which would give the conference a frontline of FSU/Miami/Texas/VTech in football and Duke/UNC/Texas/Syracuse/Pitt in basketball. It makes good business sense.

(I would throw the farm at those good ol’ boys, and if not I would make a run at Notre Dame and Penn State. Why the hell not?)

However, I do feel sadness, even if it took me 7 years to realize it. The ACC I grew up with is now dead and gone. Tobacco Road is now a cute name for a bar and a title for a documentary. Do me a favor as a realist who understands the present but also as a sentimentalist that will always have a soft spot for the past: just change the name to the Old Money League or Capitalist Football Conference. Just call it what it is, not what it used to be.

Last week I went 8-0. That’s right, I am the law bitches. 8 and mother effing 0. 22-10 on the season. I need a cigar. And maybe to retire. And yet, here we go again…

Arkansas (+3) over Texas A&M

Just can’t get behind the Aggies Pass D against a Petrino team at home.

UGA (-7) over Miss St

Vag Tech (-7) over Clemson

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer over UiF (+4)

Hopefully this gets ugly. And by ugly I mean I hate UiF a lot.

Nebraska over Wisconsin (-9)

Upset special number one. This is more wishful thinking than anything. And the thought of all those douchers in Madison at night in their stupid stadium filled with people who overrate their intelligence (not talking about you Doug, you’re a flicker of hope) as the seconds run off the clock and this Nebraska victory comes home to roost, punishing the Badgers for their annual romp through a joke of a non-conference schedule. Chalk one up for karma.

Auburn over Cackalacky (-9.5)

The Gamecocks have been unable to stop bad teams with any sort of oomph. Now I am supposed to believe that they are going to stop this Auburn offense. If there is a prop bet that this game will have the most points scored in any BCS conference matchup this weekend (and gambling were legal), I would bet it.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Is There a F*cking Echo in Here?

2011-09-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Nothing is worse than watching as your worst case scenario plays out before your very eyes.

I was worried before the Kansas State game that the ‘Canes would undo themselves against a team that was just good enough to make them pay for it.

Miami lost to K State, less than a full week after an emotional, statement victory, because they could not keep it together when they needed to.

The ‘Canes moved the ball at will on their opening possession, but on 3rd and 1 false started. They settled for a field goal when they should have had a touchdown, and as the saying goes, you don’t win many games by kicking field goals. This would set the tone for the rest of the game.

It is unnerving to watch the ‘Canes because they are so capable of looking like world beaters in flashes (backing the Wildcats up to the goal line twice in 3rd and Long situations) and then, just as quickly and with just as much ferocity, desperately overwhelmed (giving up a first down both times).

It is hard to watch because this is a team that seems constantly on the verge of showing true greatness and yet at the same time stuck on that verge due to their own mistakes.

Ramon Buchannan twice made good reads on touchdown passes. Both times he came up centimeters short of interceptions. 4 times (really, 5, but who’s counting…) Miami forced fumbles. 4 times K State recovered. The ball eluded the ‘Canes, and so did the game.

Miami is the faster team. Miami is the better team. It didn’t matter. Much like against Maryland, the game was lost because of stupid penalties and poor execution. The team fought, and came up 6 inches short of a win. It was all in a losing effort, however, and therefore any positives ring hollow.

It seems like the good always comes with equal bad for this team. Jacory Harris played his best game in at least a year but was booed by his home crowd. Lamar Miller had another great game but left with another shoulder injury toward the end. It has gotten to the point where anytime I say something nice about this team (or any player on it) I knock on wood. In fact, it has been such a theme that my roommate said during Saturday’s game “If we don’t turn this around soon we’re gonna have to f*ck this bookshelf.”

There are plenty of positives around this program right now, but also this loss. The losses will start coming with less frequency; that I am sure of. It will only happen after the ‘Canes get out of their own way, however, and stop falling victim to the traps stretched out before them.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Yet Another Trap Game

2011-09-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Two weeks in a row we have had long run-ups to gameday. Both weeks were national spotlight games with a lot of meaning attached; first the Labor Day game against Maryland (Al Golden’s debut) and then the Saturday night game against Ohio State (and everything that comes attached to it).

Those two games have helped get this program back to some kind of normal after a tumultuous spell.

(By normal, I mean message boarders calling for us to bench QB1 after a 24-6 home win over a ranked opponent.)

This week the ‘Canes host Kansas State. It will not be at night, and Kansas State is not a sexy opponent.

I can’t think of a whole lot to write about. There is, of course, the Brown Bros. story line as Bryce and Arthur return to Miami as enemies of the state.

(For those unfamiliar: Arthur Brown once upon a time was the #1 linebacker recruit in the country and chose Miami as part of the star studded 2008 recruiting class…he transferred to K State last year after 2 non-descript seasons in Coral Gables. Bryce is his younger brother, the #1 OVERALL prospect in 2009 who committed to the ‘Canes, then strung them along in a recruiting circus that lasted a month past signing day. He ultimately chose Tennessee after Randy Shannon told him to pound sand. He then transferred to K State at the same time as his brother. They are both from Kansas. They both have a real shady cat named Brian Butler that seems to run their lives. He is one of those preacher/mentor/trainer/former convict types that really is just an agent and a scumbag.)

There is the fact that K State comes in with the #1 ranked defense in the nation (against the little sisters of the poor).

There is K State’s mobile quarterback that could tear Miami apart, as many such quarterbacks have, if they do not stay disciplined.

Really, that is all there is to think about this matchup, and that means this is pretty much a meaningless opponent that could be subbed out for 100 others fairly easily.

And that is what makes me nervous about it. If I can’t find much to write about, I fear the ‘Canes won’t come out with the same head of steam they had against OSU*. Maybe it is 8 years of mediocre football and slow starts and playing down to the competition, but these games make me more nervous than the games against FSU and VTech.

Make no mistake, if Miami does not come to play against K State, the Wildcats are just good enough to beat our ass.

All the momentum that was gained last week against OSU*, all the good press we have gotten, will be out the window in 3 and a half hours on Saturday afternoon, because Bill Snyder will have his team ready to go. This will be a bigger game for Kansas State than for the ‘Canes, and if the energy is down to start the game, this will become a quagmire from which we most likely will not be able to emerge.

And therefore that is they key to the game (is this the key every week?). Talent-wise, there is no comparison between the two squads. Miami will have the advantage at every position. The pressure is therefore on Miami for the first time this season to simply hold serve.

That ability to take care of business has been lacking, and now we get to see how different this year’s team REALLY is. They should be 3-1 heading in to Blacksburg to take on Vagina…err, Virginia….Tech in a few weeks. Anything less would be a disappointment. This is the definition of a trap game, and the trap is certainly sprung at this moment.

Last week, I went 5-4 (damn it Tennessee)and stand at 14-10 on the season. This week’s picks, which are sure to be wrong:

Georgia over Ole Miss (+10)

Ole Miss…well, at least they will win the tailgate again.

Oklahoma (-22) over Mizzou

Mizzou covers...remember whent hey caught Oklahoma off guard last season?

Cackaclacky (-15) over Vandy

Don’t try and bring in that Transitive Property crap. Cackalacky struggled with Navy, Vandy is better than Navy, therefore Vandy will beat Cackalacky…FALSE.

GTech (-7) over UNC

Can’t wait until GTech comes down to Miami with an undefeated team and “Can Anyone Stop the Option?” headlines. Cannot wait.

Alabama (-12) over Arkie

Headline that every southern newspaper keeps handy, just in case:

ARKANSAS QUARTERBACK THROWS FOR 400 YARDS IN LOSING EFFORT

LSU over West Virginia (+6.5)

I would pay to see Les Miles beat a fan to death after someone throws, I don’t know, a full set of bleachers at one of his players.

Ps, this is the meeting of the two most racist, hypocritical fan bases not named Notre Dame (no good Big Ten games this week and Notre Dame SHOULD be in that conference, so that was my quasi-Big Ten joke of the week).

Oklahoma State over Texas A&M (-4)

Everything tells me A&M will win. They are the better team right now and they are at home. But for some reason, I like the ‘Pokes as my UPSET SPECIAL. Pretty weak, given they are the higher ranked team. I am ashamed….

Clemson (-2) over FSU

FSU is reeling after the home loss and is starting Cole Trickle…I mean, Clint Trickett…at quarterback, on the road. Clemson is flying high after putting an epic beatdown on Auburn behind Tahj Boyd and Sammie Watkins (best freshman in the country). I don’t think FSU covers.

Also, this allows us to talk about FSU for a sec. Yes, I know they were the GREATEST 4 LOSS TEAM OF ALL TIME last season. Yes, I know Jimbo Fisher is the NEXT BEAR BRYANT. Yes, EJ Manuel is CAM NEWTON PART TWO. Greg Reid is THE NEW CHARLES WOODSON. So, I wonder, will this be the greatest 2 game losing streak of all time if it goes down? Can we cancel the rest of the season and just declare FSU national champions if they win? Is it too early to induct Jimbo to the hall of fame?

Just asking.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Scarlet Shirts and Silver Britches, We Beat Your Ass You Sons of...

2011-09-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Not really sure how best to begin this other than with the obvious:

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday night was epic. No two ways about it. It was a huge win over a program that, while clearly not at full strength, is the type of program you make statements against. Beating Ohio State means something, probably more for the ‘Canes than for any program outside the Big 10.

The ‘Canes indeed made a statement. They made it starting with Denzel Perryman’s opening hit on kick coverage and ending with a 9 minute, back breaking drive to end the game, punctuated by the ultimate F-You touchdown that every true ‘Canes fan has been longing for for almost a decade.

The victory was so complete that Ohio State coach Luke Fickell refused to call his last two timeouts at the end of the game, choosing instead to end the pain and cut short his stay at Sun Life Stadium. He waived the white flag, something an opponent has not done against Miami for years. This would be impressive against anyone, much less against a proud, Top 25 team coached by a former player.

While the victory was complete, it was not without error.

Jacory started out hot, which was great to see. He threw two dumb interceptions which you cannot excuse…they were simply dumb throws. It is clear to everyone that the kid does not like to give up on a play, but it is that same persistence which leads to late throws, which lead to turnovers (he doesn’t have the type of arm you need to make the throws he is trying to do).

There were dumb penalties (illegal formations) for the second straight game, and the middle of the Buckeyes defense was able to stand up to the Miami offensive line.

That being said, this was a positive game (message boards aside).

Lamar Miller is a legitimate Heisman candidate, although it wouldn’t hurt to see him punch one or two in to the end zone (and that is picking nits). His opening run was a bolt of lightning that set a tone for the game.

Allen Hurns is a beast. Sean Spence is a difference-maker and clearly the team leader.

(There are certain guys that, no matter their size or speed, are always the best PLAYER on the field. Ed Reed is one. Anquan Boldin used to be. They are just football players. Spence has a lot of that to him.)

The defense bowed up every time it needed to and provided two BIG takeaways.

The special teams...well, all I can say is wow. Kick coverage has not been this good in at least 5 years. Wieclaw and Botts looks like a solid combination to replace All- Timer Matt Bosher. Travis Benjamin is still Travis Benjamin, a bone fide threat to score every time he touches the ball.

The team looks ready to fight for every inch.

The lasting image of the game for me, setting aside Lamar’s dominance and Fickell’s surrender, was one that was cut quickly away from by the cameras.

Early in the 1st quarter, Spence ranged to the sideline to tackle an Ohio State runner short of a first down. He popped up on the Ohio State sideline and got in the face of the first guy he saw. One man stared down an entire bench.

Spence was making an announcement: “This is my house and I don’t give a f*ck who you are. Welcome to Dade, bitch.”

It was a display of fire that this team has been lacking. It did not ring hollow; it was not the false bravado we have seen from this team repeatedly as of late. In that moment there was no doubt that Miami had come to play. There would be no wilting on this night.

The game was never TRULY in doubt. There were nervous-making moments, but even those were quickly counter-balanced.

It was fun to watch a ‘Canes team play like this.

That should be the takeway from this game. And if it is a harbinger of things to come, this is going to be one hell of a season, win, lose or draw.

Keep guarding the inbound passer.

PS- Big 10 still SUCKS!

The Plaque For the Alternates Is Down In the Ladies Room

2011-09-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Ohio State* week cometh, and that right soon.

It is hard to say anything about this game that hasn’t already been said, probably in this space (repeatedly and perhaps superfluously).

Ohio State* is an enemy of almost unique scope:

We recruit against them for a few kids a year, but nothing like UiF, FSU or LSU (or even schools like UNC and USF).

They are not in our conference.

We have played them only a handful of times.

They are in the Midwest, we are in Coral Gables.

Of course, the rivalry stems from us getting screwed out of the 2003 National Title.

(Yes, “us”…I know I don’t play for the team but gosh darn it I am going to keep saying “us” anyway)

Because of that loss, we (Miami fans) not only hate the program, but we actively wish bad upon them: it is to the point that my hatred of OSU* clouds my perception of the entire state of Ohio, which is seemingly innocent and even pitiful to a certain degree.

(The past, I don’t know, 5 decades or so have not been kind to the Rust Belt)

To be so obsessed with a school we only get to play once every blue moon (insert UiF joke here) may not make sense, but it is reality.

(By the way, for all those Gator fans that didn’t understand that joke, it means you are all pansies. I figured I would slow it down given your current rank outside the Top 50 universities in America. FSU fans…I can draw you a picture?)

Just like last year, this game will come down to Miami being able to execute. And even then, it will be tough.

A lot has been made of the loss of Terrelle Pryor at quarterback for the Buckeyes, as well as suspended starters Boom Herron, Devier Posey and Mike Adams. However, do not let this fool you: OSU* will be just as tough to beat as ever.

There is a saying in EPL Soccer (yes…soccer…Stein on the Sidelines is worldly): Class over Form.

Translation: Old Money beats Nouveau Riche. For the same reason Miami will be considered an elite program for eternity, OSU* will never be an easy win. They have the blueprint for winning and it is proven effective on a large scale. The stigma that comes from being an “elite” program often times covers up for talent not up to the usual standard, because simply putting on the uniform says something about the player wearing it (at least to opponents).

OSU* will be less dynamic this year, but then again, their game has never come down to dynamism. They are like Iceman in Top Gun…they stay on your ass until you make a mistake, and then you’re dead. They are predictable. They will line’ em up on offense and try to blow you off the line and control the ball, occasionally looking downfield. They will use their tight end (which is great, because Miami NEVER struggles with tight ends). They will play very good defense. Tried and true.

In that light, the ‘Canes are Maverick. Miami is just as talented but flashier and capable of occasional genius; they make this shit look good. They feel the need…the need for speed. On any given Saturday, they could light it up and win by two or three touchdowns. But they have demons. They have a past that keeps jumping up and biting them. And just like Maverick, more often than not the only one that can beat Miami is Miami.

In order to win, Miami has to be a little bit more like OSU*, which is antithetical. OSU* may be slow, but they are physical and disciplined.

(For the record, OSU* is not THAT slow)

Against Maryland, Miami was undone in the first quarter by a bad gameplan. After that, they were undone by penalties and turnovers. The gameplan, one must imagine, will be better with 60 minutes of game tape in the bank. The mistakes simply cannot be made against OSU*. OSU* is simply too talented and too cutthroat.

Maverick might have been the more exciting, and in a vacuum, talented pilot; the one that people remember. Iceman was pretty damn talented too, however. You don’t win the trophy by being consistently mediocre. You win the trophy by wearing out the opponent, fighting through the echo of the whistle, and imposing your will.

As Jacory Harris said, this will be a “dogfight”.

(Top Gun comes full circle, BOOM!)

Miami will win if they are able to combine their speed and athleticism with a little bit of OSU’s* lunch pail style of football, generated in the trenches and marked more often than not by the LACK of mistakes it generates.

We saw flashes of it against Maryland, with a pro-style gameplan that featured the run and leaned on running backs but was able to set up some shots down the field. However, those flashes were generally counterweighted by the type of “crash and burn” mistake that eventually lead to a loss against the Terps.

(Tried it one other time…it wasn’t pretty)

Suspensions or not, the Buckeyes* are better than Maryland. Miami must step up to the task or they will be looking down the barrel of a 0-2 start.

And now for this week’s picks, after a 7-3 performance that raised my record to 9-6 for the season:

Boise over Toledo (+19.5)

Toledo undone by the crash after the sugar buzz that was their near upset of the Buckeyes.

FIU (-4.5) over UCF

Is FIU this year’s Baylor for Stein on the Sidelines? I will certainly keep going to the well until it runs dry (and probably even after).

West Virginia over Maryland (-1)

Something tells me the Mountaineers will be ready for the flanker screen.

Kentucky (-7) over Louisville

Screw you Louisville. Go to hell.

Tennessee over UiF (-8.5)

UPSET SPECIAL!

Michigan State over Notre Dame (+4)

0-3 isn’t a good look on you Brian Kelly

UCLA (+3.5) over Texas
Texas just sucks to watch. This is kind of an emotional pick. Plus side: this is an even better uniform matchup than FSU-OU or Miami-OSU*.

Auburn over Clemson (-4)

I just like picking road teams this week I guess. Probably a bad strategy.

Oklahoma over FSU (+3)

FSU does not cover. FSU, UiF and Notre Dame all lose on the same day. Hopefully OSU* joins them.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Week 2 Picks

2011-09-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Last week started off my weekly picks in typical crappy Stein on the Sidelines fashion: 2-3.

This week there is no Miami game but I figured I would put up some picks anyway, and this week add a wrinkle since I actually live close to Vegas and have a tendency toward gambling beers on college football games with my cubicle mate. Anyway, here are my picks for this week.

FIU (-4) over Louisville

FIU has something goin' for the first time in...ever. Mario Cristobal is a hell of a coach. Shoot, I actually like Charlie Strong a lot too. Whatever, screw Louisville, screw Teddy Bridgewater and definitely screw Clint Hurtt. Go to hell. Excommunication begins.

Michigan (+3) over Notre Dame

Nothing makes me happier than being wrong on last week's Notre Dame pick. Well, Lou Holtz re-enacting the Life Alert commercial in real life would make me happier. And no one being there to help him.

Anyway, Michigan finally has moved into the 20th century and is hosting a night game. Notre Dame blows. There coach is a tumbling, tumbling dickweed. Michigan in the home upset.

