Welcome to Dade, Bitch

Hello All,

This just in ... Tennessee just missed another tackle! Bing bang bong!

Gracias! This is my review of the entire week, but before I break down what I watched, I have to talk about the biggest thing to happen in my life in quite some time (pathetic?), the Miami Hurricanes turning back the clock and dominating Georgia Tech.

I drove down to Miami for the long weekend so that I could take in the biggest ‘Canes home game in years with my friends, most of whom are either still in school at UM or flew back in for the game.

Here is my account of what happened as taken from notes I made along the way:

WEDNESDAY NIGHT

I pick up my buddy Tim from the airport at 10:30pm on my way down. Tim and I both realize that neither of us has a place to stay nailed down yet. Do we go to someone’s house to try and claim a couch or air mattress (or even a space on the floor)? Nope, that would be too logical. Instead, we go straight to a bar and tell everyone to meet us there. We all know where this is going…

THURSDAY MORNING/AFTERNOON

SO. HUNG. OVER.

I finally ended up sleeping on Steve’s couch, which is made of suede and located in the middle of a house that refuses to use air conditioning. The combined heat, suede, excess of alcohol, and lack of water was delightful.

I woke up at 7 am to the sound of Steve’s roommates cracking open beers to shotgun.

Game Day baby!

I spend the rest of the morning and the early afternoon at The Rat and then catch a ride to the game with my former roommate Ty.

TAILGATE

There are levels of dehydrated, and "slept two hours, drank beer in the sun for three hours at the Rat and now I am tailgating in the heat of Miami in September" dehydrated is one of the least fun.

As if to make it worse, the beer is only semi-cold. I was at The Rat all day, so I left Tim in charge of really the only important task of the day: buying beer and ice. Tim is a great kid, but a pro-tailgater he is not. He bought the beer, but decided to wait until we were on the road on the way to the stadium to get ice.

This presents a problem in and of itself, as the car ride there is not nearly enough time to get the beer cold in the first place. It also completely takes away the possibility for road beers. Wait… I mean… road beers? That’s illegal, sir.

It also presented the problem of having to stop somewhere along the 826 to find ice. We tried five different stores. None of them had ice. Worse, none of them spoke English. We were sold, at different times, ice cream, popsicles and Smirnoff Ice, but never a bag of ice. And since you usually go to the counter, pay for the bag of ice and then pick it up, we paid for ice, went to find it, couldn’t find it and then got a refund each time. Five times. Awesome.

This ranked right up there with Season 5 of The Office on my list of frustrating experiences. The moral: just buy the damn ice when you get the beer. It is one of the few inalienable rules of tailgating.

As if that weren’t bad enough, on the way to the game I I read someone’s Facebook status that said “The ‘Canes are 12-0 all-time at home on Thursday night. Just sayin.”

That is the football equivalent of Joe Buck announcing that someone has a no-hitter going in the 2^nd inning. What inevitably happens when Joe Buck does that? Some utility guy hits a double and breaks everything up. The lesson? DON’T MESS WITH THE SPORTS GODS!

Listen, I have been a fan of the ‘Canes for a long time and have a long memory. I remember probably 10 different games over the last four years that the ‘Canes should have won but didn’t, always losing in ridiculous fashion. I think it is the Football Gods punishing our fan base for making comments like this. And, well, for some of the other stuff that our student section does, like flip the other team off when they enter the field.

Or booing our own players for missing field goals when up three scores (someone actually did this behind me; he was angry because he didn’t win his bet).

Or booing an opposing player who was getting taken off the field on a gurney.

Or getting in fights with each other fueled by too much booze and the inferiority complexes that come standard on Northeasterners.

And yet I digress.

Anyway, the point is, you never say something like that, because only bad things can come from it. It upsets the Sports Gods. What was this person thinking? I honestly would have killed them with my mind if I could have. This is when the overwhelming sense of dread filled my stomach.

