I Love This Game

I love basketball.

I love everything about the game. I love 5 men moving on a string. I love making the extra pass. I love alley oops. I love the trash talk.

I played hundreds of hours of pickup basketball in college. If I didn’t live in a city with seemingly no hoops, I would play more now as a 25 year old.

I fell in love with basketball when I was 8 and living in Knoxville, Tennessee. My dad bought my brother and I a hoop that we perched at the top of our driveway. During the spring and summer, we would sit outside for hours shooting hoops and listening to the same Jimmy Buffett album over and over and over.

Our driveway was on the top of a hill, so anytime the ball would kick right off the rim we would have to dash to try and cut it off before it went down in to the valley between our property and the neighbors’.

It was on this driveway that I learned a lot of the fundamentals of basketball. Aiming for the top corner of the box above the basket gave you the best shot at making it. Forget the swish…that was for showboats who had talent. For guys like me, it was bank shots and tear drops and layups and finding the open guy. It was defense. It was all of the little things that you have to do to make yourself useful as a marginally athletic white kid in the CBFO 8-10 year old league.

(It was also learning that you couldn’t block the old man’s scoop shot, and to foul him on the arm was not the solution.)

Because I loved basketball and I was 8 and I collected sports cards, I became mesmerized by the NBA.

The Charlotte Hornets were my team, and I had a poster of “The Sting” (Alonzo Mourning / Mugsy Bogues / Larry Johnson) on my door. I loved Kenny Gattison and Dell Curry and a washed up Robert Parrish. I had Hornets wallpaper.

When the team transitioned in to the Glen Rice Era, which begat the David Wesley / Bobby Phills Era, which begat the  Baron Davis / Jamaal Mashburn Era, I went for the ride. I was Teal and Purple through and through.

(I remember LOVING when we traded for Vlade Divac and all we had to give up was some high school kid named Kobe Bryant. Also, teal and purple?! Really?! You couldn’t have made the colors something cooler than teal and purple?)

Then the Hornets moved. I wasn’t shocked as much as I was depressed. I had no team. Suddenly I didn’t care as much about the league; once the ball started rolling on the team’s relocation, which we saw coming a couple of years out, I became desensitized.. It also didn’t help that the players were less likeable. Baron Davis isn’t exactly the easiest guy to root for.

My love for the game, however, never changed. I still loved shooting baskets on the driveway. I still loved aiming for the top corner of the box, even though we were living in Wisconsin instead of Tennessee and our driveway wasn’t as fun. I still loved that Jimmy Buffett album.

Then, along came LeBron. Sure, I had no team. But at least now I had a player that sucked me in.

James became my favorite player the moment he stepped in to the league. I had never been as in awe of someone’s physical ability, except for maybe Sean Taylor or Kayden Kross. It was like rediscovering something that I had forgotten about.

I couldn’t believe a man of his size could jump and run and PASS like that. It was absurd. It was like a real life Monstar. And even crazier, he was only a couple of years older than me.

And so, last night, for the first time in forever, I was actually invested in a team that won the NBA Championship.

I don’t know if I can truly be considered a Heat fan. I started writing for a Heat blog in 2009. They were mediocre. Very mediocre. Being a free agent fan at the time, they obviously became the team I cared the most about, but by no means did their day to day success impact my outside world as, say, the ‘Canes did.

That summer, the Heat signed James and Bosh. All of a sudden Miami was the axis upon which the basketball universe turned. The only team I really cared at all about had suddenly signed the player I cared the most about. I might not be dyed in the wool, but you bet your ass I was rooting on the Heat.

I had defended LeBron against his (at the time) small group of detractors for as long as I could remember. Here was a likable superstar who played like a combination of Magic and Russell and Jordan and was, by all accounts, a good guy. He was the kind of player that would define our generation as Jordan had defined the previous.

To dislike him seemed inane to any true lover of hoops.

And inevitably, the reason for the hatred was not about basketball.

The Decision and the parade were in poor taste and more to the point, stupid. But he was a 25 year old kid. I do and say dumb things pretty damned often. I apologize and everyone moves on. LeBron apologized, and NO ONE moved on.

LeBron deserved some criticism and to be held to a higher level. However, he did not deserve to be held up to Mount Olympus, or the Mount Olympus sized heap of vitriol he received every single day.

And so, today, as a LeBron defender and fan, I feel vindicated.

This is not an “I told you so”.

It is important I say that, because pretty much all you will be reading today is people saying they were right.

I am here to tell you the exact opposite, in fact: we were all WRONG.

The Heatles won their first title last night. I expect many more, but even if they never come last night was a defining moment not just for the principals involved but for basketball as a whole.

The game has changed, and yet it has also remained the same.

When I say everyone was wrong, I mean that no one was right.

When The Decision happened, the nation was split evenly in to two camps. One side said the Heat would never win because they were too top heavy. The other side said it didn’t matter, give me three superstars (or two superstars and one mere All  Star) and figure the rest out later.

The former was always a ridiculous argument. Look at the history of the NBA. Before the reserve clause came down, you had stacked teams like Russell’s Celtics and West’s Lakers and Wilt’s 76ers.

Then free agency started and parity began to take hold, but the fact remained that the few dominant teams featured multiple superstars.

Magic had Kareem and Worthy.

Dr. J had Moses Malone and Mo Cheeks and the very underrated Andrew Toney.

Bird had McHale and  Parrish and DJ.

Isaiah had Dumars and the Bad Boys.

Jordan had Pippen and Grant / Rodman.

Duncan had Robinson, and later Ginobli and Parker.

Shaq had Kobe.

Kobe had Shaq and then Gasol.

Every definitive superstar relied on someone else to do a LOT of heavy lifting.

 Jordan’s dominance in the playoffs lead to a narrative that the best player won. That was often true, but he didn’t do it alone. No great player is an island. To say that LeBron teaming with Wade and Bosh was any different that Jordan teaming with Pippen and Rodman was just as ridiculous then as it is now. The only difference was the manner in which it was done. And that is a function of the times and our expectations, not the reality of winning basketball games.

