Pain Heals, Chicks Dig Scars, Glory Lasts Forever

Hello All,

Every summer, I write up a preview of what to expect from the roster the next season. This is my fourth year doing it. Which means the fourth year in a row I will be giving a ceiling and floor for the Northwestern Crew. Weird.

WARNING: There are a lot of parenthetical asides here…not really sure how this happened but it did. I’m like the Larry King of the ‘Canes world. I can’t figure out if I should be proud of it or not.

QB

Last season started with Jacory as a fringe Heisman Candidate and ended with me being thoroughly convinced that the skinny true freshman who was supposed to redshirt and be a career backup was the best option for the team. Combined, the ‘Canes QBs lead the nation in interceptions thrown, which, it turns out, means you lose a lot of games. The battle is ongoing for who will start. Smart money is on Jacory to win the job, but both have a lot of work to do.

Jacory Harris, Sr.

One final season - this time, it’s for keeps.

(Sorry, I was just trying to figure out what the tag line would be if they made “Transformers 4” about Jacory’s senior year)

I can remember two other times coming into a QB’s senior year just having no clue what I was going to get:

Brock Berlin, 2004

I always thought he was ill-served by Dan Werner, who insisted on keeping him under center. In the middle of the season he was benched, which ignited a small race war in the community as folks debated the “merits” of Berlin and his backup, the immortal Derrick Crudup.

(I think that list looked something like this: Brock Berlin- awesome out of shotgun, which we only run when we are losing in the final 5 minutes, and is white; Derrick Crudup- can run really fast, but unfortunately isn’t so great with the “forward pass”, and is a black guy)

Berlin eventually ended up having an All-ACC type of year (which really speaks to the strength of the ACC more than anything else) and is the answer to the question “When was the last time the Miami Hurricanes had a solid, consistent starting quarterback?” If Jacory has that season this year I will be a very happy man.

Kyle Wright, 2007

I made so many excuses for this guy it wasn’t even funny. I thought he could be Carson Palmer (talented “bust” for 3.5 seasons who finally gets it halfway through his senior year and steals a Heisman trophy) if his o-line would block (sacked 9 times in his first career start), his receivers would catch (Lance Leggett? Ryan Moore? Aikeem Jolla?), he would have the same offensive coordinator for consecutive years (he had 4 in 5 years), he would stop falling asleep behind me in Econ (not that we all didn't, the teacher really sucked- damn it, another excuse)…etc.

I still think some of those excuses have merit.

Bottom line, however, is this: the guy got spooked during his first year as a starter, when he was sacked roughly 749 times, and never recovered from the Happy Feet. Like Footsteps Falco in The Replacements. Except he never got to play as a replacement player, do the Electric Slide in jail as a bonding experience with this teammates, take the city on a feel-good run to the playoffs, improve relations with the deaf or slay the hot cheerleader. I think he is selling pharmaceuticals in the Bay Area. Sigh…

Anyway, back to Jacory.

If you give me “First 6 games Sophomore Year” Jacory Harris, I am happier than my brother when the girl doesn't throw her drink in his face.

If you give me “I Am So Beaten Up From Being Sacked and Playing Hurt / Pissed Off At My Receivers For Dropping Passes That I am Just Going To Go Into a Weirder Place Than Mike Tyson After He Bit Off Evander Holyfield’s Ear and Start Throwing Bad Interceptions That Would Make Brett Favre Blush and Just Go To the Sideline and Stare Straight Ahead” Jacory Harris then…ya know what, just keep him.

Ceiling: Plays with swag, gets the ball to his guys in the right places, does not LEAD THE NATION IN INTERCEPTIONS.
Floor: Have you watched his last, I don’t know, 15 STARTS!?!?!?!?!? THAT is his floor.

Stephen Morris, Sophomore

Very raw (cliché alert!) but has a strong arm, can move around and played with heart. Was the only kid on offense that seemed to be pissed off during the Notre Dame game, and that left a mark on me (not literally). He played with swag (cliché alert!) and lead two memorable late game comebacks, one in a game he really had no shot at (Virginia…thank you Spencer Whipple) and one which he won (Maryland).

