I walked in to work on Monday and received one of the biggest compliments I have received all season. Since there is not much else to talk about this week (every sportswriter in the world should be made to write “I will not write about Tim Tebow’s practice sessions” 1000 times on the blackboard), I will enlighten the masses.
To start, I am working in a mechanic shop. Yes, a mechanic shop that services semi-trucks. I change tires. They literally weigh twice as much as I do. As you can imagine, I am not the world’s greatest fit for this job, what with my Bachelor of Science and comeuppance in the “city” that is DePere, WI (population: 20,000; this is the big-time for the folks I work with).
Some highlights of every single day at my job:
- Walk in and put my manly looking brown bag lunch (which holds within it a granola bar and a sandwhich; not quite the half pound of Hamburger Helper mixed with half a can of bread crumbs I saw a coworker eat today) in the refrigerator.
- I do my best to communicate in a series of fragments that consists mostly of “how ya doin’” and “how ya doin”.
- Log in to the computer as the other four shop guys marvel that I have mastered the computer program in four days but take half an hour to back up a trailer. Yes, a full half hour to back a semi-truck trailer in to a parking spot. Try it sometime. It is ridiculous. And these guys do it in like two minutes. And yet I digress.
- Dread the inevitable “this truck needs two tires” instruction from my boss.
- Essentially, I take three times longer than everyone else to do anything and feel about as qualified as Larry David is to give a commencement speech. I thought the actual tires would be the hard part. Forget the fact that the tires weigh as much as they do; I have a hard time handling the air gun (essentially a big, powerful, compressed air powered screw driver) that it takes to loosen and tighten screws.
- I cannot understand half the things my boss says, as he speaks a dialect of Redneck that may be unique. Listen, I have lived in North Carolina, Texas, Tennessee, Wisconsin, Georgia and Florida (amongst other places). I have heard just about every version of English imaginable. And this is ridiculous.
- I get “dirtier than a chimney sweep”. And yet, my co-workers who do the same work stay remarkably (almost eerily) clean. The solution? I have no clue.
Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes, the compliment.
One of the guys I work with is about 6’8” and a solid 250 lbs. He is also dead silent most of the time. Anyway, I walked in to work the other day and was greeted with a simple “How ‘bout them ‘Canes?”
I couldn’t believe what had just been said to me. Listen, Stein on the Sidelines loves many things: Cornhole. Jeeps. Kelly Clarkson. The I-Tunes Visualizer. Twenty minutes of staring in to space every day. Patrick Swayze movies. Chicken (fried), cold beer on a Friday night, a pair of jeans that fits just right and the radio up (Wait, is that a song? Damn it! Damn it Zac Brown Band!)
But what I really like is when a big, silent, imposing, Florida Gator-rooting Good Ol’ Boy comes up to me and compliments my football team, which is admittedly probably too big a part of my life.
And why am I writing about this? Well, again, Miami is playing Florida A&M this weekend, and there is not a wealth of storylines. So really, I am just talking about a change in the perception of our program. No, not the type of recognition that comes from beating conference foes and longtime rivals like Florida State and Georgia Tech. That type of recognition really only comes from close-followers of the program and from headline-hungry media members.
It takes something special to get the auto-mechanics of the world to take notice. They live in a world of no-nonsense. Everything serves a purpose, and they don’t do well with frills. Very similar to a truck engine. And what Miami did last weekend was enough to prove something to the auto-mechanics of the world, the types of people who require real proof before they pay attention.
What did they prove?
That the ‘Canes are back? Well, I would say that this team still has a lot of improvement to do before they could be put in to the same sentence as the teams that built “The U”.
That the ‘Canes are national title contenders? Again, probably not this season. This team will still have a few more missteps and probably will lose 1 or 2 that they shouldn’t. It’s just the curse of the bulk of your contributors having less than two seasons of experience.
That the ‘Canes are worthy of everyone’s attention? Hell yes, and it feels good to be relevant again. Now, the trick for this team will be (just like before Virginia Tech) to keep their foot on the gas (see, it all ties back to the mechanic shop…well done Stein on the Sidelines) and not let a team sneak up on them. Because it would be embarrassing as hell to lose a game to FAMU.
And now, on to the FAMU Breakdown, rapid fire edition. As can be expected, Miami has much more talent than the Rattlers. However, do not be surprised if FAMU has some success at different points. They throw the ball well and Miami struggles to cover the pass. They say the real difference between D-1A teams and all the other teams is the talent in the trenches. FAMU might play better than expected early, but Miami should be able to wear them down as the game goes on and pull away (Miami’s real advantage is in depth in this game, assuming FAMU has some fast Florida athletes at the top of their depth chart at the skill positions).
