The Drum Beat Strengthens

Hello All,

A couple of things to talk about, but first there is this: we are 8 days from the opening of fall camp. And yes, I am spending half of my time watching ‘Canes highlight reels.

A figure who played a key role in a lot of those highlight reels has been in the news this week (SEGUE ALERT! SEGUE ALERT!). Allow me to take a moment to give you my thoughts on Butch Davis’ firing at UNC:

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those (I am sure thousands upon thousands) of you who don’t understand my hatred of Butch Davis and how I could possibly be so excited about the firing of a coach at a non-rival school who once upon a time recruited the greatest team in the history of college football for my alma mater, let me explain.

Davis, who was understandably a hot name after the 2000 season, said in the locker room after the 2001 Sugar Bowl victory over the Gators (suck one) that to leave for the NFL now would make him a “Deadbeat Dad”. Fast forward a couple of weeks. We are now one week from National Signing Day and Butch Davis is holding a press conference to announce that he has accepted the head coaching job with the Cleveland Browns.

Smart business decision? Absolutely. Would I have made the same one? Probably.

Here is the problem: HE F*CKING LIED TO MY FACE.

Allow me to give you an analogy.

You’ve been dating a girl since high school. You’ve gone through your awkward stage together, and now she has turned into a beautiful girl on the verge of greatness. However, something else comes along (a move to Europe that would offer far more money but make a relationship untenable, let’s say). You have a talk, and while regrettable and sad, the relationship ends. Everyone is ok with it.

Now, take that same girl, but let’s say she’s been ducking your calls for a while now. You ask her if everything is ok. She says it is great and she loves you. A week later you catch her in bed with some other dude. You are wrecked. You start listening to Matchbox 20 and Incubus. A lot. You are drinking whiskey out of your coffee mug at work. Your workouts are hollow because all you can see is a pathetic little boy staring back at you in the gym mirror. You blame yourself and actually buy it when she calls and says that she has Chlamydia and you HAVE to be the one who gave it to her. It is the equivalent of a person going Hiroshima on your psyche.

(This just got weird, didn't it?)

Butch Davis leaving Miami was the latter. So I am glad Karma came for him. I am glad his artificially enhanced program is going to come down a notch or two. I am glad that UNC finally manned up and did something they should have done a while ago. The only thing that would make me happier?

If the news was delivered to Butch while he was in bed with kidney stones.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled blog post.

My buddies and I were talking one time about how awesome a reality show made up solely of the uniting illegitimate children of professional athletes like Shawn Kemp, Travis Henry and Antonio Cromartie would be (really I was doing the talking and they were shaking their heads in complete disbelief). I’m not sure whether the show would turn into The Illegitimate Justice League as all the characters united to fight crime or The Illegitimate Bad Girls Club (no explanation necessary), but I do know for a fact it would be fun as hell to watch.

(Think of the plotlines!! The Parents’ Television Council would go nuts!!!)

For that reason, the 2008 Miami Hurricanes running back corps is perhaps my favorite of all time, as it featured 5 running backs, 4 of which had one or more child (not mentioning names), and only one of whom was married.


It also featured Damien Berry (who was changing positions from safety) and a precocious Graig Cooper, two rocks of this position group, who have now moved on to greener pastures. (SEGUE ALERT! SEGUE ALERT!)

Last season saw the crescendo of Berry and Coop as ‘Canes, one going out with a bang (Berry, who lead the team in rushing and was arguably under-used) and one with a whimper (Cooper, who clearly was at no better than 80% after knee surgery and probably should have redshirted). The ‘Canes also lose Pat Hill, a reliable road grader at fullback whose contribution will probably be masked by more multiple tight end sets this season, and Storm Johnson (sorry Julie Rose) , who flashed promise in the USF game with a 70+ yard touchdown run but transferred after managing to clash with both Randy Shannon AND Al Golden. Possibly because he smokes A LOT of pot and has a dad that rivals Ornette Howard. Just sayin’.

(By the way, there is a real possibility that 15 years from now Damien Berry will be concluding his NFL career and The U will feature 5 players sprung from his loins. I am very excited.)

SIDENOTE: Not sure if my friend Russo will ever talk to me again now that Cooper is gone. We might have a whole bunch of eras ending all at once here. It’s a weird time to be Stein on the Sidelines.

Returning are the always reliable Mike James (underrated) and the brilliant Lamar Miller (great but I am starting to fear that he might be overhyped), among others.

Sadly, the particularly fertile group of 2008 has all moved on now, but the specter of their virility will linger for years to come. I can only hope and pray that this year’s squad steps up to the plate to replace the heart and…ahem…production that has been lost.

RB

Mike James, Jr.

James is the sort of “Ol Reliable” that every team needs. He will consistently account for positive plays, can catch the ball out of the backfield, can block well enough to play fullback, and has the juice to break off the occasional 40 yard burst. He also plays his ass off and is the type of guy you put on a poster for your program.

Ceiling: Leads the team in rushing and plays a huge role in a new ball control offense.
Floor: Really doesn’t have one…This gimmick is already getting old isn’t it?

Lamar Miller, So.

Faster than greased lightning and showed it last year. Is easily the most exciting player on the roster since Devin Hester and will be the most important player on the offense not names “Whoever the hell ends up playing quarterback”. To listen to fans talk he is Willis McGahee with Jim Brown and Walter Payton mixed in. We will see if that works out…first, he needs to stay healthy.

Ceiling: Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson
Floor: Tecmo Bowl Mark Higgs (yes, I am a scarred Dolphins fan)

Darion Hall, So.

Hall has the potential to be very effective as a thick back that can also break the long run, but he has not yet gotten a carry that counts for anything and is therefore unproven.

Ceiling: James Jackson said he was the best back in the state his senior year of high school…that would be nice.
Floor: Falters when called upon.

Maurice Hagens, So.

Hagens is a beast who is going to become a tailback after the fullback position was essentially eliminated by the new scheme. Look for him to be used as a hammer who can punch holes in a tired defense and close near the goal line, something which was lacking last season.

Ceiling: James Stewart
Floor: Jerrell Mabry (This is fairly recent; who could forget the great fullback-that-should-have-been-a-defensive-tackle-and-kind-of-looked-like-Ice Cube?)

Kevin Grooms, Fr.

Grooms is the jet brought in for this recruiting class that really doesn’t have a position yet, but he figures to get some change-of-pace carries. He will always be a threat to go the distance and looks like a tough little cookie. Maybe he will be used as Devin Hester was supposed to be used.

Ceiling: Albert Bentley (Google it)
Floor: Redshirt

Always guard the inbound passer.

Senior Day

Hello All,

Well, this is kind of strange. We have reached the end of another season, and this one seemed to go by faster than any in history.

It is not time for final reflection yet, as there is still more football to be played.

However, I think it is safe to say that the depression that is my life for 8 months a year with no ‘Canes football has begun to set in.

Win or lose, the ‘Canes give me something to look forward to every week. Watching these kids go out and compete and grow is my favorite thing.

One of my co-workers was talking to me the other day and said “You should be glad you have your thing. You are more passionate about the ‘Canes than anyone in this office is about anything. It keeps you going. I can’t honestly say I have a thing and that is kind of sad.”

She was absolutely right. But before this turns into a cry fest, it is time for final reflection on one group of players.

Saturday is the last home game for a Miami senior class that has actually turned into The U’s best in five years.

Roll Call

Damien Berry, RB – Berry has been my favorite player for 4 years. He initially came in as a safety and played injured his freshman year, making a contribution only on special teams. After a mostly non-descript sophomore season he made the switch to running back, where most thought he would get lost on the depth chart. Instead, Berry became UM’s best runner since a healthy, in-shape Tyrone Moss and will leave as a fan favorite after two seasons of hard-nosed, take no prisoners running.

Graig Cooper, RB – Coop is another personal favorite who was derided by fans for years for no reason. He made plays, ran hard and did the best with what he was given. Sometimes he danced too much, and his speed wasn’t all that was advertised. Still, he was an all everything recruit that stuck by his ‘Cane commitment when everything was going wrong. He played hard despite being surrounded by mediocre talent for two seasons and will end up a Top 5 statistical player in the history of the program that will stick with an NFL team.

Leonard Hankerson, WR – What can I say about Hank that hasn’t already been said this season? The kid was labeled a bust after two seasons. I wrote that “there is no point in having a receiver that cannot catch the ball…move him to linebacker” back when I was writing my column in the school paper. Boy did he prove us all wrong. He committed himself through tireless work in the offseason and has now put together arguably the strongest two year statistical stretch of any receiver in program history. He still drops some easy ones but has become UM’s Go-To Guy in almost every situation and has positioned himself as a high draft pick. He will do great things and will probably be the most missed of all the seniors next season.

Allen Bailey, DL- The Freakshow seems like he just got here from his Island home in Georgia. He lost his freshman year to an ill-advised experiment at Middle Linebacker and was learning on the fly his sophomore year. After being shuttled back and forth between tackle and end for the last two seasons, it seemed like Bailey was always on the verge of a massive breakout where he put together 2 or 3 dominant games in a row. It never happened, and he is one of those guys you wish you could have for a couple more seasons. He is a member of the All Time Freak team for Miami and will be a first round pick based solely on potential. He showed glimpses throughout his career; hopefully some position stability will allow him to reach his Suh-like potential.

Matt Bosher, K/P- Bosh was the toughest kicker I have ever seen. He was also damned good. A little streaky as a placekicker but phenomenal as a punter, Bosher will forever be remembered for his willingness (eagerness?) to not only come up and tackle but also come up and lay the wood; this was important, given our coverage teams’ complete inability to cover kicks lately. My favorite moment will always be when he recovered his own onside kick in the Champs Sports Bowl (which I prefaced by saying “the only way we will recover this is if Bosh gets in there because he’s all we got”) that lead to my brother saying “If we had a sister Bosher could definitely f*ck her right now”. Others include his personal foul penalty for body slamming an FSU kick returner and his going down into the scrum to rip away an onside kick recovery in a doomed comeback attempt against Virginia this year. I never thought I would be this invested in a freakin’ kicker, but this is not a normal kicker.

