Georgia Tech Hate Week

I hate Georgia Tech.

I went pretty hard on them last year, so this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone.

Honestly I am pretty much out of ammo without repeating last year’s, so I am leaning pretty heavily on my buddy Trent (Atlanta native) and my brother Billy (Atlanta transplant) for material.

First, to recap, I hate this jabroni: 

That guy is the worst. F him.

He represents one of the two main groups of Georgia Tech students.

The socially awkward (and not in a funny way like the dudes on The Big Bang Theory who actually show up to work everyday in $300,000 import sports cars and cut me off when I am just trying to cross the street on the lot to go get my shitty overpriced salad from the cafeteria) and celibate, mostly because there are no girls at this school.*

*More on that in a minute

And then there are the WORST southern frat dogs you can imagine. Affluent, white southerners that think they party as hard as an SEC frat would (they don’t) and try their ass off to prove it at every juncture (it doesn’t work). However, they think they are better than SEC kids because they go to a “good school”…which is true, except they are all in the business school, which is the same exact meaningless joke as the undergraduate business school at any other university except for, like, Harvard and Stanford.

They wear bowties to football games, because #FRAT. They host the WORST kind of theme parties at their fraternity mansions, which is hard to do because pretty much any theme party is awful.

 They drink craft beer because they want you to think they are a cut above (they aren’t).

Back to the girls. There are roughly 5,000 of them at the entire damn university. They average a 4.5 in the looks department, and that is only because there are a handful of 7s and 8s bringing up the average. I don’t know why they go there, but to their credit, they look like 11s and 12s when on that campus.

Also, I went to The Varsity in August. The Varsity sucks. Boom. Suck failure, nerds.

Moving to their football program, they have been the redheaded step child to UGA for 20+ years in their own state. They have an on campus stadium that looks like it belongs in Dresden, and their program’s symbol is an effing Model T Ford.

And speaking of World War-Era shit, their coach is Paul Johnson, who still runs the Triple Option. In terms of looks, Paul Johnson makes Bo Pelini look like Bradly Cooper.

This dude is the head coach of one of the 2 major universities in one of the 5 best states for football talent in the country, and he runs an offense that went out of vogue 30+ years ago.

Literally any decent team that has more than a week to prepare for this offense shuts it down. Shit, Georgia Southern almost beat them a couple weeks ago.

Now, I’d like to say this should be a blowout, because they run a stupid offense and don’t have any athletes that can run with us (because no smart Georgian wants to play for Paul Johnson if they can help it). But then again, this team beat Virginia Tech, who has a much better defense than Miami. And everytime you think you have them out of the game, one of their o-lineman destroys the ACL of your team’s best d-lineman with a cut block (which should be illegal, by the way) and they open a big hole and score a touchdown.

Paul Johnson is such a dick that his entire blocking philosophy is “dive at their knees!”

I imagine this game will be pretty close, and could realistically go either way. If the Miami defense from last week shows up, we could turn it into a blowout. Everyone has to trust each other though. Defensive backs have to stay at home and not cheat up, linebackers have to make tackles on first contact, etc.

Otherwise, who knows? The way this defense played against Nebraska, Tech could actually run it up on us. Which would be a sad day, and maybe the final nail in Golden’s coffin.