Yes, I just quoted Vin Diesel in my title. You know why? Because I could.
Another good reason to quote Vin Diesel? Thanks to this Hurricane team, I am aging about as well as Vin...for anyone that saw his last movie, you know exactly how terrible a thing that is.
PRE GAME:
• Thank God, Lee Corso picked Wake in the upset. We have enough working against us with a 3:30 start time on the road in chilly rainy conditions (sound familiar?). We do not need another unanimous vote of confidence from the guys on Gameday. Also, props to ESPN for running an excellent piece on Chris Hayes, a guy I had classes with and one of the nicest kids at the university.
• This is the combination that we are greeted by when ABC cuts over from the Raycom coverage of FSU vs. NCSU to the Miami game: green pants, clouds, rain and Brian Griese. FUCK.
1st QTR
• Miami opens up with a ten yard end around to Travis Benjamin. I love the play call, and the message it sends: if you can’t beat our speed, you are going to lose the game.
• As if to spite me, the ‘Canes then go three and out. Sometimes, I just want to punch myself. Oh, and just to make things interesting, Wake Forest almost blocks the punt. Miami’s upback, John Calhoun, failed to notice the guy dressed in black from head to toe come flying around the corner. Who would’ve thought that Wake might actually send a guy around the edge to try and block a punt, right?
• Early on Wake’s opening drive, Sam Shields gets called for a personal foul, in the least surprising turn in history. Also, the broadcast production unit seems to think that the TV audience wouldn’t want to actually see the foul. Actually, maybe a good idea, because as it is I was on the verge of hysterics with my old buddy Shields, who I have been writing bad things about for 3 seasons, mostly when he does something like commit a personal foul in a close game or drop 75% of the balls thrown his way. Not that I am bitter.
• Wake Forest hits a big play across midfield to their stud receiver, and a couple plays later has moved the ball to the 5 yard line. However, Miami stiffens up and forces a field goal. (3-0 WF)
• Damien Berry gets his first two carries and turns them into a first down after breaking something like 27 tackles. Jacory hits Aldarious Johnson on a pretty playaction pass, but the drive dies and Miami punts again.
• This just in from my buddy Justin, who is nothing if not extreme in his love for the Hurricanes: “Whipps needs to run the ball more.” Ladies and gentlemen, life as an offensive coordinator! Remember, this is the same guy we were all pissed at last week when he ran the ball to win the game. I don’t think anything short of all the gold in Fort Knox could convince me to be the offensive coordinator at the University of Miami.
• Riley Skinner makes an amazing throw, throwing an out in to the flat across the field as he is dragged to the ground. Sometimes, you can’t even get mad.
• Miami has actually been blitzing early, and yet Skinner keeps beating it. Even when the blitz is timed right and the coverage is good, he is fitting the ball in to tight windows after a quick read. When the quarterback is playing like this he cannot be beat. Period.
• Miami gets called for defensive holding, which I am pretty is damn near impossible to get called for on a short pass play. And people wonder why I despise referees. Also, Wake Forest scores a touchdown. (10- 0 WF)
• Classy move by ABC, lingering on a sign that says “TH ll_ _ll GS”. Completely unrelated, but this is starting to look like the ‘Canes are going to let Clemson beat them two weeks in a row.
• Miami starts the next drive with a first down on a screen to Mike James and then hits a 31 yard pass play to Hank. This is of course followed by a false start and punt. Which Bosher kicks through the goal posts. Net gain on this punt: 15 yards. Brilliant.
2nd QTR
• Wake runs for two first downs and then Skinner catches one. Yep, you read that right. This is bordering on the absurd.
• Russo texts me and says “Does Colin have to do everything?” Yes. Yes he does. And right now, he isn’t doing ANYTHING.
• Riley Skinner scores on a quarterback draw. (17-0 WF)
• …speechless…
• I get something like 15 text messages all at once that vary on the same theme: “Are you f$%king serious?”
• Miami comes out after a solid Mike James kick return in the hurry up offense…wait, the hurry up?! This actually makes so much sense that it can’t be real…
• First down…first down…TOUCHDOWN! This was completely set up by the hurry up, as Bob, errrr Brian, or whatever his name is astutely points out. Aldarious Johnson, we missed you. (17-7 WF)
• And Miami fails to do much of anything in kick coverage..Wake starts with the ball at the 35.
• Wake’s fullback catches a pass that Miami defended perfectly (this is the first of like 5 times I wrote something similar to this during the game).
