Time for the annual Bowl Extravaganza!...which I am doing for the first time. Every bowl, no matter how irrelevant, no matter how ill-advised, gets a fair shot here. This is also where I bring my 55-40 weekly picks record to the table. I encourage anyone out there to put their bowl picks up against these. Billy Stein? You’re done. Russo? You’re done. Frankie Carbone? Screwed. Steph? Bring it on. Scarpa? Please read this and THEN tell me that the bowl system is sacred and works better than a playoff would. I dare you. SIDENOTE: Is it sad that I just named off 80% of my readers?
New Mexico Bowl: Fresno State over Wyoming
I’ve said all season, Fresno running back Ryan Mathews reminds me of Maurice Jones-Drew. When I know almost nothing about either team, that’s enough.
St. Petersburg Bowl: Rutgers over UCF
Man, I wish we would’ve hired Greg Schiano instead of Randy Shannon. I mean, anytime you can hire a guy who annually places a team in the middle of the pack in the Big East and qualifies them for the St. Petersburg bowl, you’re definitely making a move up in the world, right? And now, every know-nothing Miami "fan" from Upper New Jersey will go jump in the East River. I hope.
New Orleans Bowl: Southern Miss vs. Middle Tennessee State
Think this is what the people at R&L Carriers had in mind when they agreed to sponsor this game? Yikes. Moral of the story for these first three games: don’t name your bowl game after a geographical location. Why can’t we call this one the Jambalaya Bowl? The Hurricane Bowl? The Bourbon Street Bowl? Give me one good reason.
Las Vegas Bowl: Oregon State over BYU
This is actually a good matchup. I’ll take the Rogers brothers over the Stormin’ Mormons in one of the better games of the bowl season.
Poinsettia Bowl: Utah over Cal
Well, at least I won’t have my “2008 ‘Canes PTSD” triggered by watching Jahvid Best eviscerate another team. So that’s a positive.
Hawaii Bowl: Nevada over SMU
I saw someone rate this as the best bowl matchup of the season. Ummmmm….I am speechless. On a sidenote, Shawnbrey McNeal has been tearing it up for the Mustangs. Good to see him doing well for himself.
Little Caesars Bowl: Ohio over Marshall
This one doesn’t even deserve a discussion. Instead, let’s talk about something else.
Today, at work, I was listening to the radio and they announced that Billboard and Rolling Stone had released their versions of the “Top Ten Songs of the Decade”. They took in to account both critical reception (read: whether it was any good or not) and commercial success. Here’s what they were:
Rolling Stone
1.) Crazy- Gnarls Barkley
2.) 99 Problems- Jay- Z (great choice)
3.) Crazy in Love- Beyonce
4.) Hey Ya!- Outkast
5.) Paper Planes- M.I.A.
6.) 7 Nation Army- The White Stripes
7.) Maps- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs (Who the f#ck is that?)
8.) Rehab-Amy Whinehouse
9.) Beautiful Day- U2
10.) Stan- Eminem
Billboard
1.) We Belong Together- Mariah Carey
2.) Yeah!- Usher (Great when hammered…otherwise, c’mon man)
3.) Low- Flo-Rida
4.) How You Remind Me- Nickelback
5.) I Gotta Feelin’- Black Eyed Peas...
….annnnndddd let’s just stop there. Ok, the first one isn’t THAT bad. Some of those songs were legit, and that was obviously the more critically acclaimed of the lists. The second one…well, it loses any credibility when they include Nickelback and Black Eyed Peas in the top 5 of their list.
This really hammers home the point that good music has been forced in to the underground. Think “Crazy” is challenging “Stairway to Heaven” anytime soon? Probably not. Hell, it isn’t even challenging “Hungry Like the Wolf”. Sorry, Gnarls, but I knew Pink Floyd, and you, sirs, are no Pink Floyd.
Really, ever since the late 1990’s, good music has disappeared from the radio, with rare exception. Time was that the popular music WAS the good music. The Rolling Stones, The Who and Led Zeppelin were three revolutionary bands. In addition to making the best music, they were the most listened to. No more. Today, the best music never even sniffs the radio, as Clear Channel and the major record producers work together to get hacks like Pink and Nickelback as much airtime as possible.
To sum it up, it is a sad time. So, while I tried to occupy my time today at work, I came up with my own top ten, using the same criteria as those two. My list, needless to say, is way better, as any normal person would agree. And that is without bringing in to account great performers like Wilco, Dispatch, The Shins, Common, OAR and Guster. They never enjoyed the commercial success that would be commensurate with their talents.
My list also leaves out Dave Mathews. DMB is great in that “we play one sound, all our songs sound the same and we put on two- day long festivals that stoners love” kind of way. So, while he is talented and I have plenty Dave on my I-Pod, none of his songs will make the list…mostly because I can’t tell the difference.
