Play Highsmith!...And Other Assorted Non-Sense

Hello All,

Well, I don’t know about you, but I am psyched for the roughly 323 “trick or treat” references the are sure to come during a game matching teams whose primary colors are orange and black AND after anything close to a trick play.

Speaking of excited, let’s take it down a notch on the message boards 'Cane fans. After the loss to Clemson, I learned that Randy Shannon will never be anything more than an 8 win coach, Sean Spence is too small and too slow to play linebacker, every assistant coach needs to be fired, Shannon is really just using the ‘Canes as part of his plan to become a highly paid defensive coordinator at a big-money school, Jacory Harris is the 5th best quarterback in the ACC and the ‘Canes are going to lose out. All of these taken directly from fan message boards…and these are the better boards that I read.

I think everyone is losing sight of the fact that Miami, while it did make a lot of mistakes, was beaten by three in overtime by a talented team, despite committing 4 turnovers and being without several key players. It was a bad loss, but it was not as terrible as it felt. It was the type of game that had the ‘Canes won those same message boarders would be writing about the virtues of Jacory’s calm under pressure and the development of Shannon as a head coach. Those three points, in the eyes of many fans, now serve as the difference between a young, promising program going nowhere but up and a program stuck in the mud.

The reality is that Miami has to put that gut punch loss behind it. The energy around the program turned sour very quickly thanks to the loss, and that is yet another problem to overcome. It is, after all, hard to win when even your biggest fans are telling you how much you suck.

Wake Forest is a tough, well coached team. This will not be a walkover for the ‘Canes, especially when you couple the discipline of the Deacons with their anger coming off two consecutive losses.

So here is the breakdown of what will be a tougher game then most people like to see, message board style.

Quarterback: A message boarder would say that Jacory is an overrated beneficiary of the U on his helmet and that Riley Skinner is by far a better decision maker and therefore quarterback. The reality is that Jacory has been outstanding. He has some turnover issues, but these are created by hanging on to the ball too long while he tries to get the ball downfield. It is a problem, but it is a better problem to have than, say, a quarterback with happy feet. Skinner is definitely solid, boasting a 16-9 touchdown to interception ratio and a ranking inside the Top 20 in national passer rating. EDGE: Miami

Running Back: A message boarder would say that Damien Berry is good and the rest of the backs suck. Bring on Lamar Miller! The reality is that Berry has been the homerun hitter, but both Coop and Baby J have been solid every down workhorses who have the ability to break off a long run. Coop will be the workhorse, as Baby J is out this week, but all three have played well and deserve the carries they will get. Berry , Mike James and Lee Chamber swill have to step up to fill the void. Wake Forest has a steady run game lead by Josh Adams and Kevin Pendergrass; Pendergrass can go the distance. EDGE: Miami

Receivers: A message boarder would say that the crew is underperforming. Why can’t LaRon Byrd who up every game? Why is Aldarious so fragile? Why is Hankerson so slow? Benjamin runs awful routes? This is called “not seeing the forest for the trees”. At least one receiver has been a stud in each game, and the fact that one has not been the clear cut go to guy is more a product of injuries and matchups than anything else. Strength in numbers is the takeaway lesson here. Wake’s Marshall Williams is their biggest homerun threat, and he will make some big plays. EDGE: Miami

Offensive Line: Message boarders would say that the whole group is terrible. In reality, there aren’t any individual studs, but the unit has played very well against teams like Oklahoma and Clemson, so it isn’t all bad even though it isn’t pretty. The problem is that they played down to the level of UCF. I have no idea what they will do this week, but I do know that Wake’s o-line is giving up 2.5 sacks per game and and their scoring offense ranks 83rd in the nation. EDGE: Even

Defensive Line: Message boarders would say that they are all too weak, get no push and should be replaced by true freshmen next year (great logic, right?). Reality is that while Bailey and Marcus Robinson have played well consistently, the line is not at a point yet where it can generate pass rush on its own on every play. It just isn’t. Wake, on the other hand, features John Russell on their line and that’s about it. EDGE: Even

Linebackers: Message boarders would say that Arthur Brown is a bust already (after just over 1.5 seasons) and the already overrated linebackers are screwed without Spence, who is the most overrated. Reality is that the ‘Canes are definitely hurt without Spence (a missile) and Jordan Futch (a crazy person) but will be alright if Ramon Buchanan and Brown can combine to be nothing more than effective taking Spence’s snaps. Wake is lead by Dominique Midgett, but Miami still has McCarthy and Sharpton to bang in the run game. EDGE: Miami

Secondary: Message boarders would say that this is the worst secondary in Miami history and that none of these guys have any business starting because they are not Ed Reed. Well, it is true they are not Ed Reed. It is ridiculous to expect that. Lost in the confusion last week is that the secondary played pretty well, and that it was the linebackers that got shredded in pass coverage. Brandon Harris is a stud, but the safeties have yet to be tested much in coverage (meaning we know NOTHING about their skills). Wake is lead by Kenny Okoro at corner and Cyhl Quarles back deep. They will, as always, be well coached and disciplined in their schemes. EDGE: Even

Special Teams: Message boarders would say we have no kicker and no coverage. True, the coverage sucks. But the kicker thing is ridiculous. Bosher is the best in the coneference if not the country when it comes to field goals, and he has been great punting as well. Not his fault he’s the best cover guy. BIG EDGE: Miami

Coaching: Grobe is a better gameday coach than Shannon at this point. EDGE: Wake

GUEST PICKER: Last week, Trent nailed it to give the guest two in a row. One more, that’s called a winning streak. It has happened before.

This week, I’m stayin’ in the family and giving my little brother Billy (who is in a frat) another shot at picking the game. Take it away Billy!

"We, the readership, have eagerly waited; actually that may just have been me, but finally Stein on the Sidelines comes back to it roots. Its very simple big brother, when I put a prediction in the universe, it comes into fruition (like when he picked Ole Miss to steam roll South Carolina).

Auburn, Alabama: A border town of nice boutiques, Atlanta’s finest co-eds who are incapable of garnering acceptance into UGA (naturally creating a jealous hatred of the black and red), and a football program that ranks second in Alabama in everything.