Georgia (+3) over Cackalacky

Because God damn it, I picked Georgia as my dark horse title contender this year and I refuse to concede after one week. Another home Dawg (see what I did there?) for the win.

Mizzou over Arizona State (-10)

This is my biggest upset pick of the week. I am a little afraid that there has been some injury to some secretly awesome Mizzou player because the line has moved a field goal on BoDog since it opened. Personally I think Arizona State reeks of "overhyped preseason darling who starts off 2-3 and ends the season unranked". Maybe that is because their best player punched one of their coaches and didn't get suspended for it. Maybe it isn't. Who really knows?

Rammer(murthy) Jammer Yellow Hammer over Penn State (+10.5)

SEC vs. Big Ten (or whatever the hell it is called now). I think we all know how this plays out. I will say this, however: 'Bama will not win it all this year. LSU and at least one other SEC defense is going to eat their QB situation alive. Write it down.

Mississippi State over Auburn (+6)

Cam Newton Bowl!

UNC (-10) over Rutgers

Gentlemen of the South always triumph over the Jersey-shore set. But I would probably bet Rutgers to cover.

NC St. over Wake (-1.5)

Ho-hum.

Tennessee (-4.5) over Cincy

Because I am sick of people from Cincinatti pretending to be southerners but demeaning the south as meth using child molesters at the same time. I got news for ya Cincinatti...Ohio ain't exactly The Ritz Carlton.

UCF (-7.5) over B.C

Whatever.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Well, That Was....Something

2011-09-06T16:02:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Last night’s Maryland game can best be summed up with one word: annoying.

As annoying as the Granny from Beverly Hillbillies (Lou Holtz) spittling all over the camera while her sidekick, the fat, ugly version of Idris Elba (Mark May), chuckles along smarmily.

More annoying than Maryland and Georgia’s uniforms.

More annoying than the commercial for Jeep that claims you can make it to a morning round of golf in Monterey and an afternoon meeting in LA on a single tank of gas.

(You know, because roads are always wide-open in California…never any traffic mucking things up)

More annoying than Baylor finally pulling the upset special that I have been saying they will for two effing years the one week I don’t pick them.

More annoying than the seat I was in Saturday at The Coliseum pushed up against a 300 lb man (who apparently didn’t get the memo that said AXE Body Spray is not deodorant) in 95 degree heat.

The loss was depressing and it made me angry and it felt like a gut punch. By now we have all read the break downs of what happened against Maryland.

There is one group that will say this team is trash, not improved from last year, in over its head, etc.

There is another that will find excuses for every problem that was exposed and blame suspended players, weather, etc.

I personally find myself somewhere in the middle (where the correct answer usually lays when it comes to assessing a football game).

On one hand, I definitely got a sense of déjà vu at the end of this football game. On the road, managing to have a chance to win despite self-inflicted wounds, blowing it at the end.

(Yes fans, despite popular belief, we actually had a chance to win every game on our schedule last year late into the contest, with the possible exception being the FSU debacle.)

On the other, I saw a team that made mistakes but fought through them, not relenting after a fumble returned for a touchdown, or an illegal formation call that negated a first and goal, or two consecutive delay of game penalties (just…wow). Last season, the team would have visibly gone in to a shell.

Last season was frustrating because The ‘Canes were (with the exception of the Ohio State game) the more talented team and yet seemed to lose because we would coast through large segments of games, always banking that we would be able to turn it on when it was crunch time.

This strategy worked at times but, as it usually does, backfired in the end.

Last night was frustrating for a different reason:

Last night the players fought their ass off for 60 minutes but were undone by a bad gameplan.

Miami failed to dictate the pace early, and as a result they were stung late.

Football is a game of running and striking. Much like tennis, the server has the advantage. If you dictate the terms of the game, the game generally rewards you.

The first quarter was an exercise in frustration in that regard. Maryland came out time and time again throwing screen passes, which are generally effective against very soft coverage or blitzes.

Blitzing is a way of telling an offense “here we come, I dare you to beat us”. You win some, you lose some. However, you win or lose on your terms. We can all appreciate that.

Soft coverage is just that…soft. It is reactionary. It is telling the other team “you tell us where we are going and we will try to stop you from getting there”. It is the stuff that makes me throw a phone.

Al Golden has talked of bringing Miami back to where it used to be for 9 months. Bringing back the old school mentality. Part of that means reinstituting the aggression that has been lacking these past few years.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and anyone who expected the ‘Canes to immediately channel the 1986 defense in their first game under Golden was mistaken. Possibly deranged. However, my problem was that the defensive gameplan at the start of the game did not set a tone of aggression and running and hitting. That must change.

The team fought hard. Letting this one get away stings, but it is not without its positives, as I said before.

Stephen Morris (until the last five minutes) and the receivers looked good, like they will make some things happen this year.

The Smash ‘N’ Dash tandem at running back is going to do some great things.

Ramon Buchanon looked awesome at linebacker and so did Vaughn Telelmaque at safety. The shorthanded defense certainly battled hard to slow down the Maryland offense that was in rhythm most of the night.

Special teams was as good as we have seen it in years.

Maurice Hagens, Allen Hurns and Jimmy Gaines all showed that they will be heard from this season.

The team was locked and loaded for all 60 minutes.

Having said all that, it is a loss that should not have happened and that is the takeaway from this performance. As Al Golden said, “there are no moral victories”.

This will go down as an opportunity lost for Miami. It certainly does not diminish my enthusiasm for the program or the season or the coach or the players. Years from now it may be laughed at, like the idea that Howard Schnellenberger could lose Florida A&M (he did).

However, today, it is not funny and the moral victories do not help. It is only another stumble for a program that seems to have been at a perpetual crossroads for the better part of a decade. And it is annoying.

Always guard the inbound passer.

It Is Upon Us

2011-09-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

We are drawing very close to to the kickoff of this season, and I can not be happier. I have never NEEDED football in my life more than right now, for a number of reasons.

Monday night at 5:00 PM is so close I can taste it. I will put Kanye's"Amazing" on repeat when I go to bed on Sunday night. I will wake up and get an intense workout in. I will spend the day watching Miami pump up videos on YouTube. An hour before kickoff the pre-game playlist will kick in..."Take Me Home Country Roads" (don't ask), "Ballin' Boys", "Take it to the House", "Rock You Like a Hurricane", "Hell's Bells", "Enter Sandman", "Swagga Like Us", and of course the "In the Air Tonight" crescendo as we reach kickoff.

I will have Budweiser and guacamole and whiskey shots for touchdowns. I will keep my running notes. I will call my dad roughly a million times. My phone will be thrown. I will answer a hundred text messages. I will have noise complaints against my apartment. I will feel truly, 100% alive for the first time in at least 3 months. We are done talking about recruiting and scandals and Nevin Shapiro and all the peripheral crap that brings out the worst in the sport I love the most.

We are finally back to the part that matters. Gameday. Tailgating. Rivalries. School colors. C-A-N-E-S. Swagger. Two teams and one winner. Football.

Since we are here, let’s start off with my first set of picks. As usual, I will not be picking Miami games. It is bad luck of the highest order and I do not deal in bad karma.

(Yes, we are a little superstitious here at Stein on the Sidelines.)

Florida Atlantic over UiF
Louisiana-Monroe over Free Shoes University
Appalachian State over Vagina…errr…Virginia Tech
Chattanooga over Nebraska
Western Carolina over Georgia Tech

Just kidding. I don’t think any of those things. Just wanted to point out who these guys are playing.

USC over Minnesota

Because I will be there watching and I hate the Big 10. Oh, yes, a new season brings a new wave of unconditional despise for the most boring, overrated conference in football.

Ole Miss over BYU

The mini-upset. The Mormons are going to have a tough time going into the Deep South and getting a win over a bunch of pissed off rednecks. Houston Nutt is coaching for his job. I have looked into the man’s eyes and shook his hand. I am pretty sure he would strap his players to a cotton gin if it meant that he would draw a paycheck. (Wait, was that a bad joke? We still too soon on this?) Anyway, that is this week’s UPSET SPECIAL. Weak sauce.

UGA over Boise State

Another mini-upset. Georgia is my sleeper team to win it all this year. I am not of the camp that disrespects Boise; in fact, I think they consistently get screwed. But I think Georgia is as close as you get to this year’s version of last year’s Auburn team. Minus the smoking, smoldering money trail proving flat out that they bought their best player.

(And that was this week's obligatory $EC joke!)

Notre Dame over USF

If Notre Dame actually had any balls and went to Tampa to play this team, I would be tempted to make the upset pick. But this is at Notre Dame and the refs would NEVER let USF go in and win a close game at Notre Dame. Christ I hate Notre Dame.

(And that is what we like to call the worst pun of the day.)

LSU over Oregon

Jordan Jefferson missing this game for LSU sounds bad. It does. Then you remember that he threw for 2 TDs in LSU’s first game last season and then 2 THE REST OF THE SEASON. And then you see that LSU went 11-2 anyway. And then you see that LSU has one of the top 5 defenses in the nation. And then you see how Auburn beat Oregon in last year’s title game: crash the middle and much up the offense while using your speed to contain LaMichael James on the outside...exactly what LSU is built to do. Damn, the SEC wins both their big games.. I hate their teams (minues Ole Miss...and Georgia...and I have sort of a soft spot for Tennessee). But they sure as hell know how to play football.

As for the ‘Canes, it is going to be a tough one against Maryland.

I honestly don’t care whether we win a game or not this season, I will just be happy to have ‘Canes football.

Having said that, I think we are going to shock some people. Imagine the following scene:

It is opening night. National television. On the road, in a hostile environment (Maryland) which is frothing at the mouth with negativity in light of the recent allegations made against your program. The players are gathered in the locker room 5 minutes before the coin toss. All is silent. Men are seen sitting in their locker stalls listening to their iPods, receiving final tape jobs…many are praying. First year Miami head coach Al Golden walks into the center of the locker room. All eyes turn to him. The man has imparted his way on this team but has now seen his first fall camp disrupted by a scandal seeded years before his reign was even a rumor. He lingers for a beat, and then two, as he soaks in the scene.

“Gentlemen,” he states---nay---declares in a voice which is not a scream but demands immediate attention, “on a knee.”

The players gather around the man that has become their leader.

“Men,” he commands as the locker room falls silent once again.

Another long beat goes by.

“You have all worked hard over the past months,” he says with a calculated delivery. “You have poured sweat, tears and blood into furthering the legacy. What you hear now are the sounds of a stadium full of people who want to take that dream away from you. Outside this stadium, there is a national media calling for you to have your dream taken away. Everyone but the people in this locker room wants YOU to fail. It is now up to YOU to show the world what happens when you back the Miami Hurricanes into a corner. It is time to take all the frustration, all the hard work, and all the fury you have gathered over the past year and put it into the opposition. Go out and show me what happens when someone tries to take what you love away from you. Deserve victory.”

Golden walks away as the players boil over in the locker room.

As Golden walks into the tunnel, heard in the background is a locker room full of men acting like rabid dogs. They spill into the tunnel behind their coach. It is time to play, and the players who were silently on edge two minutes ago have now boiled over.There is only one thing which can sate their sudden bloodlust: violent contact.

A Hurricane has been unleashed in College Park, Maryland.

END SCENE

There are few trump cards that motivate a man quite like the “no one believes in us” trump card. To say that the Hurricanes will be playing with that mentality this year is probably an understatement. I am willing to bet Al Golden’s Master’s Degree in Sports Psycology on it.

This will not be the same Miami team that played down to the level of its competition and sleepwalked through games last season. Every man on the field will be on a mission: hurt the sumbitch that is unlucky enough to line up across from you. This will be a team that plays with an edge. This will be a team that forces you to fight them on every play.

They may not win every game, but you can bet your ass they will not go silently. If you have that mentality, the “next man up” persona that every great program possesses, then you are able to fight through the tough times. You are able to weather the storm and, indeed, turn it on others. You do not beat yourselves, but you force others to beat you. And that is a lot easier said than done.

- - -

There is one set of players left to break down, and it is maybe the one with the most question marks on the roster.

Last year, the secondary was much improved but still left something to be desired. And that something was playmaking ability.

Brandon Harris, DeMarcus Van Dyke and Ryan Hill, the top three corners, are all playing in the NFL now, with Harris and Van Dyke impressing so far. So the issue was not talent. The problem was that our guys always seemed to drop the interception in a key spot. They didn’t give up many big plays through the air but they also didn’t necessarily come up with any big plays for our side either. Van Dyke was also a particularly weak tackler, and while this year’s group of corners is certainly not the most talented or polished, they will probably not have that same problem.

At safety the play was much more solid, as Ray Ray Armstrong and Vaughn Telemaque both started to show the promise that created so much hype around them coming out of high school. The only player lost at safety is Jared Campbell, who was never anything more than a situational guy anyway.

CB

Jo Jo Nicolas, Sr.

JoJo was supposed to play corner, and will at times, but will be a starting safety until Ray Ray Armstrong returns from suspension. He is the perennial Stein on the Sidelines whipping boy, the Romeo Davis of the secondary, but I am hopeful that he proves me wrong. Perhaps a new regime has unlocked what was missing and he will turn into the star I thought he could be. Frankly I would be happy if he doesn't spike himself. On a completely serious note, all the best wishes go out to Jo Jo and his family in the wake of the death of his young son within the past week. I may not like him as a player but I hope no one mistakes that for actual vitriol toward the person. He is a hard worker, a leader, and a good person.

Ceiling: Surprises Stein on the Sidelines by not being a total stiff. Really anything beyond that is gravy.
Floor: Same Ol' JoJo

Lee Chambers, Sr.

The injury prone former running back is hoping to be the next Sam Shields. He is less talented than Shields was in terms of pure skill set, but he seems to have taken a good approach and has put his name in the ring for a starting spot with a solid spring and now a solid fall. Certainly has a thicker body type than a lot of the guys on the roster.

Ceiling: Starter
Floor: Injured

Michael Williams, Sr.

A one and done guy who is a grad student transfer from Wake Forest. Has consistently earned the praise of the coaching staff and with the current limbo of the position and the depth issues presented will be at worst the nickel back.

Ceiling: All ACC Type
Floor: Nickel corner

Brandon McGee, Jr.

Has a world of talent, probably the most of any corner on the team and possibly the most of any player on the team overall. Will start the season as a starter and someone will have to take the job from him.

Ceiling: Starter
Floor: Kick Returner

Keion Payne, RS- Fr.

Payne came in with the label of silky smooth cover corner from St. Thomas Aquinas and as far as I can tell has done nothing to disprove that label. He is one of those guys that is on the roster and you don’t hear much about. Those guys have a way of sneaking up on you. Creepers.

Ceiling: As the season goes he earns more playing time and becomes a starter
Floor: Continue to not hear about him

Kacy Rogers, RS-Fr.

Rogers is starting to draw the praise of the staff for being a solid special teams player and being able to play both corner and safety. Will be on the travel squad and with the uncertainty of the roster, could end up playing a large role by the end of the season.

Ceiling: Starter by end of season
Floor: Special teams flyer

Thomas Finnie, Fr.

Finnie is a below the radar freshman that made waves in spring and has continued to insert himself into the starting conversation in the fall. Will contribute. Tough and has a lot of speed.

Ceiling: Freshman All ACC
Floor: Chavez Grant

S

Vaughn Telemaque, Jr.

Telemaque started living up to his reputation as a ballhawk last season and became one of the leaders of the defense. Is poised for a big season if on the field, as the new defense will look to make better use of his roaming capability.

Ceiling: All Conference type of player
Floor: Solid performer at safety that can make all the calls for the secondary

Ray Ray Armstrong, Jr.

Aggressive player who LOVES contact and has better range than he gets credit for. Is seen as a future first round draft pick and showed the best nose for the ball of anyone on the team last season not names “Spence”. Must serve 4 game suspension to start the season.

Ceiling: All America type of player
Floor: Suspended and loses momentum

A.J. Highsmith, So.

Highsmith is a guy who I had meant to target as a guy who could come from completely off the radar and be a factor by the end of the season. Thanks again, NCAA. He may now be forced into a starting role in his first season switching over from QB. I think he has all the athletic skills and certainly is smart enough to learn the position. He also comes with the added intangible of being the son of perhaps the greatest ‘Cane of them all (certainly the baddest), Alonzo.

Ceiling: Nickel Back
Floor: In way over his head as a starter and loses confidence

Andrew Swasey, Jr.

Son of the strength coach and a bit of a revelation as a walk-on performer this spring, he has become a special teams nightmare and shows a willingness to mix it up with guys much larger than he is. Has shown a knack for blocking kicks, which is a skill this team desperately needs to regain.

Ceiling: Surprise of the year as the third safety/special teams gunner/kick blocker. You know how NBA teams have energy guys like Renaldo Balkman and Ronny Turiaf who are limited in ability but able to pick up a team for 4 or 5 minute bursts, knowing they only have 5 minutes to do it anyway so they might as well max out? He could be the football equivalent of that.
Floor: Walk on for a reason

Tyrone Cornelius, So.

Hard hitter who KO’d a UNC return man last season, Cornelius will be one of the special teams leaders this season and is prized by Coach Golden for his ability to run and strike. Moved from linebacker this offseason so he is learning the ropes at safety, but we will hear his name called this fall.

Ceiling: Special teams captain
Floor: Special teamer

Eduardo Clements, So. (Moved to RB)

Clements is fast and built very compactly. Would have been a great DB but for now is needed at running back with Kevin Grooms a Clearinghouse casualty.

Ceiling: Third running back and special teams stud
Floor: Not on the travel roster

Dallas Crawford, Fr.

This kid defines the type of player we are trying to bring in to the program but probably needs a year to adjust before getting any major playing time. Future leader.

Ceiling: Special teamer
Floor: Redshirt

Thurston Armbrister, Fr.

The leader in the clubhouse for “Black Guy Who Sounds Like He Should be The Lily-White Son of a Northeastern Shipping Magnate” Award. Redshirt city.

