My, how time flies. It seems like only yesterday I was curled up in a ball on my couch, clutching my football, praying that Miami’s win against FSU would be upheld upon further review.
Only yesterday that I came close to crying tears of joy after the Georgia Tech
beatdown.Only yesterday that I nearly cried tears of sadness after losing to Virginia Tech, Clemson and North Carolina.
Only yesterday that I startled the neighbors with my shrieks (yes, shrieks) during the close win against Wake Forest.
Only yesterday that I had a loyal readership of only 15 people…wait, that was yesterday.
And now, we reach the end of this winding road with a bowl game against the Badgers, who hail from the Ice Planet Hoth (Star Wars? Anyone?).
Oh, how I hate everything the Badgers represent (sorry Doug, you’re still the man).
You see, I lived in Wisconsin from the ages of 12-18. In other words, I moved there after everyone’s social circles were already formed (as sad as it sounds) and at an age when everyone likes to make fun of the new kid. Mercilessly. I wasn’t a big fan. Not of the small-mindedness. Not of the 9 month winters. And certainly not of the distance from the beach.
Anyway, the Badgers in particular are not the problem. It is the fact that they are the only D-1 representative of a state I hate so much.
SIDENOTE: I have visited something like 40 of the 50 states in the Union. Someone once asked me my bottom five. They are, in order of least appealing to slightly more appealing:
1.) New Jersey
2.) New Jersey
3.) New Jersey
4.) Wisconsin
5.) Indiana
They also represent the Big Ten, an overrated conference that plays a BORING style of football. That isn’t to say that the Badgers are a bad team, or that this won’t be a close game. But somewhere along the way the “forward pass” has become frowned upon in this conference. And yet I digress. The Big Ten is kind of similar to "Sherlock Holmes". Big budget. Lots of advertising. VERY mediocre to watch. (PS…Robert Downey and Jude Law were good individually but couldn’t carry a lousy script, kind of like Terrell Pryor can’t carry a conference’s hopes and dreams no matter how well he plays because the conference sucks. So there, it wasn’t an analogy just for analogy’s sake!)
They represent all the morons I grew up with (during the peak of the ‘Cane resurgence, no less) who every year claimed that Miami wouldn’t be able to stay on the field with the Polar Ice Cap Badgers.
They represent the last thing standing between the ‘Canes and a return to the big time (well, them and the maddening, maddening turnovers…)
SIDENOTE: Why the f%ck do people still live in Northeast Wisconsin? Why? Explain to me the logic, please. The river that used to be the center of the region has been polluted to the tune of needing a BILLION dollars of cleanup. Fur trading isn’t exactly big business anymore…I can’t remember the last time I bought something by trading 3 rabbit pelts. Why would people live in a place that is below 10 degrees for three straight months EVERY year? Why would people live in a place where it has snowed in May? Why would people live in an area that requires indoor baseball practice until the end of April? Why, why, WHY!?!?!?
This game, pitting the Hurricanes of sunny Miami against the Badgers of Siberia, has taken on a bigger meaning for my brother and me than most, I would say. It is even more epic in my mind than "Avatar", which I saw twice already (in a word, “game changing”…ok that’s two words, but still). So, yeah, it’s a big deal.
BREAKDOWN
Wisconsin had no quality wins, losing their three toughest games to Ohio State, Iowa and Northwestern.
Their stats are also skewed by blowing out Wofford and Hawaii and winning struggles against Northern Illinois and Fresno State. Just puttin’ that out there.
Anyway, the game plan for Miami is essentially going to be the same as it has been. On offense: establish the run early with Cooper and James, set up the play action on first down, use the advantage that the ‘Canes have in perimeter speed and bring in Damien Berry to finish the job. On defense: crowd the box and mix up the looks on the front seven to slow the run game down, finish tackles, and don’t get beat on play action by Wisconsin’s good tight ends.
Sound familiar? It is essentially the USF game plan.
Miami averages 31.7 ppg, and Wisconsin averages 32.8. Like I said, they ran it up on Wofford and Hawaii. Not to mention Michigan, who quit halfway through the season. Let’s not get too excited.
On D, Wisconsin is 18th in Total D, including 8th overall in Rush Defense. They struggle in the passing game, but still are the 18th overall defense in the nation (against a schedule of cupcakes).
Miami ranked 25th overall, which seems better than I thought…and then I remembered that the Run D has been very solid in the second half of the season after no-showing for the first half (minus Georgia Tech). In other words, Miami got stronger as the season went along. Which, Justin, is what young defenses do. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Miami is 28th in Rush Defense and 38th in Pass Defense.
QB- I keep hearing Wisconsin fans saying things like “Scott Tolzien is pretty solid if he isn’t pressured”. Yeah? You don’t say! Well, if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle. Jacory is many things. One of those things is “better than Scott Tolzien”. And that is knowing full well that he might throw 7 interceptions and make me look stupid. Especially without Jason Fox. Wisconsin averaged 209 ypg through the air; Miami averaged 268 ypg. EDGE: Miami
RB- John Clay was Big 10 Offensive Player of the Year. That plus 50 cents will get you on the bus. In all seriousness, he is a very tough runner and a load to bring down. He is Wisconsin’s best player and is more vital to their offense than Miami’s triumvirate in totality. However, look for Baby J to have a big day in his final game for Miami, Cooper to get the ball a lot out of the backfield and Damien Berry to be the second half hammer. Pretty much the USF game plan. Wisconsin averaged 4.2 ypc, which the ‘Canes cannot afford to give up. EDGE: Wisconsin
Receiver- Wisconsin has Nick Toon at receiver and Garret Graham at tight end (a very underrated player, says Stein on the Sidelines)…and that’s about it. Miami has more talent and more depth at both positions; they will come in droves. EDGE: Miami
Offensive Line- I mean, this is Wisconsin we’re talking about. And Jason Fox is out. EDGE: Wisconsin
Defensive Line- Wisconsin will be bringing pressure with ends O’Brien Schofield and J.J. Watt. Miami will be healthy for the first time in a while and cause matchup problems with Allen Bailey. EDGE: Even
Linebackers- Wisconsin has some talent, but Daryl Sharpton has been a beast lately and is playing for draft money against a run-heavy O. EDGE: Miami
Secondary- Miami gets the edge because every Wisconsin fan I have talked to says something like the following: “our secondary sucks”. I am going on that alone. EDGE: Miami
Special Teams- Matt Bosher has been phenomenal punting as of late. Wisconsin has better coverage teams, Miami has more explosive returners. Bosher is the better kicker. EDGE: Miami
Coaching- Brett Bielema and his staff at the southern edge of the polar ice cap have won bowl games before. Randy Shannon and crew have not. EDGE: Wisconsin
And there you have it.
I will not pick, as keeping with tradition. But you know how I feel.
As Billy Stein so eloquently put it the day after we learned of our bowl matchup:
“Bucky Badger, your nuts are mine”.
Let’s hope he’s right. If not, I will be more depressed than I was during the last fifteen minutes of “Up in the Air”. Go ‘Canes.
Always guard the inbound passer. And while you're at it, check out my newest venture as the co-writer of the Miami Heat blog "Hot Hot Hoops", part of the ESPN/HoopNation series: http://www.hothothoops.com
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