Auburn is steeped in culture nonetheless. They are so close to Ole Miss in off field tradition, in fact, they even stole a back stabbing, c#$% sucking coach from us . They do it right there, from the barbecue to frocketed t-shirts.

Now let’s get down to the facts. The two are coming into this game on opposite ends of the “We need to win this game to prove something” spectrum. Auburn is riding a three game losing streak after starting out 5-0. Ole Miss, on the other hand, has won their last two .

A month ago I would have realistically given Gene Chizik’s squad the upper hand over the Rebs. However, these are both completely different teams from a month ago.

Last weekend The Tigers were incapable of running the football against the Tigers. Chris Todd was intercepted twice, and the Tiger defense was incapable of stopping Jarrett Lee from taking their last drive to the house.

Bayou Cajuns pucker your butt hole: I’m sorry, but Jarrett Lee? I thought he was run out of Red Stick permanently after the "Magnolia Bowl Blunder" last season (I am not even sure what he means by that, but whatever blows his little skirt up).

The Rebels are back on the road for the first time since the Vanderbilt game. I’m sorry to say I can’t recap that one; I hid the TV clicker so no one could interrupt me watching Miami beat Oklahoma (BOOM). But the Rebels have looked sharp the last two games after suffering an embarrassing loss to Alabama at home.

I anticipated an offensive outpouring against Alabama-Birmingham, which is exactly what I got. Note to Heisman voters: UAB’s quarterback has mine, that guy is impossible to take down.

Everybody finished chuckling? I figured that would be nicer to them than saying the token UAB fans in Oxford were very possibly ugliest couple I have ever seen.

In real games, the Ole Miss offensive line finally gave Snead time to throw the ball, and when he has time, he can make things happen. Coach Nutt finally used Dexter McCluster in his proper all-purpose role, gaining about half of our 550 offensive yards himself.

The Hungry Landshark D is the X-factor for the Rebels. They’re too fast and too stout for The Auburn offense. In order for Auburn to win the War Eagle better clip Greg Hardy during its flight; he’ll most assuredly hurt something enough not to play. Since I don’t reckon that’ll happen, the boys from Dixie are coming into town and there is blood in the water.

Ole Miss 27- Auburn 20

Side note: There was never a need to rename the rivalry game between Ole Miss and LSU the “Magnolia Bowl.” The most important game of our season now makes us sound like a floral company. I know the guy who headed the committee to change it; I can only guess by now he’s been killed in action by his own troops (well constructed reference, Billy, well constructed). Hotty Toddy."

MY PICKS: Last week I went 6-5 to up the record to 23-28. I also missed my sixth straight upset special. I think we showed signs of progress. We just have to keep practicing hard and build from week to week.

Virginia Tech over UNC: Well, the Heels couldn’t hold a three score lead at home vs. Florida State in primetime. Do I think they will beat the Hokies on the road in primetime? No.

West Virginia over USF: Screw your USF. Two weeks in a row. Screw you.

Georgia Tech over Vanderbilt: Do I think that they are the best team in the ACC? No. Am I pumped to watch them destroy and SEC team? Hell yes.

Tennessee over South Carolina: Tennessee by a field goal. Also, I am smirking to myself as I write this.

Duke over UVA: Don’t laugh, Duke is playing good football and Virginia is beat up after that game against Tech.

USC over Oregon: Too much hype around the Ducks. Let's not forget what happened to the Ducks when they played a fast, talented, physical Boise State team. If I were the Trojans, I'd stay away from the postgame handshake. Sorry Tim.

Oklahoma State over Texas: Upset special number one; call it Upset Special Lite. Oklahoma State will do just enough to knock off a Texas team that is begging for it on the road at night.

And here it is…the UPSET SPECIAL: Georgia over Florida

Wishful thinking? Definitely. Unlikely? Well, it wouldn’t be the upset special if it weren’t. But Florida is not playing well on offense, and Georgia ain’t Arkansas or Mississippi State. If Georgia can score a few touchdowns, watch out. Sports Illustrated cover: TRICKED!


Guard the inbound passer.

Kicked in the Nuts

Hello All,

Let’s just get right in to it. Back in the Sports Den for the first time since the Oklahoma game, here comes the running diary for the Clemson game. As always, this is taken from notes I made as the game went along, and unless otherwise noted I have recopied them as they were taken.

PRE GAME• Well, at Noon all three pickers on College Gameday picked us to win. Not a great start to the day. Really, that’s always a no-win situation. If they pick against us, I get mad that we get no respect. If they pick us, I get mad and think that they jinxed us. It really is a terrible way to go through life.
• From my friend who knows things: “Coop says he is feeling 100%.” We shall see…
• And on the call today, Dave Lamont and Brian Griese. Wait, Brian Griese?!?!? When did this happen. Also, he literally sounds exactly like his dad. If they did the Pepsi Challenge with those two voices, I honestly would not be able to tell them apart at all. It is almost creepy.

