Wednesday, September 3, 2014

FAMU Hate Week

This week we take the Hate Show back to Miami, where the ‘Canes face off with the Florida A&M Rattlers.

Honestly, it is hard to muster up a lot of emotion about this one. Most of my hatred is of the “self-loathing” variety this week, as the reality of spending another fall rooting on college football’s equivalent of the Italian Navy settles in.

However, I’m gonna give it a go. I am going to put my fingers in the best possible position to win so that if they mess up, at least they mess up while playing aggressively. In that way, I am very much unlike Al Golden, James Coley and Mark D’Onofrio.

FAMU, or as I like to call it “Florida State’s Best Recruiting Tool”, is located in Tallahassee. They are known for having a decent FCS squad, although not one that will ever challenge the North Dakota States and Appalachian States of the world, and an amazing band, The Marching 100.

Well, they were known for having an amazing band, but now they are known for having a band that literally hazes people to death. To. Death.

Don’t believe me? Didn’t click the hyperlink? Google it.

This band is Greg Schiano’s spirit animal.

There’s your everyday” high school cafeteria” hazing. There’s your “frat house, repressed homosexuality” style hazing. There’s your Richie Incognito “I’m a 300 pound sociopath who uses the N word a lot and wants to go full American Pyscho on your younger sister” hazing. And then there is” beating someone to death on the team bus” hazing.  

To be fair, this incident occurred back in 2011 and the current members of The 100 probably have nothing to do with it. So I don’t mean to condemn any of them when I say this, but F this school and F this band straight to hell. F them with a crab leg…they can go across town to FSU’s campus to find one.

(SOTS: Taking unsolicited cheap shots at FSU since 2008)

On the field, I know literally nothing about this team. When I typed in “FAMU 2014 roster” in to Google their basketball team actually was the first result, which is crazy, because I didn’t even fully realize they had a basketball team.

As far as I can tell, they didn’t even do me the courtesy of having a former Hurricane that transferred into their program. At least when I do this shit for Bethune Cookman I have a familiar face or two to look forward to!

What I really hate is that I fully expect that we will sleep walk through this game.

All of the bullshit Golden is talking about this week, how we need to attack downfield more, how we need to play more freshmen, how we need to get Duke the ball in space…it all sounds great.

However, I don’t expect it to happen in this game. I really don’t. I expect us to just run the ball against an obviously smaller, weaker, slower, worse team and win something like 38-14.

And even if we do, it doesn’t matter, because this team blows. We have them on the schedule merely to serve as sacrificial lambs.

Perhaps the thing that I hate the most is that I know full well what this is, but am still looking forward to it. 

You will see me going full meathead and yelling at spittle-inducing levels at the TV in the 4th quarter, because after losing 5 of the last 7, and all in blowout fashion, I have become a bully.

I have issues in my own life and need to take it out on someone weaker than me in order to make myself feel better. Might as well sign me up for The Marching 100.


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