Colin McCarthy, LB- If you can get past expecting him to be Dan Morgan (just because he is white and plays the same position and wears the same number) then he had a pretty damned good career. Was a little slow and not great in coverage, but the guy was mean and nasty and played with a chip on his shoulder. Also holds the current heavyweight title belt for banging slutty Delta Gammas and D Phi Es. Another likely 3rd-5th round pick that will make an impact somewhere in the league.

Orlando Franklin, T- Franklin was a three year starter at guard and then moved to left tackle. He will be a guard in the NFL, where his size will play well and his semi-slow feet can be hidden. I loved Franklin at guard but have been disappointed this year with his mental game at tackle, as he has repeatedly false started and been called for holding. Franklin will be missed more than some folks think, and he has certainly been a program leader. He will most likely be a mid round pick in the draft and will one day be saying “The U” on Sunday Night Football.

Pat Hill, FB- One of my favorites because of his unselfishness. Was very content with blasting linebackers for three years and clearing the way for other guys to get stats. Hill will be hard to replace, as was evident last year when the running game slumped after he was hurt.

DeMarcus Van Dyke, CB- A great cover corner who almost never got beat but also had NO ball skills. Is in the same camp with Coop when it comes to uncalled for personal attacks by fans. Will not be drafted but his speed will get him a shot and he might be this year’s Sam Shields if he can learn to tackle.

Joel Figeuroa, OL- Good guy, good run blocker, that’s about it. Wish him well.

Ryan Hill, CB- This was the ultimate company man. Moved from DB to WR as a highly touted frosh because we needed bodies. Made some big catches but was too inconsistent, so switched back to DB halfway through his career. Worked for two years and finally got on the field for his senior season, where he won a starting spot and…gasp…made some plays on the ball. Also, as an aside, was a very nice guy and my roommate Graham’s favorite player.

Josh Holmes, DT- Role player who really never lived up to his potential as an inside pass rusher. Most of his time was spent as a body in the rotation, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Kylan Robinson, LB- Came in as a record setting running back but could not gain any traction and was moved to linebacker. Career highlight was starting this year’s season opener. Really, that was about it.

JoJo Nicolas, S- He might be back next year, I am just putting him on here as wishful thinking. Nothing personal, he’s just not good at all and takes minutes from young guys for some reason.

Richard Gordon, TE- Freak show that looks like Tarzan and plays like Jane. Was a good run blocker but looked about as coordinated as a giraffe trying to take a piss while walking on a frozen pond when going out on a pass route.

Jared Campbell, S- Not sure if he is a senior but this was a guy who maxed out his minimal talent (which still didn’t lead to much production) and was a benefit to have on the scout team.

Corey Nelms, DB- Walk on special teams guy who made an impact with some big hits over his career and shows the value of working in conjunction with the track team.


To each of them, I thank you for your time in a transitory phase of the program and wish you the best of luck.

Quick Picks (Doing these early Friday morning):

‘Bama over Auburn
West Virginia over Pitt
Nebraska over Colorado
Oregon over Arizona
Ohio State over Michigan
Michigan State over Penn State
Kansas over Mizzou (Upset Special!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Arkansas over LSU
The SAT over UiF and FSU
Utah over BYU
Wisco over Northwestern
Clemson over The Real USC
Oklahoma over Oklahoma State (BEDLAM!!!!!)
The Meteor over Notre Dame and USC (I can hope, right?)

Rapid Reaction

Hello All,

About to sit down and watch the UNC- Vagina Tech....errrrrr, Virginia Tech...game and decided to rattle off the quick response to today's beat down of Georgia Tech.

What I liked the most about it was the consistency.

It was multi-fold.

First of all, the gameplan was great. Pound the rock against the worst run defense in the conference with a deep stable of running backs. Take pressure off your freshman quarterback and let him work out of playaction. Attack the option and force Georgia Tech's green quarterback to make plays to win the game.

The most remarkable thing about this pretty standard game plan was that Miami stuck to it consistently, for a full game. 4 different running backs scored touchdowns, and the success in the play action and quick hitter passing games (both set up by the running game) lead to big plays.

Secondly, the players finally put together a consistent MENTAL game. There were few penalties. The refs taking another score off of the board did not send them in to a shell. There were mental mistakes, but no glaring mental errors that lead to points or big plays. Penalties were kept to a minimum. This was all offset by two forced turnovers when backed up in the opponent's red zone and a knack for coming up big when it really mattered on offense. All in all, this was a big effort for 4 quarters.

That is what I asked for heading into this week. 4 quarters of consistent effort in a winning cause. We caught a glimpse for the first time since UNC of what this team can become on any given Saturday. Next week, we will see if we can put this type of effort together two weeks in a row for the first time this season. The potential for it to be a playoff game would obviously add to the environment;it would make it the biggest game of Randy's tenure, as a matter of fact. But even if the Hokies beat UNC today (which i think they will) it will be an important game. It will give this team a final chance to prove that they aren't soft, they aren't weak and they CAN get the job done.

Here's to hoping they get the chance to prove it in a game that would mean a trip to the title game, because otherwise I will be mad I skipped my upset special pick coming true over on the other channel in order to watch a game in which I hate both teams...

I Want Blood

Hello All,

I hate Virginia. Why, you might ask? For a few of the following reasons:

1.) The Orange Bowl. Enough said.

2.)They beat Hopkins in lacrosse sometimes.

3.) Their uniforms could be so much cooler than they actually are.

4.) Their "Cavalier" mascot is the worst and I spend half of every game I see him at dreaming up ways in which he might get knocked off hsi horse.

5.) They suck at football and basketball but win titles in non-revenue generating sports and then talk about how awesome their athletics program is.

6.) I really hate their mascot.

7.) Everyone that goes there is a douche.

8.) Those people think they attend an Ivy league school. This is kind of like UNC or UCLA or Madison or any other snobby, huge state school. If you're from the state, you really don't have to be all that great to get in. Not a dummy, but probably not winning awards as a student either. I know people that went to Madison (I went to high school in Wisconsin) that were very smart and could have gotten in a lot of other places (that's for you Doug). I know a lot of dumbasses that went there that wouldn't have gotten in to any good schools out of state but got in to Madison because they had decent numbers and were residents (Doug, I think we both know who I am talking about). And since 90% of these state schools are comprised of in-staters...you can put two and two together. Listen, they're good schools. I went to Miami. Another good school, but not elite. I would never compare Miami to Stanford or Harvard. I am very content that my education was great without that comparison. Why can't these people just be the same way?

9.) Navy and orange reminds me of Gators colors.

10.) The Orange Bowl. Guess it wasn't enough before.

Anyway, nothing made me happier than the 'Canes running it up on the Wahoos (a stupid nickname) last season. Here's to hoping they do it again. And here's to a blazing fast breakdown:

QB

Well, let's see. Would you rather have Jacory or...wait....looking it up...really?!...I thought they benched this guy two years ago...Marc Verica, PhD? I thought so. EDGE: Miami

RB

Damien Berry looks to extend his streak of 100 yard days to 5. Virginia is averageing about 5 ypc, but this ain't Eastern Michigan or William & Mary. Oh, and here's a fun fact: Virginia's run defense is 79th in the nation.EDGE: Miami

Receivers

Hankerson, Byrd and Benjamin all bounced back with touchdown catches last week for the first time in 2.5 seasons of playing together. Virginia's Kevin Burd is one to watch, as he has made some plays for the 'Hoos. The emergence of Asante Cleveland as a pass catching tight end for the 'Canes can not be discounted. EDGE: Miami

Offensive Line

Have you seen Allen Bailey lately? EDGE: Miami

Defensive Line

Seriously, have you? EDGE: Miami

Linebackers

UVa is giving up a ton of yards as it struggles to go from a 3-4 to a 4-3 scheme. EDGE: Miami

Secondary

Miami's guys, particularly Telemaque, are ballhawking and are 2nd in the nation in interceptions with 14. EDGE: Miami

Special Teams

Miami housed one against UVa last year. Hear that, TB3? Coverage still has to improve, although it was much better last week. EDGE: Miami

Miami should win this one by three scores minimum.

OTHER PICKS

Last Week: 3-3

Season: 34-21 (2-5 in upset specials...2 in a row!)

Clemson over BC

South Carolina (the REAL SC) over Tennessee

Tulsa over Notre Dame

Iowa over Michigan State

Mizzou over Nebraska

UiF over UGA (Cocktail Party!)

Texas over Baylor

Utah over Air Force

USC over Oregon (Upset, but not my upset special)

UPSET SPECIAL

Ole Miss over Auburn

Never underestimate Nutt. Divisional game, at home, an offense quitely averaging 30 points and a the feisty Landshark defense....

Always guard the inbound passer.

Pursuit of Happiness

Hello All,

Alright, I admit, I usually think it is cheesy when people try and write about sports mirroring real life. It is usually trite and cliche. So consider this a waiver. I am trying to do something with this post that I have never really done before and it might suck. But it is my blog and I guess that means I can do whatever the hell I want.


For the last couple of weeks I, like most 'Canes fans, have been unhappy with the way the team has played. That is an understatement. I have been thoroughly disappointed. We got our asses handed to us by FSU and then played with our food against Duke. It has not been pretty, to say the least.


Over the last two weeks, I have also been dealing with things outside of football for the first time in a while. Last football season, I was living at home and working a stable, 9-5 job. I had no real social life to consider, so I was able to devote all of my energies to watching college football and drinking beer with my Dad. I enjoyed the hell out of it, even though some might call it "arrested development".