1st QTR• Miami manages to avoid disaster on the kickoff, where Jacoby Ford and C.J. Spiller, the final two legs of Clemson’s 4x100 relay team, await. Exhales all around.
• And Clemson marches right on down the field, aided by Miami’s refusal to blitz. Again. This is getting to the point of being ridiculous. Let’s go through this logically. John Lovett and Randy Shannon probably think that it is too risky to blitz because our corners cannot be trusted to cover on an island. Ok, fine. That means that you believe your front four can get pressure on its own. In fact, for this to work, the front four HAS to get pressure on their own. Otherwise, the quarterback sits back for as long as he wants and the corners, who are not on an island, have to cover a receiver for 4-8 seconds. Without drawing a pass interference call. The problem: OUR FRONT FOUR DOESN’T GENERATE PRESSURE. EVER. Both coaches should have to write this on the blackboard 100 times before every game. It is the most inherently flawed defensive strategy I have ever seen. One of the basic tenets of football is that in order to win defensively, you have to pressure the quarterback. Look at the FSU game, where Christian Ponder dissected us for 59 minutes, until we sent three straight blitzes on the goal line and he couldn’t complete the game winning pass. Or the UCF game, where every time we sent a blitz we got a sack or forced an incompletion (with one exception). Kyle Parker is a good quarterback, but he is a freakin’ first year starter. Remember how lost Marve and Jacory looked last year against the blitz? Well, I don’t think that this kid is too much better than either of those guys. And yet, he looks like John Bleepin’ Elway with five seconds to sit in the pocket on every play. This is going to bite us in the ass. Big time.
• Clemson finishes the drive with a missed field goal. My excitement over this is immediately quelled when ABC announces Daryl Sharpton as an impact player for Miami. Really? This guy is too slow to do anything but play up in the box against the run. He can’t cover. He doesn’t go sideline to sideline well. And yet, he is an impact player? I am so confused it hurts. That’s not to say he isn’t very good in his role. But I just can’t fathom choosing him as an impact player over Allen Bailey, Colin Mccarthy, Sean Spence or even Joe Joseph.
• Miami starts with the ball and Leonard Hankerson makes a spectacular one handed catch. That is three highlight reel catches for him so far this season. Who’d have thunk it? Hankerson then makes a big catch to convert a third down. Jacory goes back to Hank on another third down, only the pass is off target, Hank tips it, and Clemson picks it off. Well, so much for all that momentum.
• Miami goes offside twice on the same drive, and probably three times (Olivier Vernon got away with one at one point). However, they rebound, and a series of penalties and bad plays puts Clemson in to 3rd and 49.
• Miami gets the ball back and Thearon Collier sets up a Bosher field goal. (3-0 UM)

2nd QTR• Clemson starts marching again, except Colin McCarthy (the defensive MVP of the first half) rips through the line, destroys Spiller and seperates him from the ball, which Andrew Smith recovers. First down ‘Canes!
• Miami goes 3 and out, and Clemson responds by marching down the field and scoring a touchdown on a pass to their tight end. (7-3 Clemson)
• Miami then gets the ball back and drives down the field, highlighted by a big Hankerson catch on 3rd down which then sets the ‘Canes up to score moments later on a Damien Berry run. (10-7 UM)
• Two notes on this. First, I love that they are recognizing Berry’s talents and making him the short yardage go-to back. He has a burst unlike that of Cooper and James, and he has a nose for the end zone. Second, this is when I should have gotten the feeling that this was going to be a bumpy, roller coaster ride. But I didn’t. It took me until after the following play…
• C.J. Spiller returns the kickoff, which was supposed to be squibbed, for a touchdown. (14-10 Clemson) That makes every game this season that Spiller has had a play of at least 55 yards. And that’s who we let beat us. The one guy that we couldn’t let beat us. And the frustrating part. After the game, we learned that Shannon had actually called the squib and Alex Uribe just forgot to squib it. YOU FORGOT?!?! Excuse me? Your one job is KICKOFF specialist. How do you forget to squib it??????
• Inside of a minute in the half, Coop rips off a long run and puts Miami in field goal range. Now, Miami can spike the ball, take a couple shots at the touchdown and still kick the field goal if worst comes to worst, all because they have a timeout left…
• Which Whipple promptly takes. This was a bad enough timeout call that Shannon, king of the bad timeout, has words with him on the sideline. Yikes.
• Jacory misses Jimmy Graham in the end zone, then, on the last shot before the field goal try, does the unthinkable and throws a terrible interception. Snarl.

HALFTIME
• Up to this point, the offense has been very blah. I have to imagine that this is Whipple lulling everyone to sleep so that he can hit ‘em hard in the second half. I hope.
• The defense, as I have said, is fine except for the lack of blitz. It is ridiculous how much better this d is when we send one extra guy. It goes from 0% effective to about 90% effective with one blitzer. ONE.
• Special teams…well…not very special.

3rd QTR• Miami gets the ball to start the second half and begins driving. Two big plays by Epps set up a Hankerson TD! (17-14 UM) Now that’s more like it. Miami looks like they are going to come out and stomp on Clemson’s throat early. Bring it on.
• Sharpton makes a big play on D (just to make me look dumb). Miami then gets the ball back and punts. On Clemson’s drive, the refs miss a terrible block in the back on a reverse before Parker finds Spiller WIDE OPEN down the sideline for a 60 yard touchdown. (21-17 Clemson) Spiller beat Sean Spence on the play, who was injured early in the game and limping on this play. Well, that’s twice their stud has beaten us for long scores. And Spence looks like he’s hurt pretty good. What a Shit Burger of a play that was.
• Miami gets the ball back, and Thearon Collier makes another nice play before trying to do too much and fumbling it back to Clemson. Fantastic stuff.
• Clemson is driving when Allen Bailey busts through the line for something like the 147th time this game and forces a fumble…which Marcus Robinson scoops up…and returns for a TOUCHDOWN! (24-21 UM)
• That was the play of the game. It had to be. There is no way Clemson bounces back from that. Oh, and this is interesting. Randy Phillips got flagged for taking his helmet off. Fifty yards behind the play. As he walked on to the sideline. Think that would happen to Major Wright? I say nay.
• Clemson then marches right back down the field and nearly goes back ahead, only a wide open running back drops a pass near the goal line. Clemson kicks a field goal after a big pass breakup by Brandon Harris. (24-24)