The latter argument, that supporting cast doesn’t matter, was just as absurd. It is impossible to name a champion that didn’t have a shining moment from a reserve or role player. This year’s Finals was no different.  Take out the contributions of Shane Battier, Mario Chalmers, Mike Miller and Norris Cole and the Thunder are NBA Champions. That’s just the way it is.

The bottom line is that basketball is at its core the same game that we have always loved. Its strategies change. The physicality and speed change. The rules change slightly. But “The Secret”, as Bill Simmons wrote effusively about in his Book of Basketball, is still the same. First, you have to have talent that sets you apart. Second, the guys that have that talent have to be willing to sacrifice individual accomplishments for team accomplishments. Third, you have to get a little lucky.

Everything that was talked about for the past two years was just chin music compared to this inevitable truth: the Heat were really fucking good, and as soon as they found their lane they would be unstoppable.

And so this championship was about The Secret. Like it always is. Basketball purists can smile today knowing that to be true.

However, there is no denying that it is also about LeBron.

LeBron is a player that truly embraced The Secret. In years past he would have been celebrated. Not for the way he switched teams, or the way he faded in the Finals last year, but for his overall body of work.

The problem with the Information Age is that everyone gets a take and there is no filter. I mean, you are reading this on a blog that was free for me to set up and is free to publish. I do not have an editor. There are thousands of people like me, and everyone wants to be unique. These “unique” takes pile up, and they can become crushing. It is easy to lose sight of the forest through the trees, and that sucks.

Last night, LeBron shut everybody up, finally. His team won, and they won because he saved his best for last. It was about basketball last night, and hopefully that will be the new narrative.

LeBron facilitated a true team effort.

He scored when needed, but also created scoring opportunities for his teammates, like Mike Miller’s corpse.

He rebounded.

He was the centerpiece of the best team defensive effort seen in years, the ultimate queen on the chess board, the guy who was able to defend five positions.

He stayed calm and made sure his teammates did too.

He was vindicated, far more so than any of his fans. And that is saying something, as I literally cannot stop smiling as I write this.

LeBron showed us that we all should maybe shut up and let things play out every now and then. Maybe it is important to stop looking for an angle and just watch the game sometimes.

He made me feel as happy as I did on that driveway in Knoxville, because it looked like that was exactly what he was doing. Playing basketball the way it is supposed to be played, in its purest form. He took The Secret, embraced it, and then made it in to a true art form.

He picked his team up and carried them to a title, not by taking every shot, but by playing the game the way it oughta be played.

Basketball is a beautiful sport, perhaps the finest team sport. And LeBron is the best at playing it.

(Okay, maybe this was a little bit of an “I Told You So”.)

The ACC as Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

Hello All,

With recent rumors of a move for Florida State and the possibility that Miami would follow them, I find myself debating whether or not it matters what conference Miami is in.Trying to fill the void that is my life without college football, I have done a lot of thinking lately about Miami's place in the ACC. And I have been watching a lot of Mad Men.So of course I decided to figure out which ACC team is which character from the show. Yes, it is a bleak time.

Boston College is…Stan Rizzo

Rizzo, like Boston College, is a preppy yankee that really serves as nothing but comedic relief. Except for every now and then when he steals the scene. Eff you Flutie. Eff you.

Maryland is…Harry Crane

Harry thinks he is a big deal. He tries to dress hip and fresh and stay abreast of the times. He constantly is reminding people that “hey, I am important!”

Sound familiar?

Duke is…Lane Pryce

Lane is an interesting dude. On the one hand he is a British man of great decorum and manners. On the other, he does what he can to distance himself from his homeland and only truly embraces his heritage at times that he is overcome with emotion…like the 1966 World Cup. As buttoned up as Lane is, every now and then he gets his dander up, as witnessed when he beat the ever loving shit out of Pete Campbell in the boardroom this season. It was refreshing, good old fashioned British hooliganism.

Duke is a Blue Blood in every sense of the word. Because of their basketball team, they are conference royalty. The school is widely considered the “Harvard of the South”; most of the student body comes from the northeast, a spit in the face to the Southern as Grits ACC (nickname: Tobacco Road). When there is basketball to be played, this school resorts to good, old fashioned Southern hooliganism.

Wake Forest is…Joan Holloway

Joan is pretty much universally adored and is, by the way, one of the most beautiful women to ever grace this Earth…but in a “I believe I might meet a woman like that at the grocery store” kind of way. Joan also has a passive aggressive edge to her that results in some of the best verbal daggers delivered on the show.

The joke goes in North Carolina that Wake Forest is everyone’s second favorite team. They are a good school with a beautiful campus and don’t really do anything to piss anyone off. They know their place but every now and then do something really passive aggressive…like beating Florida State. Sometimes I really think I might be falling in love with Wake Forest.

Georgia Tech is…Bert Cooper

Bert founded the agency but now just kind of hangs out at this point. He used to be a great Ad Man but at this point is a relic of the past who does quirky stuff like get massages in his office or require everyone to remove their shoes upon entry. As he proved this season, however, he can still crack the whip if you take your eye off the ball.

Georgia Tech used to be an elite football program which has settled in to the middle tier at this point. They run the Triple Option offense, a quirky animal that fell out of vogue years ago but will burn you if you are not adequately prepared, as all Miami fans remember. They are probably  not a legitimate threat to win the conference, but they are always hanging around.

Virginia is…Megan Draper

Megan, the young, hot wife of the show’s protagonist, is just “good at everything”. She starts off as an actress, then decides she wants to work in advertising. Naturally, she is put on Don’s desk, and as always happens in these situations, she goes with Don and his children to California, finds out he switched identities with a dead platoon mate in the Korean War and has lived under an assumed name ever since, and accepts Don’s (Dick’s?) marriage proposal. She also earns a promotion to copy writer and then single handedly saves the Heinz Baked Beans account. She is fantastic with the kids, fantastic at making Don feel younger, fantastic at saying the right thing at the right time, and fantastic at having hate/makeup sex with Don on the dirty white carpet…that she cleans in her hot lingerie, which she is fantastic at wearing. She is now back to chasing her acting career, and if that doesn’t work out my bet is she becomes Mayor of New York City. (This was the right wagon to hitch your horse to, Henry Francis)

Virginia is considered by many to be the preeminent state university in the nation in terms of academics, and they ain’t bad at athletics either. Their football team is an up and comer with a guy at the helm (Mike London) that makes you think they could do anything. Now, will we be surprised if they backslide? No, just like we won’t be surprised if Megan fails at acting. But the ceiling is rather limitless for this program which has a fertile recruiting ground (The Tidewater) to draw from, the prestige of an elite academic institution and state school resources (kind of like Megan has time and money thanks to Don’s salary) to put in to its football program.

