Pain Heals, Chicks Dig Scars, Glory Lasts Forever

Hello All,

Every summer, I write up a preview of what to expect from the roster the next season. This is my fourth year doing it. Which means the fourth year in a row I will be giving a ceiling and floor for the Northwestern Crew. Weird.

WARNING: There are a lot of parenthetical asides here…not really sure how this happened but it did. I’m like the Larry King of the ‘Canes world. I can’t figure out if I should be proud of it or not.

QB

Last season started with Jacory as a fringe Heisman Candidate and ended with me being thoroughly convinced that the skinny true freshman who was supposed to redshirt and be a career backup was the best option for the team. Combined, the ‘Canes QBs lead the nation in interceptions thrown, which, it turns out, means you lose a lot of games. The battle is ongoing for who will start. Smart money is on Jacory to win the job, but both have a lot of work to do.

Jacory Harris, Sr.

One final season - this time, it’s for keeps.

(Sorry, I was just trying to figure out what the tag line would be if they made “Transformers 4” about Jacory’s senior year)

I can remember two other times coming into a QB’s senior year just having no clue what I was going to get:

Brock Berlin, 2004

I always thought he was ill-served by Dan Werner, who insisted on keeping him under center. In the middle of the season he was benched, which ignited a small race war in the community as folks debated the “merits” of Berlin and his backup, the immortal Derrick Crudup.

(I think that list looked something like this: Brock Berlin- awesome out of shotgun, which we only run when we are losing in the final 5 minutes, and is white; Derrick Crudup- can run really fast, but unfortunately isn’t so great with the “forward pass”, and is a black guy)

Berlin eventually ended up having an All-ACC type of year (which really speaks to the strength of the ACC more than anything else) and is the answer to the question “When was the last time the Miami Hurricanes had a solid, consistent starting quarterback?” If Jacory has that season this year I will be a very happy man.

Kyle Wright, 2007

I made so many excuses for this guy it wasn’t even funny. I thought he could be Carson Palmer (talented “bust” for 3.5 seasons who finally gets it halfway through his senior year and steals a Heisman trophy) if his o-line would block (sacked 9 times in his first career start), his receivers would catch (Lance Leggett? Ryan Moore? Aikeem Jolla?), he would have the same offensive coordinator for consecutive years (he had 4 in 5 years), he would stop falling asleep behind me in Econ (not that we all didn't, the teacher really sucked- damn it, another excuse)…etc.

I still think some of those excuses have merit.

Bottom line, however, is this: the guy got spooked during his first year as a starter, when he was sacked roughly 749 times, and never recovered from the Happy Feet. Like Footsteps Falco in The Replacements. Except he never got to play as a replacement player, do the Electric Slide in jail as a bonding experience with this teammates, take the city on a feel-good run to the playoffs, improve relations with the deaf or slay the hot cheerleader. I think he is selling pharmaceuticals in the Bay Area. Sigh…

Anyway, back to Jacory.

If you give me “First 6 games Sophomore Year” Jacory Harris, I am happier than my brother when the girl doesn't throw her drink in his face.

If you give me “I Am So Beaten Up From Being Sacked and Playing Hurt / Pissed Off At My Receivers For Dropping Passes That I am Just Going To Go Into a Weirder Place Than Mike Tyson After He Bit Off Evander Holyfield’s Ear and Start Throwing Bad Interceptions That Would Make Brett Favre Blush and Just Go To the Sideline and Stare Straight Ahead” Jacory Harris then…ya know what, just keep him.

Ceiling: Plays with swag, gets the ball to his guys in the right places, does not LEAD THE NATION IN INTERCEPTIONS.
Floor: Have you watched his last, I don’t know, 15 STARTS!?!?!?!?!? THAT is his floor.

Stephen Morris, Sophomore

Very raw (cliché alert!) but has a strong arm, can move around and played with heart. Was the only kid on offense that seemed to be pissed off during the Notre Dame game, and that left a mark on me (not literally). He played with swag (cliché alert!) and lead two memorable late game comebacks, one in a game he really had no shot at (Virginia…thank you Spencer Whipple) and one which he won (Maryland).

(Wow, I can’t believe I just said that we had “memorable comebacks” against Virginia and Maryland. One of which was a futile comeback…meaning we didn’t even win the effing game and it sticks out to me as a highlight of the season. Excuse me for a second while I take a run through morning traffic.)

If everything is equal, I say start him this season and begin moving the transition forward.

Ceiling: Willie Beamen after he throws up
Floor: Willie Beamen before he throws up

Spencer Whipple, ??

Does anyone know how many years this kid has left? Anyone?!?!?!?!

I’m too lazy to look it up because I just assume he is gone after this year anyway. He’s on his third college…somewhere along the line he had to have accrued enough credits to be on major number 7 by now. And hey, maybe he can one day become an offensive coordinator like his dad and call for a strict diet of downfield passing plays even though his quarterbacks clearly operate best out of a run-heavy, play action offense. Not that I’m bitter.

Anyway, if he is playing than the following probably has happened:

Scenario 1: Jacory and Morris were in a tandem bicycling accident (watch out!).

