Here's Lookin' at You, Tim

Hello All,

Well, you know it is time for a new blog post when your friend in Azerbaijan tells you it has too long since you put one up.

While I would like to blog more, it has been a little hard to find time since I moved out to the West Coast. Not only did I have to pound the pavement until I found a place to stay (a room in an apartment owned by a sixty year old lady in a neighborhood called Little Ethiopia) and a job (bussing tables at Barney’s Beanery), but I also had to deal with things like avocado on pizza (and sandwiches…and eggs…and as a garnish for cocktails…and pizza; okay I made one of those things up) and cleaning massive amounts of bird crap off Sweet Melissa and half hour drives to move 2 miles and paying 20 bucks a day just to be able to watch the ‘Canes play baseball on the weekends. Anyway, this is the first time I have been able to sit down and write something.

I also realized that I had another problem…there is not much to write about right now. I mean, the firs two things I thought about were meeting Melvin Bratton the other night at work and one of the other busboys I work with, Ricardo, beating Kobe, Lebron, Odom, Carmelo and Barkley in Pop-a-Shot on Jimmy Kimmel Live (and winning a car). Writer’s block, anyone?

Then I remembered that for three years now I have done a player by player breakdown of the roster and have only heard minimal feedback telling me it is stupid. To be honest, I kind of like doing it and then looking back at the end of the season. Plus, I know you are all waiting with baited breath for my next genius, awe-inspiring bit of prose. So without further ado, all aboard.

Quarterback

The Season That Was: Jacory Harris showed that when he is on he is among the best in the nation. However, he also showed a penchant for crippling interceptions, particularly in the North Carolina game.

What Was Lost: Nothing of note. Matt Perelli moved on, which means the ‘Canes need a new holder.

Roll Call

Jacory Harris (Jr.) – Harris will look to grow in his second year in Mark Whipple’s system. This means knowing when to throw it away behind an inexperienced offensive line and when to take a sack. It also means knowing his limits, as in where he can throw the ball and where he opens himself up to interceptions. I expect a big growth season, and if the ‘Canes win enough he will be in the Heisman race.

Spencer Whipple (Jr.) – Whipple transferred in and ran the Scout Team last season. This year he is on scholarship and might get the call off the bench if Jacory were to go down (knockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwood). Smart kid but very limited physically.

A.J. Highsmith (So.) – Ran the second team effectively in limited appearances. A very good athlete who many think will switch to defensive back when Uber-Recruit Teddy Bridgewater arrives in Coral Gables. Personally, I never count out someone whose last name is Highsmith, regardless of position. Also, if I didn't mention this already, I met Melvin Bratton last night.

Stephen Morris (Fr.) – Arrived as an Early-Enrollee and looked good in the Spring Game, but still has a lot of work left to do. Most likely will redshirt.

Running Back

The Season That Was: Graig Cooper broke out as the multi-purpose threat we all knew he could be. Damien Berry broke out as one of the toughest between-the-tackles runners UM has seen in some time. Javarris James once again was limited, but had his moments, such as a 151 yard outburst against Oklahoma. Pat Hill proved that the offense is much more effective when he is on the field then off of it. Mike James filled in ably at fullback and showed glimpses of a bright future.

What Was Lost: Baby J graduated. While he was long a Stein on the Sidelines favorite, he is far from irreplaceable. Tervarris Johnson is gone, but his duties can be absorbed by others after his surprising rise to contributor last year.

Roll Call

Graig Cooper (Sr.) – Coop is showing signs that he will return from his bowl game knee injury at some point this season. Do I think this is smart? No. He needs to sit the year and not come back until he is at full strength. The guy became a real playmaker last season, but his game is predicated on speed. His draft stock will suffer if he comes back and looks slow, which he most likely will. Take your time, rehab and come back 100% Coop. Best case, he comes back at 80% strength and makes a contribution as a runner and receiver. Worst case, he pushes it back too early and does more damage.

Damien Berry (Sr.) – The backup who became the star last year. He runs hard and has a nose for the end zone. Not afraid to run people over, but needs to show more speed and learn to pick up the blitz to become a complete back. Either way, there were games last season that could have been won if he had just been handed the ball more often. Look for big things this season.