This year, things are different. I work three jobs, one of which requires me to wake up at 3:30 every morning. I am starting over in a new city and doing just enough to keep my head above water.


I burn both ends of the candle and spend beer money that I don't really have. It's all good and normal and healthy. Hell, I am having a fantastic time. However, it sometimes leaves me feeling like I am not putting things in their proper perspectives. Every now and then I need to take a step back and refocus.

A few weeks ago I met a girl who I actually like (notice the tense). We hit it off. As the night progressed, it came to light that the girl has a boyfriend (of course she does, Dan).

I made a decision a couple of years ago after a 2 year saga with a girl took up too much of my life and time to ever get back.

After debriefing that situation I figured out that it went bad because I dilly-dallied. I am a firm believer that people know things instinctually and quickly;essentially what Malcolm Gladwell wrote about in "Blink". In other words, I messed up and paid for it because I went against my gut. As my father once told me: "Keep It Simple Stupid".

I decided that in the future I was going to find out what I really wanted and go after it one hundred percent. I decided that I would never be able to say that I had not given it my all. I will follow my instinct and ride out the storm, because at least at the end of the day I did what I believe. It lead to me moving to Los Angeles, amongst other things.

The reason I tell you all this is because as sad as it may sound, all of the above has enetered into my thought process lately as I think about this week's game against UNC. I have drawn some paralells.


I decided long ago that the Miami Hurricanes are something I will give one hundred percent to. When they lose, it is easy to see the impact it has on me. If you need proof, look at my last three blog posts. Not my strongest work. I spent a good part of this week thinking about the 'Canes and how I felt about various subjects.

That is when I realized that none of the micro-subjects matter. All that matters is the macro. Maybe this is where I differ from most of the Miami fanbase, which I am completely turned against at this point.

In the short term, bad things happen. It is part of football.

Just like with this new girl.

One of my favorite rappers is Kid Cudi. This is one of my favorite lyrics:




I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know,

Everything that shine ain't always
gonna be gold.

I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.

It tells the tale perfectly of staying enthusiastic and passionate about things even when they seem crappy. The pursuit of happiness is long, and that is why it is called a pursuit.


Sometimes the team you think is poised for a title run loses.

Sometimes the girl you hit it off with has a boyfriend.


In either case, you have to keep pushing through and let things play out. The pursuit of either is long and difficult. It is full of speed bumps. Both are going to leave you feeling miserable some days. You will wake up one day and things will be great. The next, you might wake up and feel angry at the world. The next, you might feel helpless. Passion is a great thing but can be a double edges sword. And I wouldn't trade my passionate style of living for anything.

However, no matter how hard the traverse, there is always beauty to be found. Sometimes it isn't the destination, but the journey (again, thanks Dad).

It is fun to watch a young team learn how to win through difficult times. It is fun to develop a friendship with a new person, even if ultimately your goal is bigger.

The important thing to remember is that passion is what gets you through rough times in ANYTHING, whether it is work, relationships, sports, etc. If you find yourself in a daze, you have to ask yourself if the juice is worth the squeeze. If it is not, then walk away, because there is no use in half assing something. It just leaves you unfulfilled.


After a pensive week which resulted in this blog, I am a rededicated 'Canes fan. I think Randy Shannon is the right man for this job. Even if I didn't, I would support the hell out of him until a decision was made to go in a different direction. At which point I would support the hell out of the next guy in line.

That's called being a fan. And as such, with a new lease on fanhood (sparked by, of all things, a girl), I give you my UNC preview.


QB





TJ Yates is playing very well right now. Better than Jacory. I think Jacory is going to have a great game, but there is no denying the last few weeks, in which Yates has been lights out. EDGE: UNC





RB





Damien Berry and Mike James are running like men possessed. And now the 'Canes are going to get sparks from Coop and Lamar Miller. EDGE: Miami





WR

Hankerson continues to ball out for the 'Canes, although he is dropping some easy ones. Meanwhile, LaRon Byrd is quietly emerging as the No. 2 guy. UNC is badly hurt by the loss of tight end Zach Pianalto. EDGE: Miami



OL

UNC will play with discipline as usual. Miami will not, as usual. EDGE: UNC

DL

Miami's guys are playing with fire again, while UNC's two best are done for the season. EDGE: Even

LB

UNC has Bruce Carter and Quan Sturdivant, two potential all americans. Miami has Sean Spence and a few guys whose jusgement is still waiting, including Ramon Buchannon, Colin McCarthy and the new guy in the mix, Kelvin Cain. EDGE: UNC

Secondary

Miami's guys have been ballhawking, especially Vaughn Telemaque. Brandon Harris has locked his man down as well for the 'Canes, while UNC is without its two starting corners. EDGE: Miami

Special Teams

UNC plays with more discipline here. EDGE: UNC

While Miami would seem like the favorite, Sean Spence said it best when he told reporters that UNC owns the 'Canes until Miami finally beats them. Miami is certainly capable, but they have to come out and play great football for four quarters. We will see.

Other picks:

Oregon over UCLA


LSU over Auburn


Oklahoma over Mizzou


Iowa over Wisconsin


Nebraska over Oklahoma State


Baylor over Kansas State (Upset Special)





Always guard the inbound passer.

Duke Preview

Hello All,

This has been a ridiculously long week for every 'Canes fan and now it is time to move on from the debacle.

The 'Canes look to get back on track this weekend against a Duke team that will put up more of a fight at home then you probably think. As Don Bailey Jr. said yesterday on Sid Rosenberg's (The Carpetbagger as I like to call him) radio show, Duke is licking its chops. They have nothing to lose and see a Miami team coming off a major beatdown that might have its head elsewhere.

There is your cheesy intro and here is the breakdown:

QB

Call me crazy, but I thought Jacory was a bright spot last week. Improved decision making, pulled it down and ran a few times, managed the game well and did it while hurt. The problem is his receivers let him down again, dropping balls that hit them in the hands. Duke will start promising Sena Renfree, who is probably still a year or two away from being a major threat but can definitely sling it. EDGE: Miami

RB

Damien Berry quietly ran for 101 yards against FSU and ran hard all game. Miami compiled 185 total yards on the ground and seems to have made it more a priority of late to establish the run game, which will help Jacory out immensely. Duke's leading rusher is Desmond Scott. They don't run it much but he is a big play threat, bringing in an average of 5.7 ypc and a long run of 63 yards on the season. If Miami gets Lamar Miller back for this game it will be hard to decide who gets the secondary carries between Miller, Graig Cooper and Mike James, as each has had their moments. EDGE: Miami

WR

Leonard Hankerson is clearly Miami's go to guy, and the rest of the receivers have battled major inconsistency. I personally think it is LaRon Byrd's time to shine. I also think if I were Shannon I would send out freshman Allen Hurns and sophomore Kendall Thompkins for the first two series just to send a message. Miami is hurt by the lack of a viable threat at tight end. Meanwhile, Donavan Varner and Conner Vernon have been great in Duke's pass happy attack. Never thought I would type this...EDGE: Duke

OL

Miami on both talent and caliber of opponent this Saturday. EDGE: Miami

DL

Miami is more talented and if they play the way I think they will then they should have at least 5 sacks. Allen Bailey must make more of an impact. Duke brings back senior defensive ends that will put pressure on Jacory if allowed. EDGE: Miami

LB

Sean Spence is Miami's best player, but it is time for someone to step up and make plays aside from him. Colin McCarthy looks a step slow and out of position at middle linebacker, and Ramon Buchannan seems to take two steps forward and one step back. Shannon said he will work Kelvin Cain more into the mix, and if healthy, hopefully we will see more Jordan Futch as well too. Duke runs a 3-4, which means they will be attacking Jacory with blitzes all day in hopes of forcing a mistake downfield. EDGE: Miami

Secondary

Miami is more talented and is beginning to get a knack for turnovers. If they ever get a game where all four guys play well together then they will be a force. EDGE: Miami

Special Teams

Who knows at this point. Miami is too inconsistent in all phases, and yes, that includes you now Mr. Bosher (my man crush). EDGE: Even

OTHER PICKS

Last Week: 3-6

Season: 24-18

Upset Specials: 0-5

Texas over Nebraska (Upset SPECIAL!)

Cincy over Louisville

Auburn over Arkansas

Iowa over Michigan

Texas Tech over Okie State

Wisconsin over Ohio State (Hopefully the meteor though)

'Bama over Ole Miss Blackbears

And yes, don't worry, at some point soon I will definitely do something about the state of the program and the FSU loss. Still too soon. Just know that I am in the type of mood that I hope every team loses every week just so all fan bases are as pissed as me.

Also, turns out I have the ability to see what my readership is. All jokes aside, I am getting like 3000 reads per month, which is awesome and a little humbling. I also have readers in Europe, South America, Asia and Australia as well as North America. Shout out to you all, but most specifically those in Afghanistan and Iraq. I have a hard time believing any native Afghanis or Iraqis are reading this, which means that those readers are serving this beautiful country of ours and protecting the freedom of chuckleheads like me. Provides a lot of perspective when contemplating a win or loss. Thank you all very much and get home safe.

I love the 'Canes, but the only thing I love more is America.

Miami vs. Clemson Breakdown

Hello All,

This week the 'Canes head up to Death Valley in the third leg of their road odyssey to begin the season; if this is The Odyssey, Jacory Harris is Odysseus. As he goes, so goes the crew. And maybe even we will get lucky and see a vintage Vanessa Williams sex scene during this game...I digress.