• Allen Bailey picks up his 6th sack of the season on a blitz package to force a Wake punt. The coverage team flashes up a statistic that says Wake gave up 9 total punt return yards in all of 2008 and only 38 so far in 2009. WHAT?!?! That is one of the most amazing things I have ever heard.
• Miami cannot capitalize on a big play by Hank and punts. Wake goes down and scores a field goal, although they missed a surefire touchdown on a play when Miami only had 10 guys on the frickin’ field. (20-7 WF)
• Miami gets the ball with not much time left and my dad and I embrace for two kneel downs and Dan Stein firebombing the stadium. But then Jacory comes out in the shotgun and hits a big play to Collier…and Cooper rips off a big run…and Collier makes a big catch…and Damien Berry scores! Miami heads in to the half down 6, at 20-14, after recovering the squib kick and hitting a big play to Hank before running out of time.
Halftime
• My dad and I are so excited we have to go throw a football around. I am inspired by that last series. Cutthroat football at its best.
3rd QTR
• Bosher gets Miami’s first touchback of the season on the opening kickoff!!! In week 8. Yes, that deserves three exclamation points.
• Wake gets two quick firsts and then a blow job from the ref, who decides that Shields’s perfect coverage is pass interference. Shields recovers on the next play to force a fumble that Vaughn Telemaque recovers.
• Miami, of course, follows this momentum swing by going 3& out.
• Wake and Miami exchange 3&outs.
• Wake’s receiver makes another great catch to convert 3rd and 16. Skinner then converts 3rd & 9. Oh, and wait, another terrible P.I. call. Shocking! Wake beats a Cover Zero blitz for a touchdown. I’m not even mad, because it is me that has been calling for this for 7 games. (27-14 WF)
• Hanks makes a big catch before Jacory rolls into a sack, which leads to 2nd and 24, which leads to a draw play, which leads to Dan grabbing his Louisville Slugger and destroying the television set. That didn’t actually happen, but would anyone have blamed me?
• Jacory throws an interception instead of throwing it out of bounds and taking the punt.
• Bailey makes a big play to force Wake into 2nd and long, which leads to a punt, which surprisingly isn’t faked. Wake then bails Miami out of a muffed punt and bad field position with a…gasp…personal foul? THUGS!!!!!!!!! SCOUNDRELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4TH QTR
• Jacory hits Hank for a first down and Miami goes back to the hurry up. Before 3rd down, ABC flashes up this fun little stat: Miami is 3/10 on 3rd down today. Great stuff. As if on cue, Jacory is sacked.
• Miami punts, which is followed by a pass interference call on DVD behind the line of scrimmage. Is that even possible? Shannon protests, and it does not even appear that the refs give him the time of day. This is the 500th straight game that Miami gets the short end of the officiating stick, a new record. Also, the next time someone calls an opponent for holding a Miami defensive end might give me a stroke. Also, why is it that the ‘Canes never are the beneficiary of a pass interference penalty?
• Wake misses a field goal, keeping Miami alive. Miami capitalizes by going 3 and out. They have 10 total yards in the half (or something like that).
• Wake muffs the Miami punt, which rolls around on the 2 for the most nerve wracking .34 seconds in sports before Shields jumps on it! First and goal from the 2 for the ‘Canes.
• Whipple calls a playaction pass for Jacory (to say I am puckered is an understatement), who completes it to a wide open Tervarris Johnson in the back of the end zone. The fact that Johnson is an asset this year is pretty much all you need to know about Whipple. (27-21 WF)
• ABC comes out of commercial with a shot of the Wake library. For the second time. I imagine going to school there probably sucks.
• Wake makes another ridiculous catch and converts a first down. Then, on 3rd and 5, Miami tips the ball three times before DVD comes down with it for his first career interception. First of all, this was the luckiest INT ever. Second, is it bad that our third year starting CORNERBACK just recorded his first career interception? Yes, yes it is. (Upon watching the highlights, I noticed DVD threw up 6 fingers after the play to honor Jasper Howard…that is one of the most badass things I have ever seen.)
• Miami, of course, cannot capitalize. Hank drops a pass and the ‘Canes punt.
• Skinner picks up a first down on a scramble but suffers a concussion. You hate to see it, but at this point I will take it.
• Wake’s backup picks up a first down and I get a sinking feeling for the first time that we might actually lose to Wake Effing Forest.
• Miami takes a bad timeout and then gives up a first down coming out of it, but gets bailed out by an offensive holding call. On 3rd and 17 with fewer than 3 minutes left, Miami digs deep and comes up with a sack. They then call timeout. And this is where we find out just how cool Jacory is under pressure.