Or maybe it was just the hangover. Either way, my stomach was not great, and I needed the game to start.

I passed the time by playing cornhole at the tailgate, possibly the greatest “passing the time” game ever. And I would just like to say that I might be the world’s most lethal man with a bean bag. Try me.

1^st QTR

- First of all, congratulations to Miami for finally nailing the pre-game entrance. The Band of the Hour’s “U” formation was great, as were the two videos they showed while the team got its final talk in the locker room. When the videos ended, the Jumbotron cut to the tunnel, where the ‘Canes were walking past the Georgia Tech players to form in the giant inflatable Miami helmet while the music blared in the stadium. The helmet started rocking as it filled with players, and the band formed another “U” along the path the players ran down. The crowd was foaming at the mouth and genuinely in to the moment by the time they shot off the fire extinguishers and the players came running out of the helmet and onto the field (an entrance which I could watch a million times and never fail to get chills down my spine). It took them a while, but they have finally figured out how to set the stage for a game.

- Miami’s got a new kickoff guy, walk-on Alex Uribe. He booms his first kickoff down the field…and out of bounds. DAMN IT! I look around to see if I can find the Facebook offender in my vicinity. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t. As if to make me angrier, Tech marches down the field in to field goal range quickly. Our defense looks confused, and we are missing tackles. We manage to hold them to a field goal. Already, we HAVE to answer back with a score.

- It gets to 3^rd and 11, and I wait for the inevitable screen pass to Graig Cooper. I have seen this too many times. But wait, Jacory drops back…and he has Hankerson…and Hankerson is across midfield to the 40! FIRST DOWN ‘CANES!!! I think I might have broken Steve’s hand. Oops.

- Harris takes the next snap and drops back, finding LaRon Byrd over the middle. Byrd bangs his way in for a touchdown. 7-3 CANES!!!!! 1:36 later, the ‘canes not only answered, but Byrd made the Jackets star safety look foolish on his route, freezing him with a shoulder fake to the outside before cutting it back over the inside, where no one was within five yards of him. Beautiful. That looked an awful lot like Ken Dorsey to Andre Johnson. Wait, that looked A LOT like Dorsey to Johnson. Could it be…well, lots of game left.

- The rest of the 1^st QTR features the ‘Canes starting to come up and hit the Tech offense. They are not only playing their assignment, but they are forcing the issue. They look fast. They look hungry. The tackling is not the cleanest, but it doesn’t matter, because the D is swarming. The only downside is that Alex Uribe kicked his second kickoff out of bounds too. Can you imagine his conversation with Randy Shannon after the second offense? “Alex, you’re still not keepin’ it in-bounds. Now, that’s something we’re gonna need you to work on in the offseason… It is, after all, your only job…and you do have 55 YARDS to work with…”

2^nd QTR

- Harris opens the 2^nd quarter with a play action pass to Dedrick Epps that goes for a score. 14-3 CANES!!!! Epps is the most underrated player on this team, and if we could have used him right for the past three years, he would have been a first round pick and our offense would have been better. Thanks Pat Nix!

- Steve and I just engaged in five consecutive minutes of switching off between hugging and giving each other bones, all the while screaming at each other like gorillas at a zoo. The girls occupying the seats next to us, Carter and Steph, have a look on their face somewhere between Jay Cutler’s after he threw his fourth pick against the Packers and Bobby Bowden’s after he loses another game to Miami (because of his dadgum kicker); they are in complete disbelief and are bordering on afraid for their lives.

- Travis Benjamin reverses a reverse to pick up the first down, making something out of nothing. The most overlooked play of the game occurred on this play, when fullback Pat Hill cracked back on a defensive lineman and hit him so hard that his knees buckled. Did not make a single highlight reel, but it was one of the best blocks I have ever seen. Pat Hill is 5’9” in the program, which means he is probably more like 5’7”. And he cracked back on a guy that was probably 6’5”. And the guy is probably still trying to find his mouth piece. And I just said probably a lot.

