This week we take the Hate Show back to Miami, where the ‘Canes
face off with the Florida A&M Rattlers.
Honestly, it is hard to muster up a lot of emotion about this
one. Most of my hatred is of the “self-loathing” variety this week, as the
reality of spending another fall rooting on college football’s equivalent of
the Italian Navy settles in.
However, I’m gonna give it a go. I am going to put my fingers
in the best possible position to win so that if they mess up, at least they
mess up while playing aggressively. In that way, I am very much unlike Al
Golden, James Coley and Mark D’Onofrio.
FAMU, or as I like to call it “Florida State’s Best
Recruiting Tool”, is located in Tallahassee. They are known for having a decent
FCS squad, although not one that will ever challenge the North Dakota States
and Appalachian States of the world, and an amazing band, The Marching 100.
Well, they were known for having an amazing band, but now
they are known for having a band that literally hazes
people to death. To. Death.
Don’t believe me? Didn’t click the hyperlink? Google it.
This band is Greg Schiano’s spirit animal.
There’s your everyday” high school cafeteria” hazing. There’s
your “frat house, repressed homosexuality” style hazing. There’s your Richie
Incognito “I’m a 300 pound sociopath who uses the N word a lot and wants to go
full American Pyscho on your younger sister” hazing. And then there is” beating
someone to death on the team bus” hazing.
To be fair, this incident occurred back in 2011 and the
current members of The 100 probably have nothing to do with it. So I don’t mean
to condemn any of them when I say this, but F this school and F this band straight
to hell. F them with a crab leg…they can go across town to FSU’s campus to find
one.
(SOTS: Taking unsolicited cheap shots at FSU since 2008)
On the field, I know literally nothing about this team. When
I typed in “FAMU 2014 roster” in to Google their basketball team actually was
the first result, which is crazy, because I didn’t even fully realize they had
a basketball team.
As far as I can tell, they didn’t even do me the courtesy of
having a former Hurricane that transferred into their program. At least when I
do this shit for Bethune Cookman I have a familiar face or two to look forward
to!
What I really hate is that I fully expect that we will sleep
walk through this game.
All of the bullshit Golden is talking about this week, how we
need to attack downfield more, how we need to play more freshmen, how we need
to get Duke the ball in space…it all sounds great.
However, I don’t expect it to happen in this game. I really
don’t. I expect us to just run the ball against an obviously smaller, weaker,
slower, worse team and win something like 38-14.
And even if we do, it doesn’t matter, because this team
blows. We have them on the schedule merely to serve as sacrificial lambs.
Perhaps the thing that I hate the most is that I know full
well what this is, but am still looking forward to it.
You will see me going
full meathead and yelling at spittle-inducing levels at the TV in the 4th
quarter, because after losing 5 of the last 7, and all in blowout fashion, I
have become a bully.
I have issues in my own life and need to take it out on
someone weaker than me in order to make myself feel better. Might as well sign
me up for The Marching 100.
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