So that is your cheesy, Musburger-esque setup and this is your breakdown:

QB

If Jacory limits mistakes he is the better player. Clemson's Kyle Parker, or as he is known in my living room, the poor man's Dan Stein, doesn't have much going for him. It's not like the guy hits 20 bombs a year for the baeball team, plays quarterback on the football team, already has a multi-million dollar job waiting for him upon leaving school and rocks a great faux-mullet. Wait, he does? Anyway, Parker will be dealing with plenty of pressure from Miami's defensive front this game, unlike last season. I also still believe he gets way more credit for last season's win than he deserves. However, with Clemson's DeAndre McDaniel lurking in the secondary, I have no clue who has the upperhand between these two talented players. EDGE: Even

RB

Clemson relies on Jamie Harper (if you ever want to hear a messed up recruiting story, ask me sometime about why Harper is a Tiger and not a 'Cane) and Andre Ellington. Both are big and explosive. Miami will have their hands full with the duo, and that includes as receivers out of the backfield. However, I said the same thing before the Pitt game and look how that turned out. Miami, meanwhile, is establishing Damien Berry as the plowhorse and Lamar Miller as the flash to his smash. EDGE: Clemson

WR

Miami, and it isn't close. Clemson starts a junior who has not done much and a sophomore. They have big play capability but do not come close to resembling Miami's arsenal. EDGE: Miami

OL

Both teams have physical lines that are probably better in run blocking than pass blocking. Both have to deal with athletic, versatile defensive lines. EDGE: Even

DL

Miami's front four (which is really more like a front 9) is playing great football right now. They have Allen Bailey (a superfreak) at one end, three complimentary ends that are playing well and 4 solid tackles. Clemson has DeQuan Bowers (a superfreak) at one end, a solid complimentary piece at the other and four solid tackles, lead by Brandon Thompson. The top line of the depth chart is relatively equal, but after that it slides in Miami's favor. EDGE: Miami

LB

Sean Spence will be the best player on the field. Clemson, much like Miami, has an athletic group that struggles with positioning. They are lead by Brandon Maye, who I am pretty sure has been on the team since 1997. All things being equal, Spence gives Miami the leg up. EDGE: Miami

Secondary

If Spence gives Miami the linebacking edge, McDaniel gives Clemson the edge in the secondary single handedly. EDGE: Clemson

Special Teams

Miami has the best return game in the nation and one of the most mediocre coverage games. Clemson lost C.J. Spiller but will have speed back to return kicks. Matt Bosher is great, obviously, and rates Miami the edge in the kicking game. Also, Alex F-ing Uribe will not be screwing up and kicking deep to Spiller instead of squibbing it at the end of the half when the 'Canes have just scored to take momentum back headed into the locker room and in the process giving up a return touchdown to reignite the Tigers because he kicked deep when the call and resulting formation was set up for a F*CKING SQUIB KICK. Not that I'm bitter. EDGE: Miami

So there we have it. This one will come down to the wire. My dad predicted a late drive to come from behind and win for Miami. So we will go with that. Also, since I know you're looking for it with your Apple F function, good luck in Regionals this weekend Steve. Austin is a fine town, try to leave it in one piece.

And now we do some picks:

Texas A&M over Okie State

In the battle of the big programs that couldn't: Think it is possible that the two ADs get together and agree to simultaneously fire both coaches at midfield when it is over? Maybe trade them straight up for each other out of boredom? Maybe implicate them in the BP Screwup and have them brought up on federal charges?

Oklahoma over Texas

Michigan State over Wisconsin

This is what happens when you get ready for your first big road test in conference by playing the likes of Austin Peay and the Girl Scouts of America. Or at least, what I hope happens. Never had anything against Wisconsin until a bunch of their fans mysteriously turned into Ohio State fans the one weekend that OSU played Miami. Yes, OSU, a bitter rival. Well, not really bitter, because in order for it to be bitter Wisconsin might want to, oh, I don't know, win a national title for once in the history of their program. Like the 5 that Miami has won. Since 1984.

Virginia Tech over NC St.

Tech is starting to warm up. There was no way they were going to stay down all season.

Wake Forest over Georgia Tech

MARYland over Duke

Oregon over Stanford

Alabama over Florida

If it weren't a Miami gameday I would be wearing red all day long. In a similar vein, UiF will probably have someone arrested after the game.

Redheads over Blondes

To answer the debate in my favorite Billy Currington song.

Gordon Gekko over Barack Oabama

UPSET SPECIAL

FIU over Pitt

I am going to ride this damn hunch until I am forced to stop. Or next week. Whichever comes first.

Season Record 15-9 (0-3 in Upsets)

Always guard the inbound passer.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Hello All,

So, can we just pretend that Ohio State game didn’t happen?

That’s what I have been trying to do this week. Well, the last two days anyway. Sunday and Monday were marked by my perpetual scowl that prompted several “you sure you’re doing ok?” comments Monday morning at work. It also inspired this exchange:

Random lady (presumably my superior) walks in to the office of the guy across from me (a fellow football fan): “Hey, how was your weekend?!”

Guy across from me: “Good, the Seahawks won.”

Random lady: “Yeah, my team won too!”

Guy across from me: Cuts her off by pointing at me

Random lady: Looks at me and says “You’re a Miami guy?”

Stein on the Sidelines:

Random lady: “Well that’s too bad.”

Stein on the Sidelines:

Annnnnnd scene. This will not be in the next, updated edition of How to Win Friends and Influence People. It will also, most likely, not do wonders for my schemes to get hired on full time at this office.

But, now that the initial malaise has worn off, some thoughts from the game:

- Jacory is taking a ton of heat for this one. People are saying he has not progressed and is not the guy to take us to the promised land. I say that of the four picks, two (possibly three) were on the receivers. Additionally, the best throw he made all game was a DART to Aladrious Johnson in the end zone that the usually clutch and sure handed Johnson dropped. In total, there were 9 drops (according to Randy Shannon). That means that nine times Jacory hit a receiver in the hands and didn’t get a completion.

- Lamar Miller is the most explosive player Miami has had since Devin Hester. Oh, by the way, I called his kick return touchdown. Before the game started. Excuse me while I pat myself on the back.

- Annndddd…yep, pretty sure Harlan Gunn just jumped offside again. Alright, this is one thing that infuriated me almost above all others. I get it when Jermaine Johnson commits a bad penalty. This was his first playing time as a Miami Hurricane. That happens. However, Gunn and Joel Figueroa are in their fourth and fifth years, respectively, in the program. Gunn jumped the gun at least twice, possibly three, and Figs got called for a bad penalty too.

- The defense acquitted itself very well given that the Buckeyes’ average starting position had to have been near midfield (I have not seen the stats yet because they will only make me angry). However, take out the 3407653458734265 missed tackles and three dropped interceptions and this is a Miami route.

- Best players for the game: Jacory Harris (kidding), Miller, Sean Spence, Marcus Forston, Allen Bailey, Colin McCarthy, Brandon Harris, Brandon McGee, Damien Berry (2nd Half), Olivier Vernon’s Mohawk

- Special teams is a mixed bag. The return game is explosive and will be great to watch all year. There will be punts blocked this year. However, we have got to stop taking momentum and then giving up a big return.

- Bottom line is that this team is clearly the most talented we have had in a while but got punched in the face on the road and couldn’t strike back well enough to win. They fought all game but in the end beat themselves with penalties and poor execution. Against Duke, maybe you get away with this. Against Ohio State you lose. If the team takes this loss seriously and puts the pedal to the metal, they will be serious threats to win out, crack the top five and be in the title discussion if a few teams lose. If this loss fails to register and the team doesn’t take it to heart, then we will probably end up at 9-3 and in the Capital One Bowl as the most talented 3 loss team I have ever seen.

Quick Picks for the Week, after my dismal showing last weekend:

Gainesville Police Department over Florida
Cincy over NC State (Thanks for playing this week’s game of “Embarrassing OOC Losses”)
UGA over Arkansas
FSU over BYU
Texas over Texas Tech (Will be closer than you think)
Stanford over Wake Forest (I now appreciate the time difference excuse)
Wisconsin over (INSERT CUPCAKE HERE _____________)
Auburn over Clemson (Wraps up another strong week for the ACC)

UPSET SPECIAL

Duke over Alabama

PSYCH!

Let’s go with Washington over Nebraska. Why the hell not?

Always guard the inbound passer.

Here's Lookin' at You, Tim

Hello All,

Well, you know it is time for a new blog post when your friend in Azerbaijan tells you it has too long since you put one up.

While I would like to blog more, it has been a little hard to find time since I moved out to the West Coast. Not only did I have to pound the pavement until I found a place to stay (a room in an apartment owned by a sixty year old lady in a neighborhood called Little Ethiopia) and a job (bussing tables at Barney’s Beanery), but I also had to deal with things like avocado on pizza (and sandwiches…and eggs…and as a garnish for cocktails…and pizza; okay I made one of those things up) and cleaning massive amounts of bird crap off Sweet Melissa and half hour drives to move 2 miles and paying 20 bucks a day just to be able to watch the ‘Canes play baseball on the weekends. Anyway, this is the first time I have been able to sit down and write something.

I also realized that I had another problem…there is not much to write about right now. I mean, the firs two things I thought about were meeting Melvin Bratton the other night at work and one of the other busboys I work with, Ricardo, beating Kobe, Lebron, Odom, Carmelo and Barkley in Pop-a-Shot on Jimmy Kimmel Live (and winning a car). Writer’s block, anyone?

Then I remembered that for three years now I have done a player by player breakdown of the roster and have only heard minimal feedback telling me it is stupid. To be honest, I kind of like doing it and then looking back at the end of the season. Plus, I know you are all waiting with baited breath for my next genius, awe-inspiring bit of prose. So without further ado, all aboard.

Quarterback

The Season That Was: Jacory Harris showed that when he is on he is among the best in the nation. However, he also showed a penchant for crippling interceptions, particularly in the North Carolina game.

What Was Lost: Nothing of note. Matt Perelli moved on, which means the ‘Canes need a new holder.