- The whole D looks good, but Brandon Harris has stood out so far. He is turning in to an elite corner.

- The clock management has been great, and Randy Shannon is able to use his timeouts near the end of the half and get the ball back for one last shot at scoring. Tech is forced to punt to Benjamin, who fields and it and starts his typical routine, which includes sprinting one step toward a sideline, completely stopping to make two guys miss, reversing field while retreating to run around a mass of guys and waiting for a crack back to spring him. Benjamin is reversing field…he is sprinting toward the sideline…all of a sudden, an orange blur enters the picture and flattens a Tech defender as Benjamin picks up an extra five yards. I mean, Jordan Futch just straight up Batmanned the Tech defender (wow, I just sounded really G; word to your mother). This is why they tell you to keep your head on a swivel. The crowd goes nuts as they replay it; in fact, most hardly notice that Miami has decided to just head in to the half. It is 17-3 ‘Canes, and the stadium has legit "energy" in it for the first time I can remember. My brother sends me the following text: “Welcome to Dade bitch”. Hmmm, Dan smells a Facebook status...or maybe a blog title...

HALFTIME

- The voice of the Band of the Hour needs to be fired, which I have been saying for years. He is awful. He sounds like a bad TV Pitchman. Just embarrassing.

- Whatever happened to cheerleaders wearing sweaters (and why do I sound so much like Larry King right now?) If you are going to have as many fat cheerleaders as Miami, you should strongly consider bringing them back. Just sayin’. For a school as good looking as Miami, why are the cheerleaders so rough. There are a few beautiful girls cheerleading, don’t get me wrong. But seriously guys, get on this.

- If I were in the band, I would be so pumped to do the Thriller Dance at halftime that it would be ridiculous. I would spend the whole game looking forward to it. I would probably not even be able to play my instrument during the game because I would be so excited. Not even kidding. Seriously. I liked it MAYBE a little too much.

- This game was over at halftime. The difference was only 2 scores, but everyone in the building knew in their gut that the ‘Canes weren’t losing this one. It was good to feel that way in a big game for once.

2^nd HALF

Honestly, I got so excited during the second half that my note-taking suffered. However, I did manage to get a few notes down:

- Jimmy Graham’s touchdown was the loudest I have ever cheered. The entire student section went nuts. This guy was everyone’s favorite basketball player for four years. He hustled, he rebounded, he blocked shots, he committed hard fouls, he dunked and he played to the crowd. He was everything we ever wanted him to be, and to top it off, he was a great guy. Everyone had a story about Jimmy, and to see him score made everyone ecstatic.

- Miami continues to get screwed repeatedly on penalty calls. The first was when Vaughn Telemaque broke up a pass with great coverage to force a turnover on downs and got called for pass interference. Just awful. They are emasculating the sport, and it seems like the ‘Canes always get the short end of the stick. The bright spot of that call was that the ‘Canes responded by slamming the door for three more plays after, which was really the moment when the Tech players accepted defeat. The second awful call was when Brandon Harris got a pick but had it waved back due to roughing the passer on Steven Wesley, who arrived roughly .000000000001 seconds after Josh Nesbitt threw the ball. Ridiculous. Pretty soon, quarterbacks will be protected by bubbles like the kid in Seinfeld.

- Allen Bailey is dominating the interior linemen sent up against him. He has found his position finally.

- The whole team played amazing football in the second half, so there is no reason to list every individual who made a great play. However, the team came together and played old school Miami football, and that was enough to beat any team in the country.

- The final was 33-17, but it easily could have been 50-10 if Randy Shannon had allowed it to be. I personally wanted to run it up, but I can see why he didn’t. The team played mistake free up to that point, so why worry about points when you have the win in hand?

- There is a lot to improve. Dumb penalties must be eliminated. The secondary needs to make better plays on the ball. Overall, however, I have not been this pleased in 7 years.