(Wow, I can’t believe I just said that we had “memorable comebacks” against Virginia and Maryland. One of which was a futile comeback…meaning we didn’t even win the effing game and it sticks out to me as a highlight of the season. Excuse me for a second while I take a run through morning traffic.)

If everything is equal, I say start him this season and begin moving the transition forward.

Ceiling: Willie Beamen after he throws up
Floor: Willie Beamen before he throws up

Spencer Whipple, ??

Does anyone know how many years this kid has left? Anyone?!?!?!?!

I’m too lazy to look it up because I just assume he is gone after this year anyway. He’s on his third college…somewhere along the line he had to have accrued enough credits to be on major number 7 by now. And hey, maybe he can one day become an offensive coordinator like his dad and call for a strict diet of downfield passing plays even though his quarterbacks clearly operate best out of a run-heavy, play action offense. Not that I’m bitter.

Anyway, if he is playing than the following probably has happened:

Scenario 1: Jacory and Morris were in a tandem bicycling accident (watch out!).

Scenario 2: Jacory slept in because he was up late watching Spongebob and Morris got hurt (hey now!).

Scenario 3: Jacory and Morris BOTH get hurt. At halftime Golden snags the chick that throws the football into the net at halftime during the Maroone halftime contest and SHE gets hurt. Golden tries to sneak Gino Torretta back onto the field from the press box and HE gets hurt. Then, and only then, Golden looks down the bench to Whipple and says “just…go…whatever” as he breathes an exhausted sigh of disbelief.

(In this third scenario, Golden then goes home and calls a hit man while he updates his resume for the Penn State opening)

Ceiling: Looks fantastic in a backwards hat holding the clipboard and signaling in play calls, making Jake Byrne proud.
Floor: Gets on the field and looks like Stein on the Sidelines-too small, too slow, about to soil himself.

Ladies and gentlemen, YOUR Miami Hurricanes quarterbacks!

Also, my next post will be my 100th since I left college. If anyone of my 7 readers has anything they want me to write about in it I would love suggestions. Or I could just post the same non-sense as usual. Either way.

Here's Lookin' at You, Tim

Hello All,

Well, you know it is time for a new blog post when your friend in Azerbaijan tells you it has too long since you put one up.

While I would like to blog more, it has been a little hard to find time since I moved out to the West Coast. Not only did I have to pound the pavement until I found a place to stay (a room in an apartment owned by a sixty year old lady in a neighborhood called Little Ethiopia) and a job (bussing tables at Barney’s Beanery), but I also had to deal with things like avocado on pizza (and sandwiches…and eggs…and as a garnish for cocktails…and pizza; okay I made one of those things up) and cleaning massive amounts of bird crap off Sweet Melissa and half hour drives to move 2 miles and paying 20 bucks a day just to be able to watch the ‘Canes play baseball on the weekends. Anyway, this is the first time I have been able to sit down and write something.

I also realized that I had another problem…there is not much to write about right now. I mean, the firs two things I thought about were meeting Melvin Bratton the other night at work and one of the other busboys I work with, Ricardo, beating Kobe, Lebron, Odom, Carmelo and Barkley in Pop-a-Shot on Jimmy Kimmel Live (and winning a car). Writer’s block, anyone?

Then I remembered that for three years now I have done a player by player breakdown of the roster and have only heard minimal feedback telling me it is stupid. To be honest, I kind of like doing it and then looking back at the end of the season. Plus, I know you are all waiting with baited breath for my next genius, awe-inspiring bit of prose. So without further ado, all aboard.

Quarterback

The Season That Was: Jacory Harris showed that when he is on he is among the best in the nation. However, he also showed a penchant for crippling interceptions, particularly in the North Carolina game.

What Was Lost: Nothing of note. Matt Perelli moved on, which means the ‘Canes need a new holder.

Roll Call

Jacory Harris (Jr.) – Harris will look to grow in his second year in Mark Whipple’s system. This means knowing when to throw it away behind an inexperienced offensive line and when to take a sack. It also means knowing his limits, as in where he can throw the ball and where he opens himself up to interceptions. I expect a big growth season, and if the ‘Canes win enough he will be in the Heisman race.

Spencer Whipple (Jr.) – Whipple transferred in and ran the Scout Team last season. This year he is on scholarship and might get the call off the bench if Jacory were to go down (knockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwood). Smart kid but very limited physically.