Roll Call

Jacory Harris (Jr.) – Harris will look to grow in his second year in Mark Whipple’s system. This means knowing when to throw it away behind an inexperienced offensive line and when to take a sack. It also means knowing his limits, as in where he can throw the ball and where he opens himself up to interceptions. I expect a big growth season, and if the ‘Canes win enough he will be in the Heisman race.

Spencer Whipple (Jr.) – Whipple transferred in and ran the Scout Team last season. This year he is on scholarship and might get the call off the bench if Jacory were to go down (knockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwood). Smart kid but very limited physically.

A.J. Highsmith (So.) – Ran the second team effectively in limited appearances. A very good athlete who many think will switch to defensive back when Uber-Recruit Teddy Bridgewater arrives in Coral Gables. Personally, I never count out someone whose last name is Highsmith, regardless of position. Also, if I didn't mention this already, I met Melvin Bratton last night.

Stephen Morris (Fr.) – Arrived as an Early-Enrollee and looked good in the Spring Game, but still has a lot of work left to do. Most likely will redshirt.

Running Back

The Season That Was: Graig Cooper broke out as the multi-purpose threat we all knew he could be. Damien Berry broke out as one of the toughest between-the-tackles runners UM has seen in some time. Javarris James once again was limited, but had his moments, such as a 151 yard outburst against Oklahoma. Pat Hill proved that the offense is much more effective when he is on the field then off of it. Mike James filled in ably at fullback and showed glimpses of a bright future.

What Was Lost: Baby J graduated. While he was long a Stein on the Sidelines favorite, he is far from irreplaceable. Tervarris Johnson is gone, but his duties can be absorbed by others after his surprising rise to contributor last year.

Roll Call

Graig Cooper (Sr.) – Coop is showing signs that he will return from his bowl game knee injury at some point this season. Do I think this is smart? No. He needs to sit the year and not come back until he is at full strength. The guy became a real playmaker last season, but his game is predicated on speed. His draft stock will suffer if he comes back and looks slow, which he most likely will. Take your time, rehab and come back 100% Coop. Best case, he comes back at 80% strength and makes a contribution as a runner and receiver. Worst case, he pushes it back too early and does more damage.

Damien Berry (Sr.) – The backup who became the star last year. He runs hard and has a nose for the end zone. Not afraid to run people over, but needs to show more speed and learn to pick up the blitz to become a complete back. Either way, there were games last season that could have been won if he had just been handed the ball more often. Look for big things this season.

Pat Hill (Sr.) – The senior fullback/snow plow will be crucial this season. Not only was the run game more effective early in the season with Hill as the lead blocker, but the passing game was too, as Jacory had more time to sit in the pocket and throw thanks to Hill’s blitz pickup. A healthy Hill could boost Miami’s running attack (which was already good) and help cut down on interceptions.

Lee Chambers (Jr.) – Has shown flashes for years but can’t stay healthy. At this point, it will take a Lion’s effort to keep the young guns from passing him on the depth chart. However, the talent is definitely present, so anything is possible.

Mike James (So.) – Played mostly at fullback last season once Hill was injured but showed the ability to contribute as a pass catcher out of the backfield, pick up the blitz and return kicks last season. With Hill healthy, James will battle for carries all season and should be on the field in third down situations if Berry’s blocking doesn’t improve.

John Calhoun (So.) – Calhoun is a bit of an H-Back type that hasn’t shown much yet. He will be relied on if Hill were to go down again and might see some snaps at tight end. Think of the contribution Tervarris Johnson made last season and envision Calhoun in a similar role.

Lamar Miller (R-Fr.) – Miller is one of the fastest guys on the team and a real home run threat who say out last season. He will figure to be in the return game conversation as well as the running back rotation. Probably the most exciting name on this list. Like Lindsay Lohan before she lost her boobs.

Storm Johnson (Fr.) – Early enrollee that impressed everyone with his combination of size and speed but more than likely will redshirt due to sheer numbers. A very good problem to have. Could be a future superstar, like Melvin Bratton, who I met last night.

Eduardo Clements (Fr.) – Maybe the fastest guy in this group aside from Miller and a dangerous guy out of the slot as well. Mark Whipple loves his pass catching ability and might create a role for him in this year’s offense. However, there has also been rumor that he will move over to DB, which would certainly necessitate a redshirt.

Darrion Hall (Fr.) – Hard runner who is probably the sleeper of this running back roster. After a ‘shirt, he might be the one most likely to surprise people.

Maurice Hagens (Fr.) – A big, muscular kid to play fullback and take over for Hill. Depending upon Calhoun’s performance and Hill’s health, Hagens might have to see the field this season.

Always guard the inbound passer. And remember, I met Melvin Bratton last night.

Fight Night

Hello All,

Yesterday was the first time that my brother, father and I attended a Miami Hurricanes game together.

This is actually a much bigger deal than you would think, seeing as we were raised from a very young age to be ‘Canes fans by our parents and my brother is almost 21 years old now.

However, we always had problems making it to games while living in places like Wisconsin and Texas until my brother graduated from high school. My brother and I were always on fall sports teams, so traveling down to Miami wasn’t much of an option. We would have loved to go and watch the ‘Canes play if they were in the area, but surprisingly, the ‘Canes don’t make many trips to Wisconsin (although the baseball team did come to Minneapolis for a tournament once; maybe the greatest weekend ever, as my brother and I got to batboy for the team that a couple months later won the College World Series).

My dad and I were finally able to attend a game together when I was a junior, but again, my brother attending Ole Miss presented a problem to him being able to join us.

Anyway, we were finally able to get to a game together in Tampa on Saturday. Let’s just say it was definitely worth it.

PRE-GAME

- We get in the car at 8:45 AM (yes, 7 hours before kickoff) and don’t stop until we get to Steak ‘N’ Shake. At 10:30 AM. When we step in, the host asks us if we’d like breakfast menus. Billy Stein, after looking confused for a minute, as if he didn’t understand the question: “No… we want a meal.”

- We get a nice view of Tampa from I-275. Billy Stein: “Gainesville, you’re f%&*#’ out. Tampa, you’re f$*#&#’ in. SUPERSTAR.” (I begin to realize my brother has become a combination of Kenny Powers and Stiffler…)

- We park and pull out the football…because that’s what you do at a football tailgate. Except, apparently, in Tampa, where footballs are not allowed. At a FOOTBALL tailgate. In a grass lot. Excuse me? The girl working the lot told us this was because of liability concerns. I would like to meet the doucher that sues a stadium when their car gets bumped by a football at a tailgate. Occupational hazard? I think so! Anyway, we put the football away.

- …That is, we put it away until the fun police walked away, at which point every single group in our row took their footballs out and started throwing them around. It was like when the teacher leaves her 3rd Grade classroom during a test. The second that door closes, all hell breaks loose.

- Some dude working for the stadium (with one of the worst ear piercings I have ever seen) comes over and says if we don’t stop throwing the ball he will take it away. Since we weren’t standing near our car (meaning he had no idea which one we were in), and because this guy was so annoying, my brother and I completely ignore him and keep throwing. When he stepped toward my brother to try and get the ball, Billy threw it to me. When he came toward me and tried to take the ball, I threw it to Billy. And so began the best game of monkey in the middle we have ever played.

- Sidenote: He never got the football.

- The tailgate lot was actually a lot of fun. We met up with friends and were surprised by how many ‘Canes fans there were. Dad: “It seems like there are more UM fans here than at a home game.” Sad, but possibly true. Also, props to Chris, Trent, Steve and Russo for making a tailgate that literally consisted of sitting around and drinking beer in to a kickass time.

- Another downside to the tailgate: big time lack of port-o-johns. This resulted in 20 minute lines to use the bathroom. Luckily, we were near some woods. I simply stepped behind the trailer located next to the woods and…well, you know the rest. Maybe the funniest scene of the day was ten random dudes (USF fans, Miami fans, we were all friends here) lined up on a fence giving each other “bones” before/after taking a pee and constantly checking over our shoulders for cops. Would the cops have really done anything? I don’t think so. But then again, they tried to confiscate our football.

- During warm-ups for the game, my brother and I managed to make either immediate friends or enemies of everyone in our section, depending upon what colors they were wearing. Maybe it was when the Bulls were singing their alma mater and we started a “ ‘Canes over here” chant. Maybe it was the sheer volume. But no matter what you want to call it, it was certainly fun.

- Official verdict on the new uniforms: I like them. I don’t love them, and I wish we would go back to the old school uni’s from the late 90’s. However, aside from the dumb threading on the shoulders and the dual-colored pant stripes, these looked great. The white shoes were a great touch. Also, they made the team look bigger and faster. Which is always a good thing.

- Also of note during warm-ups: Chris Hayes was in uniform for the game, which was awesome to see. And I must say I was impressed that the coaches, anticipating pooch kicks, had Daryl Sharpton, Jimmy Graham and John Calhoun in the kickoff returners-line.

1st HALF
- Miami starts with two big first downs to Hank and LaRon Byrd. The long first drive ends with a touchdown to Hank. (7-0 UM)
- Billy Stein, pissed off after an Ole Miss loss in the Egg Bowl and excited about the touchdown: “Big 4 my brown hairy ass!” to the lady in front of us booing. She deserved it.
- Miami forces a 3&Out
- Miami then stalls a productive drive and is forced to punt
- Sharpton, all of a sudden playing like a man possessed, forces a fumble on B.J. Daniels. Or as the Stein boys took to calling him, Willie Beamen.
- Baby J is running hard, and picks up a first down and then the touchdown. (14-0)
- Billy Stein decides that his new favorite thing is throwing the upside down horns to any USF fans in our vicinity. The best part is that they have NO comeback. Surprisingly gratifying.
- USF kicks a field goal (14-3)
- Miami brings in the sledgehammer, Damien Berry. So far, they have followed the game plan. Pound away and set up playaction. USF’s pass rush is great, but the middle of their D is soft. This is exemplified as Berry picks up 17 big yards. Two first downs later (big plays to Mike James and Aldarious Johnson), Berry rips off a 16 yarder to set up a Baby J touchdown. (21-3)
- Billy Stein just glares at the USF fans down if front of us. Honestly, it was little scary…I had never seen that look in someone’s eyes before.
- Brandon Harris gets a pick, but the offense can’t capitalize and goes 3&out. On the next USF possession, Miami gets big plays by Andrew Smith and Sean Spence (back from injury) to kill a drive.