Scenario 2: Jacory slept in because he was up late watching Spongebob and Morris got hurt (hey now!).

Scenario 3: Jacory and Morris BOTH get hurt. At halftime Golden snags the chick that throws the football into the net at halftime during the Maroone halftime contest and SHE gets hurt. Golden tries to sneak Gino Torretta back onto the field from the press box and HE gets hurt. Then, and only then, Golden looks down the bench to Whipple and says “just…go…whatever” as he breathes an exhausted sigh of disbelief.

(In this third scenario, Golden then goes home and calls a hit man while he updates his resume for the Penn State opening)

Ceiling: Looks fantastic in a backwards hat holding the clipboard and signaling in play calls, making Jake Byrne proud.
Floor: Gets on the field and looks like Stein on the Sidelines-too small, too slow, about to soil himself.

Ladies and gentlemen, YOUR Miami Hurricanes quarterbacks!

Also, my next post will be my 100th since I left college. If anyone of my 7 readers has anything they want me to write about in it I would love suggestions. Or I could just post the same non-sense as usual. Either way.

Happy Father's Day

Hello All,

My brother called me the other day with the following message:

“Hey man I am on the can with a real shy s*** right now, talk me through it. Dad didn’t pick up.”

My natural reaction, before hanging up, was to ask why I was the second choice to dad.

“I always call dad when I’m on the crapper. It’s our designated talk time. I like it because he helps me kill some time and he likes it because that means we talk like three times a day.”

I said "does he know this?"

To which my brother replied "would that ever not be the first thing I announced when on the phone with anyone?"

And then I hung up.

This is my family.

My brother and I are lucky enough to be able to say that our dad is our friend. Our mother has her own relationship with us, and it is equally great (I know, I know, if this were a Twitter feed it would be “white person problems” or something like that). But since it is Father’s Day coming up, that is what I am writing about.

I was a quirky kid.

Some might call it OCD. Whatever it was (is?), it manifested itself in sports.

Exhibit A: my dad bought a case of Budweiser and it came with a small brochure previewing the 1994 football season. It had the full schedule for every pro and college team, as well as their colors, head coach, mascot, etc. I memorized the entire thing in about a week. I could tell you who Dartmouth was playing in Week 6 and who Louisiana- Lafayette’s head coach was. I was 7.

Exhibit B: I at one point had roughly 56419845132198451 baseball cards. My dad told me one time that he kept his rubber banded by team when he was a kid. So I decided I would do the same. However, I did not sort them by the team they were on in the picture…I sorted them by actual, current roster. Every morning I woke up and scanned the transactions for every major league and minor league team before retreating upstairs to make the changes necessary to my shoe box. And they were in batting order. It went past fun and turned into labor fairly quickly.

Exhibit C: I was given a set of pencils as a gift once, one for every NFL team. Did I do what normal kids do and use them at school? Nope. Instead, I kept them together as a set and every Tuesday would rearrange them so that teams that were playing each other that weekend were lined up.

Some people might have their kid go see a shrink or join the Boy Scouts. Not my dad. He LOVED it. He would ask me for random statistics at odd times. He started calling me “The Book”. He indulged me, and by doing so, created a monster.

My dad taught me a lot over the years.

He taught me what it meant to be a ‘Cane and is the reason some of my first memories are of watching early 90’s college football games.

On the flip side, he also taught me to root for the Orioles and the Dolphins. Thank God I had my mother to teach me that we root for Duke in basketball.

He taught me that there was a time when pitchers intimidated hitters. He taught me to throw the high and inside fastball if some kid showed you up…and then laughed his ass off when I beaned the only girl in Little League after her teammate stared me down.

He played countless hours of Little Tikes basketball with us, which I am sure was not good on the big man’s surgically repaired knee.

He spent long summer nights hitting us endless games of pepper in the backyard; in the fall we switched to driveway basketball, where I learned that the arm extended scoop shot is literally impossible to block.

He taught me about the Baltimore Chop and the “Air Gait” goal and Unitas to Berry and “Wide Right”.

(that link never gets old)

He sat with me for Warren Fucking Morris and Willis McGahee's knee.

We went to his last game at the Orange Bowl together, a thoroughly unimpressive victory over FIU (which he will admit only at gunpoint is his Alma Mater).

He taught us to love beer (even though I think that was more a genetic thing) and love Buffett and The Stones and love to grill a mean steak.

(Smirnoff on the rocks hasn't quite caught on, partly because my brother and I haven't really started to hate the whiskey hangover yet and mostly because Smirnoff tastes like lighter fluid)

Sure, there is plenty off the sports field he taught us. But sports were the once constant for my family as we moved in and out of state after state after state.

In addition to the moving, every summer our family piled into the car and took a long road trip. One year it was across Canada. Another it was to California. Another it was a Midwest Swing through Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City and Chicago.

During those car trips, my dad would reach a point every day when he grew sick of me asking if he thought Craig Biggio was a Hall of Famer or not or “Who would you name the starter if you could have any quarterback from any season in ‘Canes history?”