POSTGAME THOUGHTS

- GAMEBALL: The defense. Randy Phillips and Brandon Harris played their asses off. Olivier Vernon, Vaughn Telemaque, Marcus Robinson, Sean Spence, Micanor Regis, Joe Joseph, Andrew Smith, Futch, Jared Campbell and Colin McCarthy all made big plays, and everyone else executed their assignment well. I cannot say enough about this performance. When facing an option attack, guys can play well and not have their name called, like Allen Bailey and Sean Spence. They didn’t get their name called much, but they enabled others to make plays. Which against Georgia Tech is a big deal.

- I love the way that Whipple makes use of everyone he has, including the non-hyped guys. Pat Hill, Tervarris Johnson and Jimmy Graham made huge plays. Raise your hand if you saw that coming two weeks ago. Anyone? Bueller?

- I was wrong about this game. I said it would be close and it was not. I said we would try and play our assignments and bend but not break. Instead, the Miami D came up and made play after play. One great examples were Olivier Vernon shedding a double team and blowing up Roddy Jones in the backfield at one point. He tossed aside the back assigned to chip him and blew past the tackle to envelop the pitch back. It was a work of art. Another was Vaughn Telemaque shooting into the backfield and flipping Roddy Jones up in to the air (Jones had a rough night; on top of the aforementioned, he had to watch both hits get replayed on Sportscenter ad nauseum). These were guys forcing the issue. They stayed in their lane, but instead of reacting, they came up and forced Tech to react. Beautiful. Old school.

- Enough has been written about the ‘Canes through 2 weeks that I don’t have much to add in a larger sense. I am legitimately excited and finally confident in this team. They are playing as a team and playing fast. They make mistakes, but they aren’t afraid to. They have the look of a team that could knock off anyone on any night, and all of a sudden 2-2 would be a major disappointment. It’s great to be a Miami Hurricane.

WEEKEND NOTES:

- Fresno State vs. Boise State: Boise is a force. They have a lot of speed. A lot of speed. And I know they usually beat up on weak teams, but they have proven they can beat the big boys. If they don’t go undefeated I will be extremely surprised. And you can bet they will make noise in their bowl.

- UNC vs. East Carolina: I do not understand the hype around UNC and never really have. They seem solid, but nothing spectacular. I think they rank behind Miami, FSU, Virginia Tech and Clemson in the conference right now. And their fans are quick to achieving Rutgers- fan status (talk a lot of smack even though they have never won ANYTHING of import).

- Boston College vs. Clemson: Clemson is quickly becoming the one game outside of our first 4 that scares me the most. They just ran by BC, who might not always be talented but always puts up a fight.

- Cal vs. Minnesota: Jahvid Best and Eric Decker are both studs. This was a boring game without those two, who made electric play after play. Best single handedly won the game, and Decker single handedly kept the Gophers in it. PLEASEGODLETTHEDOLPHINSDRAFTTHEM!

- North Texas vs. ‘Bama: Blowout. Alabama is the best team in the country right now, although if they got in to a shootout I have concerns as to whether they could stay in it.

- Notre Dame vs. Michigan State: Damn it Michigan State.

- Florida vs. Tennessee: DAMN IT Tennessee!

- USC vs Washington: Hats off to Steve Sarkisian for getting a mediocre team to believe they can beat anyone. This shows what a difference coaching can make. The Washington staff is doing what Ty Willingham couldn’t, much like Mark Whipple is doing what Patrick Nix couldn’t (2 Nix slams in one blog? Damn).

- Oregon vs. Utah: Thank God I don’t have to worry about Orrin Hatch impeding upon this college football season. I would have enjoyed Oregon’s win a lot more if they had not been wearing those Godawful uniforms.

- I missed the late games due to dinner and driving, but I was pumped to hear that FSU rocked BYU. Miami and Florida State winning big against ranked teams in the same weekend. I like the sound of it.