Ceiling: Redshirt
Floor: Redshirt

On special teams, the ‘Canes lose the only kicker that has ever truly mattered to me, Matt Bosher. The kid kicked, punted and body slammed returners. He was one of the few last season that played Miami Hurricane Football. He is now punting, holding and body slamming returners (got called for a personal foul for horse collaring in a pre season game) for the Atlanta Falcons. I am not going to give a ceiling and floor for each of the guys in the running to be his replacement(s) this season because the ceiling for each of them is Matt Bosher and the floor for each of them is “kicker that isn’t used”. I am not of the school that does not respect what kickers do, but I do not know nearly enough about them to break them down in any great depth. The punter will be Dalton Botts, a JUCO transfer. The kicker will be Jake Wieclaw (finally won a job). The others in the mix will be freshman Matt Goudis and walk-ons Ben Hopfinger and Cameron Dean.

(Again, Bosher was so great that he once inspired my brother to say "if we had a sister, Bosh could definitely (date) her." Oh Bosher, you will be missed.)

At returner, the ‘Canes have a lot of options. There are the usual options: Travis Benjamin (if eligible), Lamar Miller and Brandon McGee. Others in the mix will be Phillip Dorsett (probably will be one of the two primary guys), Eduardo Clements, Davon Johnson, Kendall Thomkins and Kevin Grooms (if on the roster).

And with that, you now have your unofficial, possibly irrelevant Stein on the Sidelines media guide. You are (semi?) prepared for the season from a personnel standpoint.

The team might be surrounded by turmoil, but one thing is for sure: Miami football is back.

They’re going to be angry. They’re going to be motivated. There’s a storm brewin’ in Coral Gables, and suspensions or not it’s about to be unleashed on the world.

(The cliche abides)

How To Win the Grove and Influence People

2011-08-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Wednesday marked the start of classes at the University of Miami. Amidst all the turmoil surrounding the football team and, as a result, the student body, I have decided to lighten things up a little bit.

I am very grateful for the college experience I had. I was involved in a lot of extracurricular activities, got to root for my football team and met people who will have my back until the day that I die. I got good grades. I developed into an adult. And by the time I graduated, I can confidently say I had become an absolute expert on the social workings of Coconut Grove on Tuesday and Thursday nights. And Fridays. And Wednesdays. And some Mondays. And on the weekends. Really, any night I guess.

Pay attention n00bs. I don’t care whether you are a freshman just getting to campus and doing the fake ID thing (everyone but me) or a junior who has done his time on the sidelines and is ready to move through those pearly gates and into the social scene (me)…this list is for you if you are not already familiar with the rage fest known as the Grove. And actually, you know what? This list is for you even if you think you know what’s up in the Grove.

This list was constructed by three Grove veterans that could form some sort of Justice League of the Grove if they wanted to.

My best friend, the person who I spent more time walking these golden streets with than anyone else, the Grovemaster General Steve Root, emailed in all the way from Kyrgyzstan for this post.

My roommate, Graham Purdy (who looks like Zach Morris, or the lovechild of Barbie and Ken, and has the alcohol tolerance of Hemingway in his 20’s…yes, the same Graham Purdy who coined the terms “The Area” and “Grahampage”...he's the one on the right making me look like the skinny gremlin) and I then sat down with Steve’s list and formed our own opinion over martinis. The following is what we came up with.

We are by no means the only three Grovesmen who have legitimate opinions on the subject. Off the top of my head I can come up with several whose opinions I would love to gauge for this list. I would bet my bottom dollar, however, that their list would look similar to ours. Plus, let’s be real, how much time did I want to spend coordinating opinions from a group of friends now spread over the country?

I will also tell you this: you will not find three better examples of what it means to wring the most out of the college experience. We were considered leaders of the student body. We stood out in the classroom. And we all mastered the Art of the Grove (The Grove-A Sutra?). So do yourselves a favor and take five minutes to read this (or 15 as my editors so eloquently pointed out).

SIDENOTE: This is aimed at males. And I guess chicks trying to act like classy dudes who also know how to party (or Steve Root…ZING!). Also, this list is not supposed to be “How to Pick Up Chicks 101”. Figure that out on your own.

10.) Let’s get the basics out of the way early:

Always take the drunk bus or a cab.

Do not walk home from the Grove. It is a terrible decision and a harrowing experience (Graham did it twice). Yes, the neighborhood you are partying in is nice. The transient beggars are nice and say endearing things like “WHERE THEM RICH HOES AT?” to passersby. Do not be fooled. Two blocks to the West things get bad. Quickly. Part of the charm of Miami is the meshing of neighborhoods, but the mesh is best observed in daylight, not as a drunk straggler wearing nice clothes at 3 am.

Similarly, do not get behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. DUI’s (Dooeys) are no joke. At the very least, even if you’re an asshole and don’t care about the potential of killing innocent people because you were too cheap to pay for a cab, think about the cost of a DUI citation, a night in jail and lawyer’s fees. Makes a cab sound better, doesn’t it?

Neither is the drunk bus as bad as some people would have you believe. Steve, ever the opportunist, had this to say:

“The Ibis Ride is sacred ground where you will lay your foundation for the night. Spit good game on the Ibis Ride, you'll have her back at your place when the lights come on at Sandbar. Come up flat on the Ibis Ride... you might as well call it the "I Missed Ride." Never underestimate the power of the Ibis.”

Graham’s warning to eventually graduate from the drunk bus is not unfounded; there is certainly a time when dealing with drunk freshmen puking in the back of the bus loses its appeal. And the DG’s don’t exactly glisten at the thought of some dude riding the bus home.

Drunk texting is an obvious double edged sword. The three of us like to roll the dice.

And as a final warning in self-preservation: “Never bring your little sister to the Grove. If she finds her way there anyway, leave. Your night is over.”

9.) Observe Grove Etiquette.

Don’t act like you own the place, because you don’t. Be nice to the bathroom attendants; as my friend Justin said, they literally are cleaning up your puke.

When a gal says no, she means no. Not “keep bugging me”. Not “start a screaming fight”. Just “no thank you”.

Leave it to the Jersey Shore wannabes to start the screaming fights. As Graham once told me: “never let ‘em see you sweat”.

On the issue of overdrinking: nobody likes taking care of the sloppy drunk, so know your limits; if you are sick, step outside and take care of it yourself. Bouncers are kind of required to be deranged, so take it in stride. There are only two times that it is acceptable to throw fists: when you witness someone making repeated attempts to be ungentlemanly to a lady in your party AND they ignore a proper warning, and when someone insults the ‘Canes.

(I personally don’t respond well when someone pokes me in the chest but I think that one is hard to explain away in the morning. We all have triggers, but generally the “what kind of reaction will this get tomorrow morning?” lens is a good one to view these situations through)

(By the way, on the right is Steve wearing a Los Angeles Sparks jersey. In public. This is yet another lesson to be gleaned from this story: never gamble with Dan Stein.)

It is not really etiquette, but there are two groups of people you should go out of your way to make friends with: bouncers and Rathskeller employees. A bouncer buddy can get you out of sticky situations and make your life a lot easier (this is Graham’s forte). Buy Rat employees’ alcohol when you get a chance. It will be refunded twentyfold over your career (there is a reason I never paid for beer when I was at the Rat with Steve).

And speaking of Steve, he had this gem to contribute as well: “Never make out with a girl with a boyfriend. 6 months later they will be broken up and she will think you are there to be her next relationship. You do not want a relationship with a girl that just used you to cheat on her boyfriend.” (Not that he has any experience…)

8.) You will learn to hate spring breakers.

They create lines, they come down from Philly or Jersey or New York or Boston -or wherever the hell they come from- with an attitude, and they generally just mess up your routine. If there is ever a good time to skip the Grove, and there aren’t many, it is during spring break. Again, nice transition to Steve:

“If you ever have to ask yourself: "study or Grove"... the answer is ALWAYS Grove. Always. The fact that you are even asking the question proves that it has already been answered.”

(For the record, Stein on the Sidelines is not responsible for missed finals or late graduations. You’re all big kids now. Steve was able to pull off the “stay out all night and study for an hour before the final while you’re hungover” routine better than most. Get your sea legs under you before you try it for yourself. Effing n00bs.)

7.) Don’t get too worked up over what you’re wearing.

Several times Steve and I were just too damned lazy after a game of pickup basketball to go home, shower, change…etc. So we just went straight to the bar. And you know what? It was absolutely disgusting, but no one really noticed and we had just as much fun. (Still not recommended)

No sunglasses at night Chotchie. Wear flip flops at your own peril; Grove Foot/Tavern Foot is not a good look on you (so says Graham, and Tori, and Rithika, and everyone I talked to…I was always a proponent of the boat shoes so I guess I will just roll with it). Steve likes to have a theme night once a semester with the bros, but the only way to pull it off is to respond with complete indifference and calm when someone asks why the hell y’all are matching.

While we are talking about getting ready, always pack light. Phone and keys are 100% vital. ID is also required. Do not bring a wallet. A wallet is easy to lose or have stolen. Just bring the cards you need and cash. Put them in your front pocket or your breast pocket.

If you are out of money and really want a challenge, try the “not spending any money tonight and getting pleasantly drunk anyway” mission. Find a DD to take you there. Find a buddy you haven’t seen in a while at the first bar. Act very excited and say something like “BRO, it’s been too long! Shots!” He will rush up to the bar and buy a round of shots. Trust me. Next: No one ever has a problem giving away a cup from their pitcher, so that is easy enough… spot a couple of friends with pitchers and we’re headed to open water. The key here is to be OVERLY friendly to people, but in a natural way. Be unassuming. Don’t ask for the beer…they will volunteer. Later, we all have one friend who has rich parents and loves to spend money when they get hammered. Find them. Post up at the bar. Before they know what happened they’ve bought you three shots in five minutes, you’re all dancing and everyone is having a great time. Take the drunk bus home and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED (a phrase which has never steered us wrong before).

(SIDENOTE: Always square people away over time. Drinking involves spending some money. You will go broke a couple times in college. Deal with it. Be willing to buy a round of beers or don’t go out, it’s that easy. Don’t be a drain on society. You know that kid in high school that always asked for some of your food in the cafeteria and then got huffy when you asked him to return the favor? Don’t be that guy.)

6.) This is a Steve and Graham thing which I don’t really get down with but hey, whatever works:

“5 Hour Energy can take you from "Zero" to "Hero" in 19 minutes and 32 seconds.”

(All times are estimated…)

On a completely unrelated note, due to space I am including this point: as a general rule stick to beer and shots. If you order a gin and tonic in the Grove you are pretty much a douche.

5.) This kind of goes along with #7 but deserves its own spot. Take it away Steve:

“Pregame. Hard. This involves several sub- steps:
Step 1: Befriend upper classman with off-campus housing
Step 2: Liquor
Step 3: Victory”

I am a huge fan of Root’s thinking here. The pre-game is often more fun than the bar: Beer pong. Flip cup. Thumper. King’s Cup. Chandeliers. Purple Haze. 7 11 Doubles. Give ‘N’ Receive. Fingers. Plus, it is always easy to talk to girls at a pre-game. No pretense, just a bunch of people playing drinking games. Conversation happens.

(Graham and I discovered the latter two games in Hollywood. We are adults with jobs and stuff. We still look for new ways to pre-game. I think that highlights how awesome pre-gaming is.)

The pre game doesn’t always end at the pre game. Some nights you will find yourself at a table surrounded by people who are losing energy. The night comes down to whether or not you can save it. That is when you break out the dice or the cards and get things goin’ again. As Steve said: “best case, you’re the guy who saved the party. Worst case: you have dice and cards in your pocket. No lose here.”

4.) Gentlemen, this one is important: Leave the pickup lines at home.

They don’t work. Period. If the only way you can start a conversation with a girl is to use some line you heard someone say somewhere, well, it probably was not meant to be. If you say “do you trust me?” there had better be an effing magic carpet accompanying you, Aladdin. If you say “we will never be here again” then there is a 1000% likelihood you will never be talking to her again. I once watched the following play out right before my very eyes while at a bar with my friend Lubby (a Southern sweetheart who is about as tolerant for random dudes as they come):

Random Dude- *sidles up* So are you, like, a freshman? {Jersey accent}

Lubby- No.

Random Dude- Sophomore?

Lubby- *chuckles* No.

Random Dude- Junior?

Lubby- *gets a little awkward* No…

Random Dude- Senior?

Lubby- Ummmm…duh.

Random Dude- Well, you , like, look young for your age. So that’s, like, a compliment, right?

Lubby- *Merciless, unbridled laughter*

AND scene.

That, my friends, is hard to recover from. For the record, Lubby continued laughing for roughly 5 straight minutes. The dude was so embarrassed that he…surprise surprise…tried to fight me. This is the stuff legends are made of. In a bad way.

3.) Be a good wingman.

The key is to be unselfish. You will get your turn to be Maverick. Sometimes you have to be Goose. Wingmen have symbiotic relationships. There is no Quid Bro Quo. If you are a good wingman the universe will reward you. There will be times when you go a few weeks without meeting new girls. There will be times when you are meeting more than you know what to do with. The school has more girls than guys, and if you are adhering to these rules you will have a much better chance of success than those other schmucks. Remember this: 99% of the girls you meet in college will be in and out of your life in a matter of days, if not less. Good wingmen are forever. And don’t forget Graham’s golden wingman rule: always have gum. You will be remembered.

2.) Go into every night willing to dance.

Listen, most of us have no rhythm. We look stupid when we are dancing. I am the best example of this. Own it. People like someone who has fun anyway. Girls like dancing. Learn the “Cupid Shuffle”; don’t do it by sitting in your room, do it by having some girl “drag you out there” to show you. Don’t be the guy standing in the corner while everyone else has fun. Similarly, if “Don’t Stop Believing” or “Living on a Prayer” comes on, you better belt that shit out. A good Grove night ends with no voice. This is science. Remember: if the beat is right she’ll dance all night. And really, as long as you don’t break her foot or push her over, it doesn’t matter what you do, just that you’re doing it.

1.) Know the bar landscape.

Tavern

Graham likes Tavern. Steve and I have the opposite opinion. Julie says “never after you turn 21.”

I think it is a tiny sweatbox where you only go to get covered in someone else’s beer and talk to NOBODY.

Steve had this to say:

“Tavern is NEVER a good place to party in the Grove, despite what you may have heard, seen or even felt. Just trust me. It's no good in there. You’re allowed one lap. The one lap is allowed because your sorostitute is in there having beer poured down her throat by some random dude. Get her out of there immediately.”

Because Stein on the Sidelines is fair and balanced, here is Graham’s counterargument:

“First of all, on an off night, they have fantastic beer pong. Get there 15 minutes early, win your first game and by the time people get there you are the guys running the beer pong table. The beer is cheap-ish. If you can get non-aisle real estate (you will figure out what that means in about half a second) your life is awesome. Tavern is famous for a reason: the girls are underaged… I mean, hot. Start your night here, where the close quarters force interaction, and then take the party elsewhere with your new friends.”

I think the best way to resolve this is a bare knuckle, Mortal Combat style cage match.

Barracuda’s

This is pretty much every dude’s third or fourth favorite bar. It smells like vomit. It is hot. It is small. However, it is fertile ground. Steve’s thoughts:

“Worst deal in the Grove: $9 pitchers at Cuda's, but the Sorostitutes show up in the MASSES, so you may have to suck it up.”

They also have the best beer pong setup in the Grove and the space is respected. Tuesday night ladies drink free, which means guys drink free as well if you know what the hell you’re doing.

Fat Tuesday’s

The one that no one ever talks about. More of a locals spot but does offer…

“Best deal in the Grove: Dollar shots (disgusting) and $2 beers at Fat Tuesday’s…but your ID won’t work there. Effing n00bs.”

So, yeah. As Graham said, grab ‘n’ dash.

Moe’s

One of the two hot spots, along with Sandbar. I personally always sided with Sandbar in these matters and therefore I am saving that one for later. Moe’s is always packed but if you can grab a booth early can be a lot of fun. Their signature Moose Juice (a Graham caveat: the Cabin Fever is little known but tastes better and has just as much alcohol in it) is a hangover waiting to happen and takes about 15 minutes to kick in. It is easy to have one, think you’re the man, start another and get two sips in before you realize you’re in for a LONG night. They always had a good DJ and a real doucher of a bouncer. As Steve alludes:

“Your ID will NOT work at Moe's. I repeat: YOUR ID WILL NOT WORK AT MOE'S. But yeah, once you get in, throw a Captain Morgan floater in your Moose Juice for the extra kick... really takes your night up a notch or two.”

Monty’s/Scotty’s

These are two spots not really part of the circuit but the best for Friday night happy hour down by the water. Monty’s is famous for PK3’s, gorgeous women and a marina setting. By the end of happy hour it is a total rager. Scotty’s is more laid back but has more colorful characters, better food and cheaper drinks. And live music. Both have their roles.

Greenstreet

This one is unanimous. Don’t let us catch you at Greenstreet after 10PM. Ever.

Sandbar

Reigning championship belt holder and probably my favorite bar in the entire world. I have more good memories (if you can call it that) than I care to name. The front door has a line and is fairly tough on ID’s, but if you get there early enough the back door will be open and you can try your luck there. Liquid Cocaine is the name of their signature shot and it will do a number on both your stomach and your brain. The dance floor turns into one giant sweat bucket by midnight, and I mean that in the best way possible. If you don’t have fun at Sandbar you were either too sober or you suck as a human being. Or it was Spring Break. Steve says:

“Best dance floor: Sandbar. Worst dance floor: Sandbar. You'll know what I mean.”

You know you had a good night when you see the lights come on at Sandbar.

To sum up, the Grove is a magical and evil place all at once. It is Pandora’s Box. I am a better man for having spent time there.

Abide by the guidelines here and some day you may be a part of that exclusive club that can honestly say “I won the Grove”. Trust me, it has its benefits.

Oh, and always guard the inbound passer.

Sports Illustrated Sleeps With the Fishes

2011-08-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

I intended this morning to write an introduction to this blog that was a loose connection between the billboards that are starting to come out in full force for the new television series scheduled for this fall on the networks.

Then I caught wind of the upcoming tear down of the ‘Canes by Sports Illustrated. Call it “Why Miami Should Drop Football, V2.0”. Well, as a subscriber to Sports Illustrated, I decided it was time to end that financial relationship and do a little venting.

You will recall last summer I wrote a post about the evils of this magazine. At that time I said I would send my post in e-mail form to Sports Ill once a week until they printed a retraction or an apology.