HALFTIME
- Miami is executing their game plan flawlessly. They are establishing the run and then using it to set up the pass. They have completely stopped the Bulls running back, and most of USF’s yards have come on broken plays in which Willie Beamen just runs around until something happens. Let’s just say I am feelin’ prettaaaaayyyyyyy good.
- Also, a sign that you are an irrelevant football program: during every possible break in the game you are running promotions. Free movie tickets. Free appetizers. Free EVERYTHING. At one point they offered free tickets to the game we were ALREADY AT. It was like a minor league baseball game. Simply ridiculous.

2nd HALF
- USF comes out with a big drive, as expected, to drive down inside the five. Brandon Harris almost had a pick six on the first pass of the half after he jumped an out route, but he let the ball glance off his fingertips. As if poetically, Daniels then leads his team down the field.
- Miami’s D toughens up and stops USF cold on the first 2 plays from the two yard line for no gain. However, on third down, Daniels scrambles for approximately 10 seconds, avoiding multiple tackles and then delivering a strike in to the back of the end zone. (21-10)
- …we have to get a score here…
- Miami goes 3&out. Uh-oh…
- And right about this time, a common theme for the half begins. I turn around when I hear a scuffle going on a few rows back. A female USF fan is yelling something at a male UM fan. He is telling her to leave him alone. Her male friend (also a UM fan…yep, there was a fight between UM fans at an away game) comes down to make things worse. The second guy has his hat knocked off, which leads to the logical response of throwing a haymaker. So now we have a fistfight between two UM fans in the section. Fighter #1 shakes off Fighter #2, only to start being kicked in the back by the female fan that started this mess (she has lost her balance and fallen in to the row behind him). Of course, she is a woman so she is not supposed to be hit. Surprisingly, Fighter #1 shows amazing restraint and does not hit her. And this is why families like the one to my left, who had brought their four little girls to the game (they were buddies with me and Bill by the end thanks to their UM facepaint), avoid football games.
- Billy Stein during the melee: “HIT HER IN THE FACE!!!!!!!”
- Miami and USF exchange three straight 3&out until Miami gets the ball and Berry rips off a big run. Which leads to a 34 yard touchdown pass from Jacory to Dedrick Epps. It looked to me like he was actually aiming for Benjamin, in which case the pass was five yards underthrown. And there were three USF players and two Miami players in the area. But the pass dropped right in to Epps’s chest, and you really can’t complain about touchdowns. (28-10 UM)
- Colin McCarthy kills the next USF drive with a 13 yard sack on Beamen…
- DING DING DING…fight number two. This time, a real mountain of a man in a blue shirt got pushed by some other guy. Well, big man put an end to that pretty quickly, burying about 10 right crosses in to the other guy’s face. And here’s the best part: security let him stay after questioning (I suppose it was self-defense, but REALLY?!?!?)…and kicked out the guy who was busted open! Talk about getting the shaft.
- Coop rips off a big run…
- FIGHT #3! This actually just turns in to a shoving match which spills down the aisle, but the security guards (who are now an occupying force in our section) throw everyone involved out on their ass. And who said the cheap seats weren’t any good? I got three undercards to go with the main attraction!
- Anyway, not much else happened. Lee Chambers and Berry ran well, Bosher added a field goal (31-10) and the defense held strong. ‘Canes win! ‘Canes win!

POST GAME
- I will have more in-depth analysis of the team in the coming weeks leading up to the bowl. However, over cigars after the game, the three of us talked about how we thought that 9-3 was the ceiling for this team before the season. And that ain’t bad.

OTHER GAMES I WATCHED

- Texas vs. Texas A&M: This was one hell of a game and one hell of a performance from Colt McCoy. However, I do not know if it was any better than C.J. Spiller against Miami or Toby Gerhart against Notre Dame. They don’t give me a Heisman vote, but still, my current Heisman ballot:
o 1. Spiller
o 2. Mccoy
o 3. Gerhart
o 4. Tebow
o 5. Clausen
- Rutgers vs. Louisville: Really Louisville? Really? It is so embarrassing to think that we lost to this team in the last five years…
- Cincinnati vs. Illinois: The only noteworthy nugget for this one? ‘Cincinnati’ is really hard to spell. And here’s somethin’ else: I think that both TCU and Cincy (and maybe Boise) could beat UF. Or’Bama. Or Texas. They both play some hard nosed defense and explosive offense. Just puttin’ that out there.
- Ohio vs. Temple: Temple is 9-3?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!? When did this happen?
- Auburn vs. Alabama: I swear to God, it is impossible for a team I like to run an effective two minute offense.The ‘Canes? Nope. The ‘Phins? Nope. Anyone playing Florida and Alabama? Nope.
- West Virginia vs. Pitt: Annnnnnd the ‘Neers singlehandedly save my picks for the week. And maybe their coach’s job.

Best Game: Stanford vs. Notre Dame

Best Uniform: The ‘Canes. I like the white shoes…

Game Ball Goes To: Gerhart and McCoy. Duh. NOT Mark Ingram.

Worst Uniform: LSU, for messing up a great helmet. Breathe easy, Mizzou.

Trojan Enz © Boner of the Week Award: Stanford, for almost letting Golden Tate (the same guy that had destroyed them ALL GAME) beat them by playing soft coverage on the final drive of the game. Luckily, they managed to hang on. But still. Big time mess up.

Non-BCS Name You Should Know: Al Golden, Temple coach. They’re 9-3?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Always guard the inbound passer.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hello All,

Well, I am about to pass out after a delicous sampling of broccoli, hash brown and green bean casseroles, turkey, stuffing, rolls, mushroom gravy, cranberry jelly and heart failure on one plate. Props to Mama Stein.

Therefore, this will be quick. Hopefully, when the Stein boys make their sojourn to Tampa for the game, they will not be forced to deal with obnoxious USF fans after a loss.

And to answer your question, yes, they are obnoxious. Kind of like Rutgers fans. Only they've accomplished even less. Also, I know this because I had to spend ten days in Israel with a literal busload of them. Sigh.

USF's D is pretty solid, rankig 23rd in the nation overall. However, their offense is meidocre, ranking 53rd nationally in scoring and 61st overall. They also are 99th in the country in sacks allowed. Maybe the strengths will ne negated by Miami's new uniforms...

BREAKDOWN

QB: B.J. Daniels leads the Bulls in both passing and rushing. He can escape the pocket, extend plays and attack the middle of the field, although he completes just over half of his passes. Jacory will be under pressure all day and will need the running game to support him. His job does not get easier with Jason Fox listed as doubtful. Still, in a pure passing comparison, Harris is better. EDGE: Even

RB: Damien Berry and Graig Cooper are running well. USF's quarterback is their leading rusher. EDGE: Miami

Receiver: USF has Jessie Hester, A.J. Love and big play guy Carlton Mitchell. Miami has their arsenal. Both teams will hit big plays. Miami has more talent by the numbers, giving them the slight edge. EDGE: Miami

Offensive Line: Jason Fox is doubtful. USF has two of the best defensive ends in college football. EDGE: USF

Defensive Line: George Selvie and Jason Pierre-Paul go up against a thin Miami line, and Miami has struggled to get pressure. The Bulls rank 35th in the nation is TFL and 36th in sacks per game. EDGE: USF

Linebacker: Daryl Sharpton and Colin Mccarthy have played well in recent weeks. Kion Wilson leads USF in tackles. EDGE: Even

Secondary: Miami's problem is schematic, not talent. USF does not have the same problem. EDGE: USF

Special Teams: USF ranks 82nd in net punting, 91st in punt returns and 101st in kick returns. Miami has been spotty at times, but they are much better than that. EDGE: Miami

Coaching: Well, Jim Leavitt is a nut job. But he gets the most out of his team. Miami's biggest problem is time management. In a close game, that could be huge. EDGE: USF

And there you have one of the most depressing breakdowns of the season. Maybe it's the turkey talking.

PICKS (Rivalries Edition)

Houston over Rice: Dozens of people celebrate in Houston. I do not think the riot police will have to be called up.

LSU over Arkansas

Texas over Texas A&M: Although, "Saw 'Em Off" and "Gig 'Em Aggies" are two of my favorite sayings in sports. The first of the "Big Three" ends in an anticlimactic non-upset. But wait for it.

West Virginia over Pitt: Mini-upset in the "Backyard Brawl"...coolest rivalry name in college football, followed closely by the "Civil War".

UNC over NC St.

Clemson over South Carolina: How does Spiller not win the Heisman in this mediocre season?

Ole Miss over Mississippi State: The "Magnolia Bowl" and the "Egg Bowl". Rebs, I love ya. Really, you're great. But you got rivalry nicknames like a dickhead.

Oklahoma over Oklahoma State: Bedlam! Funny, the 'Pokes actually think they have a shot. So cute.

Vagina Tech over Virginia: Bye bye Al. Thanks for the memories. Dick.

Utah over BYU: The "Holy War" is surprisingly not as good a nickname as you would think. It just doesn't do anything for me. Sad. Looks so good on paper.

Georgia Tech over Georgia: "Clean, Old Fashioned Hate". Now there's a nickname. And the one way Miami keeps looking better each week...GT winning and winning big.