(The answers, of course, are “no” and 2001 Ken Dorsey, narrowly edging ’87 Steve Walsh and ’84 Bernie Kosar…’07 Kirby Freeman is not on the list)

(Also, my brother was usually listening to "New York Groove" on repeat and was not contributing)

(Felt like I would put in another parenthetical paragraph...why the hell not?)

He would throw his hands up after a couple of hours and say that these were arguments with no end and no right answer. The conversation would die down, because I knew not to push the man having to stop the car every 30 miles so my mother could use the ladies’ room.

And then the next day we would wake up, get back in the car and start driving again. And after a couple of hours, I would start up again, this time subbing in Fred McGriff (absolutely and resoundingly "yes") and whether or not Ed Reed was the greatest ‘Cane of all time (Top 3, with Michael Irvin and Alonzo Highsmith).

And sure enough, the conversation would start up all over again.

As much as he had created a monster, it was his monster. And he knew better than to stifle it.

Happy Father’s Day dad.

Another Open Letter

Dear Coach Morris,

My cell phone had a rough weekend.

This weekend saw the end of yet another 'Canes baseball season.

And for the third straight season, the 'Canes fell short of Omaha.

Mostly, my phone should be mad at me. Ever since I moved out here to LA every chance I get to see a Canes baseball game takes on extra importance. So I get a little more riled up than I usually might. It is almost like football. I only get 12 football games a year, and therefore one poor performance stings like a million hornets. Now I get even fewer baseball games, and the same feeling has taken over. And therefore I throw my phone often. It is always close at hand and during these games of late has been the bearer of much bad news. Most of the time it hits the couch. Most of the time.

And I am truly surprised it is still working after this weekend.

There is something to be said for a program which reaches the postseason for a 39th consecutive season and considers the year to be a total waste. Everyone is familiar with the story of Jim Morris' job interview, when he asked to use the men's room only to find it being propped open with a Super Regional championship trophy.

The expectation at Miami is not just to make the postseason, but to do damage once you get there. Regional victories are not supposed to be "ifs". Super Regional victories are expected. It is only a trip to Omaha that validates a season. And sometimes, even making it there isn't enough. Perhaps the two most talented teams in the history of this elite program, 1996 and 2008, don't even qualify for the debate of "best ever" because they didn't win a championship.

It is a lot to live up to.

And perhaps you said it best yourself, coach, about this year's team: they "embarassed themselves".

It is one thing to lose games. It is completely different to lose in the fashion we did.

Walked batters. Errors upon errors. Bad at-bats.

No fire.

The 'Canes baseball teams I grew accustomed to, starting really with that 1996 team and last seen in 2008, were fundamentally sound and played the game hard.

They had a hell of a lot of talent, no doubt.

But it says something that maybe the least talented teams (on paper) we ever had was my favorite of them all: the 2001 National Champions. No first round picks. No Golden Spikes candidates. Just a roster full of ballplayers that got after it EVERY SINGLE GAME.

This is the third year in a row where the team has seemingly come apart at the seams when pressure was applied.

Two years ago it was in the Gainesville Regional. Last year it was in the Gainesville Super Regional (and was one of the great meltdowns we have ever seen, fueled by multiple erros in the final frame to blow the game). This year it was in yet another Gainesville Regional (another late inning collapse, this time the result of an error on a routine ground ball, a balk and a wild pitch...and then a complete and total slaughter).

Three years. Three eliminations at the hands of the Gators.

Before the Regional Final commenced, I was buoyant. These were the 'Canes I knew. They dropped a close one the night before and had to wake up early for a fesity Jacksonville club. The bats came alive late in the game and snuffed the life out of the Dolphins. 45 minutes later was a chance at revenge against the Gators to set up a winner-take-all monday night matchup.

The 'Canes I knew would have come out hot. They would not have given two squirts of piss about all the talent on the Gators squad.

Instead the 'Canes responed with a leadoff single, a walk, and a three run homer.

And just like that the route was on and the season was over.

I hate to say it, but it reminded me of our football team.

And I am sick of it.

Coach Morris, you are a sacred cow, barring something ridiculous. But it is time to clean out your assistant coaches, most specifically Joe Mercandante.

J.D. Arteaga at least put together a good staff this year, a staff with enough returning talent to be one of the nation's best next season...assuming he doesn't chase off/hurt the talent. Which he usually does. Sadly, this Hurricane great's body of work at large has been mediocre at best.

Worse is Mercandante, however. I have never seen more bad swings and a bigger lack of situational hitting. And it falls on him just as much as the players.

Winning means coaches and players on the same page. This season, there was either a disconnect between the two or they were on the same page and that page just happened to be the worst one ever printed. Neither is acceptable.

Much as the football program needed fresh blood, so does the baseball program.

For those saying it is impossible to win at a private school anymore, I say 'bullshit'. I point to the 2008 team, only 3 years ago, which some labeled the most talented team in college baseball history. And then I point to Rice, Stanford, and Vanderbilt. All private. All winners.

It is impossible to win when you can not develop pitchers or play defense. Add that to an anemic offense and a group of upperclassmen who just didn't seem to care and you have the recipe for disaster.

And at Miami, that means more than a year in between trips to Omaha.

So this is my plea to Coach Morris. I know you are loyal. I know you have forgotten more about this sport than I can ever hope to learn. But changes are needed.

