Senior Day

Hello All,

First, let me begin this post by saying I crushed last week’s picks. Destroyed them. If the picks were a town, I was a betrayed Keyser Soze…as Bill Simmons might say, I was 1986 Larry Bird and those picks were any other relevant team. I wiped that shit up like Leon from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

But that is really for later in the column. First, we have Senior Day to talk about.

This is a weird Senior Day for me…it is the first time that the senior class is comprised mostly of guys younger than me. It is also really the last class that ties this program to the Coker era…there will still be a few Coker recruits around next year, but for the most part they will be Shannon’s guys. So here we go, a player by player breakdown of the class that leaves. Thanks fellas, you might not have had the talent, but there is not a single guy on this list that didn’t have the heart.

Randy Phillips: Played five years and became the leader of the secondary. Was injury plagued but a playmaker when healthy. Sadly, will be most remembered for getting toasted by Oklahoma a few years back. The reality was that he was a safety forced to play corner…and he did a solid job up to that point. Also rocked some great facial hair and one of the least convincing grills I have ever seen.

Eric Moncur: Moncur is the most tragic of all these figures. He was a complete stud when healthy, and probably would have been a first round pick. Instead, he spent most of his career injured and watching as his friends got to play. Tragically, he also watched as his mother and best friend (Bryan Pata) were taken too early. Moncur will always hold a place in the heart of every fan. He is the type of guy who will probably be forgotten about in a few years by all but the most ardent ‘Canes, and the type I look forward to telling my son boring stories about someday: “Yeah, (insert name here) was great, but you should have seen Eric Moncur when he was healthy.” Also, at this point Moncur has been here long enough to have a doctorate, so he’s got that going for him, which is nice.

Jason Fox: Fox is a four year starter on the o-line, which is saying something. Fans didn’t always appreciate him enough, as his consistently solid protection of the blind side has gone overlooked because he was always a technique guy that never really overpowered anyone. He will probably prove to be more popular next year in his conspicuous absence. I actually had a moment like this during Homecoming Weekend. A girl who had once had a crush on me (I have no idea why) and I never really thought was that cute bumped in to me at Monty’s. And she was a babe. Is it because I live in Gainesville? I don’t know, but I have a feeling that the same scenario is in play here…

Javarris James: James, much like Phillips and Moncur, was productive when healthy but could not consistently stay on the field (a theme developing?). He will probably be most remembered as Edgerrin’s cousin, but I will always remember his huge game against Oklahoma this season. It was a perfect obra maestra for Baby J: he was workmanlike and came through when asked rushing for 150 yards in the ‘Canes biggest win in years…and didn’t score.

Dedrick Epps: My favorite of all the seniors, Epps was underutilized during his career but played like a bull in a China shop. Epps was a mismatch for defenses and made a miracle comeback from a knee injury to be ready to play for his senior season. He ran well after the catch and blocked better than people thought he would be able to. If not for Patrick Nix wasting his talents, Epps might already be playing in the pros.

Daryl Sharpton: Sharpton will always be remembered for the massive Broner (yes, Broner) he gave Larry Coker. Coker once compared Sharpton to Jon Vilma. Listen, Sharpton is a solid linebacker against the run. He can hit. That’s about it though. Wasn’t good in coverage, didn’t move particularly well laterally. Does that sound a lot like the former All American, first round pick, NFL Rookie of the Year and Multi-Time Pro Bowler? I think not. Of course, fans took the Vilma thing and ran with it…and have now been disappointed for three years that Sharpton is not all-world. Thanks Larry, brilliant stuff.

Sam Shields: Shields was a stud wideout as a freshman, a head case as a sophomore, plain awful as a junior and the perfect example of a ‘Cane as a senior. He moved over to corner to fill a team need, kept his head down and worked hard, and ended up becoming a starter and doing an admirable job. He will probably be most remembered for his long catch against Nevada as a freshman or as a great “What-If?”…as in: “What if Sam Shields had been able to catch the ball and actually use his 4.2 speed in the forty?” or “What if the coaching staff had redshirted Shields and given him a year to develop as a corner?” or “Wait, Sam Shields ran a 4.2 forty? Who timed that, Mrs. Shields?”. Ok, that last one wasn't a what-if, but a legitimate question regardless.

Chavez Grant: Another guy that peaked against Nevada, “Chevvy” was a solid special teams performer and slot cornerback who was asked to do too much and was exposed as a result. Grant was always a heady player and good leader, but that was about it. It’s a shame that we needed him to be so much more, because on a good team a guy like Chevvy is much more valuable than on a bad one. The question that people will always ask is “How the hell did this guy get the nickname Chevvy?”

