Pitt Hate Week

Former GE CEO Jack Welch once said “change before you have to”.

Welp, too late for that shit.

What we saw last Saturday night was the culmination of everything we the fans have come to resent about the Miami Hurricanes and all saw coming as soon as Al Golden failed to get the open Penn State job last winter.

All the classic elements of an Al Golden game were there.

Team improperly motivated? Check.

Completely out-schemed by a half-wit coach? Check.

Team quitting when the adversity mounted? Check.

Lack of quality depth glaring through at the worst possible moments? Check.

Look, every loss this season up to this point had some sort of believable mitigating circumstance.

This one had nothing. We thought this program had turned the corner. We thought that the days of the bend-but-don’t-break, passive mentality were gone. We thought the young studs had finally been let off the leash.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

So, I post on a Canes message board A LOT. It is my own little corner of the internet. It is one of the funniest places in the world, and alternatively one of the most frustrating. But ultimately I keep going back in times like this because there is a select handful of fans that post there that I consider to be like me: smart, passionate fans of the TEAM. One of my favorite posters wrote this after the loss, and it should be read by all. Forgive me, because this is a little long, but do yourself a favor and stick with it.

In early 2012, I had a conversation with a former Miami staffer who landed at Alabama. I congratulated him on Alabama's championship and told him that it must be nice to coach so many studs. He looked at me and said, "Miami's good players are better than Alabama's good players." 

I couldn't believe it. Alabama was the national champion. Miami was 6-6 and coming off an embarrassing home loss to BC. Alabama had multiple projected first round picks. Miami had a few mid and late-round guys. But he was insistent. 

"Lamar Miller is better than Trent Richardson. Olivier Vernon is better than Courtney Upshaw. And Seantrel Henderson is better than any lineman we've got. Watch them in the pros." 

Now that we've seen those guys in the NFL, we know he was dead-on. Why were the programs so far apart on the field? The coach said it came down to football infrastructure (training table, strength and conditioning, medical staff) and depth. He left out coaching, for obvious reasons, but you can assume that's another factor. Once those guys get to the NFL, he said, all the external things will become equal and raw talent will prevail.
Golden has done a better job than Shannon in terms of player development; specifically, strength and conditioning. Perryman, Dorsett, Walford and Duke all got bigger and stronger without losing their speed. But why is a team with so many elite players struggling in a talentless Coastal division? 

Coaching is an obvious factor that is being addressed in every other thread on this board. The other factor is depth. In my view, there are three reasons depth is not where it needs to be: 

1- We cannot identify undervalued South Florida talent. We are the anti-Louisville in this regard. These South Florida three-stars should be the main source of depth for this team, along with blue-chip young players.
2- The camp has produced nothing. I've discussed this before, but it bears repeating: the camp is the biggest indictment of the Temple crew's talent evaluation skills. If Paul "Delaware" Williams offers a kid at the camp, I just assume it's a wasted scholarship.
3- The Temple coaches have a Northeastern, Parcells approach that does not work here. This relates to numbers 1 and 2. Golden says that you support the star players with "coal shovelers." His idea of a coal shoveler is a low-rated, low-maintenance guy who has ideal measurables to develop. That's crap. 

The meat of this program should be South Florida ballers who may lack a measurable or two. The guys that go to Louisville and talk **** to our five-stars. Football players, not projects with good attitudes. If we had been stacking these guys for four years, this team would look much, much different.

Right now, our best players are better than anybody's best players. Anybody. Watch Perryman, Dorsett, Flowers, Duke and Walford in the pros. No other Power Five school can match those upperclassmen. Four years later, Miami is still undefeated on Sunday and .500 on Saturday.

There is nothing I could write that sums it all up better than that. And so, it is time to make a change. Miami had a chance to do this before they had to, and passed, and now it is time to pick up the pieces again.

__ __

This is by far the fastest I can ever remember a season going by. Seems like literally yesterday that I was having people over for a Labor Day BBQ and kicking them all out at 4 so I could be left alone for an hour before the game started.

Think about where this team was at the beginning of the season.

We had no clue if Brad Kaaya would be any good or not. Turns out he is the most promising thing to happen to this program in YEARS.