Baseball never gets the hype I feel it deserves at a school known for football; however, there are a lot of us who care. 39 straight tournament appearances is a nice feather in the cap. But it has been 10 years since a title. It is time for another. And what we have seen lately just ain't gonna hack it.

You once autographed a baseball for me that says "Always be your best". Simple words. I keep that baseball on my desk and look at it every day when I wake up.

This program has not been its best for a number of years now. Whether it is bad coaching or spoiled kids or limits placed by the NCAA or just bad luck, I do not know. But something has to change. The team owes it to you to be better. They owe you the decency of taking that advice.

They owe my cell phone.

And they owe it to us diehards.

A Standard of Excellence

Hello All,

I am warning right now, this is a rant. I think it is fairly well constructed, but it is a rant.

*Begin rant*

When Al Golden was hired as the new head coach and caretaker of Miami football in December, his mission was simple: return Miami to the glories past while maintaining the sterling off-field success enjoyed by the previous regime.

Now, I think we all know where this is going given the recent allegations against reserve defensive tackle Jeffrey Brown. And you are correct...but before we get there, a disclaimer. That is probably the incorrect choice of words, because no disclaimer can mitigate even the admitted actions of Brown, much less the alleged ones. But there is a scene that needs to be set.

First of all, anytime a new MFWIC comes in to town there is bound to be friction.

Golden could have acquired the Harvard football roster and probably had some players have run-ins with authorities, whether it be Residence Halls staff or Miami PD.

Randy Shannon was like a father figure to a lot of the kids on this team. Whether or not you liked the man, that is indisputable. His deaprture left a vacuum for a lot of these kids, and it is almost impossible to ask Golden to fill it right away; that leaves at least a few of these kids drifting, in a sense.

He did not recruit these players and he is probably seen by more than a few as the guy coming in to "fix them".

I can tell you that there is an automatic sense of rebellion when you are 18-22 years old and someone gets in your face and tells you what you are doing is not good enough.

Second of all, I am a firm believer that kids need to police themselves. Al Golden can not keep an eye on every kid 24 hours a day. He is a coach, not a baby sitter. And to hold him, or any coach for that matter, acocuntable for the actions of these kids is slightly ridiculous.

Keeping that in mind, let us move forward.

Since Golden took over, there have been two players charged with felonies.

The first was Ramon Buchannon being charged with violently resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer. The police report sounded fishy to me, knowing Miami cops, and all in all it seemed like a college kid doing something dumb and letting it get out of hand. Getting drunk in the Grove and resisting the order to leave is something I have personally seen happen a lot of times. The charge got plead down and Buchannon reinstated to the team after being placed in an early diversion program. Here is the thing that stuck with me from that police report though:

“I’m a U.M. football player and I don’t give a f— what you do. I’ll get out of it. F— the police.”

Keep that in mind, more in a bit.

And then the Brown incident.

This is far more concerning. If you don't want to click on that hyperlink, here are the bare bones of the charges:

• Brown is sitting in room when drunk girl knocks on door and asks to use bathroom.



• Brown walks her back to her room, then returns to his.



• Time passes and Brown goes to the room he left her at to check on her well being



• Brown climbs in to her bed, removes her underwear and has sex with her as she repeatedly tells him to stop



• Brown tells his roommate to get rid of his underwear



• Brown initially tells police there was no sex involved, and then changes his story to say they did have sex when pressed

This, ladies and gentlemen, is bad however you slice it. I am the first one to say that you are innocent until proven guilty. I look at the Duke Lacrosse case from a few years back and shudder about how these things can turn in to witch hunts.

Having said that...

Think about what happens when an incident such as this is alleged at UiF or FSU. We, as Miami fans, do not stop and ask the "what if he didn't do it?" question.

We, after all, are Miami. We are better than that. Despite all the stereotypes, we are a cut above the rest, among the elite football programs both on and off the field. That is the goal and it is the way it should be.

Golden was right to kick this kid off them team, and he did so immediately. Putting yourself in this position is unacceptable and will not be tolerated under this regime.

Hoever, what scares me more than the incidents themselves is the fan reaction. Here is a sampling of some of the stuff I have read:

"Awesome, we're back to Thug U!"

"Bad guys off the field win football games."

"Good."

"Well, if he wasn't a two star she probably would have wanted to have sex (I am rephrasing) with him."

Etc.

Aside from the obvious immorality of these statements, there is a thread of thought occurring here that needs to be fleshed out immediately. And yes, I know that this is probably .1% of the fanbase that feels this way. However, the fact that anyone MIGHT think this way is troublesome to me.

Recently, we have been caught up in a wave of nostalgia for the 80's and the team that became known as Thug U (somewhat inappropriately, I might add).


What we really want is a return of the swagger that was pronounced on the way into the stadium and then backed up on the field.

That was fueled by kids who worked hard on their own, took complete ownership of the program and fought like dogs for every inch. Hell yeah we want that back.

They also had a knack for getting into trouble off the field, some petty, some not.

The problem we are having as a fanbase right now is recalling one of the most basic lessons of any education: correlation is nto causation.