Joe Joseph: This is a guy that really made himself in to a player, and he had some big moments during his last season. He probably won’t play in the NFL, and was probably better as a role player than as a mainstay in the rotation. Like Grant, he would be more valuable on a good team, but this is a guy that went way overlooked and deserved better. In fact, everyone on this list did. DAMN YOU COKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A.J. Trump: Well, Trump would have been better if he was healthy early in his career…I promise, this is not just a copy-paste thing. That’s about as much as there is to say, really.

Matt Pipho: Pipho is really…uhhhh…smart, I guess. You have to give him credit for earning a starting spot with his limited abilities, but the intangibles were definitely more valuable than the tangibles here. However, like many others, I will always argue that you need a few kids like Pipho on your team…just preferably not starting.

Tervarris Johnson: Johnson is one of the unsung heroes of this year’s team. He came in as a highly recruited, highly rated safety who seemed like he was better suited at linebacker but was lined up at corner (if that makes sense, which it shouldn’t). Thus, three years of his career were spent covering kicks. However, in a new offense with new motivation, Johnson became a key contributor at H-Back and has made some big plays this season, but more importantly has stepped up in to a blocking role created by a dearth of tight ends and the injury to Pat Hill. Johnson is a player I had written off and am glad to say has proven me wrong.

Jimmy Graham: What can I say that hasn’t been said already. He was my favorite basketball player and has become one of my favorite football players. I will stop this before I start gushing, but the thought of developing him for two more years and then unleashing him is SCARY. Sadly, it won’t happen, at least not for this program. Think we can get Dwayne Collins to play tight end next season?

Chris Hayes, Matt Perelli, Jake Byrne and Alex Uribe: The walk-ons who all played a role for this team at some point. Hayes was a buddy of mine and is a touching story, as told by ESPN. I will never forget sitting at a keg and getting faced with him one night while we toasted our professor (don't ask me why). Perelli dates (or at least used to date) one of the top five babes in UM history even though he has a beer gut. That makes him a legend to me. He also was the guy that FIU threw on the ground to instigate the infamous brawl. I will always remember watching Byrne dominate everyone during Sportsfest football before being awarded a spot on the team. And Uribe had a beautiful faux-Mullet.

Again, thanks guys, and good luck. Once a ‘Cane, always a ‘Cane.

DUKE BREAKDOWN

Duke is a team that has overachieved and will play a tough game. Thaddeus Lewis is a great (not good, great) quarterback and will make some things happen, but all in all Miami should have too much talent. Should. And yet, I still worry…

Quarterback: Lewis is a game manager who can make things happen with his feet and his arm. Jacory is going through what Kirk Herbstreit accurately described as growing pains. On their best days, Jacory is better. Right now, I think Lewis has the edge. EDGE: Duke

Running Backs: Duke averages 2.1 yards per carry, dead last in the nation. EDGE: Miami

Receivers: Miami has strength in numbers, while Duke’s Conner Vernon and Donovan Varner are two weapons in a passing offense that ranks 9th overall in the nation. Miami has more talent but Duke coach David Cutcliffe maximizes his two best weapons. EDGE: Even

Offensive Line: Miami is giving up 3 sacks a game, but as mentioned, Duke cannot run the ball. They also are ranked 99th in the nation in sacks allowed per game. EDGE: Miami

Defensive Line: Miami has struggled to rush the passer but is more talented. Duke is lead by Vince Oghobaase, a star on the interior. Still, I cannot help but think that Miami’s line will play better than it has lately against a weaker team at home on Senior Day. Call it a hunch. EDGE: Miami

Linebackers: Honestly, I am just going on talent on this one, because the way Miami’s scheme has worked this year, the linebackers impact is minimized by how far back they line up. Call me a homer if you want.Duke has a linebacker whose last name is Rey. He leads their team in tackles. His first name is Vince. I am pretty sure they named the show "V" after this team. EDGE: Miami

Secondary: Miami’s has been better than their reputation, and Duke has a star in Leon Wright. EDGE: Even

Special Teams: Duke is 76th in kickoff returns, 85th in punt returns and 108th in net punting. Not good. EDGE: Miami

Coaching: Cutcliffe is very savvy, and Miami’s staff has some issues to resolve. EDGE: Duke

GUEST PICKER
Ladies and gentlemen, the always witty, always quirky, sometimes overly intelligent John Scarpa!:

"There are some classic match-ups to watch for this Saturday in college football. Firstly, No.10 Ohio State travels to The Big House to take on Michigan. It could be another game in the growing line of annual beatdowns handed down by the Buckeyes to the Wolverines, or it could turn out to be another huge Big 10 upset. Personally, I think the Buckeyes are a wee bit overrated at No.10. (I’d have them closer to No.20.) After all, they are the same team that got taken down by the Boilermakers last month. I’m certainly looking for the upset, since last time I checked they’ve still got one of our trophies in their tainted case. Yes, I’m still bitter. Another big match-up is Cal at Stanford. There’s some history there. Just ask John Elway if he remembers how his 1982 season ended. (Disclaimer: I will not be held responsible if John Elway punches you in the mouth.) Stanford’s looking good after their 55-21 dismantling of USC last week and Cal is trying to keep themselves in the top 25, so all in all this one promises to be a real barnburner as well. But the real match-up to watch this week is Florida International traveling up to The Swamp to take on the No.1 Gators. (I use the term “watch” loosely, since there probably isn’t going to be any TV coverage of the game.)

So, what do I know that the TV people don’t? Last week I sent FIU head coach, Mario Cristobal, a letter containing the “Keys to the Game” for FIU’s success. I really should try to keep them secret, but since discretion seems to be lost on my entire generation I’ll just go ahead and tell them anyway.

Here they are…
1) Hire ninja assassin’s to secretly eliminate all of Florida’s backup quarterbacks. This will be expensive, but it’s absolutely necessary. (You’d figure that ninja assassin’s would lower their prices in these tough economic times, but surprisingly they’re still as greedy as ever.)

2) Purchase protective visors for the entire offense. Remember, if any of these “star players” are blinded by an unnamed thug there will be no way for FIU to win the game. (Also, there will be no real penalty for the thug. Apparently, Urban Meyer spends more time on his knees than Jason Varitek.)

3) Let the Gators score a touchdown. So easy, the Golden Panthers could do it.

4) With no quarterbacks left to hold the PAT attempt, Urban Meyer will send out Tim Teblow (sic) to do the honors. Then, just after the kick and with no warning at all, FIU’s entire team must attack the defenseless, kneeling Tim Tebow. (A play they’ve been practicing and perfecting since 2006.) During the inevitable ensuing brouhaha Tim Tebow must be injured! In my opinion, the weapon of choice should be a crutch, and preferably one made of kryptonite. With no Tim Tebow (or backup quarterbacks either, for that matter) the Gators offense will be crippled.

5) At this time, all FIU players must inject themselves with Super-Soldier Serum from the Captain America comic book series. It is important that they wait until this point so that people will think their superhuman speed, strength, etc. can be attributed to adrenaline rushes brought on by the recent excitement.

6) Play football.

7) And the last and most difficult key of them all… Endure listening to Tim Tebow make another “promise” speech after the devastating loss. It sickens me.

Foolproof! If Mario Cristobal is wise enough to take my advice, this will be the upset of the century. If he doesn’t take my advice, things will end much differently. The Gators will probably put such a harsh beatdown on the Golden Panthers that it might knock them back to 1-AA where they belong. The Gators will probably put up around 60 points en route to their 21st consecutive victory. The Gators, the Gators, the Gators. We live in dark times… Dark times, indeed. Where have you gone, Ken Dorsey?"

MY PICKS

Let me reiterate that I wiped that shit up last week. I was 9-1. I am 14-2 in the last two weeks. I am now 41-35 on the season. Yes, I had to go 14-2 just to get to 6 games over .500. But still, I wouldn’t pick against me right now. I am like Nick Naylor. On crack.

Ohio State over Michigan: The thought of this game is what puts me to sleep when I lay awake in bed.

Arizona over Oregon: Why the hell not?

Oklahoma State over Colorado: Because Colorado sucks.

Mississippi over LSU: Because Dexter McCluster is C.J. Spiller Light. Because the game is in Oxford. Because LSU is overrated. Yes, The Magnolia Bowl is a terrible name for a football game. Any other questions?

Cal over Stanford: This just eeks of a come-down game for Stanford. Like when your buddy manages to pull a girl waaaaaayyyyyyy out of his league one night and then follows it up by bringing home her DUF the next night. You know who I’m talking about.

FSU over Maryland

Clemson over Virginia

UPSET SPECIAL: Yale over Harvard

My friend Anita who attends Yale Law School (she is what some people call a “genius") tells me the Harvard kids have t-shirts for the game that say something along the lines of “Bush Went to Yale”. Clever. I think that the Yalies should respond with something like “Ted Kennedy Killed His Secretary”. That would hurt on two levels. She also tells me that Yale is going to get slaughtered. Well, let’s just say that I am more of a Bush guy myself. Yalies by a field goal!

Always guard the inbound passer.