Times have changed and certainly so have circumstances. So today I decided to cancel my subscription. But not before I fired off this letter to their editors:

“Your personification of the University of Miami is shameful. For years I
have subscribed to your magazine despite your checkered history with my alma
mater, but after your most recent smear job, I will never read your magazine
again. Congratulations, you lost a 5 year subscriber who, at the age of 24, had
roughly 50 years left as a consumer of your publication. It would be one thing
if you condemned Miami after FACTUAL EVIDENCE was discovered in wake of the ALLEGATIONS made by a scorned ex-booster guilty of $930 million in fraud (I
would define fraud for you but you clearly know what it means, as you base your
journalistic standards upon it). It would be one thing if you covered them in
the same light as you covered every other program that gets hit by scandal. But
you haven't. Where are the articles saying why North Carolina, Ohio State, Penn
State, Florida State, Florida, Oregon, Georgia Tech, LSU or Oklahoma should drop
football? Where are the highlights of Miami having a Top 10 APR performance
among all FBS football programs? Those are rhetorical, which I know is a fancy
word for someone like Alexander Wolff to understand, but what it means is you
don't actually have to answer. Not that you would anyway. You clearly have an
axe to grind and those questions can only be answered by an organization not
totally immersed in self-fellating. I am not surprised at your complete and
total sham of a story. What I am surprised by is that I ever expected any better
of you.”

Damn, now I feel better. And no, I am not sure if “fellating” is a word. But I think I got my point across. Hey Sports Ill, you’re f*ckin’ out, as Kenny Powers would say.

I kind of wish I could have a Michael Corleone moment with Wolff, sitting in my swivel chair in dimly lit Casa de Bro.

SCENE:

My muscle (my roommate Graham) walks him in as I sip from my glass of Scotch and blot my face with a cool towel.

Stein on the Sidelines, not turning around: Sit down Alex. *Takes puff of cigar* You have to answer for Miami, Wolff.

Wolff: Stein on the Sidelines, you got it all wrong.

SOS: Ah, that little farce you played with The Buckeyes. You think that would fool a 'Cane?

Wolff: I'm innocent, I swear on my kids. *stands up and tries to approach the chair*

SOS: *swiveling around* Sit down, Wolff.

Wolff: Don't do this to me...

SOS: Shapiro is dead. Wetzel, Robinson, May, Holtz. Today I settled all family business, so don't tell me that you're innocent. Admit what you did.

Wolff: *accepts airplane ticket from consiglieri (Billy Stein)*

SOS: Get him a drink. Don't be afraid Wolff. You think I'd make Sports Illustrated a widow? I am a five year subscriber.

SOS: Go ahead. Drink. Drink. No, you're out of the family business, that's your punishment. You're finished. I'm putting you on a plane to Vegas. Billy?

*Billy hands Wolff a ticket*

SOS: I want you to stay there, alright? Only don't tell me your innocent. Because it insults my intelligence and it makes me very angry. Now, who approached who? You or the magazine?

Wolff: It was me.

SOS: Good. There's a car outside that will take you to the airport. I'll call your wife and tell her what flight you're on.

Wolff: Listen, Stein on the Sidelines...

SOS: Go. Get out of my sight.

*Wolff never makes it out of the driveway*

END SCENE

Now who wants to retract that article?

Every time I have to write something about this scandal (and by “have to” I mean I get so angry and distracted at work that no amount of Words With Friends or Angry Birds can help me) it makes me yearn for the days when I could just write about our very unproven football team.

Because we are running out of time to break down these players, this is going to a breakdown of the entire front 7 on defense and therefore maybe a little briefer than usual. I know this upsets the 23 of you who actually read this blog. To you I say…meh, I guess I have no excuse. This is just a long post. Deal with it.

On the defensive line, the ‘Canes return essentially everyone. Allen Bailey was a stud, but he always seemed to be achieving about 75% of what he was capable of. Bailey never could settle in as he shuffled between end and tackle, cutting into his production at both. He is gone to the NFL, but the d-line has more than enough bodies to throw into the mix. The question is, will they get enough disruption?

I am a huge proponent of a good defense starting with the defensive tackles, or as I like to call it, the Trickle Down Effect for football. If the tackles tie up the 3 interior linemen, then the defensive ends see single blockers on the outside, battles which they can win.

This frees up the linebackers from dealing with bigger linemen, and either has them going up against weaker running backs and tight ends or leaves them free to roam sideline to sideline and attack the ball.

The increased pressure on the quarterback means you can leave your corners in isolation more often, as they won’t have to go as long covering a receiver; they also benefit from rushed throws from quarterbacks, leading to more turnovers. Safeties become weapons instead of just over the top protectors.

In other words…it all starts down low (a fact I believe the Ying Yang Twins once waxed poetic on). While most of us watch the ball on every snap, try to take some time out of the next game you are at to watch the battle at the line of scrimmage. It will open your eyes to just how important these big men are to a football team; the team that moves the line of scrimmage in their favor wins the game.

DT

Micanor Regis, Sr.

Regis has been one of the few guys in the last few years who has gotten markedly better every year. He is one of the leaders of the team and showed up this season lighter and stronger (‘leaner’, I think they call it). People peg him as the run stuffer that we play next to Marcus Forston, but in reality he has a lot of playmaking ability of his own; this is illustrated by his three career picks, which is a bigger number than all of our cornerbacks…combined.

Ceiling: All ACC performer and outshines Forston as a more versatile player who can also flex out to end in a 3-4 situational alignment
Floor: Solid run stuffer

Marcus Forston, Jr.

Forston has been dogged by injuries throughout his career but has shown flashes of the promise the had folks comparing him to Warren Sapp and Jerome Brown when he came out of high school. He was one of the few that showed a consistent motor throughout the bowl game and has emerged as a leader this offseason. Has gotten rave reviews from the staff, and seemingly the only thing that could keep him from having a monster season in an injury or the NCAA Investigators dragging their feet.

Ceiling: First Team All American
Floor: Injured/Suspended

Darius Smith, Jr.

Smith arrived from Junior College this summer and has mad quite an impression, muscling his way to the 4th defensive tackle spot. He is nicknamed “plug”, so you know what kind of game to expect from him.

Ceiling: Terrance Cody
Floor: Out of shape and falls out of the rotation

Curtis Porter, So. (I hope)

Porter is probably the most underrated player on the team when he is healthy. He just clogs everything up in the middle and is a very formidable third tackle that is essentially a co-starter and takes pressure off of the Regis-Forston tandem.

Ceiling: Stays healthy and has the breakout season that earns him the recognition he deserves
Floor: Hurt

Luther Robinson, So.

Robinson has a lot of talent and started to see playing time last season, but still has a way to go to become a consistent contributor. In a dogfight for one of the fringe spots on the traveling roster.

Ceiling: Forces his way into playing time as a penetrating situational tackle as the season goes on
Floor: Out of the playing rotation

Jalen Grimble, Fr.

Grimble will be used as both a tackle and an end. He is very talented, as he was a 5 star recruit. However, he most likely redshirts this season.

Ceiling: Instant impact freshman
Floor: Forced into playing time by injury or suspension before he is ready.

Olsen Pierre, Fr.

Another big freshman, Pierre enrolled early and actually has a more realistic shot of playing time than the higher rated Grimble as a freshman. Another guy that will see snaps at both tackle and end in practice to boost the depth at both.

Ceiling: See “Grimble, Jalen”
Floor: See “Grimble, Jalen”

Corey King, Fr.

King was a late addition to the class and will most likely be headed to prep school, as he has run into NCAA Clearinghouse issues.

Ceiling: Redshirt
Floor: Prep School

DE

Adewale Ojomo, Sr.

Ojomo is one of the team’s most fiery players and also one of its best when he is in shape and on the field. He is a leader of the defense and looks poised to make some big noise before he graduates (I should write for Athlon or an equally cheesy publication). Linked to NCAA Investigation.

Ceiling: 10 sack season, All Conference
Floor: Suspended

Marcus Robinson, Sr.

Robinson is a pure speed rusher who wears down when played too much but can be devastating attacking from the edge. They have been using him as a flex end/linebacker in fall camp and that is probably where he should be. Linked to NCAA Investigation.

Ceiling: Spencer Adkins if they had ever figured out how to use him; Javon Nanton type of season
Floor: Suspended

Andrew Smith, Sr.

Smith is the guy who doesn’t look that great in the uniform and doesn’t jump off the screen at you but always seems to be around the ball making plays. Will continue to be a mainstay of the defensive end rotation this season.

Ceiling: 5+ sacks in a supporting role
Floor: Passed by more skilled players on the depth chart

Olivier Vernon, Jr.

An absolute monster physique and the physical tools to be an All American. Plays the game hard and with a chip on his shoulder. Will be a beast if he maxes out this season. Linked to NCAA Investigation.

Ceiling: All American
Floor: Suspended

Shayon Green, Fr.

One of the team’s hardest workers but also one of the most injury prone. Was tried as a middle linebacker last season before being moved back to end. Isn’t the biggest but plays his ass off.

Ceiling: Forces playing time through effort and motor and finds a role
Floor: Special teams demon

Dyron Dye, So. (MOVED TO TIGHT END)

Including him here because he moved from defensive end to tight end since I posted my breakdown of the receivers group. Dye is linked to the NCAA Investigation.

Ceiling: Special teams demon
Floor: Suspened

David Perry, RS-Fr.

Tall guy with a lot of speed and talent but has a lot of development left, even after last season’s redshirt.

Ceiling: Kick blocker extraordinaire
Floor: Forced into duty too early by suspension

Anthony Chickillo, Fr.

“3G” will play from day one, whether by suspension or not. He is a supremely talented kid who plays with the heart and tenacity of someone trying to get by on guts and guts alone. The future leader of the program and a contender for a starting job from day one.

Ceiling: Starter and Freshman All American
Floor: Fourth end in the rotation and special teams demon

Ricardo Williams, Fr.

Tall and skinny with a big motor. Needs to put on weight but has the potential to become a dynamic pass rusher, rather with his hand down or as a stand up edge guy.

Ceiling: Redshirt
Floor: Redshirt

At linebacker, the ‘Canes lose Colin McCarthy, another guy with a very productive career at Miami but deemed a failure by many who expected him to be Dan Morgan because he was white and wore the same jersey number. He will be tough to replace, but there is no shortage of talent in this group and definitely no shortage of competition.

LB

Sean Spence, Sr.

Spence is a super stud. He was the ACC Freshman of the Year, then went through a tough sophomore season filled with injuries before beating out again last season. He is a downhill linebacker and gets to the ball in a hurry. Once he is there, he is possibly the hardest hitter in the conference. He will always be on the small side but has bulked up to more than 220 lbs for the first time in his career. Along with Forston, Spence is the co-leader of this defense and probably the team as a whole. Linked to NCAA Investigation.

Ceiling: Butkus Award Winner
Floor: Suspended

Ramon Buchannan, Sr.

Buchannan is probably the top athlete on the defense. He is big and fast and agile enough to have been a safety at one point in his career. Has seemingly locked down a starting spot on the strong side, and could be devastating on the blitz.

Ceiling: All ACC
Floor: Rotation guy at linebacker

Jordan Futch, Sr.

This is it for Futch, who has always been one of my favorites but has never found a groove. Whether it is injury or the doghouse or inconsistency, he has been unable to find the field consistently. The current coaching staff has taken several subtle shots art Futch for his effort from play to play, and right now he looks like a backup.

Ceiling: Starting middle linebacker
Floor: 5th linebacker

C.J. Holton, Jr. (MOVED TO FB)

Holton has been moved over to fullback, a move many think is a way to force him out the door. I tend to see the glass half full and think it is more of a move to find a role for a good athlete who is buried on the depth chart. Think Tervarris Johnson.

Ceiling: Tervarris Johnson
Floor: Special teamer

Jimmy Gaines, So.

Gaines has all but locked down the starting middle linebacker job by pairing a breakout spring with a solid fall camp and seems to be one of the leaders of this corps. Great athlete and the type of kid you want to be the face of the program.

Ceiling: Breakout star of the defense
Floor: 4th linebacker

Kelvin Cain, So.

Along with Gaines, went lightly recruited out of high school but has since forced his way into early playing time, including a start last season against Duke in which he recorded a sack, a fumble recovery and 9 tackles. He needs to gain weight but looks like he will be in the mix again and a solid contributor that seemingly came from nowhere.

Ceiling: Beats Buchannan out for the strongside job
Floor: Special teams demon

Gionni Paul, Fr.

Paul has been the best of Miami’s freshman linebackers and has a ready made college body. Is Gaines’ main competition at middle linebacker at this time, or so it seems.

Ceiling: ACC All- Freshman team
Floor: Backup middle linebacker

Denzel Perryman, Fr.

Perryman is also in the mix at outside linebacker. He is on the small side like Spence, but more thickly built.

Ceiling: Freshman starter
Floor: Special teams demon

Eddie Johnson, Fr.

The least highly regarded of the ‘Canes freshman linebackers, he has inserted himself into the mix at middle linebacker and could be used as a blitzer as well. Is big of body and could be this season’s surprise.

Ceiling: Freshman starter
Floor: Redshirt

Antonio Kinard, Fr.

Has been flagged by the NCAA Clearinghouse and most likely is headed to prep school.

Ceiling: Redshirt
Floor: Prep School

Always guard the inbound passer.

And by the way, Maryland? There’s a freakin’ storm coming that would make Irene crap her pants, suspensions or not. That’s going to be an angry group of boys you’re dealin’ with. If I didn’t hate your fans so much I would almost feel bad for them. 11 days baby. We’re comin’.

What I Think and What I Know

2011-08-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

NOTE: This is a blog about the controversy that engulfed the college football world thanks to a Yahoo! Sports article detailing allegations surrounding the 'Canes football team. I am not posting any pictures or linking to the any passages from this article. If you haven't read it or seen, which you probably have if you are reading this, find it on your own.

I have ridden some up and downs with the Miami football program.

I watched us get ravaged by NCAA Probation in the mid-90’s as a young fan. I watched us pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and become the greatest team the world has ever seen. I watched us get robbed by Ohio State and I cried my eyes out. I watched us fall under Coker and stagnate under Shannon. I was at the last game at the Orange Bowl and heard the Band of the Hour play 'North Dade' for the last time. I was on campus covering the team when Bryan Pata got murdered. I was on campus when Sean Taylor got murdered. I remember watching Chris Campbell and Marlon Barnes play.

Every time something bad happens to this program I am left feeling sad and hopeless. I watch as the vultures gather and sharks pool. I watch as people who went to dumb fucking schools that don't even have football teams take potshots at mine, and by extension, me. I take this stuff personally.

As a result of the deep connection, I am a few parts numb and most parts pissed off this morning, in the wake of the ALLEGATIONS that are being paraded all over the media today.

Let me try and take some people through a little of what it is to be a ‘Canes fan. You are a fan of a school that no one knows much about. It is not a state school, even though we have the football program you would associate with one. It is not an athletic powerhouse; it established a football dynasty almost in spite of its shortcomings.

This is a program that changed the face and the very style of college football. The program is an outsider at the table with the big boys and gets treated as such. Every slight is magnified. When Taylor and Pata were murdered, there were people who said they actually deserved it because of where they are from. Such is life as a ‘Canes fan. Tragedy is never recognized....it is extrapolated, reversed and then glorified. To be a ‘Cane is to be part of something special and unique. It attracts jealousy and hatred. Anyone who thinks that sounds cheesy can go to hell, too.

That is the lens we look through as fans. It is the corner we are backed into.

And this is why it is particularly devastating when this happens.

Now, am I burying my head in the sand and pretending this controversy is not happening? No I most certainly am not. But I also am not quickly jumping into the trial by public opinion that everyone seems to engage in the second one of these stories drops.

These times call for a dichotomy between what we think and what we know.

I know the guy trying to bring our program down is a sleaze ball. He is a little man (literally) with a big chip on his shoulder who has been convicted of $930 million in FRAUD. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, fraud. Lying and misleading people. To the tune of almost $1 billion. With a ‘b’.

I know that I listened to his lawyer, a poor representative of what it means to be a Miami alumni, go on the radio this morning and try and present her client as a victim. Somewhere Bill Clinton is smiling. To rephrase: I listened to a lawyer present someone who stole $930 million from innocent clients and now is being forced to pay it back as a victim.

I know that said sleaze ball has motive to lie about Miami. He is butt hurt that after he was “forced to open his house and bank account at the university’s behest” (his lawyer’s words) to players, they then went pro and wanted nothing to do with the little man with a Napoleon complex.

(Also, the image of Donna Shalala forcing anyone to do anything is hilarious. She is a 4’9” university president. What’d she do, threaten to shoot his mother?)

I know this sleaze ball once almost blinded a bar owner who threw him out, claiming he attacked the man “because he made me look bad”.

I know this sleaze ball once tried to pick a fight in the press box of the Orange Bowl with our compliance director because he was doing his job too well (READ: not granting the sleaze ball enough access to the players....hmmmmmmm).

I think the story itself is murky. There are definitely things in it which are troubling for Miami. I am certainly not naïve enough to think that everything said in the article is false. Miami is not perfect. I think the school does it better and cleaner than most when it comes to compliance, but the NCAA system is broken. Scratch that, the system is not broken; it was never solvent.

(Example: If my buddy Steve and I, while in college, had been offered to use some guy’s yacht on a Sunday with a couple of sorority girls, we would not be stopping to ask “who is this guy?” or “why are we being offered this?” Neither would the people at the NCAA who are investigating this. So the question, then, is why should these players be asked to do any differently?)

I think the story itself relies on some iffy evidence. For instance, I have a receipt on my desk at home right now from the Verizon store.. If I wanted to, could I say that I had bought an iPhone for a Miami recruit? Yes. Does that make it true? No.

(The store does not take time to print things like “Purchased for Player X by Dan Stein” on the receipt, or so I believe)

I think the story is relying VERY heavily upon the word of a man convicted of $930 million worth of fraud. FRAUD. Again, as we know, fraud is lying to people. See what I am getting at?

I think that in the court of public opinion, Miami is already guilty. I also think that the NCAA has a bigger standard of proof than Yahoo! does, so I think everyone needs to take a chill pill.

I think that there is certainly enough here for the NCAA to conduct an investigation, so I have no problem with the NCAA doing so.

I think that Miami is part and parcel to the problem here, as they did not do enough to screen this sociopath from their student athletes. Billy Corben ranted well on this on the Joe Rose show this morning.