Here we go:
10.) Day ‘N’ Night- Kid Cudi
Not the fast dance version, but the epic, slowed down one. Narrowly edges out “Piss on You” by Dave Chappelle. Kidding. But you wouldn’t have been surprised if I wasn’t, would you?
9.) Beverly Hills- Weezer
Big hit, great band. They deserved to make the list.
8.) Mr. Brightside- The Killers
Too bad they couldn’t even make a DECENT second album.
7.) Last Night- The Strokes
6.) What Goes Around- Justin Timberlake
Made one of the five best albums of the decade, and this was the best song on it. Had an epic video. Also, a sidenote: If you were Justin Timberlake, would you make the much clamored for second album or just continue to lounge around, play golf, host SNL once a season and bang hot chicks? You didn't even hesitate to go with the second choice, right?And THAT’S why we’re still waiting for a follow-up…
5.) Viva La Vida- Coldplay
Not the best song off the album, but the most successful.
4.) Jesus Walks- Kanye
Best song off of the second best rap album of the decade. Boom.
3.) Lose Yourself- Eminem
The best rap from maybe the most ground-breaking rapper of all-time.
2.) 99 Problems- Jay Z
The most widely-known, most- often- quoted- by- Frat-Guys song off of the best album of the decade. Listen to this CD straight through and it blows your mind. Every time. If only he would’ve stayed retired…this album would’ve been the rap equivalent of Michael Jordan over Bryon Russel to win the title.
1.) 7 Nation Army- The White Stripes
Boom.
Now was that so hard?
Meineke Car Care Bowl: UNC over Pitt
This defense with three weeks to prepare for Dion Lewis? ‘Nuff said.
Emerald Bowl: Boston College over USC
Think USC is pumped for this one? Think BC is going to come out flying? The answers are no and yes.
Music City Bowl: Clemson over Kentucky
Well, John Wall will give the Tigers trouble all night…wait…uhhh, Kentucky plays football too?
Independence Bowl: Georgia over Texas A&M
Just because Bill is picking A&M.
EagleBank Bowl: UCLA over Temple
Thrilling matchup…thrilling.
Humanitarian Bowl: Bowling Green over Idaho
The only way this could be worse is if they played it on a blue field. Oh wait, they are? Yikes.
Holiday Bowl: Nebraska over ‘Zona
This will be the best 13-9 football game you’ll ever watch, guaranteed. Surprisingly good matchup, to be honest.
Armed Forces Bowl: Houston over Air Force
I feel like they play twice a season.
Sun Bowl: Stanford over Oklahoma
No chance Gerhart can go nuts on this defense. Right? RIGHT? Actually, I just remembered how dirty Oklahoma is. I am done trying to talk myself in to Oklahoma and changing this pick to Stanford in the name of Karma.
Texas Bowl: Missouri over Navy
Part one of this season’s “give a good team extra days to prepare for the triple option and they’ll win the game” series.
Insight Bowl: Iowa State over Minnesota
This is just a Godawful matchup. Terrible. I literally flipped a coin. With the uniforms, who can tell the difference anyway? And I hate the Big Ten.
Chick Fil A Bowl- Tennessee over Virginia Tech
Just to make the ACC look even worse.
Outback: Auburn over Northwestern
Because I hate the Big Ten.
Capital One Bowl: Penn State over LSU
Because the Big Ten has to win one of these games, no?
Gator Bowl: West Virginia over Florida State
Again, Karma.
Rose Bowl: Oregon over Ohio State
Have I mentioned the Big Ten sucks?
Sugar Bowl: UF over Cincy
Although, the scenario from Varsity Blues, where the coach leaves the team at halftime and the West Canaan Coyotes rally to win the game as they unify in hatred, could definitely be in play here. And we definitely should heed the warning, because this is the second most underrated football movie ever made. And if you don't agree with that, you are beyond help.
International Bowl: Northern Illinois over USF
A game so bad they are playing it in America, Jr.
Papajohns.com Bowl: UConn over South Carolina
Remember when the only games played after the New Year were the important ones?
Cotton Bowl: Ole Miss over Oklahoma State
Jevan Snead loves anything involving the word “cotton”.
Liberty Bowl: Arkansas over East Carolina
I heard announcers talking about the “reputation of the tough Conference USA Eastern Division” one time this year. I literally laughed out loud.
Alamo Bowl: Texas Tech over Michigan State
The Big Ten still sucks.
Fiesta Bowl: TCU over Boise
TCU is the best team in the country. There, I said it.
Orange Bowl: Iowa over Georgia Tech
Part 2 of the annual “give a good team three weeks to prepare for the triple option and they’ll win the game” series. Also, just to make the ACC look even worse. And make me feel like a douche.
GMAC Bowl: Central Michigan over Troy
Good thing they are waiting until after New Year’s to play this one…
BCS Title Game: Texas over ‘Bama
I seem to remember a game in Pasadena a few years back when Texas was given no chance to win but rode a stud senior quarterback to a title…how'd that work out?
Always guard the inbound passer.
No comments:
Post a Comment