Pat Hill (Sr.) – The senior fullback/snow plow will be crucial this season. Not only was the run game more effective early in the season with Hill as the lead blocker, but the passing game was too, as Jacory had more time to sit in the pocket and throw thanks to Hill’s blitz pickup. A healthy Hill could boost Miami’s running attack (which was already good) and help cut down on interceptions.

Lee Chambers (Jr.) – Has shown flashes for years but can’t stay healthy. At this point, it will take a Lion’s effort to keep the young guns from passing him on the depth chart. However, the talent is definitely present, so anything is possible.

Mike James (So.) – Played mostly at fullback last season once Hill was injured but showed the ability to contribute as a pass catcher out of the backfield, pick up the blitz and return kicks last season. With Hill healthy, James will battle for carries all season and should be on the field in third down situations if Berry’s blocking doesn’t improve.

John Calhoun (So.) – Calhoun is a bit of an H-Back type that hasn’t shown much yet. He will be relied on if Hill were to go down again and might see some snaps at tight end. Think of the contribution Tervarris Johnson made last season and envision Calhoun in a similar role.

Lamar Miller (R-Fr.) – Miller is one of the fastest guys on the team and a real home run threat who say out last season. He will figure to be in the return game conversation as well as the running back rotation. Probably the most exciting name on this list. Like Lindsay Lohan before she lost her boobs.

Storm Johnson (Fr.) – Early enrollee that impressed everyone with his combination of size and speed but more than likely will redshirt due to sheer numbers. A very good problem to have. Could be a future superstar, like Melvin Bratton, who I met last night.

Eduardo Clements (Fr.) – Maybe the fastest guy in this group aside from Miller and a dangerous guy out of the slot as well. Mark Whipple loves his pass catching ability and might create a role for him in this year’s offense. However, there has also been rumor that he will move over to DB, which would certainly necessitate a redshirt.

Darrion Hall (Fr.) – Hard runner who is probably the sleeper of this running back roster. After a ‘shirt, he might be the one most likely to surprise people.

Maurice Hagens (Fr.) – A big, muscular kid to play fullback and take over for Hill. Depending upon Calhoun’s performance and Hill’s health, Hagens might have to see the field this season.

Always guard the inbound passer. And remember, I met Melvin Bratton last night.

Al Groh Sleeps With the Fishes

Hello All,

This was a big weekend for Stein on the Sidelines, and you will see why as you read this.

But allow me to begin by saying I cannot stand Virginia. I have had dreams for roughly two years about smacking Virginia so hard that they had to fire their coach. Seriously. That exact scenario. Why am I dreaming about this? Well, good question. Anyway, there was no way we could have won this game by enough points. Miami could beat Virginia 220-0 (the actual score of a game between Georgia Tech and Cumberland College about 100 years ago…look it up) and I would still want more.

You see, I consider the Orange Bowl a major part of my development as a person. It was the site of some of the ‘Canes greatest triumphs and most devastating defeats, which by extension made it the sight of some of my greatest triumphs and most devastating defeats.

When Miami and Virginia played the final game there, I knew that we were a bad team. I wasn’t naïve. But still, I thought that the Old Girl had at least one more magic night in store for me, one more look back in time. I actually wrote an article about the game after I got back that night that won an award for best sports article of any college student at any college newspaper in Florida for the year 2007. Needless to say, I had a deep connection with that place.

Well, Virginia essentially shit on Her when she was on her death bed. They beat the ‘Canes 48-0 that night, which is bad enough, but they did it in almost mean-spirited fashion, running up the score on a bad team under a first year head coach. For this, I will never forgive them. And that is why I didn’t drink on game day this year. I had a feeling this was going to be a slaughter.

And I wanted to be aware of every single crushing inch. I wanted to see Virginia hurt. I wanted to see Al Groh run out of town, floated out on a fishing boat in to the middle of the lake and then shot in the back of the head (just wait, there will be at least one more Godfather II reference…PS, I mean this in a very non-literal sense, I would not ACTUALLY like to see him shot, maybe just pushed overboard, just to make this analogy work…as far as you know).

I made the trip to Miami just so I could watch it happen in person. Let’s just say that Randy did a pretty damn good job of appeasing me.

