The Elephant Graveyard

Hello All,

The Miami Dolphins have officially become the Elephant Graveyard of the NFL.

I have been shouting (literally) about this for years, much to the chagrin of my poor father, who has had to listen to me rant and rave while I drive home through the Santa Monica Boulevard rush hour traffic for the better part of two years.

Only now, in what has become known by many people who know what they are talking about as the worst off season in the history of the NFL, are the masses joining the party. At this point,

The once proud franchise of Don Shula and Dan Marino has become the laughingstock of the NFL. Even the groundskeepers from Major League think this team is exceptionally bad.

They are no longer relevant or important.

Perhaps saddest of all: this is not a shock to any true fan of the team. We all kind of knew.

(But hey, at least I still have the gloriously owned and operated Baltimore Orioles to root on as they contend for World Series after World Series!)

This has not been a sudden drop like we saw with the Hurricanes, where one day they were national title contenders and the next they were playing Nevada in the MicronPC Bowl.

Nay; this has been a slow rot, like my grandparents’ old house just up the road in Boca Raton. It was great in the early 90’s and ever since has been falling to shambles. The best move at this point is to hit the reset button.

Let’s take a look at General Manager Jeff Ireland’s Worst Week Ever.

First of all, he traded star receiver Brandon Marshall (AKA our best effing player) for two third round picks. Which might make sense if Ireland was good at drafting, which he most certainly is not.

Ireland then got used for leverage by Peyton Manning and Eric Winston, the top free agents on the board at possibly (i.e. definitely) the team’s two biggest need positions (QB and RT). Nothing wrong with chasing a guy and missing, unless your pursuit of those two leads you to miss out on the remainder of the market at those positions. Which the Dolphins did.

A week in to free agency, Ireland cut veteran and team leader Yehemiah Bell. Bell has lead the Dolphins in tackles every year since the 70’s (possibly a slight exaggeration) and lead the defensive backfield. He is a good man and a great teammate. Ireland cut Bell after assuring Bell before the free agency period that he would not be cut.

As former NFL player Seth Payne said on Twitter, “releasing a guy one week into free agency is like making your kid go trick or treating the day after Halloween.” And this was the most liked / respected guy on the roster.

And then, to top it all off, on the day the Broncos agreed to terms with Peyton Manning the Dolphins signed…David Garrard’s Dead Body. The guy who was benched by the Jaguars in favor of a crappy rookie (no offense Blaine Gabbert fans) and sat out all of last season because nobody wanted him. Keep in mind that this is the league in which TJ Yates started two playoff games.

As pundits around the nation began to take notice of these hi jinks, voices from within the league started to perk up. Former players Joey Porter and Channing Crowder and former free agent target Ryan Clark all gave their two cents and the end result went something like this: Ireland is snake and an asshole and no one wants to play for him.

It doesn’t end with players either. In the past year, Ireland has made very public runs at two guys to be his coach: Jim Harbaugh and Jeff Fisher. Both toyed with the Dolphins. Both chose to coach elsewhere, despite money not being a concern.

Most guys would be fired for this kind of crap. Ireland, who came in as part of “The Triumvirate” with Bill Parcells and Tony Sparano, is somehow still around despite the other two leaving the crime scene. Not only that, but he has the support of the owner, Stephen Ross (a turd in his own right but at least a rich turd).

This is the same guy that asked a draft prospect if his mother was a hooker. The same guy that torpedoed last season by completely undermining the head coach in public. (Jim Harbaugh nods fiendishly)

This guy is the reason the Dolphins cannot fill a stadium. He has driven the organization in to the pits of mediocrity and somehow been rewarded for it.

The smart move here is to start from the ground up. This team is at least two years away from playoff contention IF the right moves are made. As we all know, it is really hard to make those moves in professional sports from the middle. So you bottom out. You burn the undergrowth in order to foster new life.

Ride with Matt Moore as your quarterback this season. Sign Jake Long and Cameron Wake, your two franchise guys at this point, to extensions. Draft the best player available. Save your money in free agency (which should not be a problem considering we can’t give it to any of the players we want anyway) and build through player evaluation. Find guys that work in your system. Start building the framework this season so that next season, when you finally draft the franchise quarterback (Matt Barkley, Tyler Wilson, etc.) they can hit the ground running. And of course, get rid of Ireland. Get someone young and hungry from an organization that knows what it is doing (like the Packers or Ravens).

Of course, this organization will almost assuredly do the opposite. They will rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic to try and save their jobs.

I just hope that Dolphins fans react by telling the ownership that you can’t piss on our heads and call it rain anymore.

I hope the stadium stays empty until Ireland is gone. Lucky for me, this started last season and I have no reason to believe it will be any different come September.

Rebuilding is not fun. One or two more bad seasons will suck to watch, but is it any worse than going 8-8 every year?

Is it worse than this offseason?

Always guard the inbound passer.