Best Game: USC vs. Washington, just because it was the only game that I watched closely that didn’t turn in to a blowout. Notre Dame should have lost, but Michigan State is Michigan State. Virginia Tech should have lost, but Nebraska decided not to tackle at the end. However, Washington actually pulled the upset they were supposed to, and that makes this the best game of the weekend.

Best Uniform: Washington’s home Purple over Gold. Well done.

Game Ball Goes To: Jahvid Best, Cal. Single handedly beat Minnesota. 5 touchdowns reminded me of Willis McGahee (Jesus Christ himself as far as running backs are concerned).

Worst Uniform: Minnesota’s Gold over Maroon. Ouch. WAY ouch.

Trojan Enz © Boner of the Week Award: Nebraska. They let Tyrod Taylor run around for roughly 15 minutes on the game winning play without tackling him. It looked like they were standing around waiting to lose. And this is why Nebraska keeps losing.

Brian Rolle “Should’ve Been a ‘Cane” Award: Janoris Jenkins, UF. The story goes that Jenkins wanted to commit to Miami but was told that we were holding off on offering corners until tapes came in. Jenkins found out that Patrick Johnson and Travis Howard were already offered and decided to commit to UF on the spot to spite the ‘Canes. How good would he look on the other side of Brandon Harris the next three years? Very. Very damn good. Sigh.

Non-BCS Name You Should Know: Ryan Matthews, Fresno State. The guy broke three different 60+ yard runs in a losing effort. He was electric. Odds are he is not done breaking off long runs, as his short, stout build translates well to the next level as well (Maurice Jones- Drew? Chris Johnson? Felix Jones?).

So there it is, a great week reviewed. Miami is up to No. 9, and I will preview their game against Virginia Tech later this week.

Always guard the inbound passer.

Georgia Tech Preview

Hello All,

I know it is only Tuesday, but tomorrow I am headin’ down to Miami to watch the home opener and therefore decided to post this when I could. This, coupled with the fact that I am still awkward from Kanye's apology on Leno last night, should make this post one to laugh at when we look back at it on Sunday.

The ‘Canes take on Georgia Tech Thursday night in what will be a good barometer of how much progress has been made since last season.

Last year, Miami went in to Atlanta to play the Yellow Jackets after an emotional victory over Virginia Tech the week before.

Miami has used the Virginia Tech game to catapult in to the top 25 after being unranked.

People were pronouncing the ‘Canes as “back”.

The Yellow Jackets then drubbed the Hurricanes 41-23 in front of a Thursday night national TV audience in a game that was not as close as the final score might indicate (and the final score would indicate a blowout).

If the lead-up to last year’s game sounds familiar, it is because it is.

Miami comes in to this one after beating FSU in the young season’s best game and carrying a National Ranking.

Georgia Tech struggled last week against Clemson, and Miami has had 10 days to prepare for Georgia Tech’s unique (gimmick?) offense. Last season, the ‘Canes only had 5 days or so to put in a defensive gameplan.

Also working for the ‘Canes this year are two new hires. John Lovett was part of the defensive coaching staff at North Carolina last season, when the Heels beat the Jackets 28-7. Mark Whipple gives the ‘Canes the ability to win a shootout, which is a weapon they did not possess last season, when the offense routinely sputtered and was unable to prolong a drive when it needed to.

Miami will be watching tape of Tech playing LSU and UNC last season, as well as last week’s game, to show the players how to stop this offense. The long and short of it: play your assignment, tackle well, and create pressure through the middle.