Clemson is…Pete Campbell

Pete is…well, he is a little bitch. He is obsessed with rising up and becoming Don Draper. He cheats on his smoking hot wife (Allison Brie) frequently, including raping the au pair next door. He is a talented guy but tries to do too much and therefore is perpetually disappointed.

Clemson is a talented program that wishes it was Florida State. Every year, they come out of the gate hot before raping their fans with a loss to a team they have no business losing to. In fact, “Clemsoning” is an accepted verb within the college football nerdosphere.  

North Carolina State is…Ken Cosgrove

Cosgrove is probably the only guy in the office that everybody genuinely likes. He is cool, calm and collected and lets everyone do their thing without interfering. Hell, the guy is even a published author. I wish he were my friend.

North Carolina State has a nice atmosphere and..yeah, that’s about it. Every now and then they put a solid team out there, but you always get the sense that they are good for at least 4 losses…in other words, no one has a problem with The Pack except for UNC, and that is a matter of too many chefs in the kitchen more than anything else.

Virginia Tech is…Peggy Olson

Peggy started off as an assistant and pulled herself up to the position of head copy writer. She essentially did what Megan did, except without marrying the boss first. She has become one of the power players on the show by virtue of her merit and nothing else. She is commendable in that sense.

VTech has become one of college football’s annual powers simply through establishing a rugged, workmanlike program that gets after it year in and year out. They will probably never win a national title, but they seem to make their way in to the Top 5 at some point every season. The minute they stop working, they will be gone, much like Peggy.

North Carolina is…Roger Sterling

Roger is an Alpha Male. His thirsts for women and booze are legendary. He is the son of the guy that co-founded the agency. He has delivered some of the best one liners in the history of the show. However, Roger now faces an external crisis. He got by for years on his ability to wine and dine clients; he did not rise in to his position, but had it given to him by virtue of being the son of the boss. America is changing though, and clients care less about your ability to down martinis and more about your ability to produce good work. Roger must adapt or die.

When I think about Carolina, I think about the old aristocracy. Carolina was the most important school in this conference for years, before the new blood from Florida (FSU, Miami) came along and relegated them to “basketball power” status. Tobacco Road is a thing of the past; in its place has emerged a super conference that has an eye for the bottom line and not tradition. UNC must start producing more on the gridiron, or it will find it has less power in a conference that cares more about football than basketball for the first time in its history.

Florida State is…Michael Ginsberg

Ginsberg is the rising star in the office. He is a little weird…okay, he is really weird. But the talent is undeniable.  If he can stay out of his own way, he is going to be an absolute force to be reckoned with. But here is the problem: I’m not sure he can hold it together. He seems to have a massive chip on his shoulder, which is good, but can lead him astray. For instance, he might have this exchange with Don, his boss, in the elevator:

Ginsberg: "What do I care? I got a million of them. A million."
Draper: "Good. I guess I'm lucky you work for me."
Ginsberg: "I feel bad for you."
Draper: "I don't think about you at all."

(Don drops mic  /hits the Diddy dance / shoulder shimmies…in my head)

Now what was the point of that Ginsberg? You want to be the best? Win. Just win. That is all you ever had to do. Don’t tell me about how great you are, just be great.

Florida State has so much talent they don’t know what to do with it. Literally. They have no clue what they are doing out there half the time. Every season it is something. It is an injury or a missed field goal or their quarterback developing Lyme Disease and running bareass naked down the highway proclaiming himself God or a missed field goal. Anyway, Florida State would have so many championship trophies they could use them as doorstops if #1 recruiting classes counted. But they don’t. So year after year, we get to hear about how this is the year FSU puts it all together. Could they? Certainly. They have all the tools. Will they? I don’t know, but something in my gut says no. And yes, of course they wish they were Miami.

Miami is…Don Draper

Don Draper is the legend. He came from nothing and exploded on to the scene. He took no prisoners and played the game with a swagger that had never been seen before. Draper was the guy that told Big Tobacco, and really Big Business, to go eff themselves in The Letter. He married a model, and when she started getting on his nerves, he stepped out on her with pretty much everyone. And good lord did that guy rock a suit. Was he perfect? No. Did he do some things that made you squirm a little? Of course he did. But we rooted for him anyway because he said things like “’She’s never been marriedbecause she’s never been in love.’ I think I wrote that to sell nylons.” He was the epitome of the American man: flawed, but he fought for his place in this world and didn’t take shit off of anybody, including his clients. However, the times are changing, and Don is off his game a bit. He doesn’t get The Beatles and more to the point, doesn’t care. He became content; now his competitiveness has kicked back in and he wants his corners. The only problem is, the pack has caught up and in a lot of cases passed him. The things that made him lovable before, namely his swagger (and willingness to alienate entire industries), are now being thrown back in his face. The question facing Don is “can he get his fastball back?”

Miami rose from the brink of cancelling the football program to the most dominant decade in the history of college football. The players played with swagger that had never been seen before; as a result they were labeled as “bad for the game”, but people loved them for it. As I have written thousands of words about, The U has fallen off, mostly because they got complacent. However, the competitive fervor has returned, and now the question on everyone’s mind is “how long until Miami strikes back?”

Hope Is A Good Thing

Hello All,

Ever since I was 10 years old, I have been legitimately obsessed with the NFL Draft.

Back in the day, I used to write down every pick as it happened. Then this little thing called the internet happened and I no longer had to write down each pick; instead, I could not only have that done for me but also read reams of data I never had available to me before.

Now, with the introduction of Twitter, I can have 20 different league writers, 50+ beat writers and probably 100 college football writers giving me their opinions and analysis of what is happening / has happened in one simple newsfeed.