1st QTR

• As if to prove that, yes, he is the most badass man on the field at all times, Damien Berry, our new star running back, just ran down the field and destroyed the Cavalier return man on the opening kickoff. I love it.
• Jared Campbell makes two big plays back to back, nearly getting a Pick 6, and the ‘Canes force a punt. Yes, THAT Jared Campbell. Formerly known as the "Corpse Known as Jared Campbell", now known as a solid run-supporting safety on a good football team.
• Miami drives down the field but stalls out thanks to a penalty (WHAT?! Miami got called for a penalty? Get outta town!) and kicks a field goal. Solid start. (3-0 UM)
• Jacory throws a bad pick on Miami’s next possession, throwing it directly to Virginia’s best player. You know, I’m not even mad. I’ve come to terms with it. Once or twice a game, Jacory will still do something foolish. It’s just how it is. I love him at quarterback, for a lot of reasons. I guess this is the tradeoff for actually having a quarterback I like on AND off the field for once.
• Virginia kicks a field goal. (3-3)
• Miami then follows with a 3 and Out (Whipple seems to be trying to wear them down in the first quarter with the run)…and then the punt is blocked, giving Virginia a short field and eventually a touchdown. Deep breaths. (10-3 UVa)
• Jacory comes out and throws a deep ball to LaRon Byrd, and then on the next play hits Hank for a 35 yard touchdown. Annnnd this is why Hank is scary for defenses. He is 6’3”, 220 lbs (at least) and fast enough to make things happen after the catch. Figure the typical ACC corner is like 5’10”, 185 lbs. I don’t even have to say the rest. (10-10)
• …gasping for air…gasping for air…I will spare you the CAPS LOCK and exclamation points, but Thearon Collier just made the play of the year on a punt return. My dad and I just had a full out, genitals on genitals hug in the middle of a crowded stadium...and no one noticed. You know, just your every day “evade two tacklers on the far left sideline, retreat 11 yards as you cross the field, pick up three crushing blocks as you cut it up the right sideline and follow your armada in for a touchdown” number. I haven’t heard a stadium rock like that since Devin Hester against Duke in 2005 (Don't believe me?). The best part? Brandon Harris, his teammate and best friend for years, tackling him in the end zone during the celebration after Virginia couldn’t. Second best part? The blocking. Third best part? The play took 16 seconds. Fourth best? Doc Walker on the call, which is always a must listen. HOLLA BACK!!!!!!!!! (17-10 UM)

2nd QTR

• Now, Miami smells blood. The defense comes out guns blazin’, and Randy Shannon takes a brilliant timeout (as pointed out by Darrin Smith postgame) that forces UVa to punt in to the massive wind with :02 seconds left in the quarter instead of into the wind after the TV timeout. The result? A shanked punt and great field positions, which sets up a big play to Travis Benjamin and a touchdown pass to Jimmy Graham on a play that me, my dad, my buddy Chris and pretty much everyone but Al Groh predicted. (24-10 UM)
• SIDENOTE: I get the whole “timeouts at the end of the halves” thing. But really, it only applies when it hurts you. Randy is not great with time management, which I recognize. However, just because a timeout is called outside of the final five minutes of a half does not make it a bad timeout. They are there to be used, and I would rather use them to make sure everyone is on the same page before a big third down or to get the formation right early than save them for when they MIGHT be needed. I cannot think of many times this season when we have needed a timeout and not been able to call one (minus the Clemson game, you probably can’t either). Also, thanks to this timeout (which turned out to be genius), I got to listen to the mulleted, drunk, sleeveless, sunburned loudmouth (wait, is this Gainesville?) 3 rows back bitch at the top of his lungs about how we suck. Again. It kills me how I didn’t hear him cheer once when something good happened (like, say, a 35 yard touchdown reception or ridiculous punt return) but every time a mistake was made (how dare we not be PERFECT?!) he couldn’t wait to jump on it. Love it.
• On Miami’s next drive, Coop rips off a pretty 15 yard run to set the ‘Canes up well, but they cannot convert 4th down (a call I loved, by the way).
• Before halftime, Steven Wesley makes a big sack (the d-line is getting a lot of pressure, which is amazing, considering the ENITRE defense hinges on pressure from the front 4). However, Miami is forced to punt on their next drive, which is blocked and returned for a touchdown. Well, so much for all that momentum. Is there a more crushing play than a blocked punt score? Is there? I cannot think of one. The entire point of punting is to surrender a chance to score in order to gain field positions. YOU ARE SURRENDERING. And Miami can’t even do that right? This is a trigger for gray hair I think. (24-17 UM)

