UNC Hate Week

UNC, we meet again.

Of all the things that suck about college football, UNC represents about 88% of it. You want a school that combines the weird arrogance of Texas A&M with the wine and cheese crowd of UCLA? Look no further than Chapel Hill, home of White Zin and the Barth Brothers, bro!

As a native of the beautiful state of North Carolina, it was my birthright to be picked for a side in the only rivalry that matters in that state; Duke – Carolina Basketball. I was brought up a Duke fan. LONG before UNC was a largely irrelevant football team in a conference that we never should have joined, I hated these powder blue clad butt chuggers.

Want to know how you know UNC is a bunch of overconfident ass hats?

You see, in the NCAA, if you are a Good Ole Boy (and yes, UNC is every bit a Good Ole Boy by virtue of their basketball team) you can cheat and get away with it. In fact, the NCAA LOVES to let you get away with it as long as you A.) Aren’t Miami and/or B.) Aren’t so flagrant that it makes them look like a slightly more incompetent Ted Cruz.

UNC managed to fuck this up in FSU-level fashion.

It was bad enough when it was uncovered that UNC’s Top Assistant and Recruiting Coordinator, John Blake, was funneling players to an agent. 

(By the way, the NCAA decided this was NOT Lack of Institutional Control. That’s right, boys and girls. A coach was accepting kick backs to funnel players to an agent while currently employed and that university did NOT receive Lack of Institutional Control.)

In the resulting self-probe, the university then discovered a number of “academic improprieties” that included a third party that was writing term papers for football players to keep the eligible. Know who it was?

BUTCH DAVIS’ FREAKIN’ NANNY.

(Again, the NCAA decided this was NOT Lack of Institutional Control. That’s right, boys and girls. A currently employed HEAD COACH had his own personal nanny writing term papers for players and that university did NOT receive Lack of Institutional Control. Whenever UNC Hate Week can also be used as NCAA Hate Week…well, that’s a good week.)

UNC, ladies and gentlemen, is TRULY the most incompetent program in America. There is cheating and then there is launching a 6 month fireworks show that screams “WE ARE CHEATING” across the sky.

But then again, this is the same university that gave us Senator John Edwards. 

You know, the guy that had an affair with a campaign worker while his wife (who he was trotting out in public to garner sympathy) was dying of cancer. The guy who said he wanted to leave said wife but couldn’t because she engaged with voters better than he did. The guy who denied being the father of a  child with said campaign worker, tried to pay her off to go away, and then finally admitted that the child was, indeed, his. THAT John Edwards.

Anyway, all incompetence aside, this is kind of a scary game. It is on Thursday night at their place, which is where crazy stuff happens to Top 10 teams.

Also, let's not forget: for the past decade, UNC has pretty much owned us. We cannot get out of our own way against this team, and far more often than not the end of a UNC - Miami game is a bunch of Miami fans cursing Kayne Farquaharson for dropping a touchdown, or Jacory Harris for throwing a million picks, or the defense for going down 28-0 in the first half, or whatever. UNC is a team that doesn't belong on the field with Miami, but somehow always looks like they do.

Their quarterback has the most UNC name ever (Brynn Renner) and will probably do a little carving up at some point. Their tight end (Eric Ebron) might be the best in the country and, given our lack of ability to cover tight ends for YEARS, will probably make some plays. They also have a few good receivers, highlighted by Quinshad Davis, who has one of the worst names in the world.

Their defense is pretty mediocre and this is the same team that got run off their own field by East Carolina (School for the Blind); a juggernaut they aren't.

In other words, the conditions are right for a Clemsoning. Miami avoids that by avoiding mistakes (no turnovers, no big penalties) and not letting them hang around. Renner is dangerous when given time, but has been banged up. The way to get him out of his comfort zone is to consistently hit him, and I expect our defense to ratchet up the pressure as the game goes along.

I also expect their crappy fans to go silent pretty early if we can hit them in the mouth, “Zero Dark Thursday” promotion be damned.

That’s right, they themed their game.

UNC is the best sorority in the ACC, complete with baby blue, sex scandals and brand new outfits for a Thursday night party.