4th QTR• Miami starts with the ball and converts a 3rd and 14 on a great route by Laron Byrd for 15 yards. He is easily Miami’s best receiver. Easily. And yet that is his only catch of the day. I have given up on figuring this team out.
• Baby J then rips off a 45 yard run. However, the drive fizzles and Bosher kicks a field goal from 51 yards out. (27-24 UM)
• I officially am ready to be done with this game. I have had more ups and downs than the Lohan family up to this point. Seriously. Stop the ride, I want off.
• Arthur Brown makes a great play in kick coverage to pin Clemson at about the 15 yard line.
• Clemson hits a screen to their tight end, who then gets crushed on the play. Seriously, Sharpton hit him so hard while he was airborne that his body went completely rigid mid air. This is the type of hit that makes you forget how good a game it is and just pray the kid is able to function the next day. Also, it is a mark of just how good the game is that his teammates, huddled around him on the ground, are watching the JumboTron to make sure that he was down before the ball popped out (which he was).
• Miami gets called for their 4th offside penalty of the game before making a big stand and forcing the punt.
• Jacory decides it would be too easy to actually put some distance between the two teams and throws a Pick 6. (31-27 Clemson)
• My stomach is angry with me for picking this team to root on. Very angry.
• Jacory comes back out for the next drive and immediately hits Travis Benjamin for a 69 YARD TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (34-31 UM) And this is why we love this kid… it’s like he thrives on this. Also, this is something like the 34th lead change of the game.
• Spiller rips off a 48 yard run. Stein on the Sidelines sees his house of cards crumbling.
• DVD makes a big hit (what?!) and then Randy Phillips does the unthinkable and picks off Parker in the end zone!!!
• Clemson only has one timeout left. All Miami has to do is pick up one first down and this thing is essentially over. So what does Miami do? Obviously, they pull Patrick Nix out of the unemployment line for this drive and run up the gut to minimal effect three straight times. Great. Almost no time off the clock, no first down, and punting back too an offense that has moved the ball at will. Where was Berry on this drive? If you’re going to run, don’t you think you should be running with the most explosive guy on your roster this late?
• Clemson predictably marches down the field, converts a 4th and 1 and kicks the field goal to send it in to overtime. I am actually relieved that they didn’t score a touchdown. (34-34)

OVERTIME
• Clemson wins the toss and elects to go on defense. Literal reaction in the Sports Den: “F#################KKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!”
• Coop rips off a 19 yard run on the first play of overtime. First and Goal on the 6. This is exactly what we wanted. Whipple is made for this.
• Two terrible run plays and a dangerous, “what was Jacory thinking” pass later, Bosher kicks a field goal. (37-34 UM)
• The defense valiantly puts Clemson in 3rd and 11…before Parker finds Ford (from Belle Glade) for the winning touchdown on a slant route into the gaping hole in the middle of the field. Marcus Robinson is held on the play, but it isn’t called. Clemson wins, 40-37

The Day After• Yep, it still hurt when I woke up. This was the ultimate “kicked in the balls” loss. I can’t even begin to describe how spent I am, mostly emotionally. so many times this game should have been won, and yet Clemson kept sticking around. And just when it looked like Miami might claw their way out of this thing...boom, right in the nuts.
• This game was lost by the coaches, and I rarely say that. They played not to lose, as opposed to playing for the win. The lack of blitzing is the reason Clemson stuck around, as they were able to continually march on the defense. Listen, the D showed a lot of heart and made some huge stops. But they were on the field for entirely too long, and they were forced to sit back and react to what was happening as opposed to forcing the issue, which is what this defense really excels at.
• The specific point where Miami lost was after the Phillips interception, when Whipple called a run play on 3rd and short that got stuffed. No play action? No roll out? No misdirection? No anything? That was the point where you put the ball in the hands of your best player, Jacory, and tell him to go win. And Whipple choked.
• The players actually seemed like they could have done more if the staff had let them; they played with a lot of heart. McCarthy was everywhere, yet we rarely blitzed him. Jacory had time to throw all day, mostly because the o-line was great. And yet, we chose to run both late in regulation and in overtime. Again, this one goes on the coaching staff.
• This was especially tough because it was the first game of its kind all season: Miami expected to win against a good team. It’s the type of game that elite teams find a way to win. At the beginning of the season, I thought Miami was a 3 or 4 loss team. But I guess I got sucked in by the early success and raised my expectations. This is both a good and bad thing. It’s good because Miami should be expected to contend for titles every year. It is bad because it makes you lose sight of the fact that this is still a young, thing, injury-ridden team. There were a lot of positives in this game, but it is hard to recognize that when you should have won the game and didn’t. Miami now has two options. Win out, play in a decent bowl game against a decent opponent and prepare for a big run next season. Or, they can do what most ACC teams do and play mediocre football, play in a mediocre bowl and have mediocre expectations for next season. Honestly, I am not sure what will happen. The overreaction is that this team is terrible and Randy Shannon should be fired. There will be plenty of that. The under reaction is that everything is just fine and Clemson just got the better of us. There will be plenty of this as well. Personally, I think that this is still a good team with good coaches who have some adjustments to make. Winning out is totally doable, with some tough road tests left along the way that will test the young team’s mettle. There is a lot of talent here, and eventually the coaches will figure out how to best use it game in and game out. However, the players cannot lose sight of the fact that every week is a test, and they have no time to stay down about this loss because next week Wake Forest is going to be ready for a dogfight. As Shannon said today, it is up to the coaches to pick the team back up from the aftermath of this game and get them re-focused on the task at hand.

Other Games I Watched- UTEP vs. Tulsa: This just made Boise look pretty bad. Not as bad as UTEP’s uniforms, however.
- UNC vs. FSU: Great finish for FSU, let’s hope they can build on it, save Bowden’s job and beat Florida.
- Rutgers vs. Army: Army has a 6’10”, 285 lb receiver. Let me repeat: Army has a 6’10”, 285 lb receiver. Is it any wonder the lose?
- Ohio State vs. Minnesota: I feel like I have watched every Minnesota game this season. Thanks ESPN!
- Ole Miss vs. Arkansas: To reiterate a previous point: Arkansas blows. They are terrible. Their receivers suck. Their quarterback sucks. Their coach sucks. They just suck. Also, reverse jinx accomplished.
- Virginia vs. Georgia Tech: Well, at least Tech keeps making us look good for beating them.
Best Game: Miami vs. Clemson

Best Uniform: LSU white on yellow.

Game Ball Goes To: C.J. Spiller.

Worst Uniform: Mississippi State. All maroon. Yikes.On a related note, I saw "Milk" for the first time this weekend. Brilliant movie about a brilliant man. And Anita Bryant? Scary. That was only thirty years ago. REALLY scary.

Trojan Enz © Boner of the Week Award: Mark Whipple

Brian Rolle “Should’ve Been a ‘Cane” Award: Jacoby Ford. Need I say more?

