The NFL Draft- Tremendous Upside

Hello All,

Every year since I was 9 I have watched the first day of the NFL Draft. Do not ask me why.

Up until last year, the first round alone cost me 5-7 hours of time that I was never getting back, that I could easily have just read about in the next day’s sports section. And that was before I watched the 2nd and 3rd rounds, before falling asleep, before having nightmares about Mel Kiper eating me, and before waking up and watching rounds 4-7 the next day. So yeah, I am addicted to the draft.

Anyway, this year, I decided to jot down some notes. You know, because I have a blog. And that is what bloggers do. And away we go.

Pick 1 (St. Louis Rams) - Sam Bradford, Oklahoma

Hey, anytime you can take a quarterback who hurt his shoulder so badly that he missed an entire season (well, technically, injured and then RE-injured the same shoulder) and then pay him a guaranteed $50 million, you have to do it. Ladies and gentleman, the NFL Draft!

Pick 2 (Detroit Lions) – Alphabet Suh, Nebraska

Well, even perennial Stein on the Sidelines whipping boy Matt Millen couldn’t have messed this up. Oh wait, yes he would have. He would have traded up for the first pick and then drafted DeMariyus Thomas. Because who doesn’t want a receiver who played in a Triple Option Offense? And yet, I digress.

Pick 3 (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) – Gerald McCoy, Oklahoma

Highlight of the draft: McCoy, moments after the story about his mother dying before his sophomore season was told, jogging across the stage and giving Roger Goodell the bear hug to end all bear hugs. Come on, don’t even try to tell me you didn’t get a little misty there.

Pick 4 (Washington Redskins) – Trent Williams, Oklahoma

Ahhhhh, our first “upside” pick. “Upside” is loosely defined as any player that looks like Tarzan and plays like Jane. In other words, these are guys who get coaches fired. But hey, when do the Redskins ever fire their head coach?

Pick 5 (Kansas City Chefs…that’s right, Chefs) – Eric Berry, Tennessee

The biggest difference maker in the draft, and he goes fifth. Great googly moogly NFL General Managers.

Pick 7 (Cleveland Browns) – Joe Haden, University in Florida

Cried like a girl. For no reason. Also, can’t dress. I guess it is a miracle that he didn’t wear jean shorts and a wife beater.

Pick 8 (Oakland Raiders) – Rolando McClain, Alabama

Wow, I am at a loss. There is no joke to make here. The Raiders actually made a good pick. This is who I wanted for the ‘Phins. Lose-lose. Damn you AL DAVIS!

Pick 9 (Buffalo Bills) – C.J. Spiller, Clemson

Stein on the Sidelines' Heisman Winner now gets to torch the Dolphins twice a year. DAMN YOU C.J. SPILLER!!!!

Pick 10 (Jacksonville Jaguars) – Tyson Alualu, California

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(…catches breath…)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So, this weekend I drove to Mississippi to visit Brosef Stalin. On my way, I saw some pretty ripe bathrooms. Well, every year there’s one of these picks in the top ten that reminds me of the puddle in the middle of the gas station bathroom floor. Best case, it is just water and it serves as a breeding ground for mosquitoes and stink. Worst case, it is urine and you step in it accidentally. Either way, you lose. Great pick.

Dolphins Trade Down

I don’t know why I even consider the possibility that the Dolphins won’t let me down on draft day. Or game day. Or any day.

Pick 17 (San Francisco 49ers) – Mike Iupati, Idaho

Our first small school guy! This is the guy that has an amazing film because he is twice as big as everyone he played. I actually like the pick, but somehow I don’t see him blocking three guys at once in the NFL like he did at Idaho.

Pick 18 (Pittsburgh Steelers) – Maurkice Pouncey, University in Florida

Wearing…jean shorts, a white t-shirt, work boots and a necklace that looks like it came out of one of those claw machines. Thank you Gainesville, you’ve been great.

Pick 22 (Denver Broncos) – DeMariyus Thomas, Georgia Tech

Or as I like to call him, Kevin Dyson 2.0!

Pick 24 (Dallas Cowboys) – Dez Bryant, Oklahoma State

Or as I like to call him, Randy Moss 2.0!

Pick 25 (Denver Broncos) – Tim Tebow, University in Florida

Wearing the same shirt I wore for a 12 hour road trip through North Florida, Southwest Georgia, Alabama and Northern Mississippi the next day. Think about that.

Also, think about this: Tebow is no doubt a great player. Everyone compliments him as an "Old School" player. Tom Jackson, one of ESPN's analysts, played for the Broncos in the 70's and is a truly old school player. The type of guy that would love Tebow. He HATED this pick. Because Tim Tebow is not a starting NFL Quarterback, and you don't draft H-Backs in the first round. Period.

Pick 28 (Miami Dolphins) – Jared Odrick, Penn State

**Bangs head against wall**

And that about did it for the first round.