I think Miami has done well to collaborate with the NCAA for the past year and I think they need to be completely compliant moving forward.

I think Tyrone Moss is a fat ass, failure of a football player who never lived up to his potential on the field and now seems like an even bigger waste of time off the field. Do I blame him for taking $1000 to help pay bills for his baby? Absolutely not. I would do the same thing in his shoes. I would not break the Bro Code and rat about it, however. And that is important.

I think Miami is going to end up with sanctions; I do not think it will be as bad as everyone wants to believe in the first 48 hours.

These are all fairly easy opinions to come to.

I am a Canes fan and make no apologies for it. I think we need a few more like me, because the national voice has always been so against the ‘Canes that without people like me there would be NO ONE to defend the ‘Canes.

I think the most important opinion I can come to is that the storm is that we are in the most vicious part of the tempest currently. The media always runs with these ALLEGATIONS, and that is fine. That is what makes them money. However, they generally do a less showy job of covering the aftermath. This will be a long investigation. There are factors in the ‘Canes favor here. Those are two things that you will not hear the media discussing. You will hear a lot about the death penalty and lack of institutional control and SMU and failure to monitor and any other damning phrase associated with college football.

What we know is more favorable than what we don't at this point. But there is one indisputable fact.

I know I am a ‘Cane. Nothing that can be said to me will ever change that. And if that is true, then everything else just falls into line behind it.

Hold tight and strong, and know that bad things are going to be said. In a nutshell, that is the essence of being a ‘Cane, isn’t it?

The Morning of My Discontent

2011-08-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Alright team, I am too damn nervous about this Nevin Shapiro thing (detailed here) to have a long prologue this week.

Yes, I am beside myself because the guy who ran a $930 million dollar Ponzi scheme seems to be throwing accusations out at random against our program.

Why would I pay any mind to these accusations from a convicted felon whose crime was one of dishonesty and deceit? Because now the NCAA is involved. And they do not operate as a rational body. They are not a court of law. They listen to accusations made by people like Shapiro and then start digging around until they find something. Unless you are one of the good ol’ boys (like Ohio State), you get pummeled. They have done it to Miami once already and seem to have a perpetual axe to grind.

Will the fact that the university cut ties to this guy make an impact? Will the fact that he seemingly has no real evidence to back it up get this whole thing thrown out? Will the fact that Paul Dee, now head of the NCAA Infraction Committee, was our Athletic Director at the time in question be enough to dispel these rumors? Who knows? The NCAA just caught the Buckeyes red-handed and essentially did nothing. Sound like the type of people you would trust to make the right decision here?

Let’s be honest. Some money probably changed hands. Some meals may have been paid for. It happens everywhere. I am not naïve. Miami does it cleaner than 99% of the programs out there, but they are not perfect. The athletic department took money from him, but Miami’s AD would take money from anyone, including a pimp, as Omar Kelly tweeted. Call it the downside of being a private school with a big time football team.

There is a 4 year statute of limitations on NCAA invesitgations. There seems to be no real evidence to corroborate these claims.

And yet, I have this sinking feeling in my gut. The NCAA is not a fair organization. It has no consistent reason to its rhyme. These things take years to play out sometimes, but I fear that Miami is about to be made an example of. Again.

Hopefully Shapiro ends up in the same jail cell as Tolbert Bain. That oughta straighten some things out.

Anyway, on to the blog about offensive linemen.

(How’s that for a segue?)

Last season, the ‘Canes got markedly better line play and early contributions from freshmen Seantrel Henderson and Brandon Linder. The run game was underused, but that should change this year. Gone is Orlando Franklin, the rock of the group who was out of place at tackle last season. Everyone else is back.

Joel Figueroa, Super Duper Senior

Joey Figs (I like my linemen to sound like hitmen and wiseguys when possible) is back for year 6. He has played guard (good!) and tackle (bad!!!!!) during his career and is taking one last crack at staying healthy.

Ceiling: Starting guard
Floor: Situation run blocker or hurt again

Harland Gunn, Senior

Still my favorite name on the team. If all else fails has a future career in rodeo. Is explosive off the ball but seems to struggle in pass protection (otherwise he probably would be approaching the record for most career starts at Miami).

Ceiling: All ACC guard
Floor: Figueroa’s platoon partner

Tyler Horn, Senior

The leader of the line and one of the leaders of the team. Underrated performance last season as the center and will contend for All ACC honors this season.

Ceiling: All ACC center
Floor: Solid but not spectacular center who struggles to move nose tackles off the ball and possibly gets pulled for a young pup as the season goes.

Brandon Washington, Junior

The best lineman on the team last season, he is seeing some time at right tackle with the injury to Seantrel Henderson as the staff does its best to get the five best linemen on the field.

Ceiling: All American
Floor: Overmatched at right tackle and gets his confidence shaken; unable to match the past two seasons.

Ben Jones, Junior

Jones came in as a project and has flashed but still is not doing it consistently enough. Trying to get into the rotation but it looks once again like he will not see much of the field, at least early on in the season.

Ceiling: Emerges late in camp as the right tackle, allowing Washington to move back inside
Floor: Backup

Jeremy Lewis, Junior

Moved over from defensive tackle this fall and will try to add some depth on the interior. Kid has all the talent in the world but seems to lack the fire to do it on every play so far.

Ceiling: Puts himself in the rotation late in the season and gets a leg up in next season’s derby to replace Washington and Gunn.
Floor: Another wasted year

Jermaine Johnson, Junior

Jermaine is a very athletic tackle but another example of “needs to do it every down”. Started a bunch of games at right tackle last season (yes, a bunch) but hasn’t been mentioned much in camp.

Ceiling: Starting tackle
Floor: Bench

Seantrel Henderson, Sophomore

Will be an All American when he gets healthy. Also, I am going to give him the nickname “Seantrel the Hotel”. And I am keeping it going. So there, suck it.

Ceiling: Starting left tackle when he makes his way back from injury on his way to fulfilling Jonathan Ogden potential
Floor: Redshirt and hurt and then next season fulfills his Jonathan Ogden potential…either way the kid is a first rounder next year

Brandon Linder, Sophomore

Second best player in what could become one of the most epic o-line classes in history (thank you Randy Shannon). Can play all five positions and most likely will see most of his time at the guard spots. I am not sure he will be listed as a starter but might end up as one of the five guys used the most.

Ceiling: All ACC First Team and spends time everywhere on the line
Floor: utility lineman who earns a starting spot next season

Malcolm Bunche, Freshman (RS)

The guy who will be replacing Henderson at left tackle and who I have to imagine will end up at right tackle or left guard in the future. Came on strong in spring camp and is apparently the strongest man on the team.

Ceiling: Keeps the seat warm for Henderson on the blindside and makes it hard for The Hotel to get his job back.
Floor: Abused on the blindside by the speed rushers of the ACC, as you would expect from a freshman.

Shane McDermott, Freshman (RS)

This kid is a pit bull who is in a battle with Horn for the center job but can also play guard. Technique, technique, technique. Would have to have an amazing camp to win the job this year (it is Horn’s to lose) but he will be in the interior rotation and is set up as a leader of the line for years to come.
Ceiling: Wins the starting center job and immediately becomes the next Brett Romberg.
Floor: Rotation guy who entrenches himself as the long term answer at center next season

Jared Wheeler, Freshman (RS)

Big guy who is playing guard and is smart enough to have chosen Miami over Vanderbilt. Will most likely be a practice squad guy this year.

Ceiling: Becomes the third guard
Floor: Practice squad

Jermaine Barton, Freshman (RS)

Tall, athletic lineman that used to play basketball and will most likely be a right tackle down the line.

Ceiling: Fourth Tackle
Floor: Practice squad

Jon Feliciano, Freshman (RS)

I like this kid and think he is big and mean. That said, he has some work to do and a lot of people in front of him to beat out.

Ceiling: 4th guard
Floor: Practice squad

Ready for the Season

2011-08-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Let’s take a moment out of this busy mid-summer day to analyze what is going on with my sports life.

In baseball, the ‘Canes just got eliminated by the Gators for the third straight year and the Orioles are probably not going to win 60 games. Out of 162. That means they will lose at least 70% of the games they played this season, barring a late season winning streak, which probably won’t happen because they are the effing Orioles. EXAMPLE: Their best offensive player is a third baseman who every year sets a new record for most strikeouts and plays such terrible defense that he ruined the confidence of Baltimore’s best young pitcher, Zach Britton, almost singlehandedly.

The Orioles are in year…aw hell, I lost count…of a rebuilding effort centered around a young core of talented players. Here is the problem: even if all of these guys max out, they still have the Red Sox and Yankees in their division. Oh, and the guy running the Rays? He is always the smartest guy at the table. To the point that other teams are afraid to trade with him right now. Oh, and the Blue Jays are building an elite farm system because they are spending money to sign guys over their slot value and bring in top international talent. And they have Jose Bautista, probably the best hitter in baseball not named Albert Pujols, who once upon a time was waived by 4 other teams, including…the Orioles.

In the NBA…let’s just skip that one.

In the NFL, the Dolphins are currently trying to sign the 2003 Pro Bowl roster by bringing in Jason Taylor (I actually like this one), Tiki Barber and Brett Favre. I am petrified that tomorrow I will be hearing that they have reached out to Larry Johnson. Oh wait, they did? Excuse me while I go assault the bum on the corner who asked me for “money for booze and drugs” the other day. Hey, at least he was honest.

Meanwhile, the Dolphins best player on offense last season is sitting in free agency (Ricky Williams) and the Dolphins are thinking about auditioning Terrell Pryor, not only a mortal enemy of Stein on the Sidelines but also a quarterback that can’t play quarterback. Think about that.

This is following an offseason in which the Dolphins were among the first teams to lay off company employees during the lockout (class move by an owner worth literally billions of dollars), saw their owner and GM fly across the country on a private jet to woo a college coach WHILE THE CURRENT COACH WAS STILL UNDER CONTRACT, and continued to try and make themselves a circus act by doing things like building a nightclub in the stadium and brining in minority owners like Gloria Estefan and Marc Antony.

(I assume Selena Gomez is next in line)

In summary: I NEED the ‘Canes back in my life.

The season started Saturday with fall camp.

The big question is who will start at quarterback.

However, if you watched last season (I did…), you already know that sometimes a quarterback is only as good as a receiver that will go up and fight for the ball.

Jacory Harris threw a lot of picks last year, but at least 3 of them could have been prevented by receivers fighting for the ball. When you consider that almost all of the games we lost were close games, then it is extra annoying to know that one play could have made the difference.

Point?

If the guys I am about to break down underperform, whatever improvements the quarterbacks have made could be for naught.

The receivers should be deep, but at this point who the hell knows what we are getting and from who?

Gone from last season is Leonard Hankerson, a guy who put up the finest statistical season at the position in the history of the program. Better than Eddie Brown, Michael Irvin, Brett Perriman, Brian Blades, Lamar Thomas, Randall Hill, Santana Moss, Reggie Wayne or Andre Johnson ever did. With a worse quarterback. Think about that.

(Apparently NFL teams are too smart for their own good, because there were 8 receivers drafted in front of him…including 2 from Boise Effing State.)

At tight end, Miami loses only the immortal Richard Gordon, who I believe was at the school long enough to earn a PhD. He was actually a really good blocking tight end but looked like a monkey humping a garden gnome when it came time to catch the ball.

WR

Travis Benjamin, Sr.

Travis is like the little yellow bird in Angry Birds. He is fast as hell and can be a gamebreaker, but unless you get him aimed in the right direction and at the right soft target it doesn’t matter.

Translation: Travis needs to be used in the right way. Run him on ‘9’ routes and get him the ball in space. Should he be used for jump balls? No. Should he be running routs over the middle in traffic? No. Period.

(Yes I just got an iPhone and am currently obsessed with Angry Birds. To complete this analogy, Sean Spence is the black bird that blows up everything in its area, Marcus Forston is the white one that looks bloated but drops bombs and takes off like a dart when he lays his egg, and Lance Leggett is the little blue one that explodes into a million pieces when you touch him.)

Ceiling: Game changer with the ball in his hands 10-12 times/game.
Floor: Broken in half by an Ohio State linebacker, who then ceremoniously drinks from his blood and eats of his organs.

LaRon Byrd, Sr.

My favorite receiver on the team because he plays with heart, goes up for the ball in traffic and overall just looks like the best trash talker on the team. Probably wins the bar fight. Has been inconsistent but also claims to have been playing with injuries. I choose to blindly put faith in that claim.

Ceiling: Hankerson
Floor: Last season…solid stats but seemed to disappear for long stretches. Kind of like my Blackberry was. Snarl.

Aldarious Johnson, Sr.

If this guy could stay healthy for once I think he has a role. He has not been the superstar everyone wanted but he has made some big plays and some clutch catches, including the one that saved our asses against Wake Forest, which was Winslow-esque in style if not significance to ‘Canes lore. At this point I think he could be the Orende Gadsden (look that one up suckas) type of possession guy that you go to on 3rd down. He has the best chemistry with Jacory of all the receivers and when he gets in a rhythm he is tough to stop.

Ceiling: Go to guy on 3rd down
Floor: Stays fat and hurt

Tommy Streeter, Jr.

Maybe the all time “looks like Tarzan plays like Jane” guy. Also my dad’s favorite. Gotta admit, I have a big soft spot. Maybe because it is hard to hate anyone who goes by “Tommy”. Maybe not. Who knows?

Ceiling: Tecmo Bowl Jerry Rice combined with real life Jerry Rice combined with Cris Carter combined with Andre Johnson combined with Michael Irvin. Catches 150 passes for 3300 yards and 27 touchdowns.
Floor: Lance Leggett (also known as Dante’s 7th Circle of Hell)

Kendall Thompkins, Jr.

Practice squad all star that hasn’t seen the field a lot. I think he will find a niche as the tough little guy who can make a play in space, kind of like the Wes Welker that every NFL team is looking for (and remember, Jedd Fisch is an NFL guy). BOLD PREDICTION: My buddy Justin will say something like this before the season: “BOLD PREDICTION: Kendall Thompkins is a dark horse breakout candidate”.

(SIDENOTE: He says this about Thompkins and about ten other guys every offseason. 98% of the time he is wrong. It’s like me picking a baseball guy. At this point maybe Thompkins should try baseball and Chantz Mack should try football.)

Then when he hasn’t caught a pass in the first two games he’ll say something like this: “@SteinSidelines: Thompkins sux. He’s can’t even see the field, he’s terrible, the sky is falling and I for one happen to believe Thompkins is responsible for the DOW crashing 500 points. #realtalk”.

So I guess you could say my UNBOLD prediction is that Justin will make that BOLD prediction. I will call him a dumb yankee and tell him to stick to the Jets. Harmony will be achieved.

Ceiling: Santana Moss married Marion Jones and had a baby with the speed of Usain Bolt. And he can throw thunder bolts. And will get drafted by the Colts.
Floor: Dark horse candidate to break out

Davon Johnson, Jr.

Everything I just said about Kendall Thompkins? Ditto.

Ceiling: Becomes the number three guy in the pecking order and moves the chains.
Floor: Dark horse candidate to break out

Allen Hurns, So.

This is the guy the coaches seem pumped up about. He is a hard worker and apparently a bit of a badass. He played special teams and in blocking situations last season, so you know he wants on the field. He is light in the ass, but so are plenty of receivers. Seems like the type that could have a sneaky, 2008 LaRon Byrd type of season.

Ceiling: Number 2 receiver and starter
Floor: Special teams and blocking packages, which to the message board is pretty much all the worst parts of the Bible.

Phillip Dorsett, Fr.

Should have some sort of role from day one. He is small but not slight. Has seen some Santana Moss comparisons, which are a lot to live up to. This is surprising, because ‘Canes fans are known for their realistic expectations.

(See what I did there?)

Ceiling: Freshman all America
Floor: Redshirt

Rayshawn Scott, Fr.

The other freshman who was a TOTAL BAWLA ASS (to quote that one guy they have call ACC Games on Raycom sometimes) in high school but is most likely a redshirt candidate. Should be a nice possession guy with time.

Ceiling: Allen Hurns last season
Floor: Redshirt

TE

Blake Ayles, Sr.

Ayles transferred in this offseason and is a big dude from out of town with flowing golden locks and a reputation as a party animal. Looks like he wants to hurt people.

Ceiling: Poor man’s Shockey (the last big dude from out of town with flowing golden locks and a reputation as a party animal)
Floor: Bangs every DG on campus, drinks ALL of the beer and then gets an NFL tryout on reputation alone (this is what we call a win-win scenario for Mr. Ayles)

Chase Ford, Sr.

Had a major case of the yips last season, which is bad when you’re a tight end. If he doesn’t hold on to the ball he will not see the field.

Ceiling: Viable third down receiving threat
Floor: Last season

John Calhoun, Jr.

Seems to me to be too small to be a true tight end and too slow to be a fullback…maybe an H-Back. He’s a solid special teams guy and the coaches seem to like him. Will have a role.

Ceiling: Honestly have no clue…homeless man’s Frank Wycheck?
Floor: Special Teams

Corey White, So.

Big dude moving back to tight end after a couple of years at tackle. Will see the field a lot as a blocker if he can stay healthy.

Ceiling: Functions like a third tackle/
Floor: Hurt

Asante Cleveland, So.

Was hurt in spring but was our best tight end last season. Can open things up over the middle as a mismatch against linebackers and safeties alike.

Ceiling: Kevin Everett
Floor: Hurt

Clive Walford, Fr.

High school basketball player who tore it up in the spring game, which might just be a function of our defense being completely incapable of stopping tight ends. Or it might not be. Guess we will find out soon.

Ceiling: Jimmy Graham
Floor: Special Teams

Always guard the inbound passer.

The Drum Beat Strengthens

2011-07-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

A couple of things to talk about, but first there is this: we are 8 days from the opening of fall camp. And yes, I am spending half of my time watching ‘Canes highlight reels.

A figure who played a key role in a lot of those highlight reels has been in the news this week (SEGUE ALERT! SEGUE ALERT!). Allow me to take a moment to give you my thoughts on Butch Davis’ firing at UNC:

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those (I am sure thousands upon thousands) of you who don’t understand my hatred of Butch Davis and how I could possibly be so excited about the firing of a coach at a non-rival school who once upon a time recruited the greatest team in the history of college football for my alma mater, let me explain.