Non-BCS Name You Should Know: The 6’10”, 285 lb. ARMY RECEIVER! If only I could remember his name…

And, as always, remember to guard the inbound passer.

Clemson: Kind of Like That Chick From Entourage

Hello All,

Welcome to what is possibly the most confusing week of any team’s season: the week they play Clemson.

Clemson is kind of like the Alexis Dziena of the college football world. Every time I see Alexis on the screen, I have an internal debate. I know she is supposed to be hot; otherwise, she wouldn’t be on screen. Half the time she is gorgeous. However, the other half the time she is debatably attractive; some might say categorically unattractive. Sometimes, she looks like the freshman in high school who has potential but hasn’t realized her potential yet so she dates down to raise her self esteem. That, in a nutshell, is Clemson: Great one week, unfulfilled and kind of trashy the next.

Example: Clemson struggled to beat Middle Tennessee State, fell behind three early scores to Georgia Tech only to rally for the near-win, beat Boston College, lost a close game to TCU, lost to Maryland, and then beat Wake Forest.

In their two marquee games, they played well but lost. They beat BC and Wake, but there’s also the loss to Maryland. That makes them 2-1 in the games they were supposed to win and 0-2 in the ones they weren’t supposed to. They are more unpredictable than Zeta Tau Alpha.

Why is this confusing? Because I have watched them play and they are undeniably talented. They hit big plays and have two of the nation’s elite playmakers in Jacoby Ford and C.J. Spiller. They are the underdog in this one, and they have not won in that role yet; however, they have acquitted themselves well by keeping it close with Top 15 programs. They always play Miami tough; Miami, however, has responded remarkably well in the spotlight this season.

Miami is 2-0 in the games they were supposed to win and 3-1 as an underdog. However, they have played every game under the lights but the Virginia Tech game, and we all know how that turned out.

Like I said, confusing.

The game plan to beat the Tigers seems to be to force quarterback Kyle Parker to beat you. He is completing less than 50% of his passes, and as many have said, is overly reliant on the big play. Further, Clemson has struggled to get Ford and Spiller the ball at times, and that cannot happen if they want to win.

On defense, their front seven is fast and physical. Here is another area of confusion: Miami stood up very well to Oklahoma’s vaunted front 7 but struggled last week with UCF’s blitz. Clemson is closer to Oklahoma, but HAD to have seen the Knights tape. Again, I am absolutely at a loss as to my expectations.

And, as we seem to say every week, the game could come down to special teams, where the Tigers have Ford and Spiller lurking and the ‘Canes have struggled in coverage.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Clemson Week!

BREAKDOWNS:

QB: Jacory has been great, but cannot turn the ball over here. He will be seeing man coverage, which will be easier to pick apart than the zones he has struggled at times to beat. Parker is struggling for Clemson, and if John Lovett is smart, Miami will be blitzing early and often. EDGE: Miami

RB: Stats may not say it, but Javarris James, Graig Cooper and Damien Berry have taken turns as highly effective runners for Miami. Clemson features the duo of Spiller and Ellington, both of whom are explosive. They also have former Miami recruit Jamie Harper in reserve. Spiller reminds me a lot of Michael Goodson from the 2007 and 2008 Texas A&M teams, who Miami was able to contain reasonably well. EDGE: Even

Receivers: Ford is explosive, but Parker is erratic. The ‘Canes, on the other hand, will have all hands on deck and ready to go with the return of Aldarious Johnson. EDGE: Miami

Offensive Line: Matt Pipho will struggle for the ‘Canes against the Clemson front, so the key will be helping by chipping with either a tight end or a fullback when the ‘Canes pass. Again, just like Oklahoma, the ‘Canes should be in max protect, as the receiving corps will be able to get open against man coverage (meaning the use of three receivers instead of five is just fine). EDGE: Clemson

Defensive Line: The Tigers feature DeQuan Bowers and Ricky Sapp, two elite defensive ends. The Hurricanes have plenty of good players but have been hit by the injury bug and have not been as productive as might be hoped. EDGE: Clemson

Linebacker: Both teams have solid units. Sean Spence and Colin McCarthy are playing like men on a mission for the ‘Canes, and Clemson is lead by Brandon Maye. EDGE: Even

Secondary: Miami is at an advantage because Parker struggles, but look for Ford to make a big play or two (unless Brandon Harris plays the best game of his career). Meanwhile, the Tigers are taking their man coverage against a quarterback with deadly accuracy and an arsenal of receivers. EDGE: Miami

Special Teams: Ford and Spiller have the Tigers in the Top 10 in the nation in both kick and punt returns. ‘Nuff said. EDGE: Clemson

Coaching: Shannon and crew actually have a pretty solid edge over Dabo Swinney and staff. EDGE: Miami

THIS WEEK’S GUEST

After Rachel broke the streak last week, I present to you Trent Mullins, born and bred Southerner who will try and keep the ball rollin’:

"As one of the 6 people who read this blog, let me just first and foremost express what an honor it is to be selected to make the celebrity pick this week for Stein on the Sidelines. I know he typically calls it a “guest” pick, but not this week.

Not many great matchups on the slate this week in CFB. College GameDay is in Provo for the TCU Horned Ladainian Tomlinson Went Heres vs. the BYU Big Love Morman Weirdo Cougars….Herbstreit could/should have 6 new wives by the time he leaves.

Needless to say, I think that Auburn v. LSU may actually be the best matchup of the week. I have been a resident in SEC country my entire life, and it is by far the best football conference in America. From the tailgates all the way to the radio shows. It’s not even close. Seriously. Sorry Stein on the Sidelines.

Before I make a pick and throw a score out there, let’s take a look at the recent history of the matchup and some fun facts
• Both schools share the Tiger as their mascot. Auburn for some reason also has a “War Eagle” as their mascot. It’s been explained to me as “Dude, the Tiger is our mascot but ‘War Eagle’ is our battle cry”….I guess that makes sense to them.