Lessons?

Florida Gators are douche bags.

The more and more Roger Goodell gets hugged, the more uncomfortable he looks.

The Florida Gators cannot dress, and probably cannot spell.

And if you are 6’6”, 300 lbs. and semi-coordinated, it really does not matter how well you can play football for 4 years in pads, only how well you run for 5 seconds in shorts.

Also, I'd be remiss to leave out congratulations to 'Cane draftees Jimmy Graham, Dedrick Epps, Daryl Sharpton and Jason Fox. Go Canes!

The NFL Draft everybody!

Happy Thanksgiving

Hello All,

Well, I am about to pass out after a delicous sampling of broccoli, hash brown and green bean casseroles, turkey, stuffing, rolls, mushroom gravy, cranberry jelly and heart failure on one plate. Props to Mama Stein.

Therefore, this will be quick. Hopefully, when the Stein boys make their sojourn to Tampa for the game, they will not be forced to deal with obnoxious USF fans after a loss.

And to answer your question, yes, they are obnoxious. Kind of like Rutgers fans. Only they've accomplished even less. Also, I know this because I had to spend ten days in Israel with a literal busload of them. Sigh.

USF's D is pretty solid, rankig 23rd in the nation overall. However, their offense is meidocre, ranking 53rd nationally in scoring and 61st overall. They also are 99th in the country in sacks allowed. Maybe the strengths will ne negated by Miami's new uniforms...

BREAKDOWN

QB: B.J. Daniels leads the Bulls in both passing and rushing. He can escape the pocket, extend plays and attack the middle of the field, although he completes just over half of his passes. Jacory will be under pressure all day and will need the running game to support him. His job does not get easier with Jason Fox listed as doubtful. Still, in a pure passing comparison, Harris is better. EDGE: Even

RB: Damien Berry and Graig Cooper are running well. USF's quarterback is their leading rusher. EDGE: Miami

Receiver: USF has Jessie Hester, A.J. Love and big play guy Carlton Mitchell. Miami has their arsenal. Both teams will hit big plays. Miami has more talent by the numbers, giving them the slight edge. EDGE: Miami

Offensive Line: Jason Fox is doubtful. USF has two of the best defensive ends in college football. EDGE: USF

Defensive Line: George Selvie and Jason Pierre-Paul go up against a thin Miami line, and Miami has struggled to get pressure. The Bulls rank 35th in the nation is TFL and 36th in sacks per game. EDGE: USF

Linebacker: Daryl Sharpton and Colin Mccarthy have played well in recent weeks. Kion Wilson leads USF in tackles. EDGE: Even

Secondary: Miami's problem is schematic, not talent. USF does not have the same problem. EDGE: USF

Special Teams: USF ranks 82nd in net punting, 91st in punt returns and 101st in kick returns. Miami has been spotty at times, but they are much better than that. EDGE: Miami

Coaching: Well, Jim Leavitt is a nut job. But he gets the most out of his team. Miami's biggest problem is time management. In a close game, that could be huge. EDGE: USF

And there you have one of the most depressing breakdowns of the season. Maybe it's the turkey talking.

PICKS (Rivalries Edition)

Houston over Rice: Dozens of people celebrate in Houston. I do not think the riot police will have to be called up.

LSU over Arkansas

Texas over Texas A&M: Although, "Saw 'Em Off" and "Gig 'Em Aggies" are two of my favorite sayings in sports. The first of the "Big Three" ends in an anticlimactic non-upset. But wait for it.

West Virginia over Pitt: Mini-upset in the "Backyard Brawl"...coolest rivalry name in college football, followed closely by the "Civil War".

UNC over NC St.

Clemson over South Carolina: How does Spiller not win the Heisman in this mediocre season?

Ole Miss over Mississippi State: The "Magnolia Bowl" and the "Egg Bowl". Rebs, I love ya. Really, you're great. But you got rivalry nicknames like a dickhead.

Oklahoma over Oklahoma State: Bedlam! Funny, the 'Pokes actually think they have a shot. So cute.

Vagina Tech over Virginia: Bye bye Al. Thanks for the memories. Dick.

Utah over BYU: The "Holy War" is surprisingly not as good a nickname as you would think. It just doesn't do anything for me. Sad. Looks so good on paper.

Georgia Tech over Georgia: "Clean, Old Fashioned Hate". Now there's a nickname. And the one way Miami keeps looking better each week...GT winning and winning big.

UF over FSU: Still not the "Big Three" upset...

UPSET SPECIAL: Auburn over Alabama

Boom! I think 'Bama has been flirting with something like this, and then Sports Illustrated puts Mark Ingram on the cover. Done and done. Finally, in this underwhelming college football season mostly devoid of drama (except for every Miami game, seemingly), something shocking happens. Sadly, to the wrong team.

Happy holiday, hope to see you Saturday!

Always guard the inbound passer.