UF over FSU: Still not the "Big Three" upset...

UPSET SPECIAL: Auburn over Alabama

Boom! I think 'Bama has been flirting with something like this, and then Sports Illustrated puts Mark Ingram on the cover. Done and done. Finally, in this underwhelming college football season mostly devoid of drama (except for every Miami game, seemingly), something shocking happens. Sadly, to the wrong team.

Happy holiday, hope to see you Saturday!

Always guard the inbound passer.

Home Field Advantage?

Hello All,

Once again, there will be no running diary.

I know what you are probably thinking: "What will I do without a running diary for the Duke game?!?!?!?!?!?!"

I know, I know, most of you out there have come to rely on this to help get you through the week. The groundswell of reader feedback has resonated on te highest levels, as my campaign for a Nobel is really starting to hit its stride.

However, today I want to address a topic I have talked about before, only in greater depth.

After the game the other day, a friend texted me and asked "how can we POSSIBLY struggle against Duke AT HOME?".

I thought about it for a second and then realized that this was the easiest question to answer about the entire season:

Miami has zero home field advantage.

Exhibit A: Joe Robbie was teeming with about 38,200 announced people on Saturday. Capacity? 75,540, according to the stadium's official website. Really? A 7-3 team full of young, talented players in their home finale featuring a star quarterback FROM MIAMI and they played the game in a half full stadium? Speechless.

Exhibit B: At various points, Jacory was booed throughout the game. The starting quarterback. For the home team. Was booed. The same guy that finsished the game with 300+ passing yards and two touchdowns was booed. Here's an interesting fact: Jacory won ACC Quarterback of the Week awards for his play. That is in fact the same Jacory that was booed. At home. Another interesting fact: he did all this with a thumb that might be broken. On his throwing hand.

Exhibit C: I went to school there for four years, meaning I sat in the student section for roughly 30 games in the past five seasons, meaning this would actually be more like Exhibits C-ZZZ. I have never, EVER, seen a group of people that goes quiet quicker or with more staying power than a Miami crowd. First of all, the players usually run through the smoke to relative silence, mostly because it takes the students (the key component to any college football crowd) until about halfway through the first quarter to stream in from the tailgate. Then, the crowd only cheers when asked to by the mascot, paying more attention to their drink than the game. And if the players struggle? Well, they might as well not bother playing the rest of the game, because when faced with adversity, Miami students by and large show tremendous ability to shut up or, worse, start booing. As one message boarder said rather eloquently: "I am glad our players don't have the same attitude as our fans, otherwise we would only have 3 wins this season."

First, two caveats.

Most of my observations are only about the student section, which is a limited sample. Miami's crowds are a bit different because there are so few students in the first place, but still, I think the student section makes a difference. Passion is contagious, and if the students were to stay passionate throughout the game, many others would feed off of it. Therefore, this sample works.

Second,the top 5% of Miami fans are as good as the top 5% of any college's fans. Period. They are intelligent, passionate and loyal. These are the types that know the program well. They know that this team was nothing for 40 years, rose to prominence only to fall again, rose back to the top and now finds itself working out of another valley. They know better than to boo a quarterback who has been arguably the most valuable player in all of college football (yeah, I said it) after a few bad throws in a noon game against a bad team. Or, to boo at all. This is not directed at the top 5%.

Glad we have that out of the way. Now, let's get to the heart of the issue.

1st, I have theorized for years that a lot of the problem is where the university draws its students from. There is a heavy Noertheastern influence. This in and of itself is not a bad thing, I really have nothing against New York and New Jersey (well, I do dislike New Jersey and most people from there, but who's counting?). However, college football is an afterthought. The closest thing to a big-time football team in the northeast is Rutgers or Boston College. Not exactly powerhouses. Good football up there means professional footbally, a wholly different animal. In the pros, people get paid. It is still not right to boo the home team there, but I understand it. Players make money and therefore should produce results. Expectations are a Super Bowl every season or bust. Any season not ending in a Super Bowl is an unmitigated failure. Period. that is all well and good, but that is not what college football is about. LSU fans may be obnoxious, but they at least understand the game. UF might be the Anti-Christ, but there is no denying that their fans bring it every game. If Tim Tebow plays poorly you can bet your ass they will not boo him. They understand that they wouldn't be anywhere without him, and they understand that their team might not win every game. Losing doesn't make them happy, but it also doesn't do anything to their passion. College football is ingrained in these people. It runs in their blood. So it is understandable that a student body made up of southeasterners is more inclined to embrace a struggling college team than a student body made up of Yankees. However, that doesn't mean Miami students get to act like assholes. It means they have extra work to do to figure it out and not let their douche-baggy nature lead them astray. Otherwise, I'd rather they stay home and watch replays of the Jets game from the week before and fondle themselves to the new Ed Hardy catalog.

Second, the booing issue is one that doesn't really need much explanation. You don't fucking boo your own team. You just don't. Think about how upset you'd be if the football team sat over your shoulder while you took a math test or compiled an Excel document at work...and then they booed when you messed up. You wouldn't respond well, would you? Remember when Vince Young went missing after being booed at home and people thought he might harm himself? That's how big an impact it can have. Vince Young, Mr. All World Profesional Quarterback, was so rattled the cops had to be sent to find him. If anything, you bite your lower lip, take a deep breath and then cheer LOUDER when your team is losing.

Third, you shouldn't have to rely on a mascot or a teleprompter to tell you when to make noise. I used to think that homefield advantage was a myth, and that the football took care of itself. I have argued for hours about this with my friend Ty. Hours. I still think that people make too big a deal of it when their team wins. But I have begun to reform my view. This season, I have begun to realize that there are certain areas of each game when teams need a boost. There is no such thing as a perfect game. Every team on Miami's schedule sees Miami as a huge game, no matter our record. There will be times in each of these battles when things are going against the 'Canes and the crowd can help swing things in the 'Canes favor. And yet, more and more as each campaign wears on, Miami crowds dissapear when needed. The crowd's decibel-level should not be dictated by the play on the field. It should be dictated by love of the university and love of the team. Fans should also know when they are supposed to be cheering, which brings us to our next point...

You should be watching the fucking game. Stop trying to hit on the girl next to you. Maybe 10 beers at the tailgate was enough and you don't need another one right now; maybe it can wait until halftime. Girls, I understand that not all of you are intense football fans. That doesn't give you an excuse to get sloppy-drunk and make a scene. It means you should just keep cheering, even if you're not sure why. And for the love of God, do not get mad at your boyfriend when he pays more attention to the game than you. It's his one time of the week when he is allowed to not have to deal with you. Embrace it. It could save the relationship! (I could actually write a book about how women should act at sporting events, including a requirement to wear a sundress of some kind, but I will stop here.)

Next, you should be getting in to the stadium on time. This doesn't mean at kickoff, it means at least 20 minutes before, so that you can be there for the pre-game intro that sets the mood for the game. Done and done. Imagine being a player and running out of the famed Miami smoke and emerging in to...nothing. Kind of a drain on your enthusiasm, no?

Another issue is that Miami fans are notorious bandwagon jumpers. At the beginning of the season, people rushed to join a group called "Jacory Harris for Heisman 2009". Well, I would be willing to bet a million dollars that a lot of those same people were the ones booing him on Saturday. Think the people who were chanting "Berry" on Saturday knew who he was at the beginning of the season. The majority probably didn't even care. And as soon as he has a bad game. I dread the crowd reaction...

I guess the final point is to give some Michael Scott advice:

Whenever you are going to do something, ask yourself whether an idiot would do that thing. If the answer is "yes", do not do that thing.

some examples might include:

"Would an idiot jeer an opposing player being carried off on a gurney?" Answer: Yes

"Would an idiot try to start a fight with the guy next to him over a comment like 'Hey bro, calm down.'" Answer: Yes

"Would an idiot shush someone during a FOOTBALL game?" Answer: Yes

The beautiful thing about this question is that it always works. Try it on anything. The result is stunning: you end up only doing the smart, classy thing.

Say what you want about other fans, but no one can say that LSU or UF or Penn State or Ole Miss doesn't have a homefield advantage. Their fans might be classless, racist, smarmy, stupid, redneck, crass, drunk or otherwise, but during a football game in their stadium that dissapears (for the most part) and they focus on trying to do whatever they can to help their team win. In the parking lot after? Maybe a different story. At halftime? Maybe a different story. But they are doing something right, and until Miami fans, particularly the student section, get more like them, no one should ever complain about Miami stuggling at home as opposed to on the road.

This was pretty much all I could think about after the WIN the other day. As if reading my mind, Russo sent me the following e-mail:

"Just in case you haven't written your post game blog yet I have some things for you to consider. That crowd on Saturday was bullshit. The vibe was terrible, no energy. It also reminded me yet again this season how "fair weather" most Miami fans are. The Berry chants were entertaining at first but all of the people chanting Berry over and over again were the same ones who either had no idea who Damien Berry was before this season or scoffed at the idea of him getting playing time. As soon as he has a bad game he will be dropped again. And you do NOTTTT boo your own quarterback no matter how many interceptions he throws!!! Especially when he has an injury on his throwing hand. I was appalled and you would have been too."

This, ladies and gentleman, from a girl that spent her formative years in Virginia and really only became a Miami fan four years ago. Four years in, and she already gets IT. Maybe I should've just copy-pasted this e-mail instead of writing all this. Really, it is as simple as that one paragraph. And yet, seemingly so difficult...

Always guard the inbound passer.

Al Groh Sleeps With the Fishes

Hello All,

This was a big weekend for Stein on the Sidelines, and you will see why as you read this.