• Either Auburn or LSU has won at least a share of the SEC Western Division championship for five of the last six years

• The home team won every game from 2000-2007, until LSU beat Auburn on the road last year

• This has been one of the best games in the SEC the last 2 years. With both being decided by game-winning TDs in the waning seconds. Both by LSU.

• LSU had won 4,367 consecutive home night games before losing a tough one to Florida two weeks ago, and they should have lost to UGA the week before had the referees not intervened in one of the most heinously bad/unnecessary/WTF were they thinking calls I have ever seen.

• Auburn hadn’t had an impressive road W since 2007 until it beat Tennessee and Lane Kiffin (and his boner inducing wife) in Neyland Stadium 3 weeks ago…They have since lost 2 in a row, but they always play well in Baton Rouge.

I think the game is going to come down to QB play (like most games do). Jordan Jefferson and LSU certainly have more offensive weapons, but Jordan Jefferson is terrible. He is another perfect example of college coaches searching for the next Vince Young. This applies to Senator Tressel in Columbus as well. Just being big, black, athletic, and quick DOES NOT instantly make you a good quarterback. I’m sure Jefferson will have a fine career in Baton Rouge. He is still young. But as of now, I have to give the QB edge to Auburn and Chris Todd. 12 TDs v. 2 INTs. A certain upgrade from Brandon Cox and Kodi Burns. Auburn’s RB, Ben Tate, is no slouch either.

Now I’m going to completely contradict everything I just said and predict LSU the winner. And here’s why:
• Some of my friends (who happened to go to Auburn) made the journey to Baton Rouge in 2007 for the game. They are girls so they wouldn’t be able to tell me anything about the actual game itself, but they didn’t need to. I had heard enough. A 65 year old woman sitting in front of them, spent the entire game turned around in her seat heckling these poor girls with incoherent, Cajun, expletive laced tirades, all while throwing popcorn on them every few minutes. These are the grown-up LSU fans.
• Upon leaving the stadium after LSU’s late come-from-behind victory, they witnessed what is either the most hilarious or most horrifying thing I have ever heard of. I’ll let you be the judge. An LSU young fraternity man (Lets call him Jimbo), clearly excited about the game’s outcome, spots a 60-70 year old Auburn fan, holding hands with his wife, walking towards him. Clearly irate at the disrespect this old man was showing him by quietly walking to the car with his wife, Jimbo proceeds to walk in front of this couple take his Solo cup full of beer and chuck it at the elderly AU fans, striking the man upper chest/neck area, spilling beer all over them and yelling “F*** You!”….

4,367 consecutive home night games. Look it up if you don’t believe me. I think Jimbo’s a 7th year Senior this year. This one kicks at 7:30 PM…

LSU 17 – Auburn 10

EDITOR’S NOTE: Thanks Trent. However, here is where I have to disagree. I know the SEC is probably the best conference, but the fact that everyone considers it a foregone conclusion is ridiculous this season. I say this mostly because of the referees, which have completely taken away most of the conference’s credibility for this season.

Shall we take a look?

Warning, this will get lengthy.

Today the SEC suspended a referee crew based on their glaring miscues in two games. The two games were the matchups between Georgia and LSU and Florida and Arkansas.

In the Georgia/LSU game, the referees called a phantom celebration personal foul late with about a minute left on Georgia’s go-ahead score. The resulting longer kickoff meant LSU started with the ball at about midfield. Of course, LSU scored, won the game and preserved their undefeated record to set up a Top 5, marquee showdown with Florida 2 weeks later.

This was a bad call that changes the shape of the season for both teams. But it never had me questioning the legitimacy of the conference. Until I thought about it yesterday, after the SEC apologized for the SAME CREW’s mistake in the UF/Arkansas game I made fun of last column.

There were two bad penalties back to back, a personal foul called on an Arkansas lineman who was bracing himself from the charge a Gator lineman made at him (the one the conference apologized for) and a pass interference call which essentially hand delivered the Gators the score (admittedly, pass interference is the worst called penalty in sports and seems to always be made at the worst time, no matter the conference). This, coupled with the fact that Arkansas was called for 10 penalties compared to the Gators’ 3 (in a fast, physical SEC game) really got me thinking though.

Doesn’t it make sense for the SEC to have a bias toward their top 3 programs, which this year are Alabama, Florida and LSU? Don’t you think that the SEC officials probably are told ahead of time “if it’s close, lean toward the big guys”? This is the most corrupt conference in football at other levels, featuring pay-for-play scandals, street agents and felons playing for just about every team. The LSU win set up the marquee matchup two weeks later, and the Florida win kept the Gators the #1 team in the country.

Now think about this: what if those two borderline at best judgment calls don’t get made? Georgia and Arkansas both realistically win the games, as they had all the momentum to those points. After the LSU game, you would have Florida at 1, Alabama at 2 and the next best team, Georgia, right around 10th (assuming they would have moved up 7 spots, which seems to be the typical move for a win like that). Then, two weeks later Florida beats an LSU team probably ranked 11th or 12th, but a 10 point margin probably is not enough to keep them ahead of Alabama, who crushed Ole Miss, a Top 20 team at the time. Now you have Alabama #1, Florida #2 and the third ranked team as LSU, who is now probably right around #10 (remember, Georgia gets drilled by Tennessee…it wasn’t even close enough to think they might have won with the confidence built from the LSU win). Then, after Florida loses to Arkansas, they probably drop to right around 9 or 10. So you have Alabama as #1 (and rightfully so), LSU at #8 and Florida at #9. That is still the best conference in football, but how much better is it than, say, the ACC (a terrible conference in my opinion), who has Miami at #7 in this scenario, Georgia Tech at #10 and Virginia Tech at #14?

The scary thing is to think of all the close games in the SEC that may have been influenced one way or the other by questionable calls. The SEC is the best conference in the country, but if they use the referees to manipulate that ranking, will we ever know? The problem with conferences like the ACC and the Big East is that the teams cannibalize each other, and no one is immune. Well, if the refs in the ACC (who are terrible in every game anyway and usually err against Miami at the worst time possible) started protecting the interest of Miami, Florida State and Virginia Tech (the three traditional ACC powers) in every close game, don’t you think they would be Top 10 teams every season?