We thought Clive Walford was an inconsistent head case. We thought Phillip Dorsett was a one trick pony. We thought Stacey Coley was going to be the next big thing. We thought Duke Johnson was a really good back that couldn’t quiiittteee carry the full time load. We thought Denzel Perryman was a Butkus Award Contender.

Well, Walford is now statistically the best tight end in the history of “Tight End U”. Dorsett is all of a sudden one of the more intriguing prospects in the draft. Stacey Coley had an AWFUL sophomore slump. Duke Johnson became arguably the greatest player in the history of the program. And Denzel Perryman…well, we were right on that one.

I am going to, for the first time in a long time, legitimately miss this year’s senior class.

I do not feel like these guys were talent blockers…and it isn’t just the ones above.

Anthony Chickillo, Thurston Armbrister, LaDarius Gunter, Jon Feliciano, Shane McDermott…these are all guys that made major contributions to this team. They weren’t just the oldest guy at their position; they made shit happen, and more often than not were a credit to the program.

Senior Night sees them face off with Pitt.

I hate Pitt. Ever since I was young I remember playing them with their ugly ass uniforms and “historic legacy”. The most vocal part of that legacy is Mark May, so to that I say *armpit fart*.\

Really the most memorable Pitt moment of my lifetime is when they had Larry Fitzgerald, one of the all time greatest wide receivers, coming into the game with a twenty-something game streak having caught a touchdown.

Miami stuck their attack dog, Antrel Rolle, on him, and he didn’t register so much as a peep until late in the 4^th quarter. Miami had pulled most of their starters and Fitz predictably caught a touchdown…and Pitt celebrated like they had just won the Super Bowl and the Stanley Cup at the same time.

F Pitt and f their “historic legacy”.

Here is how this game is gonna go. Their stud running back, James Conner, is going to run like 50 times for like 4.5 yard per carry. That doesn’t sound effective, but it means they will get a 1^st down every 3^rd time he touches the ball.

They will occasionally throw to their stud receiver, Tyler Boyd, and he is going to catch a couple of balls over our defensive backs who have not been trained to turn their head around and look for the ball. I know this is counter-intuitive, but that actually makes it harder to get an interception. Who knew?

Anyway, Pitt will probably win because Miami looks checked out for the season. Maybe Miami wins to preserve a 7-5 record and the Yankee Pinstripe Bowl instead of the Beef-a-roni Bowl. Either way Al Golden will say it was a tough game because…oh horror of horrors…the game was played at night. And we just played the always physically toll-taking Virginia Cavaliers. And blah blah blah blah.

I hope that the seniors get sent off with a win. And then I hope the administration does the thing that anyone with balls would surely do.

Fire Al Golden. He is a good dude, and I think he legitimately cares. I wish he would have worked out, because there are a lot of things about him I really enjoy.

But it has become clear that we have to change.

It is the only way to make sure that the NEXT group of seniors doesn’t get wasted like this one did.

Virginia Hate Week

I have spent the week opening and closing Microsoft Word, trying to write this.

Sure, I hate Virginia.

They are the annoying frat guy of the ACC. They get way too dressed up for football, especially when you factor in the part where they are a trash program.

They always have a QB1 named something like “Rocco”.

Their biggest rivals are Virginia Tech and North Carolina and they pretty consistently lose to both.

The Barber brothers went there.

And, last but not least, they ruined a part of my soul when they blew Miami out in the last game ever played at the Orange Bowl.

I hope Miami wins this game by 75 points, and yet I know they won’t because we always save our D- game for these guys, and they are coming off of a hugely emotional let down.  So be ready for a total shit fest.

So close.

Speaking of that hugely emotional let down.

Miami should have won that game. They had it. They were literally one big play away.

If Brad Kaaya is not 1/10^th of a second off on a deep ball to Stacey Coley early in the 3^rd Quarter, that could have been the game.

If Standish Dobard, on the biggest drive of the game late in the 3^rd Quarter, doesn’t fumble the ball to FSU…it very likely could have been the game.

If on the final drive Joe Yearby isn’t tripped by his shoelace on a PERFECTLY executed draw, it could have been the winning touchdown.