Ice cream sales go up in summer. So do drownings. Does ice cream cause people to drown then?

It is a silly premise. Now let's apply it to those lionized teams of the 80's.

They did bad things off the field (at times) because they were admittedly stupid.

They dominated on the field because they worked their asses off and channeled a lot of anger into football, including anger at being labeled as Thugs in the first place. Period.

To think that off-field trouble breeds on-field success is absolutely incorrect. To think that by winning games they exonerate(d) themselves for off the field wrongdoing is ridiculous. I fear that may be the message that Mr. Buchannon ran with during his drunken encounter with the police. I fear that may have lead Mr. Brown down a bad path.

No, Ramon, you won't get out of it just because you play for The U.

If accountability on the field must be improved (and it surely must), then accountability off the field can not slip.

As an alumni, I am angry that the school I love has been tarnished by this incident. As a fan, I don't see any way for our team to get better if we have players suspended and sitting on the sideline in shorts. As both, I pray that these are isolate incidents and not part of an attitude that is running rampant on this squad.

Isolated or not is a bad day all around, and for anyone to say otherwise is ignorant.

I think the team will wake up once Golden starts leaning on them in the fall. They will learn quickly that he is all business. And frankly, he better beat this lesson in hard. Because this type of behavior is unacceptable.

Already, Al has a chance to prove that he is Golden and not a Tin Man like his counterparts at other southern schools have proven to be.

In life, you find yourself in trouble when you lower your standards. We should expect excellence from these kids off the field AND on the field. I will take a million Ken Dorseys and Ed Reeds before I take another Willie Williams.

There are no excuses for behavior more in line with Williams then Reed. Not your coach getting fired. Not you feeling abandoned. Not a sense of frustration with a new boss. Not the fact that you play for The U. NO EXCUSES. Mess it up once and you sit. After all, we have all done something dumb, like get caught smoking pot or drinking underage or not wanting to leave the bar. Mess it up twice though and you're gone. And if you put yourself in position to get charged with rape AND THEN LIE TO POLICE, we have no place for you, period. If you don't like that, tough. Transfer. I know a school in the panhandle that loves to harbor repeat offenders.

*End rant*

I feel a little better now.

Always guard the inbound passer.

The Curse Strikes Again

Hello All,

Again we find ourselves in the middle of February and it is time, once more, for Miami Hurricanes baseball.

For many, it is a side distraction that takes up a few months while football lies dormant.

For me, the Baseball Hurricanes are the only team that rivals my love for the Evil Empire.

Opening night is this Friday night, and I will be in attendance.

I love baseball games at The Light more than anything in the world.

Milkshakes.

Awful concrete slabs that have, I must admit, killed feeling in much of my ass.

RAAAGGGGGGGGAAAAAARRRMMMMMMM.

The ping of metal bats, one of my favorite sounds in the world.

Duke the soda guy.

Ushers who have made it their sole purpose in life to torment students who don’t look like they bought chairback seats. Unless they have boobs, in which case they have priority over everyone, including the people who actually bought the seats (I’m not bitter).

Sitting down the left field line, yelling at Mike McGee ( he STILL is at FSU…guy is like herpes) as he smashes his 14549843518648th career homer against the ‘Canes…and all the while spitting sunflower seeds and nearly getting in fights with FSU fans over…really….nothing.

Walk off home runs into the parking garage.

Titanic for pulled pork and IPAs before the game and Friday’s to rub Jason Hagerty’s swag in Scarpa’s face after.



Little leaguers standing for the Anthem with the players.



The between innings hamburger race.



Jay-Ro on the mic.

Baaaaaaaaallllllllll twwwwoooooooo, WHOOO!

And, of course, the most sacred of all traditions, Scarpa and I picking “our guy” before opening night every year.

You see, my friend Scarpa and I went to at least 100 ‘Canes games together over the years.

He was there with me when we were down 12-0 to Clemson….before we recorded an out.

He was there with me when Dick O’Brien was our primary catcher.

We watched two teams that qualified for Omaha and got the aforementioned McGee to turn his attention away from the game long enough to answer the age old question: “Anniston or Cox”.

We also are men of the people. We love the underdog. As such, we have a keen eye for picking the guy on the roster each season who is going to be ours. We pick the guy who flies under the radar that we think is going to break out in a large way. Sort of like getting in on Microsoft in the 80s.

So far, we’ve failed more than we have succeeded. Here is a quick recap:

2006: Nick Freitas

The Flyin’ Hawaiian was supposed to be the most physically talented kid on the team. He had a laser rocket arm, was built like a racehorse and was faster than a Cheetah fart. Here was his stat line freshman year: .077 batting average, 1 start, 1 RBI, 0 impact. And now for the icing on the cake: he banged the girl I had a huge crush on. Nick ended up transferring to Southern Idaho (or something weird like that). Wasn't upset to see him go...although he will always be our first.

