Virginia Hate Week

I hate Virginia.

A lot. They beat us 48-0 in the last game ever at the Orange Bowl.

It was one of the worst nights of my entire life.

 I ate my feelings at IHOP across the table from my best friend, who couldn’t make eye contact with me, and the girl I was crazy about but had friend zoned me for a solid 6 months. 

SIDENOTE: It was college. I was 20. Everyone has to have it happen once, right?

Every time I think about Virginia, all I can think about is that night. It was semi-scarring.

I LOATHE Virginia.

Know what I hate even more though?

OUR EFFING DEFENSE.

4 weeks ago we found out about the NCAA findings. It was over. I came close to openly weeping in front of my girlfriend (who is way cooler than the girl from Junior year...BIG STEIN!).

I was so pumped that at  my softball game that night I hit3 home runs…and I NEVER hit home runs.

I was looking REALLY forward to never having to hear about that God damned “cloud” again.

We were going to STEAM ROLL Wake Forest, give FSU all they could handle (maybe even pull out a win), roll to the ACC Coastal Title, take down FSU again, and then play in the Orange Bowl. 

And then our defense decided to reveal its true colors, and now here we are. A season that started so positively will now be remembered as the season where we beat a crappy UiF team and lost to freakin' Duke.

EDITOR'S NOTE: The rant is about to start.

Really? 500+ yards to EFFING DUKE?!

300+ yards rushing…TO DUKE?!

I hate watching our defensive line get manhandled by Virginia Tech and Duke’s offensive lines. Those teams both suck at offense. Would you have known that from watching our game?

I hate watching A.J. Highsmith and Kacy Rodgers play safety. I know what decent safeties look like on the field…let’s just say, these two are pretty fuckin’ far from decent.

I hate watching Shayon Green do anything in space. 

I hate watching teams run through wide open holes for 20 yards without so much as being breathed on.

 

I hate watching flailing arm tackle attempts.

I hate making every quarterback we play look like Tim Tebow.

I hate watching our players bitch at each other after YET ANOTHER blown assignment leads to a scoring play on 4^th Down.

Now, let’s not get this confused. I don’t hate these players. I think a few of them (Green, Highsmith, Rodgers, Jimmy Gaines) are pretty limited in their abilities and should never be asked to do the things they have done. I think they are useful role players…well, I think Gaines and Green are useful role players…and I think that they are good kids.

But they never should be playing starter’s minutes for the University of Miami. And if you find yourself in a position where they are indeed playing starter’s minutes for the University of Miami?

ADJUST THE EFFING SCHEME.

HIDE THEM. THIS ISN’T ROCKET SCIENCE.

Football is effing 7^th grade arithmetic and geometry. You alternately create zones to funnel the ball into and overload areas with large, fast men.  If you are Miami, and have a disparity between your really good athletes (Denzel Perryman, LaDarius Gunter, Tracey Howard, Reyshawn Jenkins, etc.) and your mediocre athletes (Gaines, Highsmith, Green, etc) YOU USE YOUR GOOD ATHLETES TO COVER UP FOR YOUR CRAPPY ONES.

Problem: Our guys get chewed up because they are constantly on the defensive and forced to play on their heels.

Solution: GET THEM OFF THEIR HEELS. 

I cannot even believe what I watch on Saturdays anymore. It is so consistently awful that it actually effects my ability to digest food. It is like I died and was reborn an Illinois fan.

The Hurricanes have become the Cowboys of college football. They are the most recognizable helmet in the sport, they will always be watched, but the defense is HISTORICALLY awful every single year, the quarterback melts at the first sign of adversity, and the top line talent, while present, can not possibly make up for the lack of depth behind it.

Some of those areas of concern are being addressed, specifically the talent, but the most glaring of which is not, and unless something happens this week in practice to both the QB and the defense, we are going to lose to Virginia. 

It will be embarrassing, but not surprising, because we do the same thing every week and refuse to change it.

And for the record, everyone, I GET IT. We suck. The defense is bad. The body language is bad. The DC should be fired. I KNOW. I don’t need to hear about it every 5 minutes. I don’t need every message board post to turn into a debate about the merits of Coach Mark D’Onofrio. I. HEARD. YOU.

At this point, I don’t even get mad about this team anymore. If the same thing happens every week and you expect different results, that just makes you insane.

And, weekly “hate week” posts and this semi-coherent rant aside, here at Stein on the Sidelines we strive to not be labeled as insane.

Unlike our defense, which apparently doesn’t care either way.