The list literally goes on and on.

And I don’t really have anything more to say other than that it sucks.

The rest of the season consists of games against your annoying older brother, Virginia, and overweight drunk uncle, Pitt.

I’ll be here, watching, waiting for something awesome to happen.

Letting the hate flow through me.

FSU Hate Week

Before I begin, please read this:  http://www.foxsports.com/college-football/story/jameis-winston-florida-state-tallahassee-police-hindered-investigation-documents-101014

I one time wrote that Miami and FSU are brothers, and that this is a rivalry of siblings. I no longer feel that way.

Look, I was young and naïve…now I am older and cynical and wizened to the shitty ways of the world. The good guys don’t always win…in fact, they rarely do.

Life delivers you gut punch after gut punch, and the only thing that separates the wheat from the chaff is how well you deal with it. There is no room in this world for any non-sense about faux brotherhood.

FSU is an enemy and in college football, you cannot harbor the enemy in any capacity…especially during Hate Week.

FSU is a bunch of knuckle draggers and the campus should be erased from the Earth. I hate them and everything they stand for. Presented below are just a few of my thoughts, presented alphabetically.

And yes, I have been working on this since August.

ACC – Miami and FSU both are members of this dumpster fire conference. For some reason, some Canes fans think that gives them a reason to root for FSU occasionally. Those people are WRONG.

Bowden – God I hated this guy. He’s kind of like the human Foghorn Leghorn. I always loved when he would build up whatever cupcake FSU just played to be some great team that they were lucky to beat, because he knew people voting in the polls didn’t actually know anything. I used to hate when one of his guys would get arrested for something and Bowden’s punishment would be to make them run bleacher steps and sit the 1^st Quarter. At this point I have become cynical and see that he' was just doing what he needed to win. Still...f this guy.

Chris Rix – Career record against the ‘Canes? 0-5. Didn’t stop me from being told how much potential this guy had for 4 years. F this guy too.

“Does things the right way.” – Heard that said about Jimbo Fisher recently. Not enough bourbon in the world to make me forget it, ESPN. F Jimbo Fisher with a fly fishing reel.

Empty Wasteland – A term I could use to describe FSU twitter. This is the group that has convinced themselves that ESPN, whose talking heads occasionally have the audacity to mention that Jameis Winston might have raped someone and then had it covered up by the university and the police department in between taking turns blowing him for his ability to block out “external noise**”, has an anti-FSU bias. Want an interesting five minutes? Read @TomahawkNation’s timeline on your lunch break. 

There are persecution complexes and then there are PERSECUTION complexes. This group has the latter.

** - Another “E” word!!

Free Shoes University – God bless you, Spurrier. Long live The Ol’ Ball Coach.

Gluttons – This school has won 20 straight ball games, is defending national champion, and their starting backfield has collectively avoided rape and assault and battery charges under the shadiest possible circumstances…and the fan base is complaining that ESPN isn’t giving them enough attention. Cry me a river.

Hoobastank – Still selling out shows in Tallahassee, probably.

ISIS – As in you would probably have to join ISIS in order to get kicked off this team.

Jameis Fucking Winston – What more needs to be said? F this guy.

Karlos Williams – Starting running back, assaulted his pregnant girlfriend (she dropped the charges, presumably after having a chat with the renowned Tallahassee PD). F this guy,

Lobotomy – That is what talking to an FSU fan feels like.

Mikey McGee – All time favorite FSU athlete. Played outfield and pitcher for their baseball team. In the middle of a game my friend John yelled at him “Anniston or Cox”. In the middle of a play he yelled back “Anniston, BRO”. Legend.

This isn’t really a hateful entry…really I just wanted to tell that story again because it makes me laugh to myself.

Nos and vodka – Preferred going out drink of FSU bros….really accents the roofies.

Obnoxious – The casually racist Florida State fans are the definition of the word. My Indian friend Shiv and I were at a fucking COLLEGE BASEBALL game one time and some dude not only wanted to fight us, but kept referring to Shiv as “Osama”. The worst part: his wife started a slow clap. True story.

And don’t even get me started on the god damned Tomahawk Chop. Literally the most annoying chant in all of sports.