This matchup is far more even this year, although I still give the Jackets a slight edge due to their dominance of the ‘Canes of late (in my four years as a student, Miami was 0-4 against these guys). Here are the breakdowns:

Quarterback: Jacory Harris looked like the next great Miami quarterback against FSU, standing up to enormous pressure which he is sure to see again next week and making plays in the clutch to win the game. Tech’s Josh Nesbitt is a great quarterback for his system, but struggled mightily throwing the ball last week when forced to (the name Kirby Freeman came to mind). If Miami can force Nesbitt to throw more than 15 times, than the ‘Canes will be in good position to win. EDGE: Miami

Running Back: Javarris James and Graig Cooper looked good for the ‘Canes. However, Jonathan Dwyer, Anthony Allen and Roddy Jones have looked great for the Jackets. Both teams are deep and use their backs in completely different ways. Dwyer is the best back in the game, and that is a good thing to be. Dwyerr also carries in the knowledge that last season the 'Canes made him look like Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson. EDGE: Tech

Receiver: Miami got a boatload of receivers involved last week, and Travis Benjamin is a game breaker. Tech has one star receiver in Demariyus Thomas, and he can be contained, as evidenced by Clemson last week, when his only big play was on a gimmick fake field goal. EDGE: Miami

QUESTION: How much is a boatload? I have always understood it to mean a big number, but what if it is a small boat? I guess for the purpose of this blog post, the boast is big enough to fit like 10 guys.

Offensive Line: Miami looked good last week, allowing only two sacks against a great pass rush. They will have their hands full with Tech’s Derrick Morgan, an elite pass rusher. Tech relies heavily on the cut block, a practice which many (me included) consider dirty. Cut blocking, for those unfamiliar, is the practice of diving at a defensive lineman’s knees in order to seal him off from the play. It is also known as “chop blocking”, which is illegal. Any Georgia Tech fan that reads this will say something along the lines of “if you can tackle below the waist you should be able to block there.” I would be interested to see what they say the next time one of THEIR defensive lineman gets his knee shredded by an offensive lineman who dove in to his knees while the defender had his eyes upfield, watching the flow of the play and beginning his pursuit (which is what you are SUPPOSED to do in football). It may be cheap, but it is effective for them. EDGE: Even

Defensive Line: Miami will get Eric Moncur back, which will help. The tackles will have to play better, particularly Marcus Forston, as middle pressure will take away the dive option and force Nesbitt in to mistakes, as Clemson proved last week. EDGE: Tech

Linebackers: Colin McCarthy looked good last week, and I have to assume that Sean Spence will have a bounce back game. Georgia Tech has a solid group, but Miami has too much talent. They look better tackling this year, and you can bet they have been watching tape of last year’s embarrassment all summer. EDGE: Miami

Secondary: This is Georgia Tech’s strength and Miami’s weakness. Luckily, this is the one game Miami can hide their struggles in pass coverage and rely on their corners and safeties to play the run. The defensive backs looked much more physical last week, but I am still skeptical of their ability to come up and thump. Tech’s Morgan Burnett is a star, and Miami’s Brandon Harris is moving in that direction. The ‘Canes are also boosted by the potential healthy returns of Vaughn Telemaque and Ryan Hill (or as you might know them at home, “Miami’s best reason to get Jared Campbell and Jo Jo Nicolas off of the field”). EDGE: Tech

Special Teams: Tech has a good return game lead by Jerrad Tarrant, who Jesse Palmer tried to compare to Devin Hester last week (yep, Jesse Palmer, resident genius). For Miami, Cooper and Benjamin are studs. Bosher might be the best kicker in the country overall. Miami’s kickoffs must be better, however. If the kick is going to be short and high, that is fine, but the coverage has got to make a quick tackle. If it is going to be squibbed…well, let’s just say it should NOT BE SQUIBBED! EDGE: Miami

Coaching: Whipple and Lovett will help, but Johnson embarrassed the Miami staff last season and will only be better this season. EDGE: Tech

So there you have it. It will be a close game, and I predict a shootout. Talk to me Thursday night around 11 to see who I think will win.

This Week’s Upset Alert: Oregon State over No. 17 Cincinnati. I have no idea if this would even really be considered an upset, but one team is ranked and one is not. Cincy has to visit Corvallis, where the Beavers are a tough out. Jacquizz Rogers is a stud for Oregon State, and while this game may be close, USC couldn’t even pull out a win in this building last season. Book it!

Always guard the inbound passer.