To reiterate, the way I consume the draft has changed a lot in the past 15 years.

Everything about the draft changes, but there has always been one constant: The Dolphins are bad at it.

My favorite thing about the draft is the same thing that I love about college football recruiting: every year, you get to envision the future of your team which OF COURSE is going to be filled with championships. At least, that's the idea.

The problem is that the Dolphins have consistently robbed me of this one simple joy, because for as long as I can remember the Dolphins have been blowing their early draft picks like a Secret Service agent who just got paid in Cartagena.

*Waits a beat*

(Too soon?)

Nowhere has that been more evident than at the quarterback position. The truth of the matter is that in the past decade, the NFL has changed. You have to have a frontline quarterback or you cannot win the Super Bowl. Period.

Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson were able to win Super Bowls in the early part of the past decade on the backs of DOMINANT defenses. Since then, the NFL has manipulated the rules to ensure more points (and more interest from casual fans).

Not surprisingly, the teams that contend every year feature someone named Manning, Brady, Rodgers, Brees or Roethlisberger. Every year these teams have the chance to win the Super Bowl, and it is for a reason.Quarterbacks run the league.

(All of those guys were first round picks except for Brees, who was an EARLY second)

Running paralell to these rule changes has been the Dolphins slow descent in to NFL purgatory. Certainly not one of the bottom five teams, but RARELY a playoff team...dooming fans to a life of 6-10 / 7-9 / 8-8 types of seasons.

Dan Marino retired in 1999 and since then the Dolphins have started 16 quarterbacks. Essentially, the rest of the league is moving forward and the Dolphins are moving toward 1992 (not conicidentally, Bill Parcells' hey day).

Their names will go down in NFL hsitory. Cleo Lemon. Sage Rosenfels. Joey Harrington. Ray Lucas. I could keep going, but the point is that the Dolphins have tried to cure pancreatic cancer with a band aid.

And I tell you all this to say the following: the Dolphins finally did the right thing last night.

They found the quarterback they think could lead the franchise for 15 years and went out and got him.

It had been 29 years since the Dolphins drafted a quarterback in the first round. To put that in perspective, 29 years ago Ronal Reagan was a first term president, I was 4 years away from being born and The EFFING Soviet Union was still the Evil Empire, not the Yankees.

And in all that time, the Dolphins never tried to find the next Marino.

(Peyton Manning)

They never found a guy to develop and bring along.

(Aaron Rodgers)

They never even took a shot on a guy that they thought could do it and ultimately failed.

(Ryan Leaf, Akili Smith, Jamarcus Russell, Dan McGwire)

Instead, they simply saw a hole at the most important position on the field and decided not to fill it. They essentially have treated their roster as Wilshire Blvd.

Ryan Tannehill is by no means a sure thing. He struggles throwing in to the middle of the field and doesn't have the experience that you like to see coming out of college.

But he is a physical specimen, a guy who has been praised a leader and worker, and oh yeah,. doesn't look bad on tape either.

He is not the immediate answer. We might be bad for another year or two. He might never work out. But the point is that he has the potential to be a Top 10 quarterback in the NFL, and has drawn comparisons to Ben Roethlisberger. THAT is the type of guy you take a shot at early on. You owe it to your fans.

This is essentially a no-lose scenario. If Tannehill doesn't work out, the current regime gets gutted and the Dolphins finally get to do the complete teardown they should have done 5 years ago.

If he does work out, he makes the Dolphins a Super Bowl threat, which is kind of the point of this whole thing.

After the draft, G.M. Jeff Ireland was gushing about Tannehill. He sounded like a normal human being for the first time I can ever remember. He sounded full of hope, like the plan he had in his mind was coming together.

If you can't sell winning, you sell hope, and if you are wondering whether that is true or not, I just bought a new t-shirt and shorts from the Dolphins team store.

As fans, we know that it is hard to win a championship. All we really want is the hope that this year it could be us that gets to walk in to work on a Monday morning early in  February with a shit-eating grin on our face because our team just won the trophy and everyone else has to suck failure.

That is what Tannehill gives this fan base. The hope that, sometime soon, it will be us.

Oh and also his wife is a certified smokeshow.

Always guard the inbound passer.

The Return of El Tigre

Hello All,

There once was a time where, for roughly 8-12 Sunday afternoons a year, my dad and I would sit in front of the television and watch Tiger Woods play golf.

Golf is a sport I find incredibly frustrating to play in person, and to be honest, boring to watch on television.

And yet, ever since the April weekend in 1997 when Tiger announced his presence to the world at Augusta, I have been unable to get enough of watching the Big Cat stalk the fairways.

He is a once in a lifetime type of figure. He made football fans jump up and pump their fist when he nailed a birdie putt because he played with the kind of fire and emotion that I had only ever known before in Michael Jordan or Michael Irvin... he made me want to pretend to hit holes in one just as much as I pretended to hit the game winning three or score the big touchdown.

Phil Mickelson was a nice dude, but give 14 year old me the choice between watching him play golf or going outside and playing football in the snow and it wasn't even a conversation.

Tiger was an event. He was greatness defined, the closest I would get to watching a Jordan in his

prime.

And then he fell.

The car crash. The women. The botched PR attempt. And the loss of his game.

Tiger Woods, the world's most marketable man, had become persona non-grata.

And it seemed to me like everyone was a little too happy to watch it.

I was graduated from college for about six months when the story broke. It was a story that I tried to ignore as much as possible, because the reality is that I pretty much knew what happened without having to hear what happened.

Tiger got married too young and didn't deal well with temptation.

Tiger made some bad choices. Choices I would like to think I would not put myself in position to make but in a way can understand. And so I didn't give up. Neither did my dad.

It is weird to think about, because looking back now my dad and I spent so much time together watching a golfer who was, it turns out, an AWFUL family man. The type of dad you tell your kids NOT to be like.

But he was still our guy. We never gave up on him. It just didn't feel right without him. Not The Masters. Not The U.S. Open. None of it.

So, much like we do with seemingly all of our teams right now (I see you Orioles / Dolphins / Hurricanes), my dad and I suffered through the lean years, waiting for the re-emergence.