Pizza Deliveryman – The future profession of most dudes in Tallahassee. Close second for this slot was “Porn”, which is the only profession most of the women at this school are suited for upon graduation.

Qatar – Host of the 2022 World Cup. Recently declared a slave state. Still less corrupt than Tallahassee.

Rape – This university colludes with the local police department to cover up accusations of this crime. In case you forgot.

“Scrong” – The only thing of value Jameis Winston every contributed to society. Just to reiterate: This kid is the standard bearer for their program and CAN’T FUCKING SPEAK ENGLISH. Actually leads us nicely in to my next point.

Third Grade – The reading level that learning specialist Brenda Monk testified, before a grand jury, that some FSU player in the late-aughts read at. This lead to FSU president T.K. Wheterell labeling Ms. Monk as a “rogue tutor”. Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction…and dibs on “The Rogue Tutors” as my SKA band name.

And yes I know it is really 2^nd Grade but “S” was already taken. I improvised. For any FSU fans reading that, “improvise” means to create and execute a new plan spontaneously. 

Sorry…”spontaneously” means without preparation. Oftentimes “spontaneous acts” result in teen pregnancies. As I am SURE you are familiar with.

Unconquered – This is the school’s tagline. Some crap about how the Seminole Indian tribe they have nicknamed themselves after never surrendered to the U.S. military, instead dispersing in to the swamp.

First of all, there might not be a treaty, but those dudes were conquered. It was awful and none of us agree with it, but let’s not confuse things.

Second, you want to talk about racists? The iconic image of this program is a dude dressing up in Red Face before every game, riding a horse to mid-field and then planting a flaming spear in to the 50 yard line. Well, that is second to Bobby Bowden’s “he missed it again?!?!?!?!?!” desperation face on the sideline, but whatever.

The yokels go nuts for this whole charade every single time. Meanwhile, every single one of them would have voted for Andrew Jackson.

Venereal Disease – Lookin’ at you, FSU sorority girls. There is stuff being passed around that town that doesn’t exist in other places. Your typical frat bro at this school is an Affliction t-shirt wearing Patient X, and he doesn’t even know it.

Weinke, Chris – 28 year old man who happened to be on a super-talented roster and won a Heisman Trophy for it. Every year in the Little League World Series there is a kid you KNOW is 16 years old from Taiwan and you think to yourself “this kid’s parents are effing pathetic for making him do this”. Same way I always felt about Weinke... And I was 13. F this guy.

Xavier Beitia – X sucks. Beitia missed a key field goal against us that would have won the game and ended our championship march. Sound familiar? 

F this guy.

“Yes” – The opposite of what that girl said when Jameis date raped her. ALSO my answer to anyone asking if I think Miami can beat Florida State.

Look, it is going to take a WHALE of an effort. The defense will have to stay aggressive and unpredictable. The reality is that FSU is going to move the ball at times, and they are going to hit some big plays. Their defense is fast and will force some punts and bad plays. That is reality. But you can limit the damage by moving Jameis off his mark and forcing him to throw before he wants to…Louisville did it for a half, and so did NC State.

I think FSU is going to load up against the run and try to make Kaaya prove he can beat them. The kid is going to have to be smart with the ball, and Clive Walford is going to be a major key to the game. FSU proved they are susceptible to the deep ball against Louisville, so the receivers have to catch it when they get a chance.

Essentially Miami has to take advantage of the home atmosphere and play a nearly perfect game. But something feels right about this team ever since the time they spent with Carter Hucks.

Call me a sap, call me a moron, call me a hypocrite, but never say I don’t call it like I see it. And the way I see it, Miami is either going to win the game or make FSU earn every single yard in a loss.

Zero – The number of snaps Jameis Winston missed while UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR RAPE.

Look, people have been waiting a year for karma to catch up with FSU. Here’s the reality: there is no Karma Cavalry coming over the hill. Only the ‘Canes.

We ain’t anywhere close to as good as we used to be. I still think we are a slightly better than mediocre football team.

But maybe, just maybe, Miami can be the vengeful sword that balances the college football universe this Saturday night.

I know I’m excited.