A.J. Highsmith (So.) – Ran the second team effectively in limited appearances. A very good athlete who many think will switch to defensive back when Uber-Recruit Teddy Bridgewater arrives in Coral Gables. Personally, I never count out someone whose last name is Highsmith, regardless of position. Also, if I didn't mention this already, I met Melvin Bratton last night.

Stephen Morris (Fr.) – Arrived as an Early-Enrollee and looked good in the Spring Game, but still has a lot of work left to do. Most likely will redshirt.

Running Back

The Season That Was: Graig Cooper broke out as the multi-purpose threat we all knew he could be. Damien Berry broke out as one of the toughest between-the-tackles runners UM has seen in some time. Javarris James once again was limited, but had his moments, such as a 151 yard outburst against Oklahoma. Pat Hill proved that the offense is much more effective when he is on the field then off of it. Mike James filled in ably at fullback and showed glimpses of a bright future.

What Was Lost: Baby J graduated. While he was long a Stein on the Sidelines favorite, he is far from irreplaceable. Tervarris Johnson is gone, but his duties can be absorbed by others after his surprising rise to contributor last year.

Roll Call

Graig Cooper (Sr.) – Coop is showing signs that he will return from his bowl game knee injury at some point this season. Do I think this is smart? No. He needs to sit the year and not come back until he is at full strength. The guy became a real playmaker last season, but his game is predicated on speed. His draft stock will suffer if he comes back and looks slow, which he most likely will. Take your time, rehab and come back 100% Coop. Best case, he comes back at 80% strength and makes a contribution as a runner and receiver. Worst case, he pushes it back too early and does more damage.

Damien Berry (Sr.) – The backup who became the star last year. He runs hard and has a nose for the end zone. Not afraid to run people over, but needs to show more speed and learn to pick up the blitz to become a complete back. Either way, there were games last season that could have been won if he had just been handed the ball more often. Look for big things this season.

Pat Hill (Sr.) – The senior fullback/snow plow will be crucial this season. Not only was the run game more effective early in the season with Hill as the lead blocker, but the passing game was too, as Jacory had more time to sit in the pocket and throw thanks to Hill’s blitz pickup. A healthy Hill could boost Miami’s running attack (which was already good) and help cut down on interceptions.

Lee Chambers (Jr.) – Has shown flashes for years but can’t stay healthy. At this point, it will take a Lion’s effort to keep the young guns from passing him on the depth chart. However, the talent is definitely present, so anything is possible.

Mike James (So.) – Played mostly at fullback last season once Hill was injured but showed the ability to contribute as a pass catcher out of the backfield, pick up the blitz and return kicks last season. With Hill healthy, James will battle for carries all season and should be on the field in third down situations if Berry’s blocking doesn’t improve.

John Calhoun (So.) – Calhoun is a bit of an H-Back type that hasn’t shown much yet. He will be relied on if Hill were to go down again and might see some snaps at tight end. Think of the contribution Tervarris Johnson made last season and envision Calhoun in a similar role.

Lamar Miller (R-Fr.) – Miller is one of the fastest guys on the team and a real home run threat who say out last season. He will figure to be in the return game conversation as well as the running back rotation. Probably the most exciting name on this list. Like Lindsay Lohan before she lost her boobs.

Storm Johnson (Fr.) – Early enrollee that impressed everyone with his combination of size and speed but more than likely will redshirt due to sheer numbers. A very good problem to have. Could be a future superstar, like Melvin Bratton, who I met last night.

Eduardo Clements (Fr.) – Maybe the fastest guy in this group aside from Miller and a dangerous guy out of the slot as well. Mark Whipple loves his pass catching ability and might create a role for him in this year’s offense. However, there has also been rumor that he will move over to DB, which would certainly necessitate a redshirt.

Darrion Hall (Fr.) – Hard runner who is probably the sleeper of this running back roster. After a ‘shirt, he might be the one most likely to surprise people.

Maurice Hagens (Fr.) – A big, muscular kid to play fullback and take over for Hill. Depending upon Calhoun’s performance and Hill’s health, Hagens might have to see the field this season.

Always guard the inbound passer. And remember, I met Melvin Bratton last night.