And waited.

And waited.

We saw glimpses of the Old Tiger every now and then. Last year at the Masters, for about 9 holes, Tiger caught the course on fire again. He was drilling approach shot lasers and stalking the field (literally). The pack ahead of him on the leaderboard could hear him coming as the gallery exploded for every big make. He was pumping his fist. This was our guy.

And then, as so often has happened over these past three years, his putter failed him. It makes sense, given the emotional baggage he has carried, that the most mental part of the game would be his undoing.

Tiger kept wandering, trying and failing to find his game.

Until this weekend. At his favorite course, Bay Hill, Tiger vaulted to the top of the pack on Saturday and came in to Sunday with the lead.

The old Tiger did not lose on Sunday. His mere presence atop the leaderboard put so much pressure on the field that they crumbled around him. THIS would finally be a real test; was he back?

He answered immediately. Her smoked his first drive. He drilled approach shots. He hit ten straight greens in regulation to start.

The NBC broadcast team shared a great little nugget late in the telecast: Of the final 16 golfers to go off, Tiger was the only one under par on the brutal course.

That's right, folks: everyone else crumbled around him.

Our guy was back. The guy who we had spent so many afternoons on the couch cheering for, almost as hard as we would have a Hurricanes football game. The guy who, even when I was away at school, my dad and brother and I would exchange phone calls or text messages about seemingly every weekend as he chased down another win. Old Tiger. New Tiger. Who cares?

Hell, he was finally TIGER again, and that was good enough for me.

As the tournament drew to an end, you could see the swag returning. He was stalking the course like, well, a tiger.

Finally, there was only the 18th, and Tiger had a 5 stroke lead and his birdie putt. As he read the green, the cameras caught Tiger cupping his hands to the visor of his ballcap, as he often does.

And then, in an act that was perhaps the death of hard times and the rebirth of the most dominant athlete of a generation, Tiger looked away from the ball and smiled.

I would be lying if I said it didn't get a little dusty in Casa de Bro.

He rolled his birdie putt to within a couple feet. He tapped in the par for the official win.

I texted my dad and brother as I sat there uncontrollably smiling.

My dad texted me back "for Tiger and for all those who never lost faith."

I'll drink to that.

The Elephant Graveyard

Hello All,

The Miami Dolphins have officially become the Elephant Graveyard of the NFL.

I have been shouting (literally) about this for years, much to the chagrin of my poor father, who has had to listen to me rant and rave while I drive home through the Santa Monica Boulevard rush hour traffic for the better part of two years.

Only now, in what has become known by many people who know what they are talking about as the worst off season in the history of the NFL, are the masses joining the party. At this point,

The once proud franchise of Don Shula and Dan Marino has become the laughingstock of the NFL. Even the groundskeepers from Major League think this team is exceptionally bad.

They are no longer relevant or important.

Perhaps saddest of all: this is not a shock to any true fan of the team. We all kind of knew.

(But hey, at least I still have the gloriously owned and operated Baltimore Orioles to root on as they contend for World Series after World Series!)

This has not been a sudden drop like we saw with the Hurricanes, where one day they were national title contenders and the next they were playing Nevada in the MicronPC Bowl.

Nay; this has been a slow rot, like my grandparents’ old house just up the road in Boca Raton. It was great in the early 90’s and ever since has been falling to shambles. The best move at this point is to hit the reset button.

Let’s take a look at General Manager Jeff Ireland’s Worst Week Ever.

First of all, he traded star receiver Brandon Marshall (AKA our best effing player) for two third round picks. Which might make sense if Ireland was good at drafting, which he most certainly is not.

Ireland then got used for leverage by Peyton Manning and Eric Winston, the top free agents on the board at possibly (i.e. definitely) the team’s two biggest need positions (QB and RT). Nothing wrong with chasing a guy and missing, unless your pursuit of those two leads you to miss out on the remainder of the market at those positions. Which the Dolphins did.

A week in to free agency, Ireland cut veteran and team leader Yehemiah Bell. Bell has lead the Dolphins in tackles every year since the 70’s (possibly a slight exaggeration) and lead the defensive backfield. He is a good man and a great teammate. Ireland cut Bell after assuring Bell before the free agency period that he would not be cut.

As former NFL player Seth Payne said on Twitter, “releasing a guy one week into free agency is like making your kid go trick or treating the day after Halloween.” And this was the most liked / respected guy on the roster.

And then, to top it all off, on the day the Broncos agreed to terms with Peyton Manning the Dolphins signed…David Garrard’s Dead Body. The guy who was benched by the Jaguars in favor of a crappy rookie (no offense Blaine Gabbert fans) and sat out all of last season because nobody wanted him. Keep in mind that this is the league in which TJ Yates started two playoff games.

As pundits around the nation began to take notice of these hi jinks, voices from within the league started to perk up. Former players Joey Porter and Channing Crowder and former free agent target Ryan Clark all gave their two cents and the end result went something like this: Ireland is snake and an asshole and no one wants to play for him.

It doesn’t end with players either. In the past year, Ireland has made very public runs at two guys to be his coach: Jim Harbaugh and Jeff Fisher. Both toyed with the Dolphins. Both chose to coach elsewhere, despite money not being a concern.

Most guys would be fired for this kind of crap. Ireland, who came in as part of “The Triumvirate” with Bill Parcells and Tony Sparano, is somehow still around despite the other two leaving the crime scene. Not only that, but he has the support of the owner, Stephen Ross (a turd in his own right but at least a rich turd).

This is the same guy that asked a draft prospect if his mother was a hooker. The same guy that torpedoed last season by completely undermining the head coach in public. (Jim Harbaugh nods fiendishly)

This guy is the reason the Dolphins cannot fill a stadium. He has driven the organization in to the pits of mediocrity and somehow been rewarded for it.

The smart move here is to start from the ground up. This team is at least two years away from playoff contention IF the right moves are made. As we all know, it is really hard to make those moves in professional sports from the middle. So you bottom out. You burn the undergrowth in order to foster new life.