Quarterbacks: Miami has Jacory Harris. EDGE: Miami
Running Backs: Javarris James just ran for 150 yards on one of the top defenses in the nation. EDGE: Miami
Receivers: Miami has over ten players with a catch this season and can substitute 6 players without much drop off at wideout. EDGE: Miami
Offensive Line: D-1A athletes vs. D-1AA athletes. EDGE: Miami
Defensive Line: D-1A athletes vs. D-1AA athletes. EDGE: Miami
Linebackers: Sean Spence and Colin McCarthy. EDGE: Miami
Secondary: Miami will get the edge but only because FAMU’s receivers will be easier to contain than Miami’s. EDGE: Miami
Special Teams: FAMU’s Leroy Vann has received national accolades for his dominance in the return game, but he hasn’t faced athletes like Jordan Futch, Arthur Brown and Ray Ray Armstrong (hell, even Corey Nelms) in coverage. Matt Bosher is punting extremely well. EDGE: Miami
Coaching: Randy Shannon’s crew is starting to hit their stride. EDGE: Miami
Week 4 Picks in Review
Well, that was a disaster. Great upset special, Dan. Tennessee over Auburn, really? I struggled like Vinny Chase in his PSA with Matt Damon. The carnage, when all tallied, resulted in a weak 4-7 (weaker than Vinny’s check to the One x One Foundation?) that brought my season record to 10-11, including 0-3 in Upset Specials. Also, guest pickers moved to 0-2. Woof.
This Week’s Guest
This week’s guest is future Nobleman and Magistrate Francis Carbone, picking the big one, LSU vs. Florida:
"Hello there Steininites, this is God himself. I was requested to preview the University of Florida versus Lousiana State University football contest that will happen on this Saturday. I haven't checked the time, but let's just assume it's 8PM because no human being ever wants to miss a *THRILLING* SEC matchup. Ever. Because when it comes to football the South Eastern Conference is somewhere between the NFC West and the 1985 Chicago Bears in skill, excitement, prowess, and good ol' fashion football playin'. Both of these teams in our matchup could beat the Lions so fast their sisters wouldn't even know they left the bed.
If you couldn't tell, this matchup has me all atwitter that I simply don't even know where to start. Actually, instead of calling it the matchup, let's call it National Championship Game I. It's just easier.
Florida (4-0, 2-0) has to travel the grueling 600 miles on separate planes to Tiger Stadium. After having played arguably the toughest schedule in the nation this year with Troy, Charleston Southern, a blowout of a talented Tennessee team and Kentucky, the Gators should be more than prepared to handle a stadium that can register on the richter scale. For those of you not in the loop, the Florida quarterback was knocked out of last week's Kentucky game by an illegal hit, and will be unavailable for National Championship I. Presumably, he didn't want his presence to have an undue effect on such a fine SEC football game that he let himself get hit. Otherwise I'd say this game would be a Tennessee-Style blowout: 62-0. However, Florida is a team that is known for two things: 1) Affidavits and 2) Depth. Their backup QB is theoretically just as good, so I won't hold it against them.
That being said, LSU (5-0, 3-0) has more than a realistic shot in National Championship I. Playing at home is a big plus, and you need everything you can get when playing the 33rd NFL team. Apparently, LSU students have gotten a hold of cell phone numbers for various people associated with the program (read: the backup QB and coordinators) to harass and intimidate Florida before they even step on the field. I wholeheartedly approve of this as LSU is stealing a technique that Dan LeBatard invented back in his days as a UM student when the Hurricanes were allowed to look at Notre Dame. LSU's front seven are some of the best in the country this year and will bring size, speed, agility and literacy to the the Gator offensive line. Combine this constant pressure with crowd noise and this game may well be as difficult at the epic Troy game at Ben Hill Griffith the other week.
The Tigers are going to pressure the Gators with the goal of rattling the quarterback, stuffing the run, and forcing bad mistakes and low percentage plays out of the offense. The Tiger offense is coming off of a huge win against Georgia that involved their sick offensive line puking on field during drives. Even with the illnesses the O-line was able to create holes, and establish the run with Charles Scott, which is what will happen in this game.
I'll take LSU in the best goddamn football game you'll ever see, 28-27."
Francis also included the following conclusion: "Oh by the way, I'm pissed because I actually had to rot my brain with research for these sisterf&@$#%s." This is why we're friends, ladies and gentlemen.
My Picks
Missouri over Nebraska: Blaine Gabbert pulls the Brett Favre on the Huskers.
Florida State over Georgia Tech: The ‘Noles stand strong by their coach and postpone the “Fire Boobah” talk for at least one more week.
Michigan over Iowa: This is the type of game Iowa loses every time they shoot up in the rankings.
Maryland over Wake Forest: I literally flipped a coin. That is all the ACC is anyway, right?
Georgia over Tennessee: Unless the referees penalize a Georgia player for waving to his mom in the stands.
Auburn over Arkansas: The Tigers score in bunches and the Razorbacks can’t play defense. Which is the SEC way of saying they suck. But because they play in the SEC, they don’t suck, they just “struggle defensively”. Which is a nice way of saying they suck. Wait, where was I?
Wisconsin over Ohio State: Not as big an upset as you might think. Trust me (says the guy who picked Indiana to beat Ohio State last week). If I were a gamblin' man I would bet on this.
Oregon over UCLA
Stanford over Oregon State
UPSET SPECIAL: Ole Miss over Alabama
I actually think that Alabama is the best team in the country, but I am thinkin’ the Rebs could do it. Jevan Snead is bound to be productive at some point, and ‘Bama has to go to Oxford for the game. Ah, hell, let’s call a spade a spade. I am picking Ole Miss because I hate Nick Saban and I would love to see my brother’s school knock him down a notch. Hotty Toddy!
Always guard the inbound passer.
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