• With 2:51 to go, Wake hits the luckiest punt ever, picking up roughly 15 yards on the bounce to pin the ‘Canes 82 yards away from the game winning touchdown.
• Collier makes a great play, but then a series of blunders (including another Hank drop) puts Miami in 4th and 16 to extend the game…and Aldarious Johnson makes an amazing catch in traffic to convert!
• (In hindsight, this is easily the play of the game. It reminded me of Kellen Winslow II’s catch on a Thursday night against West Virginia in 2003 that saved the game and for the moment the season. Eerily similar.)
• Bolstered by this, Jacory finds Benjamin for a big gainer and then on the next play for a touchdown. Great series for the young offense. Whipple put the ball in the hands of his best player and told him to go win the game, and Jacory obliged. Although now we have the problem of leaving too much time on the clock. Who’d have thunk it? (28-27 UM)
• Miami covers the kick well, gives up a couple of first downs and Wake crosses midfield. However, they run out of time and are forced to try a 60 yard field goal to win the game…
• Which they miss!!!! Miami wins it!!!!!!!!!!
The Day After
• I don’t need to go through all the mistakes that were made. In football, mistakes happen. Sometimes you can play well, which I though the defense did for the most part, and still get beat (witness the 6 or 7 amazing throws and catches Wake made against good coverage and big time pressure to prolong drives). Sometimes, the bounces just don’t go your way early, and you can either keep after it or fold. Against Virginia Tech, in similar conditions, the ‘Canes folded. Against Clemson, Miami kept after it but came up short. In the end, against Wake Forest, they kept after it and pulled out a win that they shouldn’t have. And I guess that is all that matters. Sometimes, this game transcends analysis and message board thread after message board thread about every terrible play made in the game. It wasn’t pretty, but at the end of the day it was a win, and wins all count the same, no matter how ugly they are. A win is a win, whether it's by an inch or a mile. (Did that sound like Jerry Springer’s final thought? Good.)
Other Games I Watched
• UNC vs. Vagina Tech: Screw you Virginia Tech. It is games like this that make me go 4-5 for the weekend in my picks section and drop me to 26-33 for the season. And let me just add that this has been a really weird season.
• USF vs. West Virginia: I pick USF two weeks in a row and they lose. I pick them to lose ONCE and they win. Screw you USF.
• Ole Miss vs. Auburn: Billy Stein moves to 0-2 in the guest picker role. Sorry man. On a brighter note, he did say the funniest thing of his life on Friday. Bill was trying to explain to a couple of female friends why he wanted to see Boondock Saints instead of Paranormal Activity with them. When he explained the movie, they said they still didn’t get it. His response: “You know Hannah Montana? Well, this is MANnah Montana.” One of the greatest things ever said and an immediate addition to my vernacular.
• Florida State vs. North Carolina State: At one point during this shootout, they called FSU for a personal foul and then cut to Boobah on the sideline, who had on a look that said something like “When did they invent this dadgum personal foul rule?” High comedy.
• Indiana vs. Iowa: Indiana folded so badly that they had to create a special category on the ESPN ticker that was called “Iowa Big Plays”. Indiana gave up roughly 24 plays of 80 yards or greater in the 4th Quarter. They forced 5 interceptions and lost the game. The Big Ten, boys and girls.
• South Carolina vs. Tennessee: Well, Tennessee crushed Darth Visor and looked terrible doing it in the black jerseys. Also, Montario Hardesty is a BEAST at running back.
• Oregon vs. USC: Nothing to say.
Best Game: Miami vs. Wake
Best Uniform: The Iowa Steelers.
Game Ball Goes To: LaMichael James. I'm pretty sure that's how it is properly spelled, but the kid plays for Oregon and he's a beast.
Worst Uniform: Miami (you got lucky Tennessee).
Trojan Enz © Boner of the Week Award: Georgia, for messing up the best helmet in the SEC by making it black and therefore costing themselves the Cocktail Party.
Non-BCS Name You Should Know: T.Y. Hilton, FIU. Stud slot receiver who will make noise in the NFL eventually.
Next Week’s Picks:
Since I will be in Miami for Homecoming Weekend and won’t have time for my preview, here are the picks for the week:
Virginia Tech over East Carolina
Georgia Tech over Wake Forest, who is now demoralized
South Carolina over Arkansas
Ohio State over Penn State
Alabama over LSU
UPSET SPECIAL: Navy over Notre Dame
Always guard the inbound passer.
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