2007: Kevin Diego

Diego actually ended up winning a temporary starting job on one of the worst Miami teams I have ever or will ever see. He didn’t do much with it. He then quit baseball after the season ended. 0-2. Starting to notice a trend…

2008: Jon Weislow

Nice guy I had some classes with. Hot girlfriend who was also cool. Very similar to Freitas in skill set. Was a transfer, so we thought his experience would help him carve out a niche. Season stat line: 5-24, 5 runs, 5 RBI. He had a bit of a breakout the next season, meaning he had a big series against UiF, but disappeared like a ship into the night as the season went on. Sigh.

2009: Teddy Blackman

This is when we thought it was all over. Blackman became a starter about midway through and actually was installed as the No. 2 hitter for the rest of the season.

Teddy made 36 starts and .273 with 13 RBI and 21 runs, primarily hitting in the No. 2 hole. He also lead the team with a .391 batting average in the postseason. The team underachieved, but Teddy was a solid contributor.

Then he transferred to FSU.

I thought this was as bad as it could get. 2010: Frankie Ratcliff

The undersized pit bull from Key West became an instant contributor as the leadoff man and second baseman, although I can’t find stats. Miami seems to have erased them from the internet. More on that in a second.

Frankie, who we loved because of his intensity, got busted for selling pot in Septemeber. {Dan starts making excuses} Ok, whatever, stupid decision but nothing a few gassers won’t solve...

And then the search of his apartment turned up a crap load of steroids. Yes. A crap load.

{He got busted again for pot once he was kicked off the team, but hey, who's counting?}

You broke my heart Frankie, you broke my heart.

In the annals of picking “our guy”, this was the first time I ever felt betrayed. I feel like Frankie deserves to be taken fishing on Lake Tahoe by Scarpa and our buddy Frankie Carbone. Seriously. It’s a little messed up to be honest.

And that’s where we are at.

I had a legitimate debate about whether we should keep this going for the coming season.

Then, I decided, we had to. Because just like at Mark Light, hope springs eternal. We got beat by UiF in to end our season the last two years. And you know what? Ragarm will still be there Friday night, as begrudging with his praise as ever. So will Duke. And the milkshakes. And the ushers. And those concrete slabs. And me.

Because that is what we do. It is not the greatest stadium, but God damn it, it is our stadium And I would not have it any other way, wins and losses be damned.

Good luck Chantz Mack, you’re gonna need it.

Always guard the inbound passer, and give 'em hell on Friday night 'Canes!

*~!!Superlative Time!!~*

Hello All,

For any man that has ever been to a Sorority Formal, we all know what Superlative Time (yes, both words capitalized, like Neolithic Period or Cabs Are Here…it is that big a deal) is.

A time for women to pretend they like each other more than they really do as they cheer for awards that they really don’t care about…and a time for their dates to get up, take a pee and go to the bar to hammer down some hard liquor.

To be fair, if men do not do this then Kappa Kappa Gamma quickly turns into Kappa Kappa PLEASEGODSTRIKEMEDOWNWHEREISITANDENDTHISMISERY! Trust me, we all win here.

Superlative Time is also the inspiration for my favorite write-up of the year, where I get to come up with ridiculous awards and then hand them out to 17 and 18 year olds kids I have never met!

Here we go!

“Kind of Looks Like John Cena” Award- Anthony Chickillo

Come on. Just look at the guy… the square jaw… the crew cut…the bulging muscles… whoa, this is getting a little weird. I need to step away for a second, walk it off a little. We’re glidin’.

Chickillo is also the lynchpin of the whole class and maybe the most important recruit since Jacory. Let’s not gloss over that.

Weirdest Quote - Tony Chickillo

Anthony’s dad and a former ‘Cane lineman in the 80’s. Had the following to say:

They’ll do whatever it takes to turn Miami’s program around. Al’s a real bright
guy.He seems to be real sharp. He’s a real handsome guy, got a
really beautiful wife, they make a great couple. He has a lot of
the values that I played under at Miami under Howard Schnellenberger. He’s a
real strict disciplinarian that wants to win.

Completely normal. Except that one little bolded thing. Now we are definitely outside the box…

“Willie Mays Hayes Happy to Be Here” Award- Olsen Pierre

Was the only recruit Al Golden brought with him from Temple. How do you think that convo went?

Golden: I would like to know if you want to be a part of the University of Miami family, maybe come down for a visit this weeken...

Pierre: {Interrupting} I am actually waiting outside in the parking lot, where do I sign?

“Sonny Corleone Tollbooth” Award- Al Golden

Had two commitments when he took over, and one was wavering. Talk about your bad situations.

“The Hindenburg of all Radio Announcements” Award- Byron Moore

Did anyone hear the show he went on to commit to Tennessee? This is why the internet should probably come with an application for use.

“George W. Bush Guy I’d Like to Have a Beer With” Award- Blake Ayles

Technically he is a transfer, fine. But the guy allegedly just spent three full years in Southern California (read: target rich environment) and did nothing but drink beer, lift weights and bang hot chicks. He’s got the Shockey Mullet. I think I will also give him the “Maverick and Goose Wingman” Award while we’re at it.

“Most Likely to Get in Trouble for Having a Confederate Flag in the Back Window of His Pickup” Award- Taylor Gadbois

He is a big boy from Dallas, Georgia. Look that up on a map sometime and get back to me.