But allow me to begin by saying I cannot stand Virginia. I have had dreams for roughly two years about smacking Virginia so hard that they had to fire their coach. Seriously. That exact scenario. Why am I dreaming about this? Well, good question. Anyway, there was no way we could have won this game by enough points. Miami could beat Virginia 220-0 (the actual score of a game between Georgia Tech and Cumberland College about 100 years ago…look it up) and I would still want more.

You see, I consider the Orange Bowl a major part of my development as a person. It was the site of some of the ‘Canes greatest triumphs and most devastating defeats, which by extension made it the sight of some of my greatest triumphs and most devastating defeats.

When Miami and Virginia played the final game there, I knew that we were a bad team. I wasn’t naïve. But still, I thought that the Old Girl had at least one more magic night in store for me, one more look back in time. I actually wrote an article about the game after I got back that night that won an award for best sports article of any college student at any college newspaper in Florida for the year 2007. Needless to say, I had a deep connection with that place.

Well, Virginia essentially shit on Her when she was on her death bed. They beat the ‘Canes 48-0 that night, which is bad enough, but they did it in almost mean-spirited fashion, running up the score on a bad team under a first year head coach. For this, I will never forgive them. And that is why I didn’t drink on game day this year. I had a feeling this was going to be a slaughter.

And I wanted to be aware of every single crushing inch. I wanted to see Virginia hurt. I wanted to see Al Groh run out of town, floated out on a fishing boat in to the middle of the lake and then shot in the back of the head (just wait, there will be at least one more Godfather II reference…PS, I mean this in a very non-literal sense, I would not ACTUALLY like to see him shot, maybe just pushed overboard, just to make this analogy work…as far as you know).

I made the trip to Miami just so I could watch it happen in person. Let’s just say that Randy did a pretty damn good job of appeasing me.

1st QTR

• As if to prove that, yes, he is the most badass man on the field at all times, Damien Berry, our new star running back, just ran down the field and destroyed the Cavalier return man on the opening kickoff. I love it.
• Jared Campbell makes two big plays back to back, nearly getting a Pick 6, and the ‘Canes force a punt. Yes, THAT Jared Campbell. Formerly known as the "Corpse Known as Jared Campbell", now known as a solid run-supporting safety on a good football team.
• Miami drives down the field but stalls out thanks to a penalty (WHAT?! Miami got called for a penalty? Get outta town!) and kicks a field goal. Solid start. (3-0 UM)
• Jacory throws a bad pick on Miami’s next possession, throwing it directly to Virginia’s best player. You know, I’m not even mad. I’ve come to terms with it. Once or twice a game, Jacory will still do something foolish. It’s just how it is. I love him at quarterback, for a lot of reasons. I guess this is the tradeoff for actually having a quarterback I like on AND off the field for once.
• Virginia kicks a field goal. (3-3)
• Miami then follows with a 3 and Out (Whipple seems to be trying to wear them down in the first quarter with the run)…and then the punt is blocked, giving Virginia a short field and eventually a touchdown. Deep breaths. (10-3 UVa)
• Jacory comes out and throws a deep ball to LaRon Byrd, and then on the next play hits Hank for a 35 yard touchdown. Annnnd this is why Hank is scary for defenses. He is 6’3”, 220 lbs (at least) and fast enough to make things happen after the catch. Figure the typical ACC corner is like 5’10”, 185 lbs. I don’t even have to say the rest. (10-10)
• …gasping for air…gasping for air…I will spare you the CAPS LOCK and exclamation points, but Thearon Collier just made the play of the year on a punt return. My dad and I just had a full out, genitals on genitals hug in the middle of a crowded stadium...and no one noticed. You know, just your every day “evade two tacklers on the far left sideline, retreat 11 yards as you cross the field, pick up three crushing blocks as you cut it up the right sideline and follow your armada in for a touchdown” number. I haven’t heard a stadium rock like that since Devin Hester against Duke in 2005 (Don't believe me?). The best part? Brandon Harris, his teammate and best friend for years, tackling him in the end zone during the celebration after Virginia couldn’t. Second best part? The blocking. Third best part? The play took 16 seconds. Fourth best? Doc Walker on the call, which is always a must listen. HOLLA BACK!!!!!!!!! (17-10 UM)

2nd QTR

• Now, Miami smells blood. The defense comes out guns blazin’, and Randy Shannon takes a brilliant timeout (as pointed out by Darrin Smith postgame) that forces UVa to punt in to the massive wind with :02 seconds left in the quarter instead of into the wind after the TV timeout. The result? A shanked punt and great field positions, which sets up a big play to Travis Benjamin and a touchdown pass to Jimmy Graham on a play that me, my dad, my buddy Chris and pretty much everyone but Al Groh predicted. (24-10 UM)
• SIDENOTE: I get the whole “timeouts at the end of the halves” thing. But really, it only applies when it hurts you. Randy is not great with time management, which I recognize. However, just because a timeout is called outside of the final five minutes of a half does not make it a bad timeout. They are there to be used, and I would rather use them to make sure everyone is on the same page before a big third down or to get the formation right early than save them for when they MIGHT be needed. I cannot think of many times this season when we have needed a timeout and not been able to call one (minus the Clemson game, you probably can’t either). Also, thanks to this timeout (which turned out to be genius), I got to listen to the mulleted, drunk, sleeveless, sunburned loudmouth (wait, is this Gainesville?) 3 rows back bitch at the top of his lungs about how we suck. Again. It kills me how I didn’t hear him cheer once when something good happened (like, say, a 35 yard touchdown reception or ridiculous punt return) but every time a mistake was made (how dare we not be PERFECT?!) he couldn’t wait to jump on it. Love it.
• On Miami’s next drive, Coop rips off a pretty 15 yard run to set the ‘Canes up well, but they cannot convert 4th down (a call I loved, by the way).
• Before halftime, Steven Wesley makes a big sack (the d-line is getting a lot of pressure, which is amazing, considering the ENITRE defense hinges on pressure from the front 4). However, Miami is forced to punt on their next drive, which is blocked and returned for a touchdown. Well, so much for all that momentum. Is there a more crushing play than a blocked punt score? Is there? I cannot think of one. The entire point of punting is to surrender a chance to score in order to gain field positions. YOU ARE SURRENDERING. And Miami can’t even do that right? This is a trigger for gray hair I think. (24-17 UM)

Second Half

• After a prolonged opening drive, Berry walks in to the end zone. (31-17 UM)
• Miami quickly gets the ball back, and Berry rips off a 15 yard run.
• Lee Chambers has a big series, leading to the biggest play of the half…
• Jacory is sacked and Virginia’s player tries to rip his head off. On the ground, the ball comes out, and in trying to grab it, the Virginia player (who outweighs Jacory by about 100 pounds) hits Jacory in the face. This looks worse than it probably was. However, Jacory didn’t like it (who would?) and started pushing the guy after the play. Well, Orlando Franklin and Jason Fox see that their quarterback is about to make a bad decision and take it upon themselves to break it up/make sure the ‘Hoos think twice before ever going near their quarterback again. The ensuing pushing and shoving looks for a split second like the FIU brawl all over again before everyone is broken up. The refs then take five full minutes to call the facemask personal foul on UVa, in the process turning an entire stadium against them and waking everyone up from the 3rd quarter alcohol lull. Jacory is mad because he got hit in the face, Randy is mad at the refs, and the rest of the team is mad because Jacory and Randy are mad. Think this isn’t important? Well, before this, Randy was putting the team in to “sit on the lead” mode. After? He responded like Michael Corleone when Diane Keaton tells him about her abortion. Cold. Calculated. Merciless.
• I don’t remember when the fourth quarter started, but the rest of the game was nothing short of a bloodbath.
• Berry scores another TD. (38-17 UM)
• Cooper rips off a 70 yard run, Epps smashes his way to the 4 after catching a pass in the flat, and Coop cashes it in. (45-17 UM)
• Marcus Robinson gets a sack, which brings up this great stat: UVa up to that point was 0-10 on 3rd Down.
• Micanor Regis gets his team leading first interception (yes, he DOES play defensive tackle) as Andrew Smith, Olivier Vernon and Jeremy Lewis play a little game of “meet me at the quarterback”.
• Miami caps it all off by THROWING for a touchdown to Kendall Thompkins. (52-17 UM) YES! YES! A thousand times yes!

Postgame

• I don’t even have to say it. This was an epic beat down that really should have been more like 66-3. And you know what, my only regret is that it wasn’t. I hope Randy said something to Al after the game like “Hey, feel free to apply for my open Special Teams Coordinator position” or “I know it was you Alfred…” or “Go Fuck Yourself” after the game. Also, this is why we love Jacory: "They think just because I'm skinny I won't retaliate,'' Harris said after the game. ``I just told [the offensive line], I'm glad you got my back, didn't leave me out there alone. Sometimes, you're just doing everything for show. But what you really want is for somebody to come grab you and hold you back.'' Hey, at least he's honest.

Other Games I Watched

• Wake Forest vs. Georgia Tech: And just when you think Wake couldn’t be any more annoying, they anally rape us by choking away this game.
• LSU vs. Alabama: Whatever.
• Navy vs. Notre Dame: YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Didn’t actually watch the Cal game, but here’s to a speedy recovery for Jahvid Best, one of the most electrifying players I have ever seen.
• FSU vs. Clemson: Same to Ponder

Best Game: Miami vs. Virginia. Nothing is better than that.

Best Uniform: UCLA (our first two time winner!)

Game Ball Goes To: C.J. Spiller

Worst Uniform: Arizona State

Trojan Enz © Boner of the Week Award: Wake Forest, for wasting a Turnover on Downs with a minute left when they only needed to go about 30 yards for the game winning field goal. Unbelievable.

Non-BCS Name You Should Know: The entire Navy roster, my new second favorite team. The streak is over! Free at last, free at last! Lord have mercy, I'm free at last!

Always guard the inbound passer.