FSU Hate Week

Well, FSU week came and went.

Man, that was a rough game.

All week long the writing was on the wall, but I just didn’t see that coming. 

I guess Jameis Winston really is the real deal. I wish we could just fast forward to the National Championship game at this point, because Alabama-FSU will sure be a lot of fun.

Oh, wait? We didn’t play the game yet?

Well, no matter. You see, Florida State doesn’t need to actually PLAY games. Records do not MATTER to Florida State. After all, this is arguably the program of the past decade. 

I mean, sure they lost a bunch of games.

Sure they got caught in an athletic department organized cheating ring which they got put on probation for (but didn’t get any scholarship losses or bowl bans because NCAA).

Sure, they have players on their team who read at a 2nd grade level. Literally. I am not making that up. That was told to the media by a learning specialist named Brenda Monk, who was fired by the university and called a “rogue tutor” when she testified against the program. Honestly the jokes just tell themselves sometimes.

Alas, none of that ultimately matters. These are the mighty Florida State Semen Seminoles.

They churn out first round talents picks at quarterback!

They dominate Sundays draft days in the National. Football. League!

Jimbo Fisher is, without a doubt, one of the 2 or 3 elite coaches recruiters in college football!

So I guess Miami never really stood a chance. I don’t know why we thought we did.

It is tough to go in to Tallahassee and beat a legitimately good team in front of their Neo-Nazi fan base.

Editor’s Note: I know that might be offensive to some, but it probably isn’t nearly as offensive as when my Indian friend was called “Osama” and I was called “Jew Boy” for an entire baseball game (yes, college baseball, ladies and gentlemen) by a Billy Ray Cyrus wannabe with bad sunburn and a thinning mullet and a Big Gulp filled with hotel mini-bar Captain Morgan Silver. Or maybe he just got them from his trailer that was assuredly parked next to the stadium. Guess we will never know, huh?

Also, any FSU fan that would be offended by me calling their fan base a bunch of bigoted asshats can’t read at this level anyway.

And yet I digress. It was always going to be difficult to go in there and win. On offense, Jameis Winston is a legitimately awesome quarterback. Probably the best college QB in the post-Andrew Luck decade. They have a deep stable of running backs. They have fantastic wide receivers, lead by Rashad Greene. They are actually using the tight end (Nick O'Leary). On defense, they are as good as ever, with a difference maker at each level: Timmy Jernigan on the line, Telvin Smith (a legitimately scary dude) at linebacker and Lamarcus Joyner in the secondary. For scale, they are so deep in the secondary that they moved a guy who would be Miami’s best safety to running back because they didn’t need him at safety anymore (Karlos Williams).

They spread the ball around on offense and tire you out early, before bringing in the sledge hammer running backs to finish the job. On defense, they have the speed to run things down in the flats, meaning you have to run it up the middle (where Jernigan lives) effectively  and control the clock and NOT turn the ball over…otherwise you end up down multiple scores early and have to play catch up against their secondary, which like I said, is really good. 

I guess it didn’t matter that this series is filled with almost exclusively close games. 

Or that Miami actually seems to play better at Doak than they do at Sun Lifeless.

Or that Miami has played well below its talent level the past few weeks, beating itself with dumb mistakes.

Or that when he is hot, Stephen Morris is still really dangerous with a howitzer arm. 

Or that Miami already went down the “Well Miami is cute, but they aren’t ready to hang in there with these big boys from up the road” Road once this season and won.

Or Wide Right I. Or Wide Right II. Or Wide Right III. Or Wide Left.

I mean, even Miami fans were accepting defeat, starting last Saturday. 

If there is one absolute truth in college football, it is that what happened the prior week ALWAYS carries over to the next. Especially in college football.

The talking heads are ALWAYS right, especially Mark May. The chalk always holds. The narrative is always fulfilled.

The apple cart is never overturned. ESPECIALLY in rivalry games.

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Fuck FSU. I used to do the whole “mutual respect” thing with them. I’ve learned from past transgressions. Mistakes were made. They are nothing but a 2-Bit Safety School full of the worst kind of southerners. I mean, at least other schools TRY to hide their douchiness. FSU wears it like a badge of honor.  I hope Al Golden craters their field and then calls in an airstrike on their shit head fans on the way out of town.