Ride with Matt Moore as your quarterback this season. Sign Jake Long and Cameron Wake, your two franchise guys at this point, to extensions. Draft the best player available. Save your money in free agency (which should not be a problem considering we can’t give it to any of the players we want anyway) and build through player evaluation. Find guys that work in your system. Start building the framework this season so that next season, when you finally draft the franchise quarterback (Matt Barkley, Tyler Wilson, etc.) they can hit the ground running. And of course, get rid of Ireland. Get someone young and hungry from an organization that knows what it is doing (like the Packers or Ravens).

Of course, this organization will almost assuredly do the opposite. They will rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic to try and save their jobs.

I just hope that Dolphins fans react by telling the ownership that you can’t piss on our heads and call it rain anymore.

I hope the stadium stays empty until Ireland is gone. Lucky for me, this started last season and I have no reason to believe it will be any different come September.

Rebuilding is not fun. One or two more bad seasons will suck to watch, but is it any worse than going 8-8 every year?

Is it worse than this offseason?

Always guard the inbound passer.

Opening Day

Hello All,

The beginning of spring is upon us, as marked by opening weekend for the Miami Hurricanes baseball squad.

And as they say, hope springs eternal.

The last time I wrote about the Hurricanes, it was an open letter to Jim Morris demanding that this team get tougher and get back to playing the type of baseball that made this the most successful program of the last twenty years (I am sure he devoured it and took it to heart…and also possibly got confused why I was essentially writing the same exact letter to him I had just

written to Al Golden).

Well, this might just be the spring talking, but it looks like this is the type of Miami team we once upon a time grew accustomed to.

Since last season, Morris has added an old face at pitcher that should front the rotation at best and provide a steady veteran presence that has been to Omaha at worst (Eric Erickson) and a new face at catcher (Pete O’Brien) that should be the centerpiece of the everyday lineup and provide the threat to opposing pitchers that last year’s team lacked.

Perhaps more importantly, Morris brought back Gino Dimare, who was a terrible third base coach (think Boston-era Dale Sveum) but has always been one helluva recruiter and hitting coach. It is never this black and white, but the last time this team went to Omaha was the last season Dimare was on the coaching staff. He has his shortcomings, but he knows what it is like to be around championship baseball. That cannot be understated.

Miami lost some guys to the draft, as usual, but returns a team that seems built to Morris’ order. First and foremost is the pitching. Erickson will be the Friday night guy, but the important thing here is the depth.

The Miami staff might not have a first round presence in the rotation, or a staff full of them (UiF…cheaters, scoundrels and thieves), but it will have depth. Erickson’s presence allows last year’s ace, Eric Whaley, to become the Saturday night guy, making it highly unlikely for the ‘Canes to drop the first two games of any series. That means at worst most series will come down to Sunday, where Miami will roll out last season’s Friday night starter, Bryan Radziedfgjkhsdfghsjkdlgjkdfs. We will call him B-Rad. Anyway, he reminds me a lot of Erickson in style and is a third starter most programs would kill for. On top of that, Steven Ewing has come up big for this team in the past. He will start off as the mid-week guy, but he and Andy Suarez will push for inclusion in the weekend rotation by the end of the season. At worst, this team has 5 solid starters. Which is good news, considering the past two seasons have ended in Gainesville largely due to a lack of depth on the pitching staff.

Morris addressed other concerns as well.

He got rid of the Nike bats that were proven to weaken offenses and now players have their choice of any manufacturer.

Infield defense plagued the past two post season runs, and Morris increased competition at each infield spot. While the faces might look the same at the end of this season (particularly at shortstop, where the mercurial Stephen Perez is already a junior), you can bet it will only be because they fought off a hungry youngster or two to keep their job. Michael Broad figures to return to form at second this year, and the corners will be some combination of UiF transfer Tyler Palmer, Puerto Rican Esteban Tresgallo, Sophomores Brad Fieger and Scott Wiebel, and Senior Cade Kreuter. Also, don’t be surprised if you hear from freshmen Alex Fernandez and Jarred Mederos before the season is out.

The bullpen has a lot of talent and good names, but little proven talent after the departures of Travis Miller and Daniel Miranda. The closer will be E.J. Encinosa, who was a solid starter and has great stuff but, as Morris said, has never worked the 9^th. You have to be a little different to be a closer…we will see if Encinosa has what it takes.

Catcher was addressed with the addition of O’Brien as a transfer from Bethune Cookman. He is a borderline first round talent and will be relied on to be a star.

Finally, the outfield has to be more productive. Julian Santos, the feel good story of the fall after coming back from two different ACL tears, will be the opening day centerfielder and leadoff man. The ultra-athletic Dale Carey will man right field but needs to progress with the bat to hold off Chantz Mack. If those two improve as the season moves along it will give the ‘Canes one of the stronger outfield trios in the conference, as Rony Rodriguez will be the cleanup hitter and figures to have left field on lock. He reminds of Lale Esquivel.

Top to bottom, this is a stronger team than last season’s and should go further.

Time will tell if this team is the answer to our prayers. Teams change as seasons go, and pre season praise can often ring hollow. But Morris still knows how to manage, and this is they type of team that he has won with before, at least in theory. Keep the other team off the board, play good situational baseball and keep the damn ball in front of you. It is a simple sport made complicated too often.

And while we don’t know if this team will breakthrough and go to Omaha, there are some things that will never change.

The fan experience will be as good as ever. I truly regret that I will be unable to make opening night for the first time in 6 years, but the real world does beckon. Alas, I will be there in spirit and taking part in every “RAAAAGGGGAAAARRRMMMM” and “Baallllllll twwwwwooooo…WHOOOOOOOO!” chant that echoes throughout The Light.

More importantly, so will the curse of Stein and Scarpa, as we have once again decided to claim a guy as “ours”.

Esteban Tresgallos, the freshman from Puerto Rico, excites both of us. Not sure why. Maybe it is the name. Maybe it is the fact that he comes from a land afar. Maybe we just know he might actually be good and we are sick of “our guys” playing like cheese dicks (see last year’s post for a description of the curse of Stein and Scarpa but before you do just ask yourself if any of these names excite you: Freitas, Diego, Weislow, Blackman, Ratcliffe, Mack…the answer should be a resounding “NO”.)