Worst Nickname Award- Denzel Perryman

He also gets the Best Name Award. However, “DP” is the best we could come up with for him? Really?!!?! This kid is supposed to play like Vilma for God’s sake!

Most Likely to Start a Fight- Kevin Grooms

I don’t know why, but he just plays with a big chip on his shoulder. He is little but has the heart of a lion. Hopefully he doesn’t get ripped in half, because the kid can ball. Actually reminds me a little bit of Greg Reid. I feel like that was a little too serious. Consider this the part of Superlative Time when they show the crappy powerpoint from the past year and one unlucky SOB’s date starts crying for no apparent reason.

“Best Tattoo a White Guy Probably Would Never Get” Award- Gionni Paul

Obviously haven’t seen it (obvs…lmao) but it is apparently The U with Sebastian in the area and the phrase “Half Man Half Storm”. And I don’t think it is on his lower back.

“John Rocker Biggest Target on His Back” Award - Elkino Watson

Chose USF over Miami and UiF on signing day; threw a Miami hat on the ground in the process. For any actual sorostitutes reading this, this would be the equivalent of that bitch Jill stealing your date and then making out with him in front of you. At least little boys like Devin Lucien who do this have the sense to go to UCLA. Safely out of harm’s way. Watson? Let’s just say I wouldn’t want to be him the next four years when we play USF. Just remember Tamarick Vanover. The guy who did that to poor old Van? He is currently our linebackers coach.

And that will about do it. I could probably keep going, but as sororities need to learn, brevity is a man’s best friend.

Go ‘Canes, and always guard the inbound passer.

Signing Day Blitz

Hello All,


Here we are again, another signing day in the books. This is not the last day for the ‘Canes to add to the roster (there are always possible transfers/Seantrel Henderson). And again, I will give the quick version of my recruit-nik manifesto:

1.) Kids will do dumb things. They are 17-18 years old. Do not let yourself get too caught up in any recruit, because we were all morons when we were that age.

2.) Getting a kid to move a long way for school is not easy to do. Never underestimate the power of mom. Or high school girlfriends, friends, relatives, high school coaches, etc.

3.) Anyone that takes it all the way down to NSD probably is not choosing the ‘Canes. Those are just the facts of life.

4.) Always take the underrated, lunch pail type over the 5 star recruit if everything else is equal.

5.) You cannot teach tough. It is also very difficult to de-recruit the prima donnas.

6.) Recruit kids that want to be at The U. If we are just another hat on the table, I would rather not have the kid.

7.) We give the recruits the power, so it is very difficult for the guy who checks message boards every hour (like me) to complain when a kid milks the attention. Although I know if I had ever acted like one of these kids for the whole world to see, my dad probably would have taken me out back and beat the ever loving hell out of me.

If you stick to those rules, you usually have more success than the ones who don’t. That manifesto looks a lot like Jimmy Johnson’s or Butch Davis’. It results in a team of tough, scrappy, smart ballers. And that is the type of team that wins titles and puts people in the pros.

This is not a complete rundown, as there are still potential add-ons out there. As they come in, this will be updated.

Roll Call

QB-*UPDATE*

Tate Forcier (Michigan)

Another transfer from a Rose Bowl perennial, Forcier will run the scout team this year and then battle Stephen Morris for the starting job. Forcier is talented, although maybe better suited for a spread offense. The real concern, however, is his attitude. He was rumored as very immature at Michigan, and Miami provides more distraction off the field than Ann Arbor. He also has a father that is know to be highly involved, and if he is not starting that usually does not foretell good things. This is the iffiest take of the class.

WR

Phillip Dorsett (St. Thomas Aquinas)

This kid is lightning in a bottle and could see the field early. He is short and needs some muscle, but he has the potential to be a Sinorice Moss type of player that can move all over the formation and make plays on a number of different routes and special teams. Committed to Miami early and never wavered. The kid has played in a lot of big games at one of the nation’s top high school programs and always made plays.

Rashawn Scott (Melbourne Central Catholic)

Scott was a surprise, off the radar commitment late in the game that could profile well at either receiver or safety. A kid with a lot of tools that played mediocre competition. Would not stand out as much in a larger class, but with the limited spots he raised some eyebrows. If you has him in the “who will be the first to fax their LOI” prop bet, you won. Wait, no one else made that bet? Yeah, me neither…



TE

Blake Ayles (USC)

Technically not a recruit because he is transferring in, but he is new to the program and can play without losing any eligibility as per the NCAA’s special rules for USC transfers. He was a 5 star talent out of high school that hasn’t panned out and is apparently a party animal. He is saying all the right things, and to be honest, I have a soft spot for mullet-rocking party animal tight ends anyway; we had a pretty good one named Shockey once upon a time. As thin as the ‘Canes are at tight end, if this kid has his head on straight and starts developing some of his massive potential he will be a starter by fall camp.

OL

Taylor Gadbois (Dallas, GA)

No clue how to pronounce his name, but the kid grew up all ‘Cane (he painted his bedroom orange and green…which is always a win for Stein on the Sidelines) and turned down a late charge from Georgia to head down Coral Gables way. He is a massive guy (6’8”, 300 lbs.) and has the mean streak this program has been lacking as of late. He missed his junior year due to injury but balled during his senior year and has loads of potential. With a couple of years to adjust to the speed of the college game and good coaching from Art Kehoe, this could be a star in the making. One of my favorite pickups; this program needs some mean, big ass good ol’ boys. Admits to crying after losses. Sounds way gayer than it really is.