Davis, who was understandably a hot name after the 2000 season, said in the locker room after the 2001 Sugar Bowl victory over the Gators (suck one) that to leave for the NFL now would make him a “Deadbeat Dad”. Fast forward a couple of weeks. We are now one week from National Signing Day and Butch Davis is holding a press conference to announce that he has accepted the head coaching job with the Cleveland Browns.

Smart business decision? Absolutely. Would I have made the same one? Probably.

Here is the problem: HE F*CKING LIED TO MY FACE.

Allow me to give you an analogy.

You’ve been dating a girl since high school. You’ve gone through your awkward stage together, and now she has turned into a beautiful girl on the verge of greatness. However, something else comes along (a move to Europe that would offer far more money but make a relationship untenable, let’s say). You have a talk, and while regrettable and sad, the relationship ends. Everyone is ok with it.

Now, take that same girl, but let’s say she’s been ducking your calls for a while now. You ask her if everything is ok. She says it is great and she loves you. A week later you catch her in bed with some other dude. You are wrecked. You start listening to Matchbox 20 and Incubus. A lot. You are drinking whiskey out of your coffee mug at work. Your workouts are hollow because all you can see is a pathetic little boy staring back at you in the gym mirror. You blame yourself and actually buy it when she calls and says that she has Chlamydia and you HAVE to be the one who gave it to her. It is the equivalent of a person going Hiroshima on your psyche.

(This just got weird, didn't it?)

Butch Davis leaving Miami was the latter. So I am glad Karma came for him. I am glad his artificially enhanced program is going to come down a notch or two. I am glad that UNC finally manned up and did something they should have done a while ago. The only thing that would make me happier?

If the news was delivered to Butch while he was in bed with kidney stones.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled blog post.

My buddies and I were talking one time about how awesome a reality show made up solely of the uniting illegitimate children of professional athletes like Shawn Kemp, Travis Henry and Antonio Cromartie would be (really I was doing the talking and they were shaking their heads in complete disbelief). I’m not sure whether the show would turn into The Illegitimate Justice League as all the characters united to fight crime or The Illegitimate Bad Girls Club (no explanation necessary), but I do know for a fact it would be fun as hell to watch.

(Think of the plotlines!! The Parents’ Television Council would go nuts!!!)

For that reason, the 2008 Miami Hurricanes running back corps is perhaps my favorite of all time, as it featured 5 running backs, 4 of which had one or more child (not mentioning names), and only one of whom was married.

It also featured Damien Berry (who was changing positions from safety) and a precocious Graig Cooper, two rocks of this position group, who have now moved on to greener pastures. (SEGUE ALERT! SEGUE ALERT!)

Last season saw the crescendo of Berry and Coop as ‘Canes, one going out with a bang (Berry, who lead the team in rushing and was arguably under-used) and one with a whimper (Cooper, who clearly was at no better than 80% after knee surgery and probably should have redshirted). The ‘Canes also lose Pat Hill, a reliable road grader at fullback whose contribution will probably be masked by more multiple tight end sets this season, and Storm Johnson (sorry Julie Rose) , who flashed promise in the USF game with a 70+ yard touchdown run but transferred after managing to clash with both Randy Shannon AND Al Golden. Possibly because he smokes A LOT of pot and has a dad that rivals Ornette Howard. Just sayin’.

(By the way, there is a real possibility that 15 years from now Damien Berry will be concluding his NFL career and The U will feature 5 players sprung from his loins. I am very excited.)

SIDENOTE: Not sure if my friend Russo will ever talk to me again now that Cooper is gone. We might have a whole bunch of eras ending all at once here. It’s a weird time to be Stein on the Sidelines.

Returning are the always reliable Mike James (underrated) and the brilliant Lamar Miller (great but I am starting to fear that he might be overhyped), among others.

Sadly, the particularly fertile group of 2008 has all moved on now, but the specter of their virility will linger for years to come. I can only hope and pray that this year’s squad steps up to the plate to replace the heart and…ahem…production that has been lost.

RB

Mike James, Jr.

James is the sort of “Ol Reliable” that every team needs. He will consistently account for positive plays, can catch the ball out of the backfield, can block well enough to play fullback, and has the juice to break off the occasional 40 yard burst. He also plays his ass off and is the type of guy you put on a poster for your program.

Ceiling: Leads the team in rushing and plays a huge role in a new ball control offense.
Floor: Really doesn’t have one…This gimmick is already getting old isn’t it?

Lamar Miller, So.

Faster than greased lightning and showed it last year. Is easily the most exciting player on the roster since Devin Hester and will be the most important player on the offense not names “Whoever the hell ends up playing quarterback”. To listen to fans talk he is Willis McGahee with Jim Brown and Walter Payton mixed in. We will see if that works out…first, he needs to stay healthy.

Ceiling: Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson
Floor: Tecmo Bowl Mark Higgs (yes, I am a scarred Dolphins fan)

Darion Hall, So.

Hall has the potential to be very effective as a thick back that can also break the long run, but he has not yet gotten a carry that counts for anything and is therefore unproven.

Ceiling: James Jackson said he was the best back in the state his senior year of high school…that would be nice.
Floor: Falters when called upon.

Maurice Hagens, So.

Hagens is a beast who is going to become a tailback after the fullback position was essentially eliminated by the new scheme. Look for him to be used as a hammer who can punch holes in a tired defense and close near the goal line, something which was lacking last season.

Ceiling: James Stewart
Floor: Jerrell Mabry (This is fairly recent; who could forget the great fullback-that-should-have-been-a-defensive-tackle-and-kind-of-looked-like-Ice Cube?)

Kevin Grooms, Fr.

Grooms is the jet brought in for this recruiting class that really doesn’t have a position yet, but he figures to get some change-of-pace carries. He will always be a threat to go the distance and looks like a tough little cookie. Maybe he will be used as Devin Hester was supposed to be used.

Ceiling: Albert Bentley (Google it)
Floor: Redshirt

Always guard the inbound passer.

The Church of Coach Taylor

2011-07-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

“Give all of us gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable, and we will all, at some point in our lives... fall. We will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts... that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us, and when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. We will now all be tested. It is these times, it is this pain, that allows us to look inside ourselves.” – Coach Eric Taylor

On Friday night, the lights went out in Dillon one last time (I should work for NBC). And true to the words of Coach Taylor that ended the pilot episode of Friday Night Lights, this pain allows us to look inside.

Friday Night Lights is the best network show I have ever watched. It is also my favorite. There is a distinction between the two to be made, as Chuck Klosterman and others have discussed lately around the internet.

I own the first three seasons of Miami Vice on DVD. I was literally obsessed with LOST, to the point that my friend Josh and I used to talk for an hour on the phone every night following an episode during the final season (I’m a nerd, sue me).

The Lights was better than both.

Miami Vice really only had a couple of seasons throwing a 98 mph fastball before it jumped the shark. It was revolutionary, but faded quickly. It was Dwight Gooden. When it ended, you can almost imagine that die hard viewers had either already stopped caring or were happy it was being mercy-killed.

LOST was fantastic and kept me glued to the screen, but as the finale approached I looked forward to it. I wanted to know what happened.

With this show, I dreaded the finale. Of course I was anxious to see what happened; however, this angst was not enthusiasm in disguise. It was the realization that with every minute of the finale that went by, I was one minute closer to never having a new episode of this show to watch. Ever. And that really sucked.

When The Lights (as it is known around Casa de Bro and the Stein Family household) debuted, I quickly fell in love with Coach Taylor and his wife Tammie.

Coach Taylor, much like my own father, represented a lot of what I thought true men were supposed to be about. An emphasis was placed on brevity. Family and loved ones always come first. The strong silences, the brutal honesty, the self deprecation and the aura of complete and total respect at all times are the trademarks that his character, my favorite in the history of television, have indelibly left behind.

It took me a little while but I fell in love with Tim Riggins, the alcoholic, troubled fullback who was a total prick at times but at the end the type of kid you wanted in your corner. We also watched as Taylor Kitsch, the actor who portrayed him, evolved in to an absolute force of nature.

I fell in love with Smash Williams, the flamboyant star running back who was in many ways the heart and soul of the bunch.

I fell in love with Matt Saracen, the gritty, overachieving quarterback who dated the coach’s daughter.

I fell in love with Minka Kelly. Not her character, Lyla Garrity, so much as the actress. Let’s be real, she wasn’t on the show for her acting chops. But at least she has given me another reason to hate Derek Jeter now (while at the same time giving me yet another reason to respect the hell out of Derek Jeter).

As the show grew on I fell for a new cast of characters: Becky Sproles, Jess Merriweather, Luke Cafferty and of course Vince Howard.

We watched Buddy Garrity evolve from a semi-sleazy self-interested hanger-on to a lovable rebel caught up in a grass roots movement…and maybe back again.

We watched Coach continue to be Coach and Mrs. Coach continue to be Mrs. Coach; the true bedrock of this show was the dynamic between the two which was not always smooth but was always solid. Such was their chemistry that we routinely wondered whether the on-screen romance had spilled off-screen. We were not the only ones.

However, more important than the individual characters was the story that was told.

This was small town Texas…and more importantly, small town America… to a T. The fact that the show could seem so outlandish and still ring true is a testament to both the actors and the writers and a reflection of how out of whack the “reality” of most television shows has become.

“Really, an entire episode about a ‘slam page’?”

“Really, an entire radio station devoted to covering a high school football team?”

“Really, they’re going to fire the coach and create an entirely new football team just to clear the way for a freshman quarterback with a cannon for an arm?”

These all seemed impossibly contrived, and for someone from LA or New York they probably are.

But this is a world I lived in. I lived in Texas. I lived in Wisconsin. I lived in Georgia. I lived in Florida. These are by and large rural states that are obsessed with football.

In small towns, this shit really happens. High school sports take on importance that you would never think. There ARE boosters and there ARE tiger parents who all have their own agenda. There ARE radio stations that debate the on-field and off-field merits of 15 year old kids.

(The whole “conspriring to kill the attempted rapist” plot line, however, WAS more than a little contrived and the reason why Season 2 is something I’d rather hadn’t happened.)

There ARE teen pregnancies. There ARE abortions. There ARE lynch mobs that form in the Bible Belt when one of these two happens.

In real life, dancing at a strip club is oftentimes just another job for women who couldn’t go to college and happen to have the body for it. It is perfectly conceivable for the women that do it to leave the strip club and be normal people.

Perhaps that was the real strength of this show. By breaking away from stereotypes and showing the duality of man, this show actually seemed MORE contrived. Its immense realism made it in the eyes of many unrealistic. Think about that.

Strippers aren’t supposed to be good people, they are supposed to be bimbos and floosies and trailer trash.

The tough guy coach is not supposed to be the softy dad with his high school babe of an older daughter and the new baby who actually looks like an alien. He is not supposed to admit when his wife is “kicking his ass” in an argument.

The tough kid from the ‘hood who grew up without his imprisoned father is not supposed to admit weakness.

This is not the world that is, at least according to conventional television standards.

But in real life, there is always a flip side. That is what this show did best: it highlighted ambiguity.

The Lights finally got its long overdue Emmy nomination for Best Drama this week. It is fitting that it happens as the show goes off the air; this was a show that for whatever reason never did as well as it should have. After two seasons, NBC had to work out a deal with DirecTV to move the show to The 101 in order to avoid cancellation. Money is never the friend of critically acclaimed but little watched programming.

It essentially became the only reverse-repurpose situation that I know of, where it aired first on a non-broadcast (in this case satellite) channel before airing on a broadcast network later in the year.

Indeed, this was a theme: The Lights never got the respect it deserved. As an avid viewer, I resent the fact that NBC did such a shitty job of positioning the show, both in its marketing schemes and on its schedule. I resent that more people didn’t watch just ONE episode, because one was all it took to get you.

And yet, similar to a hipster, I am glad to be part of the group that knew about this show that no one else seemed to. It felt small town and intimate. Maybe it is better that it never took off like LOST did and avoided all the pressure and stunts that come along with huge exposure. Maybe I am happy that I got five good seasons (well, 4 good seasons) out of my beloved show and then got to see it retire on top, like Jordan hitting the jumper against Utah or Jay Z leaving after The Black Album (ignore the fact that both unretired). Maybe all the people that didn’t watch can go screw themselves.

This is they type of show that is destined to become a cult classic, much like The Wire. In its DVD life, it will gain popularity. The same people who were too busy watching bullshit like Glee when it actually needed the viewers will talk to me years from now about how great this show was. And much like hipsters feel when one of their groups (like Foster the People or Florence and the Machine) hit it big, I will have a knowing smirk on my face, a look that says I was there before anyone else. “Now you finally get it.”

By any conventional standard for television, this show failed. It never posted even decent ratings. It has been nominated a few times but never won anything at the Emmys.

Despite that, it was around for 5 seasons in the day and age of shows getting cancelled after two episodes.

It is the only show I remember that my entire family watched and enjoyed together, including my mom.

(I guess Wipeout! also qualifies but when it is cancelled I will not be eulogizing it)

It was supposedly a show about football, but as anyone who has watched it can tell you, football always took a backseat to the stories that were being told. It was just like the book that inspired it all: a town, a team and a dream. This show was more than a show. It was church, and Coach Taylor was the pastor.

My roommate and I watched the finale together on Friday night. We bought a six pack of Lonestar and a six pack of Shiner Bock (clearly the superior choice, for the record; there’s a reason it is the National Beer of Texas) and wore our boots and then went silent as the end unfolded in front of us.

And when it was done, we didn’t look at each other for a while.

The room had gotten a little dusty for both of us, and to look away from the screen would not only betray a weakness that Coach Taylor would never have, but also serve to acknowledge that our favorite show was now gone forever.

Instead we drank our beer in silence until finally I picked up the remote and turned the tube off.

I got up and poured us each a shot of Jack.

It was obvious what the toast would be.

“Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose”.

Amen.

The Readiness Is All

2011-07-08T08:25:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Decided to throw a little curveball today... And by throw a curveball I mean post something that is so ridiculous that it makes me trying to come up with quips about the University of Miami’s backfield roster and posting it on a blog that roughly a dozen people read seem logical.

And yet, I digress.

Last week, I was reading an article about the fall of Roger Federer at Wimbledon. Brian Phillips made a reference involving Hamlet and a footnote including several other famous protagonists of Shakespearean tragedies.

And that got me thinking about Shakespeare and sports at large.

And since it was the Thursday before a long holiday weekend and I was playing pickup basketball later in the day, it got me thinking which two characters I would want to complete a team for 3 on 3.

And then I figured I would entertain myself by asking others in my office who they would take.

And then I started thinking who would win in a Sweet 16 Bracket of Shakespeare.

And then on Friday night at a bar, I asked someone else.

And then all weekend I thought about it.

And here we are.

I have constructed a bracket, fairly randomly, and pretty much at my own discretion after I listened to the picks of others. I have assigned each a seed 1-4, and assigned them in to regions. There are famous characters not on here. There are some seemingly random ones which I included.

I also have chosen to ignore the potential that, in the world of Shakespeare, any one of these characters might actually kill each other if they, I don’t know, breathed on each other wrong.

I think I have a pretty good knowledge of Shakespeare, but by no means am I an expert. There are surely good characters I am not including.

I’d actually love to hear some opinions on how I effed this up.

Having said all that (couched? Hedged?), here is how I see this little shindig playing out:

Region 1

1- MacBeth
2- Laertes
3- Brutus
4- Cassio/Cassius (Play-In Winner)

MacBeth, as far as I am concerned is the number one seed in the tournament. Two words sum him up best: Fucking Bloodbath.

Laertes gets points for killing Hamlet, an all time annoying character.

Brutus is essentially a good dude whose tragic flaws are honor and patriotism…guys like that have a spot in the tournament. Plus “Et tu Brutus” is an all time inscription for your tombstone. And Gus Johnson has earned the right to scream it as we send the game into the first commercial break following a made three pointer.

Cassio and Cassius are two names that are too similar and always confused me, although they are completely different characters. I only want one of them in my tournament, but both deserve a shot.

Region 2

1- Othello
2- MacDuff
3- Claudius
4- Romeo/Cleopatra (Play- In Winner)

Othello is a one seed for the obvious reasons: assumed to be athletic (racist?), highly decorated general, etc. 90% of the people I asked about this would have made him the number one pick. The Number 2 overall seed will have to do.

MacDuff is MacBeth’s foil and a sneaky 2 seed.

Claudius is kind of a prick, what with the whole fratricide matter, but he had the smarts to have Laertes do it for him. Know what that tells me? “Knows how to get the ball in the hands of his playmakers”.

Romeo is in here because he is only slightly smarter than Cleopatra, who I consider to be the role model for the typical stupid girl who doesn’t know what she wants. Really Romeo, not gonna check to make sure she’s actually dead before you swallow the poison? Really? Moron. I want neither of them in this tournament but I feel like the female readers (both of them) would be outraged (OUTRAGED!) if neither appeared.

Region 3

1- King Lear
2- Mercutio
3- Lady MacBeth
4- Hippolyta

King Lear is a number one seed because, well, he is more famous than the guy who is the 2 here….

…Mercutio. Total badass, started strong but lost himself a little down the stretch. Still, a threat to catch fire and just murder everyone. Not literally. Well, maybe a little. Second most popular number one pick in my mock drafts, as well.

Lady MacBeth is the ultimate nagging wife and deserves a spot in this tournament for no other reason than the fact that she is the most powerful character in probably the 3rd best Shakespeare play.

Hippolyta is the Queen of the Amazons and the daughter of Ares. She has a magic girdle. A fucking MAGIC GIRDLE.

Yes, this is the group of death.

Region 4

1- Hamlet
2- Marc Antony
3- Iago
4- Puck

This is the crazy bracket. 1-4, anyone could take it on any given day. Hamlet stealing a one seed is like when St. Joseph’s dominates a terrible Atlantic 10 behind Jameer Nelson and Delonte West and before we know it they are 32-1 and in the Sweet 16.

Marc Antony is a 2 because he steamrolled his way through the regular season in chase of the one thing he wants more than anything else…although not always rationally.

Iago is my sleeper pick for the whole tournament. He is the definition of everything that is evil. He is a user of people. If I had to think of a real life equivalent, I’d make a basketball version of Ivan Drago. Wait, you mean making up a player based on a fake boxer is not a “real life equivalent”? Oops. Anyway, no one wants the guy to win but deep down they know it’s coming.