Dust off your ballcaps and get out the sunflower seeds. Have a milkshake for me. It is time for ‘Canes baseball.

And while it ain’t football, it is just as good in a different way.

Let’s go ‘Canes.

Sorostitute Superlatives v.2012

Hello All,

It is time, once again, to highlight some of the highs and lows of this recruiting season. Of course, this is just one man’s opinion.

Mandatory explanation: For any man that has ever been to a Sorority Formal, we all know what Superlative Time (yes, both words capitalized, like Neolithic Period or Cabs Are Here…it is that big a deal) is.

A time for women to pretend they like each other more than they really do as they cheer for awards that they really don’t care about…and a time for their dates to get up, take a pee and go to the bar to hammer down some hard liquor.

To be fair, if men do not do this then Kappa Kappa Gamma quickly turns into Kappa Kappa PLEASEGODSTRIKEMEDOWNWHEREISITANDENDTHISMISERY! Trust me, we all win here.

Superlative Time is also the inspiration for my favorite write-up of the year, where I get to come up with ridiculous awards and then hand them out to 17 and 18 year olds kids I have never met!

THE SOROSTITUTE SUPERLATIVES…2012 EDITION!

(Note: For a rundown on each individual recruit, bang it here.)

Best Get:

Duke Johnson. The Duke is a 5 star all everything recruit and put up maybe the best state playoff run of anybody in state history as he almost single handedly carried his team to the state title. Superman asked his mom for Duke Johnson pajamas for Christmas. FACT.

Rumor is that before the playoffs he gathered his team in the locker room, walked to the white board, and simply scrawled “STATE” before walking away without uttering a word. Maybe that was Coach Taylor. But still, he probably could.

He committed to Miami in September… of 2010…and never wavered. In the state semi-final and final games combined, Duke went for over 500 all purpose yards and 7 touchdowns…and ohbytheway (can’t see me Chris Berman) played a lockdown corner in the 4^th quarters. Not much else to say about this kid. Will be leading the way alongside Anthony Chickillo for the next generation of ‘Canes.

And for those who think Tracy Howard was the better get, as he was the No. 1 guy at the biggest position of need, I will say you have a fair point…BUT…without Duke, we don’t get Howard. So give Howard the distinction of Second Best Get.

Best Quote 1:

“We need to stand up, we need to fight, we need to be proud of who we ARE. We did a good job of holding serve down here in Broward and Dade. We’re gonna be tough to beat down here. We SHOULD be. We’re a good school, got the most players in the NFL, got the most players in the Pro Bowl a year ago, most first rounders the last 20 years. It’s time we start acting like Miami Hurricanes and stop having an inferiority complex. We beat some good teams down here. Now it’s time to start doing that on the field again, and we will.

Are we not supposed to beat Alabama down here? I mean are we not supposed to beat Florida or Florida State down here? I mean I don’t get that. The challenge for me everyday…and I understand it and I think every coach that walks in here understands it and it’s time for the players to understand it…look at the rings. There’s five rings in that office down the hall. That’s the challenge. That’s what we’re fighting. That’s what we’re trying to get back to. So, again, add all those guys together they don’t have five rings. That’s what I mean by inferiority complex. Let’s be proud of who we are. We’re NOT a large state institution. We’re a small private institution. We have the best of both worlds here…we have everything you could possibly ask for.”

-Coach Al Golden, talking about “Miami’s inferiority complex”. Preach, brother.

Best Quote 2:

“I’m not going to sit here and tell you we didn’t get absolutely crushed by our opponents on this. And we fought back…They saw a soft spot and they went after it. Guys took a shot at us, ok? Get your licks in now. That’s how I feel.”

-Coach Golden, on the negative recruiting that riddled this year’s recruiting effort. Note: this was said with the swag of a man who just signed a Top 10 rated recruiting class by dominating South Florida despite a 6-6 record and a very public, very salacious, ongoing NCAA investigation.

This was essentially Omar from The Wire saying “come at the king, you best not miss.” Golden also wins the award for Michael Corleone-iest. Omar comin’, and there are scores to settle. He wants his corners.

Is it too late for Al to run for the GOP nomination?

Best Quote 3:

“Why am I going to The U? Boats ‘n’ Hoes homie!”

Just kidding, no one said that. But wouldn’t it have been awesome? Probably would have been my favorite recruit. Dan Stein Jr. will say something like this one day before winning 4 national championships and 3 Heisman trophies.

Just kidding. He will be playing tennis. That’s where the REAL babes are at. Stein men are savvy.

Best Quote 4:

“Why not win in my home town and my city, why not do it here?”

-Tracy Howard, the nation’s number one cornerback recruit, when announcing on national signing day that he would be playing for The U. This is not just rhetoric; this is a challenege, a call to arms. “Look at me young’ns. I am the number one player on this Earth and I am going here. I dare you to do the same. Play with me here or lose to me there.” If you got a little Alonzo Highsmith flashback, you weren’t the only one.

Best Quote 5:

“I gotta put my city back on the map.”

-Deon Bush, when committing to The U on national television.

Best Quote 6:

“I told him congratulations on not being a dumbass.”

-Taylor Gadbois on his prep school teammate Robert Lockhart committing to the ‘Canes. A man after my heart.

Best Quote 7:

"[It was] kind of the environment and plus they had no Chick-fil-A on campus," McKinzy said when asked why he didn't choose Clemson . "You had to go like, probably like 15 minutes off campus to go to like a real restaurant. Their café was kind of small."

-Cassanova Mckinzy, on choosing Auburn.

Non- Miami winner. A man after Chapman Root's heart.

Best Signing Day Outfit:

Goes once more to Duke, who rocked an unbuttoned black vest over a white Al Golden “Fear the Tie” t-shirt and a hat that said “SWAG”…which he picked from a group of 5 Miami hats on a table. Kudos go as well to Deon Bush, who rocked a U shaved in to his buzz cut.

Worst Quote 1:

“Taking my talents to South Beach.”

-Tyriq McCord, when committing to The U on national television. I wanna like it. I really do. But this is like people who still say “winnnning” and think it is funny.

Worst Quote 2:

“Iowa is the hometown team and has a reputation for putting players in the NFL.”