Second Half

• After a prolonged opening drive, Berry walks in to the end zone. (31-17 UM)
• Miami quickly gets the ball back, and Berry rips off a 15 yard run.
• Lee Chambers has a big series, leading to the biggest play of the half…
• Jacory is sacked and Virginia’s player tries to rip his head off. On the ground, the ball comes out, and in trying to grab it, the Virginia player (who outweighs Jacory by about 100 pounds) hits Jacory in the face. This looks worse than it probably was. However, Jacory didn’t like it (who would?) and started pushing the guy after the play. Well, Orlando Franklin and Jason Fox see that their quarterback is about to make a bad decision and take it upon themselves to break it up/make sure the ‘Hoos think twice before ever going near their quarterback again. The ensuing pushing and shoving looks for a split second like the FIU brawl all over again before everyone is broken up. The refs then take five full minutes to call the facemask personal foul on UVa, in the process turning an entire stadium against them and waking everyone up from the 3rd quarter alcohol lull. Jacory is mad because he got hit in the face, Randy is mad at the refs, and the rest of the team is mad because Jacory and Randy are mad. Think this isn’t important? Well, before this, Randy was putting the team in to “sit on the lead” mode. After? He responded like Michael Corleone when Diane Keaton tells him about her abortion. Cold. Calculated. Merciless.
• I don’t remember when the fourth quarter started, but the rest of the game was nothing short of a bloodbath.
• Berry scores another TD. (38-17 UM)
• Cooper rips off a 70 yard run, Epps smashes his way to the 4 after catching a pass in the flat, and Coop cashes it in. (45-17 UM)
• Marcus Robinson gets a sack, which brings up this great stat: UVa up to that point was 0-10 on 3rd Down.
• Micanor Regis gets his team leading first interception (yes, he DOES play defensive tackle) as Andrew Smith, Olivier Vernon and Jeremy Lewis play a little game of “meet me at the quarterback”.
• Miami caps it all off by THROWING for a touchdown to Kendall Thompkins. (52-17 UM) YES! YES! A thousand times yes!

Postgame

• I don’t even have to say it. This was an epic beat down that really should have been more like 66-3. And you know what, my only regret is that it wasn’t. I hope Randy said something to Al after the game like “Hey, feel free to apply for my open Special Teams Coordinator position” or “I know it was you Alfred…” or “Go Fuck Yourself” after the game. Also, this is why we love Jacory: "They think just because I'm skinny I won't retaliate,'' Harris said after the game. ``I just told [the offensive line], I'm glad you got my back, didn't leave me out there alone. Sometimes, you're just doing everything for show. But what you really want is for somebody to come grab you and hold you back.'' Hey, at least he's honest.

Other Games I Watched

• Wake Forest vs. Georgia Tech: And just when you think Wake couldn’t be any more annoying, they anally rape us by choking away this game.
• LSU vs. Alabama: Whatever.
• Navy vs. Notre Dame: YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Didn’t actually watch the Cal game, but here’s to a speedy recovery for Jahvid Best, one of the most electrifying players I have ever seen.
• FSU vs. Clemson: Same to Ponder

Best Game: Miami vs. Virginia. Nothing is better than that.

Best Uniform: UCLA (our first two time winner!)

Game Ball Goes To: C.J. Spiller

Worst Uniform: Arizona State

Trojan Enz © Boner of the Week Award: Wake Forest, for wasting a Turnover on Downs with a minute left when they only needed to go about 30 yards for the game winning field goal. Unbelievable.

Non-BCS Name You Should Know: The entire Navy roster, my new second favorite team. The streak is over! Free at last, free at last! Lord have mercy, I'm free at last!

Always guard the inbound passer.