(Unless he is playing the Heat, in which case everyone in this country would find it within themselves to root for him if he is a German guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. Not that I am bitter. And yet, I digress.)

Puck is literally an elf. Keep an eye on him though. J.J. Barea just won an NBA Title. Fact. J.J. Barea is doinking Miss Universe. Fact.

Round 1

Macbeth vs. Cassius

Cassio is a gentleman who rises to rank of general…mostly because he is a gentleman. He’s like the genius offensive coordinator who becomes a system coach that gets by on gimmicks. Uh uh. Not working in this tournament.

This sets up the interesting matchup between MacBeth, who is a merciless killer but able to be manipulated (see: Macbeth, The Lady), and Cassius, who persuaded Brutus, a good man, TO KILL THE CAESAR. Kind of.

Anyway, MacBeth probably comes out a little stiff as Cassius starts with the trash talk early on and gets him thinking. We’ll even say Cassius might be winning at the half. However, in the locker room MacBeth realizes that Cassius can’t withhold sex from him and comes out angry. Heads roll. Not literally.

Laertes vs. Brutus

Two pawns match up in the first round. I give the slight edge to Brutus, who seems more able, as he at least survived after the murder of Caesar for long enough to raise an army and a little hell. Close until the end, but Brutus wins when Laertes hurts himself in the middle of an intentional foul (NERDY JOKE!) in the final five minutes.

Othello vs. Cleopatra

Romeo loses the first round after misreading the scoreboard at the end (NERDY JOKE!), thinking he was down 3 instead of tied, which leads to a bad, quick shot, an easy rebound for Cleo and a breakaway layup to end the game.

Othello hates the very idea of Cleopatra’s infidelity and runs her off the court. Not even close.

MacDuff vs. Claudius

Without his pawn, Claudius is doomed. MacDuff makes quick work of him early and then sends a scare into MacBeth, who is nervously watching the game to scout his potential future competition, by walking off the court. Literally, just walking. (NERDY JOKE!)

Hamlet vs. Puck

The first major upset of the tournament!! The trickster (as literally every description I have read of the character labels him) uses a wide assortment of floaters in the lane, pesky defense and a few lucky bounces to take out the 1 seed. In the clutch, Hamlet can’t keep it together. As Brian Phillips described:

He was indecisive. He was slow to act. He looked like he'd rather be in a grove
somewhere getting depressed about epistemology than knifing the motherfucker who X'd his dad.

Marc Antony vs. Iago

Iago plays the whole game with a handkerchief hanging out the back of his shorts that looks like the fabric of a dress Cleopatra wore once. Antony is in control at one point, but he lets Iago get in his head and does something stupid (NERDY JOKE!).

King Lear vs. Hippolyta

Lear’s craziness would undo most foes, but Hippolyta’s Godly bloodlines keep her calm. The fact that she is probably 7 feet tall (ya know…QUEEN OF THE AMAZONS) doesn’t hurt either. Hippolyta in the upset!

King Lear is later found dead at sea on board a catamaran. If you get that reference, you really are a true basketball fan.

Mercutio vs. Lady MacBeth

Mercutio didn’t come here to mess around. He is sick of everyone’s crap and is making no bones about it. The Lady never had a shot. Besides, I want “Perfect Wingman” to beat “Murderous, Overbearing Wife” every single time. And this is my bracket, damn it!

Round 2

MacBeth vs. Brutus

MacBeth is now on edge after MacDuff’s victory, which strangely works in his favor. He is the rare player that gets better as he gets angrier…he is the closest thing to Jordan we have in this tournament.

Othello vs. MacDuff

Honestly, this is a bit of a coin flip. I can’t think of anything to base this off other than Othello’s overwhelming physical gifts (racist?) and battlefield training. Othello is a close one.

Iago vs. Puck

Puck keeps his hot streak going and takes it right into Iago’s chest from the jump. Iago is a finesse guy, preferring to operate in the background and hang back while things go to hell around him. His mental games don’t work on the elf, who knows how to handle himself after a lifetime of short jokes, and Iago’s lack of athleticism is exposed.

Mercutio vs. Hippolyta

This is the best game of the tournament to this point, going to three overtimes as the two battle back and forth. Mercutio is a force of nature, but Hippolyta was made for the physical play of this tournament. This is JJ Reddick vs. Tyler Hansbrough: the flamboyant scorer vs. the Meat-N-Potatoes banger.

After this game, everyone realizes that these were both 1 seeds and that next year there should be re-seeding after the first round. In the end, it is too late to save Mercutio, who plays every minute so hard that he is barely able to stay upright by the end.

Final Four

MacBeth vs. Puck

This is where things get interesting. Puck surely has won the hearts and minds of the people. MacBeth comes out strong, but looks up at halftime and is only up 4. MacBeth spends halftime brooding and tries to impose his sheer will on Puck as the second half commences… but Puck keeps pace. Down the stretch, Puck is able to get to the hole at will as MacBeth’s paranoia raises with his temper and he begins to take bad chances. Puck keeps him off balance and pulls away as MacBeth fold within himself at the buzzer. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!

Puck’s fans stay around for the next game in hopes of watching a second 4 over 1 upset in one evening.

Othello vs. Hippolyta

The two best physical specimens in the tourney, Othello is up 12 with three minutes left when he gets cocky. Think LeBron and Crew having a parade before the season…or Othello throwing a party because a storm destroyed the enemy army at Cyprus (NERDY JOKE!).

Does it ever work out? No.

And it doesn’t here either. The crowd goes wild as two 4 seeds advance to the final!

Finals

Puck vs. Hippolyta

This is the classic Dwight Howard vs. Chris Paul argument.

(We’ve all had it, right? Right? RIGHT?!)

Both have magical capability, which cancels each other out. In the end, this turns into the type of boring clash of styles that throws both teams off their rhythm and puts an emphasis on defense and sheer endurance. After two straight epic games, Hippolyta is gassed late in the game, and Puck takes advantage, going on a Kemba Walker-like 6/7 run in the final twelve minutes to seal the game and with it the title.

David takes down Goliath.

Gus Johnson hyperventilates.

Puck scores a date with Marissa Miller.

A record number of births are seen exactly nine months later.

Hippolyta does more for Women’s Equality than Billie Jean King could ever dream.

No more time is wasted by Stein on the Sidelines creating an imaginary basektball tournament of imaginary literary figures from half a century ago.

All is right.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Pain Heals, Chicks Dig Scars, Glory Lasts Forever

2011-06-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Every summer, I write up a preview of what to expect from the roster the next season. This is my fourth year doing it. Which means the fourth year in a row I will be giving a ceiling and floor for the Northwestern Crew. Weird.

WARNING: There are a lot of parenthetical asides here…not really sure how this happened but it did. I’m like the Larry King of the ‘Canes world. I can’t figure out if I should be proud of it or not.

QB

Last season started with Jacory as a fringe Heisman Candidate and ended with me being thoroughly convinced that the skinny true freshman who was supposed to redshirt and be a career backup was the best option for the team. Combined, the ‘Canes QBs lead the nation in interceptions thrown, which, it turns out, means you lose a lot of games. The battle is ongoing for who will start. Smart money is on Jacory to win the job, but both have a lot of work to do.

Jacory Harris, Sr.

One final season - this time, it’s for keeps.

(Sorry, I was just trying to figure out what the tag line would be if they made “Transformers 4” about Jacory’s senior year)

I can remember two other times coming into a QB’s senior year just having no clue what I was going to get:

Brock Berlin, 2004

I always thought he was ill-served by Dan Werner, who insisted on keeping him under center. In the middle of the season he was benched, which ignited a small race war in the community as folks debated the “merits” of Berlin and his backup, the immortal Derrick Crudup.

(I think that list looked something like this: Brock Berlin- awesome out of shotgun, which we only run when we are losing in the final 5 minutes, and is white; Derrick Crudup- can run really fast, but unfortunately isn’t so great with the “forward pass”, and is a black guy)

Berlin eventually ended up having an All-ACC type of year (which really speaks to the strength of the ACC more than anything else) and is the answer to the question “When was the last time the Miami Hurricanes had a solid, consistent starting quarterback?” If Jacory has that season this year I will be a very happy man.

Kyle Wright, 2007

I made so many excuses for this guy it wasn’t even funny. I thought he could be Carson Palmer (talented “bust” for 3.5 seasons who finally gets it halfway through his senior year and steals a Heisman trophy) if his o-line would block (sacked 9 times in his first career start), his receivers would catch (Lance Leggett? Ryan Moore? Aikeem Jolla?), he would have the same offensive coordinator for consecutive years (he had 4 in 5 years), he would stop falling asleep behind me in Econ (not that we all didn't, the teacher really sucked- damn it, another excuse)…etc.

I still think some of those excuses have merit.

Bottom line, however, is this: the guy got spooked during his first year as a starter, when he was sacked roughly 749 times, and never recovered from the Happy Feet. Like Footsteps Falco in The Replacements. Except he never got to play as a replacement player, do the Electric Slide in jail as a bonding experience with this teammates, take the city on a feel-good run to the playoffs, improve relations with the deaf or slay the hot cheerleader. I think he is selling pharmaceuticals in the Bay Area. Sigh…

Anyway, back to Jacory.

If you give me “First 6 games Sophomore Year” Jacory Harris, I am happier than my brother when the girl doesn't throw her drink in his face.

If you give me “I Am So Beaten Up From Being Sacked and Playing Hurt / Pissed Off At My Receivers For Dropping Passes That I am Just Going To Go Into a Weirder Place Than Mike Tyson After He Bit Off Evander Holyfield’s Ear and Start Throwing Bad Interceptions That Would Make Brett Favre Blush and Just Go To the Sideline and Stare Straight Ahead” Jacory Harris then…ya know what, just keep him.

Ceiling: Plays with swag, gets the ball to his guys in the right places, does not LEAD THE NATION IN INTERCEPTIONS.
Floor: Have you watched his last, I don’t know, 15 STARTS!?!?!?!?!? THAT is his floor.

Stephen Morris, Sophomore

Very raw (cliché alert!) but has a strong arm, can move around and played with heart. Was the only kid on offense that seemed to be pissed off during the Notre Dame game, and that left a mark on me (not literally). He played with swag (cliché alert!) and lead two memorable late game comebacks, one in a game he really had no shot at (Virginia…thank you Spencer Whipple) and one which he won (Maryland).

(Wow, I can’t believe I just said that we had “memorable comebacks” against Virginia and Maryland. One of which was a futile comeback…meaning we didn’t even win the effing game and it sticks out to me as a highlight of the season. Excuse me for a second while I take a run through morning traffic.)

If everything is equal, I say start him this season and begin moving the transition forward.

Ceiling: Willie Beamen after he throws up
Floor: Willie Beamen before he throws up

Spencer Whipple, ??

Does anyone know how many years this kid has left? Anyone?!?!?!?!

I’m too lazy to look it up because I just assume he is gone after this year anyway. He’s on his third college…somewhere along the line he had to have accrued enough credits to be on major number 7 by now. And hey, maybe he can one day become an offensive coordinator like his dad and call for a strict diet of downfield passing plays even though his quarterbacks clearly operate best out of a run-heavy, play action offense. Not that I’m bitter.

Anyway, if he is playing than the following probably has happened:

Scenario 1: Jacory and Morris were in a tandem bicycling accident (watch out!).

Scenario 2: Jacory slept in because he was up late watching Spongebob and Morris got hurt (hey now!).

Scenario 3: Jacory and Morris BOTH get hurt. At halftime Golden snags the chick that throws the football into the net at halftime during the Maroone halftime contest and SHE gets hurt. Golden tries to sneak Gino Torretta back onto the field from the press box and HE gets hurt. Then, and only then, Golden looks down the bench to Whipple and says “just…go…whatever” as he breathes an exhausted sigh of disbelief.

(In this third scenario, Golden then goes home and calls a hit man while he updates his resume for the Penn State opening)

Ceiling: Looks fantastic in a backwards hat holding the clipboard and signaling in play calls, making Jake Byrne proud.
Floor: Gets on the field and looks like Stein on the Sidelines-too small, too slow, about to soil himself.

Ladies and gentlemen, YOUR Miami Hurricanes quarterbacks!

Also, my next post will be my 100th since I left college. If anyone of my 7 readers has anything they want me to write about in it I would love suggestions. Or I could just post the same non-sense as usual. Either way.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

My brother called me the other day with the following message:

“Hey man I am on the can with a real shy s*** right now, talk me through it. Dad didn’t pick up.”

My natural reaction, before hanging up, was to ask why I was the second choice to dad.

“I always call dad when I’m on the crapper. It’s our designated talk time. I like it because he helps me kill some time and he likes it because that means we talk like three times a day.”

I said "does he know this?"

To which my brother replied "would that ever not be the first thing I announced when on the phone with anyone?"

And then I hung up.

This is my family.

My brother and I are lucky enough to be able to say that our dad is our friend. Our mother has her own relationship with us, and it is equally great (I know, I know, if this were a Twitter feed it would be “white person problems” or something like that). But since it is Father’s Day coming up, that is what I am writing about.

I was a quirky kid.

Some might call it OCD. Whatever it was (is?), it manifested itself in sports.

Exhibit A: my dad bought a case of Budweiser and it came with a small brochure previewing the 1994 football season. It had the full schedule for every pro and college team, as well as their colors, head coach, mascot, etc. I memorized the entire thing in about a week. I could tell you who Dartmouth was playing in Week 6 and who Louisiana- Lafayette’s head coach was. I was 7.

Exhibit B: I at one point had roughly 56419845132198451 baseball cards. My dad told me one time that he kept his rubber banded by team when he was a kid. So I decided I would do the same. However, I did not sort them by the team they were on in the picture…I sorted them by actual, current roster. Every morning I woke up and scanned the transactions for every major league and minor league team before retreating upstairs to make the changes necessary to my shoe box. And they were in batting order. It went past fun and turned into labor fairly quickly.

Exhibit C: I was given a set of pencils as a gift once, one for every NFL team. Did I do what normal kids do and use them at school? Nope. Instead, I kept them together as a set and every Tuesday would rearrange them so that teams that were playing each other that weekend were lined up.

Some people might have their kid go see a shrink or join the Boy Scouts. Not my dad. He LOVED it. He would ask me for random statistics at odd times. He started calling me “The Book”. He indulged me, and by doing so, created a monster.

My dad taught me a lot over the years.

He taught me what it meant to be a ‘Cane and is the reason some of my first memories are of watching early 90’s college football games.

On the flip side, he also taught me to root for the Orioles and the Dolphins. Thank God I had my mother to teach me that we root for Duke in basketball.

He taught me that there was a time when pitchers intimidated hitters. He taught me to throw the high and inside fastball if some kid showed you up…and then laughed his ass off when I beaned the only girl in Little League after her teammate stared me down.

He played countless hours of Little Tikes basketball with us, which I am sure was not good on the big man’s surgically repaired knee.

He spent long summer nights hitting us endless games of pepper in the backyard; in the fall we switched to driveway basketball, where I learned that the arm extended scoop shot is literally impossible to block.

He taught me about the Baltimore Chop and the “Air Gait” goal and Unitas to Berry and “Wide Right”.

(that link never gets old)

He sat with me for Warren Fucking Morris and Willis McGahee's knee.

We went to his last game at the Orange Bowl together, a thoroughly unimpressive victory over FIU (which he will admit only at gunpoint is his Alma Mater).

He taught us to love beer (even though I think that was more a genetic thing) and love Buffett and The Stones and love to grill a mean steak.

(Smirnoff on the rocks hasn't quite caught on, partly because my brother and I haven't really started to hate the whiskey hangover yet and mostly because Smirnoff tastes like lighter fluid)

Sure, there is plenty off the sports field he taught us. But sports were the once constant for my family as we moved in and out of state after state after state.

In addition to the moving, every summer our family piled into the car and took a long road trip. One year it was across Canada. Another it was to California. Another it was a Midwest Swing through Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City and Chicago.

During those car trips, my dad would reach a point every day when he grew sick of me asking if he thought Craig Biggio was a Hall of Famer or not or “Who would you name the starter if you could have any quarterback from any season in ‘Canes history?”

(The answers, of course, are “no” and 2001 Ken Dorsey, narrowly edging ’87 Steve Walsh and ’84 Bernie Kosar…’07 Kirby Freeman is not on the list)

(Also, my brother was usually listening to "New York Groove" on repeat and was not contributing)

(Felt like I would put in another parenthetical paragraph...why the hell not?)

He would throw his hands up after a couple of hours and say that these were arguments with no end and no right answer. The conversation would die down, because I knew not to push the man having to stop the car every 30 miles so my mother could use the ladies’ room.

And then the next day we would wake up, get back in the car and start driving again. And after a couple of hours, I would start up again, this time subbing in Fred McGriff (absolutely and resoundingly "yes") and whether or not Ed Reed was the greatest ‘Cane of all time (Top 3, with Michael Irvin and Alonzo Highsmith).

And sure enough, the conversation would start up all over again.

As much as he had created a monster, it was his monster. And he knew better than to stifle it.

Happy Father’s Day dad.

Another Open Letter

2011-06-06T11:48:00.001-07:00

Dear Coach Morris,

My cell phone had a rough weekend.

This weekend saw the end of yet another 'Canes baseball season.

And for the third straight season, the 'Canes fell short of Omaha.

Mostly, my phone should be mad at me. Ever since I moved out here to LA every chance I get to see a Canes baseball game takes on extra importance. So I get a little more riled up than I usually might. It is almost like football. I only get 12 football games a year, and therefore one poor performance stings like a million hornets. Now I get even fewer baseball games, and the same feeling has taken over. And therefore I throw my phone often. It is always close at hand and during these games of late has been the bearer of much bad news. Most of the time it hits the couch. Most of the time.

And I am truly surprised it is still working after this weekend.

There is something to be said for a program which reaches the postseason for a 39th consecutive season and considers the year to be a total waste. Everyone is familiar with the story of Jim Morris' job interview, when he asked to use the men's room only to find it being propped open with a Super Regional championship trophy.