I’m not trying to say that there is a conspiracy; merely, I am stating that it seems rather convenient the way things have played out in what has so far been a mediocre season of college football, even for the SEC. And maybe the SEC isn’t as great as everyone thinks.

MY PICKS

Last week was better, as I went 5-3 to improve to 16-23 (ouch). I also went to 0-5 in upset specials. Here is this week’s carnage:

Alabama over Tennessee: This will be closer than you would think, like the UF-UT game. But Alabama is just too much football team for anyone right now.

Florida State over North Carolina: On Thursday night, the ‘Noles finally will show up and win an ACC game. On the road. Against a better team. I have no rhyme nor reason for saying this. Is this a mercy pick? This might be a mercy pick. It feels like it is…is FSU really that bad? I’m not even upset. I feel bad for them. Wow. Well, at least I will want to murder every student at their school again next season. It’s the little things…

Georgia Tech over Virginia: In what has actually become an important game. I think the annual Al Groh “Listen guys, we need to win a lot of games or I am getting canned and don’t think that means that you will keep your scholarship because you probably won’t” Campaign stalls here. By the way, is the ACC the 2nd best conference right now (knock on wood knock on wood knock on wood knock on wood knock on wood)? The Big 12 sucks outside of Texas and the hard luck Sooners, the Big 10 always sucks, the Pac 10 is really only USC and Oregon, and the Big East is Cincinnati and a bunch of interchangeable parts. Who saw that coming? I still think the ACC champion, whoever it might be, will lose at least once more. But this is a weird season.

Arkansas over Ole Miss: Sorry Bill (a little reverse jinx perhaps?).

Boston College Over Notre Dame: They said more Hail Marys this week…ba dum cha!

Oklahoma over Kansas: In the least upsetting upset ever. I don’t like this Oklahoma team and don’t even feel bad for them for losing Bradford for the season (who I like). But does anyone really think they’re losing this game? Also, I just picked four straight road teams. I noticed this as I was typing. Maybe I should be the one saying the Hail Marys…

USC over Oregon State: They got their token loss to a weakling out of their system already.

Texas over Missouri: Because their defense is just too good to justify the upset special pick. But don’t worry, it’s coming.

USF over Pitt: Again, no clue why, I’m just going with my gut.

Wake over Navy: Because I know you all care. Wake wins just to make Stein on the Sidelines more nervous about next week’s game.

UPSET SPECIAL: BYU over TCU

Yes, it’s a cop out. Not that big an upset. Picking the home team. But I need to break the five game losing streak for my upset special, and I am sick of everyone talking about TCU and Boise State. So why not kill 1.5 birds with 1 stone?

Always guard the inbound passer.

Forced In to the Open

Hello All,

Well, after a week off, it is time to return to the tried and true running diary, taken from notes I made during the game.

PRE-GAME

Comin’ to you live from Beef O’Brady’s in Gainesville, Florida!

This should be fun. Because the combination of UCF and Conference USA brilliantly sold the TV rights to UCF’s only high profile home game of the season to a channel only carried on the premiere sports tier of certain satellite providers, the Stein men and Steph have been forced out of the Man Room and out in to the open.

We arrive at the bar as Florida’s kicker lines up to kick the game winner against Arkansas. The bar is filled to the brim with people wearing the tried and true combination of royal blue over denim. You stay classy Gainesville.

Anyway, the sight of the three of us went over about as well as a fart in church (which I think would be hilarious, but apparently is frowned upon). Of course, the kicker makes it, and we have to put up with the Shanty-folk praising each other to no end after a thrilling, home-field, Homecoming victory over the mighty Razorbacks, who of course are underrated according to every person in that bar. And yet I digress. The point is, UF barely beat Arkansas and we had to deal with the people who stuck around the bar after that just to watch the Miami game and try to get a rise out of us. More on this later.

We convince the waitress to put the Miami game on the big screen in our section. By convince, I mean we asked and she said they were already planning on showing it on the big screen and then walked away as quickly as possible so as to not give the impression she was in league with us when the lynching ropes eventually come out.

Final thoughts before kickoff: “Oh f*&k, we are wearing the green pants.”

1st QTR

• Miami comes out swingin’, as Jacory finds LaRon Byrd for a first down on the first play and shuts the crowd up (by the way, Jacory is now on a first name only basis, like Bono or Elvis). However, the drive stalls on a bad sack and the ‘Canes punt.
• Jared Campbell makes a big play. I cannot believe I just typed that.
• The guy at the table next to us just made a joke about me taking notes during the game just loud enough that I could hear it but quietly enough that he could try and claim it was part of a private conversation. You stay classy Gainesville.
• Travis Benjamin runs a great route, and Jacory throws a bomb down the field later in the drive caught by Leonard Hankerson in the back of the end zone. One of the best catches I have seen, all things considered. He was running at full speed, tracked down a floater from Jacory in to the back of the end zone and lunged, caught the ball, and got his front foot down within a split second of each other. He didn’t think it was a touchdown. We didn’t think it was a touchdown. The ref saw it though, and replay confirmed it. I can’t decide if I am more impressed with Hankerson’s body control or the ref’s vision. (7-0 Miami)
• Miami finally blitzes for the first time and Sean Spence picks up a sack. Every time we blitz, something good happens. Every. Time. And yet, we blitz only a handful of times a game. Highly annoying. It’s not like our front four is getting consistent pressure. The last two weeks, FAMU and UCF have both stood up to our pass rush remarkably well. Not good.
• Jacory’s stat line for the quarter: 7-7, 97 yards and a touchdown. Wow.

2nd QTR• The teams exchange bad drives for a while and then Matt Bosher hits a field goal. (10-0 Miami).
• It was a pretty boring quarter, save for the people at the table next to me having a legitimate conversation about Arkansas being able to give just about anybody in the country a run for their money. I am speechless. Totally and utterly speechless.
• Corey Nelms and Damien Berry, two of my favorites, make plays just before the half. And hey, Georgia Tech continues to lead Virginia Tech. Life is good.
HALFTIME
• Overall, the ‘Canes were very workmanlike. The Knights defensive front created a lot of pressure, which surprised me. The question is whether the ‘Canes will continue to play down to the level of their competition or not. The brightest spot has been the defense, which has been a wrecking ball.