-Recruit Greg Garmon, of Pennsylvania, on why he chose Iowa over Miami. This is pretty self- explanatory.

Best Recruiting Board Meltdown:

The Gators, after losing Tracey Howard and seemingly their will to go on. This actually was really funny and I would have felt bad for the guy if he wasn’t, ya know, a Gator. Take it away, Mus_Champ11:

“I will vomit everything I've eaten the past week if we lose Tracy Howard to Miami. What a disaster this is if true. Howard going Miami who is about to get nailed by the ncaa! Agholor to Lane Kiffin while USC is on probation. Diggs to OSU. Is there any evidence that Diggs has OSU #1? This pis**s me off to no end! Now I'm starting to get down on Muschamp. What a *****p this is. And we wasted that time with Fowler hanging around (Editor’s note: Fowler actually signed with UiF, which makes this even better). I'm disappointed in our staff. Yes you heard right. What an awful closing. We lose a RB (Davis and that was a blunder on the coaches) and now these 3 and we are not getting anymore OL trust me on that. so no depth at RB, shaky depth at the OL (??), and no depth at WR. The WR's we have are so so at best. 1 WR in this class (Editor’s note: they ended up adding another, more off the radar target at WR).”

Feels good to be on the other end of this for once. And for the record, I left out the usual obscene non-sense from the Gators. It is old hat.

Best Recruiting Board Meltdown, Runner-up:

Georgia Tech, after the late switch by Antonio Crawford from the Jackets to the ‘Canes. It went something like …well actually, it ain’t worth getting in to, but know that it involved several references to “hookers”, “blow”, “boats and hoes”, “Thugs” and “NCAA ass pounding”. Honestly, by the end of it I was a little confused, and I am rather more clever than most Georgians.

Best Non- Recruiting Board Meltdown:

This from Adam Silverstein:

“Muschamp and Robinson found out earlier in the week that Howard was going to Miami. I was told that Muschamp's reaction - literally - was him throwing stuff across the room.”

(Dan nods head eagerly)

Best Non-Recruiting Board Meltdown, Runner Up:

Virginia Tech assistant Charlie Wiles after Ja’Wand Blue flipped to The U (as told by @mattyports):

“I'm listening in right now as Wiles is telling Ja Wand Blue, "you lied to me."

Blue is telling Wiles, "I wanted to stay home." Wiles: "This doesn't make any sense. I've never felt more betrayed or lied to."

Whiles, to Blue: "You want to go to a program that wins bowl games, a clean program, that dominates in the ACC?"

Whiles: "It would be a blessing for you to go away for school. I promise. You've got homeboys here. ... We need you. We're counting on you."

Ja Wand Blue is listening to Whiles speak his piece. This is incredibly awkward.”

Annnnnnd scene!

Question: what happens if Whiles decides to take a new job? Does Blue get to tell him how lied to he feels in front of a room full of people? Does he get to denigrate his character as he pleases?

Worst Recruiting Board Meltdown:

That belonged to one of our fans, who upon learning that Robert Lockhart was leaning toward sticking to his Virginia Tech commitment made a few remarks about “people getting shot on their campus”. All jokes aside, that is pretty messed up, no?

Bound for Divorce:

Reggie Northrup. Said numerous times he was “committed” while also saying he was “open to other schools”. Listen, I am not the type to get preachy about this type of thing. I remember being an 18 year old dumbass. But let’s just say if I told the girl I was “committed” to that I was “open to other girls” things would go to hell in a hand basket. Just ask Newt Gingrich.

Prologue: Northrup signed with Florida State. He was very committed to Miami up until that though I guess.

Maybe Going to Regret This Statement:

To David Thompson’s coach, who called his former player a “right-handed Tim Tebow”. Listen, I think Thompson is a great prospect, as I have said. But let’s not forget that Tebow, although the anti-Christ, did win two national titles and a Heisman Trophy. Maybe we don’t want to be slapping that label on a kid who hasn’t even stepped on campus yet. Just a thought.

Signed,

Ray Ray Armstrong (the “next Sean Taylor”) and Vaughn Telemaque (who “reminds some of Ed Reed”)

Most Likely to Set the UM Record for Most Personal Fouls In a Career:

Taylor Gadbois, a mountain of a man who talks like a country-strong badass and apparently has a few arrests on his record as a youngster. Not that that’s a bad thing. But I am pretty sure that Gadbois held Lockhart at gun point until he “re-thought his situation” and decided for the ‘Canes.

Proof the Star System is Broken:

Josh Witt (1^st Team All Broward LB) / David Thompson (1^st Team All Dade QB) / Vernon Davis (1^st Team All Dade CB) / Antonio Crawford (1^st Team All STATE CB). All were absolute studs in the best state for high school football in the nation. None is ranked in the top 50 at their position by Rivals.com. You figure it out.

Most Likely to Be a First Round Pick:

Ereck Flowers, a 6’6”, 310 pound left tackle prospect with fantastic athleticism. As an early enrollee he could see the field early and will one day make a lot of money if he works hard.

Best Name:

Gray Crow. Self explanatory, yes? Runner up: Ja’Wand Blue.

Non- Miami winner- Leviticus Payne. I am pretty sure he is a James Bond villain or should be. Notables: Jazzman Clax (live at Chateau Marmont next weekend!), MacGarrett Kings (star of CBS' new cop drama this fall?)

Best Highlight Reel:

Josh Witt blowing up a fullback and running back on the same play was pretty badass, as were all of Lockhart’s full extension layouts. But if you watch Duke Johnson’s tape and don’t come away thinking of Heismans…you are crazy.

Most Looks Like Colin Hanks:

Jake O’Donnell. Have you seen them in the same room before? Me neither.

5 That Will Play Now:

Duke Johnson- RB/KR/PR

Tracy Howard- CB

Deon Bush- CB/S

Malcolm Lewis- WR

LaDarius Gunter- CB

5 Sleepers:

Jacoby Briscoe- DT

Josh Witt- LB

Jake O’Donnell- DE

Gabriel Terry- OLB/DE

D’Mauri Jones- WR

Always guard the inbound passer.