The expectation at Miami is not just to make the postseason, but to do damage once you get there. Regional victories are not supposed to be "ifs". Super Regional victories are expected. It is only a trip to Omaha that validates a season. And sometimes, even making it there isn't enough. Perhaps the two most talented teams in the history of this elite program, 1996 and 2008, don't even qualify for the debate of "best ever" because they didn't win a championship.

It is a lot to live up to.

And perhaps you said it best yourself, coach, about this year's team: they "embarassed themselves".

It is one thing to lose games. It is completely different to lose in the fashion we did.

Walked batters. Errors upon errors. Bad at-bats.

No fire.

The 'Canes baseball teams I grew accustomed to, starting really with that 1996 team and last seen in 2008, were fundamentally sound and played the game hard.

They had a hell of a lot of talent, no doubt.

But it says something that maybe the least talented teams (on paper) we ever had was my favorite of them all: the 2001 National Champions. No first round picks. No Golden Spikes candidates. Just a roster full of ballplayers that got after it EVERY SINGLE GAME.

This is the third year in a row where the team has seemingly come apart at the seams when pressure was applied.

Two years ago it was in the Gainesville Regional. Last year it was in the Gainesville Super Regional (and was one of the great meltdowns we have ever seen, fueled by multiple erros in the final frame to blow the game). This year it was in yet another Gainesville Regional (another late inning collapse, this time the result of an error on a routine ground ball, a balk and a wild pitch...and then a complete and total slaughter).

Three years. Three eliminations at the hands of the Gators.

Before the Regional Final commenced, I was buoyant. These were the 'Canes I knew. They dropped a close one the night before and had to wake up early for a fesity Jacksonville club. The bats came alive late in the game and snuffed the life out of the Dolphins. 45 minutes later was a chance at revenge against the Gators to set up a winner-take-all monday night matchup.

The 'Canes I knew would have come out hot. They would not have given two squirts of piss about all the talent on the Gators squad.

Instead the 'Canes responed with a leadoff single, a walk, and a three run homer.

And just like that the route was on and the season was over.

I hate to say it, but it reminded me of our football team.

And I am sick of it.

Coach Morris, you are a sacred cow, barring something ridiculous. But it is time to clean out your assistant coaches, most specifically Joe Mercandante.

J.D. Arteaga at least put together a good staff this year, a staff with enough returning talent to be one of the nation's best next season...assuming he doesn't chase off/hurt the talent. Which he usually does. Sadly, this Hurricane great's body of work at large has been mediocre at best.

Worse is Mercandante, however. I have never seen more bad swings and a bigger lack of situational hitting. And it falls on him just as much as the players.

Winning means coaches and players on the same page. This season, there was either a disconnect between the two or they were on the same page and that page just happened to be the worst one ever printed. Neither is acceptable.

Much as the football program needed fresh blood, so does the baseball program.

For those saying it is impossible to win at a private school anymore, I say 'bullshit'. I point to the 2008 team, only 3 years ago, which some labeled the most talented team in college baseball history. And then I point to Rice, Stanford, and Vanderbilt. All private. All winners.

It is impossible to win when you can not develop pitchers or play defense. Add that to an anemic offense and a group of upperclassmen who just didn't seem to care and you have the recipe for disaster.

And at Miami, that means more than a year in between trips to Omaha.

So this is my plea to Coach Morris. I know you are loyal. I know you have forgotten more about this sport than I can ever hope to learn. But changes are needed.

Baseball never gets the hype I feel it deserves at a school known for football; however, there are a lot of us who care. 39 straight tournament appearances is a nice feather in the cap. But it has been 10 years since a title. It is time for another. And what we have seen lately just ain't gonna hack it.

You once autographed a baseball for me that says "Always be your best". Simple words. I keep that baseball on my desk and look at it every day when I wake up.

This program has not been its best for a number of years now. Whether it is bad coaching or spoiled kids or limits placed by the NCAA or just bad luck, I do not know. But something has to change. The team owes it to you to be better. They owe you the decency of taking that advice.

They owe my cell phone.

And they owe it to us diehards.

A Standard of Excellence

2011-05-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

I am warning right now, this is a rant. I think it is fairly well constructed, but it is a rant.

*Begin rant*

When Al Golden was hired as the new head coach and caretaker of Miami football in December, his mission was simple: return Miami to the glories past while maintaining the sterling off-field success enjoyed by the previous regime.

Now, I think we all know where this is going given the recent allegations against reserve defensive tackle Jeffrey Brown. And you are correct...but before we get there, a disclaimer. That is probably the incorrect choice of words, because no disclaimer can mitigate even the admitted actions of Brown, much less the alleged ones. But there is a scene that needs to be set.

First of all, anytime a new MFWIC comes in to town there is bound to be friction.

Golden could have acquired the Harvard football roster and probably had some players have run-ins with authorities, whether it be Residence Halls staff or Miami PD.

Randy Shannon was like a father figure to a lot of the kids on this team. Whether or not you liked the man, that is indisputable. His deaprture left a vacuum for a lot of these kids, and it is almost impossible to ask Golden to fill it right away; that leaves at least a few of these kids drifting, in a sense.

He did not recruit these players and he is probably seen by more than a few as the guy coming in to "fix them".

I can tell you that there is an automatic sense of rebellion when you are 18-22 years old and someone gets in your face and tells you what you are doing is not good enough.

Second of all, I am a firm believer that kids need to police themselves. Al Golden can not keep an eye on every kid 24 hours a day. He is a coach, not a baby sitter. And to hold him, or any coach for that matter, acocuntable for the actions of these kids is slightly ridiculous.

Keeping that in mind, let us move forward.

Since Golden took over, there have been two players charged with felonies.

The first was Ramon Buchannon being charged with violently resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer. The police report sounded fishy to me, knowing Miami cops, and all in all it seemed like a college kid doing something dumb and letting it get out of hand. Getting drunk in the Grove and resisting the order to leave is something I have personally seen happen a lot of times. The charge got plead down and Buchannon reinstated to the team after being placed in an early diversion program. Here is the thing that stuck with me from that police report though:

“I’m a U.M. football player and I don’t give a f— what you do. I’ll get out of it. F— the police.”

Keep that in mind, more in a bit.

And then the Brown incident.

This is far more concerning. If you don't want to click on that hyperlink, here are the bare bones of the charges:

Brown is sitting in room when drunk girl knocks on door and asks to use bathroom.

Brown walks her back to her room, then returns to his.

Time passes and Brown goes to the room he left her at to check on her well being

Brown climbs in to her bed, removes her underwear and has sex with her as she repeatedly tells him to stop

Brown tells his roommate to get rid of his underwear

Brown initially tells police there was no sex involved, and then changes his story to say they did have sex when pressed

This, ladies and gentlemen, is bad however you slice it. I am the first one to say that you are innocent until proven guilty. I look at the Duke Lacrosse case from a few years back and shudder about how these things can turn in to witch hunts.

Having said that...

Think about what happens when an incident such as this is alleged at UiF or FSU. We, as Miami fans, do not stop and ask the "what if he didn't do it?" question.

We, after all, are Miami. We are better than that. Despite all the stereotypes, we are a cut above the rest, among the elite football programs both on and off the field. That is the goal and it is the way it should be.

Golden was right to kick this kid off them team, and he did so immediately. Putting yourself in this position is unacceptable and will not be tolerated under this regime.

Hoever, what scares me more than the incidents themselves is the fan reaction. Here is a sampling of some of the stuff I have read:

"Awesome, we're back to Thug U!"

"Bad guys off the field win football games."

"Good."

"Well, if he wasn't a two star she probably would have wanted to have sex (I am rephrasing) with him."

Etc.

Aside from the obvious immorality of these statements, there is a thread of thought occurring here that needs to be fleshed out immediately. And yes, I know that this is probably .1% of the fanbase that feels this way. However, the fact that anyone MIGHT think this way is troublesome to me.

Recently, we have been caught up in a wave of nostalgia for the 80's and the team that became known as Thug U (somewhat inappropriately, I might add).

What we really want is a return of the swagger that was pronounced on the way into the stadium and then backed up on the field.

That was fueled by kids who worked hard on their own, took complete ownership of the program and fought like dogs for every inch. Hell yeah we want that back.

They also had a knack for getting into trouble off the field, some petty, some not.

The problem we are having as a fanbase right now is recalling one of the most basic lessons of any education: correlation is nto causation.

Ice cream sales go up in summer. So do drownings. Does ice cream cause people to drown then?

It is a silly premise. Now let's apply it to those lionized teams of the 80's.

They did bad things off the field (at times) because they were admittedly stupid.

They dominated on the field because they worked their asses off and channeled a lot of anger into football, including anger at being labeled as Thugs in the first place. Period.

To think that off-field trouble breeds on-field success is absolutely incorrect. To think that by winning games they exonerate(d) themselves for off the field wrongdoing is ridiculous. I fear that may be the message that Mr. Buchannon ran with during his drunken encounter with the police. I fear that may have lead Mr. Brown down a bad path.

No, Ramon, you won't get out of it just because you play for The U.

If accountability on the field must be improved (and it surely must), then accountability off the field can not slip.

As an alumni, I am angry that the school I love has been tarnished by this incident. As a fan, I don't see any way for our team to get better if we have players suspended and sitting on the sideline in shorts. As both, I pray that these are isolate incidents and not part of an attitude that is running rampant on this squad.

Isolated or not is a bad day all around, and for anyone to say otherwise is ignorant.

I think the team will wake up once Golden starts leaning on them in the fall. They will learn quickly that he is all business. And frankly, he better beat this lesson in hard. Because this type of behavior is unacceptable.

Already, Al has a chance to prove that he is Golden and not a Tin Man like his counterparts at other southern schools have proven to be.

In life, you find yourself in trouble when you lower your standards. We should expect excellence from these kids off the field AND on the field. I will take a million Ken Dorseys and Ed Reeds before I take another Willie Williams.

There are no excuses for behavior more in line with Williams then Reed. Not your coach getting fired. Not you feeling abandoned. Not a sense of frustration with a new boss. Not the fact that you play for The U. NO EXCUSES. Mess it up once and you sit. After all, we have all done something dumb, like get caught smoking pot or drinking underage or not wanting to leave the bar. Mess it up twice though and you're gone. And if you put yourself in position to get charged with rape AND THEN LIE TO POLICE, we have no place for you, period. If you don't like that, tough. Transfer. I know a school in the panhandle that loves to harbor repeat offenders.

*End rant*

I feel a little better now.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Reason Number #1273467834857 I Love Sports

2011-04-26T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

On Sunday I was watching Game 4 of a playoff basketball series between the Heat and the 76ers.

The Heat was up in the best of 7 series 3-0; this particular game was essentially meaningless.

The only thing that really struck me as out of the ordinary during the game was an exchange in the 2nd quarter between the Heat’s James Jones and the Sixers’ Evan Turner.

On a fast break, Jones caught the ball behind the three point line in front of the Miami bench. In fact, he was so far out on the wing that his heel was on the out of bounds line, resulting in a turnover when he caught the pass. Turner had been guarding him on the play. After the whistle, Jones went to shoot the ball, as NBA players often do during dead ball transitions. Turner went to block the shot, an annoying yet not uncommon response. Jones took exception to Turner making contact with him on a play that had been blown dead and put a hand in his chest. Turner backed off, but teammate Thaddeus Young took exception to Jones taking exception to Turner (hope I haven’t lost you yet) and shoved Jones. The referee, Heat star Chris Bosh, Sixers coach Doug Collins and several others intervened before the mini-fracas turned in to a larger incident. It was not worthy of notice, except for one thing.

After Young intervened on Turner’s behalf, Turner himself got one more shove in on Jones. In the midst of the intense moment, it was probably brushed off by most viewers.

To me, however, this was a very significant moment. And that little shove, after the pushing and shoving had stopped and things had cooled down, Turner turned back in to a tough guy. It was the ultimate “hold me back, hold me back!” moment, with one problem…no one was really holding him back (they held back Young).

__ __

I oftentimes wonder why I love sports so much.

I know, for instance, why I love the ‘Canes. Or Duke basketball. Or Orioles baseball. These are teams I was brought up rooting on. My parents, specifically my father, made sure I was conditioned to become a fan of the teams they were a fan of.

However, somewhere along the way it became bigger than just being a fan of those teams. I spend an entire weekend every April watching The Masters. I am fascinated by Jimmie Johnson winning 4 straight NASCAR titles. For exactly one month every four years I become an avid follower of soccer.

I catch seemingly small moments, like Turner shoving Jones, and notice them as something much larger than they appear to the casual observer.

I am not uncommon in this, either. So I am left with the following thought: "why?"

It is impossible to give a complete answer, I have concluded. There are just too many factors.

There are, however, some factors that are bigger than others, whether or not I realize it as they occur.

It is sports that provide me the most entertainment of all the different forms of media I consume.

My favorite TV show, Friday Night Lights, is a soap opera centering on the coach of a high school football team and his family.

Most of the music I listen to in the car on the way to and from work (about two hours a day) is music that stimulates similar parts of the brain as stepping on to the court for a game of pickup basketball. It gets me jacked up.

In fact, I have gotten up from writing this blog post three different times today to watch random sports-related television programming.

Sport, as has often been said, simulates life. It is a great proving ground.

It is when men compete that there true colors begin to come out.

Pickup basketball, for instance, is how I know that some of my bigger friends will back down if someone gets right in their face; it is also how I know that some of my puniest friends are guys who I would only want on my side in a fight. They will have my back no matter what we are facing.

By watching sports, you can figure out who does what in pressure situations. You can figure out who is tough (Young) and who just likes to look the part (Turner).

In other words, actions on the field of competition tell the story of a man far better than words ever can.

And that is what struck me about Evan Turner today. He is, for lack of a better term, soft. He proved that in a bout half a second today.

And he will never be the type of guy you can build your franchise around.

(And for anyone who counters with "What about Carmelo Anthony?", I ask you the following: do you ever see him being the best player on an NBA champion?)

__ __

Turner became a part of my sports consciousness about two years ago.

He was a superstar during his junior year at Ohio State. In fact, he won every major National Player of the Year award during the 2009-2010 college basketball season and made every All American team. He was a 6’7” Swiss Army Knife of a player, handling the ball, posting up smaller players, making clutch shots and carrying the team on his back…which, ironically, he broke early in the season (yes, he broke his back), only to return and pick right back up on his stellar start.

He is a good story, a kid from a rough town (Chicago) that overcame some early childhood illnesses to make himself a stud. He is immensely talented on the basketball court and a pleasure to watch when he gets in to a rhythm. I have literally zero problem with him as a person.

However, just from observation, something always seemed a little off. I had a bad gut feeling about the guy. So I did some reading.

A teammate of his, a walk on named Mark Titus, kept a blog called “Club Trillion” during the 2009-2010 season.

It is a hilarious site and one of my favorite to visit, and the majority of time it is not for the basketball content. However, Titus does at times shed invaluable light on college basketball from a unique perspective: a non-scholarship athlete at a major program who interacted regularly with stars but was able to tell the stories that other athletes might be afraid to; after all, it was not like they were going to take his scholarship away.

Did Titus ever really violate the unspoken code among athletes? Probably. But so what? I found it hilarious.

To my knowledge, he never broke the news of an athlete cheating on an exam or their girlfriend. He never told of the illicit activities that compose the world of college basketball recruiting.

He was, however, willing to call someone on his team out for acting like a privileged little brat. And he did, on several occasions. He had this to say about Turner:

"Turner was out for himself," "hated everyone" and was a "head case" his freshman year.

This was written during an NCAA Tournament run about the team's star. It was a pretty strong indictment, I thought.

Turner, to his credit, did seem to get better from his freshman year to his final (junior) year. But it is worth noting that his teams were better each year.

Reports started cropping up again during his NBA rookie training camp that Turner was moping because his coach (Collins) was keeping it real with him. Turner couldn’t shoot. NBA starters have to be able to shoot (at least the guards, anyway). Therefore, Collins would not start Turner until he learned to shoot.

The reason this is all relevant?

Well, it helps confirm the gut feeling I got from watching a few of his games last spring.

He just looks like the type of guy that is soft. Like he is all sizzle and no steak. Like he needs to be coddled or he will take his ball and go home. If everything isn't perfect, he shuts down. I cannot explain it beyond that.

This gut feeling was only cemented by what I witnessed on the court today. And that is why I am writing this.

Sports provide “the moment of clarity”, as some drug addicts call it, with more frequency and on a larger scale than any other medium. And that plays a big role in my subconscious fascination with what unfurls between the hash marks. It is one of the few chances I ever get to see the unpolished, unfiltered version of who someone really is.

Turner could not control what happened on the court in that moment during the second quarter.

That’s probably wrong. He COULD control what happened, but in those quick moments when tensions rise people rarely DO control themselves (hence, every flare up in the history of sports). And that is why the truth comes out.

Evan Turner is a fantastic ball player.

He might be the next Kobe Bryant for all I know. I hope he does. But I highly doubt it.

As a basketball agnostic, the thought of a LeBron-DWade-Bosh Heat team being chased in the East (for the foreseeable future) by the Celtics (Rondo and….wait for it…Dwight Howard?), Bulls (D-Rose, Boozer, Noah, Gibson, Deng), Sixers (Igoudala, Jrue Holiday, Evan Turner, Lou Williams, Thad Young, resurrected Elton Brand), Pacers (Darren Collison, Danny Granger, Roy Hibbert, Psycho T), Bucks (Healthy Andrew Bogut and Brandon Jennings), Hawks (Josh Smith, Joe Johnson, Al Horford, whatever is left in Jamaal Crawford's tank) and Knicks (Melo, Amare and…wait for it…Chris Paul?) is fantastic to think about.

But that is not the issue for this post. This is:

Larry Bird would never have backed out of a fight that he instigated, and then let a teammate come in to clean it up, and then gotten in a cheap shot once the incident was already over. And you can bet no one ever called Larry Bird “soft”.

Sport is a proving ground. It is one thing in life which constantly confirms or denies opinions.

If I say "LeBron is the most clutch player in the NBA" and then he goes 1-15 on the season on game tying or winning shots taken in the final 10 seconds, then I am wrong. He falls short in the moment. He becomes LeBrick.

If I say “Evan Turner is a little bitch”, there will usually come a time when he will prove me right or wrong.

Turner had that moment today and proved me right. He showed his true colors.

That might not be the entire reason that I love sports, but it is one hell of a beautiful thing.