DL

Anthony Chickillo (Tampa Alonso)

My favorite recruit in the class that saw his stock rise to 5 star status after being named MVP of the Under Armour All American Game. Third generation ‘Cane who is the perfect example of playing better than he looks; his size and speed numbers will not blow you away, yet he is always the best player on the field. Could see the field early. This is the future leader of the ‘Canes and was far and away the most important recruit of the class.

Jalen Grimble (Gorman High, Las Vegas)

Stolen from USC late in the process, Grimble will be either a jumbo end or penetrating tackle. My bet is on the latter. He has the potential to team up with Chickillo to be stars of the next great Miami d-line. His cousin, Xavier, was last season’s number one tight end and there is rumor that he might be headed to the tropics as well. Stay tuned on that, but know that this is Miami’s biggest NSD win since Brandon Harris.

Olsen Pierre (Fork Union, Virginia)

Big kid from a military school that was the only Temple commitment brought to UM by Al Golden. He could be either a run stuffing defensive end or grow into a defensive tackle. Was off the radar but recruited by some of the big boys, including Tennessee.

Ricardo Williams (Homestead)

Has the most potential of this group, and along with David Perry could become a freak pass rushing end as a tall (6’5”), lean pass rusher. There is talk of starting him at linebacker and then moving him to the line if he grows into it; either way, the kid plays hard on every snap and will at worst be a situational player in the Javon Nanton mold.

*UPDATE*

Darius Smith (Lackawanna J.C.)

Smith sounds like a nose guard or a big run clogger in a 4-3. He is 6'3" and about 350, although he plans to show up 15 lbs lighter than that. He is a good add for depth purposes and, although lightly recruited, seems to match the profile of the type of kid that Golden and staff built a winning, smashmouth program around at Temple.

Corey King (West Boca Raton)

King is a high motor kid who signed late due to grade concerns, and may have been lightly recruited because of those same concerns. Again, after having Muhammad Wilkerson drafted in the first round after not being much of a blip on the recruiting radar, Golden and Co. get Carte Blanche in terms of talent appraisal on the D-Line.

LB

Eddie Johnson (North Atlanta High, Atlanta)

Johnson was a signing day surprise. Formerly committed to both Louisville and UCF, he looks like a hitter on tape and a possible middle linebacker or fullback in the future. A coach’s son and a first team all state honoree in Georgia means that the kid can play, the only question is where.

Antonio Kinard (Hargrave Prep)

Tall linebacker prospect that was a Michigan commit before being swayed by Miami. Was recognized by an assistant while at lunch at school and a week later was a ‘Cane. Has the frame to beef up into a middle linebacker with time.

Gionni Paul (Lakeland Kathleen)

Paul was an Arizona State commit until the week before signing day, when Miami converted him to the dark side. He runs around like a blur and is a hitter. His style of play will remind some of Sean Spence. The last time Miami got a linebacker out of Kathleen they ended up with Ray Lewis. If Paul is 80% the player that Lewis was then this is the best player of the class.

Denzel Perryman (Coral Gables High)

Perryman is a short and stout kid that plays angry but sometimes has an “off” switch. Needs to go hard one hundred percent of the time and not shrink when facing adversity. Comes from the same school that produced Jon Vilma and Daryl Sharpton (among others), so he has a lot to live up to.

DB

Dallas Crawford (South Fort Myers)

Played everywhere for his high school and was a playmaker. Much like Chickillo in that his production is what jumps out, not his numbers. Originally committed to Michigan but switched to Miami. Might be a little short for safety and slow for corner, but don’t tell him that. Another kid that could play early and be an Alphonso Smith (Wake Forest) down the line.

George Finnie (Miami Central)

Finnie is a speed merchant whose stock rose as his team won a state championship his senior year. Former South Carolina commitment and an early enrollee that will try and crack the playing rotation and make an impact on special teams. Needs to gain weight… a lot of weight…but finished second in last year’s State 100 meter dash.

Kevin Grooms (South Broward)

Grooms is greased lightning with the ball in his hands, to the point that Devin Hester is not a terrible comparison. Grooms, like Finnie and Crawford, plays the game angry and has the potential to be a lockdown corner, unlike Hester. Will almost certainly contribute immediately in the return game and could also see time on the offensive side of the ball. He is that damned good. There are potential character concerns that caused Miami to ignore him under the Randy Shannon regime. Greg Reid is probably the player he most resembles to this blogger.

ST

Taylor Botts (Moorpark C.C., CA)

A former LSU commit, Botts is the nation’s number one ranked JUCO punter. Should not have much resistance on his way to the starting role.

Matt Goudis (West Hills, CA)

Goudis is a former Michigan commit and one of the nation’s top kickers. Only has to beat out Jake Wieclaw and walk-on Ben Hopfinger.

Coming soon….Sorostitute Superlatives!

Always guard the inbound passer.