3rd QTR• Sean Spence registers his second sack on his second blitz. Hmmmmmmm…might we be on to something here?
• LaRon Byrd makes a great catch on a jump ball down the sideline, setting up a Jacory pass to Byrd for a first down at the five and a Javarris James touchdown run. (17-0 Miami)
• UCF scores a touchdown by beating the blitz (DOH!). Wait, ROCKY ROSS caught it? The coolest white guy on planet Earth? With the best name?? I’m not even mad. Stein on the Sidelines is a Rocky Ross fan. (17-7 UCF)
• Miami follows the score by putting together a bad drive and then snapping the punt over Bosher’s head on the punt. Bosher kicks it out the back of the end zone; however, because he contacted it within the field of play and not in the end zone, UCF gets the ball on the 1. Uh-oh.
• UCF runs a play out wide for their running back, which DeMarcus Van Dyke blows up for a loss of about 5. Again, I cannot believe I just typed that sentence.
• Jared Campbell comes on the safety blitz and whacks the quarterback..the ball pops in to the air and Colin McCarthy picks it off. Threat averted, big turnover created, throat stepped on. To add injury to insult, Campbell knocked the quarterback out of the game. His backup completed a whopping 39.4% of his passes last season as a starter (worse than JaMarcus Russell). Sean Spence is licking his chops as I write this.
• Bosher hits another field goal, set up by a big play from Jacory to Thearon Collier. (20-7 UM)
4th QTR• At this critical juncture, the table next to us decided to loudly make fun of the Hurricanes for playing UCF. Seriously? UF fans making fun of Miami’s non-conference schedule? I told him that we really tried to get Troy or Charleston Southern to toughen up our schedule, but they were previously engaged. Which lead to the inevitable “SEC is really tough” crack. Which lead to the “Yep, I don’t know what we would do if we had to play ARKANSAS! I mean, Virginia Tech is tough and all, but ARKANSAS?!? That’s a football team!” retort. Which lead to my dad telling me to shut up (which was probably smart, because there were 5 of them). Which lead to me staring a hole in the television the rest of the game as they closed up their tab and left. I consider it a victory, which could have been bigger if dad had taken the parking brake off…kind of like this game!
• To sum up the quarter, the defense didn’t let them sniff another score, the offense stopped throwing and Damien Berry beasted out. Final score: 27-7 ‘Canes, a blowout which could have been way bigger if Randy Shannon kept his foot on the gas and Matt Pipho hadn’t missed the bus to Orlando. A solid, workmanlike (yep, twice) win for a team that just needed to get the win and get back on the bus as they head in to a pivotal matchup with Clemson.
Other Games I Watched
- Arkansas State vs. Louisiana-Monroe: “No. Absolutely not.”- Richard Stein as he takes the remote from Stein on the Sidelines and changes it to Die Hard on Tuesday night.
- Boise State vs. Tulsa: I know this is unpopular, but I think Boise might be the second best team in the country, behind Alabama. They are fast, and their defense is aggressive and physical. Tulsa’s offense is no joke, and Boise held them down. They have playmakers. I think they are better than both Florida and Texas at this point.
- Cincinnati vs. South Florida: I think USF lost this one only because I picked them to win. Sorry guys, my bad.
- Oklahoma vs. Texas: I was feeling bad for Oklahoma when Bradford went down again, because I like the kid. But then I remembered how dirty the rest of the Sooners team was when they played in Miami, and how obnoxious Bob Stoops is on the sideline. And then, as if to validate my point, a Sooner defensive end tried to rip Colt McCoy’s head off after he slid on the final play from scrimmage. AFTER he slid. And it wasn’t called. Go figure.
- Iowa vs. Wisconsin: And Wisconsin figures to wrap up its 57th straight trip to the Champs Sports Bowl sometime next week.
- Georgia vs. Vanderbilt: This, folks, is why the SEC is the greatest God damn football conference there is.
- Arkansas vs. Florida: Alright, let’s put it out there: if Florida was playing anyone half decent, they lose this game by 2 scores. Bobby Petrino has no idea how win unless he is playing Conference USA competition at Louisville. He called run plays when he should have thrown. He threw when his running backs were runnin’ hot. His quarterback completed something like 25% of his passes. And still, the Razorbacks win this game if their kicker doesn’t miss 2 4th quarter field goals. Oh, and if the refs don’t gift wrap Florida its fourth quarter touchdown. At their place. During their homecoming game. On national television. Hmmmmmmmmm…
- Notre Dame vs. USC: As much as it pains me, I have to give it to the Irish: they have a lot of fight in them. I am glad they lost, and I know there is no such thing as a moral victory, but when USC got up a couple scores, I figured it wasn’t worth watching anymore. I was very impressed with their resolve and now consider Jimmy Clausen the Heisman front runner. Wow, that sucks.
- Virginia Tech vs. Georgia Tech: The curse is broken! Rachel Russo is Stein on the Sideline’s lucky charm.

Best Game: Notre Dame vs. USC

Best Uniform: Texas. Best uniforms in college football.

Game Ball Goes To: Georgia Tech’s defense.

Worst Uniform: Miami, white over green. And it always will be when they make the mistake of wearing it.

Trojan Enz © Boner of the Week Award: The Arkansas-Florida refereeing crew. I am still waiting for them to apologize publicly.

Brian Rolle “Should’ve Been a ‘Cane” Award: Sam Young, Notre Dame. Think the ‘Canes couldn’t use a great right tackle after that game? Ridiculous. And this kid is not only huge and talented, but he is from St. Thomas Aquinas. Snarl.

Non-BCS Name You Should Know: Mardy Gilyard, Cincinnati. Oh wait, the Big East is in the BCS? Shoot…well this is embarassing...

Don’t forget to recommend this to friends and keep my drive for the Nobel going!

And, as always, remember to guard the inbound passer.

If He Can Do It, Why Not Me?

Hello All,

I was pondering the other day as to how I could get this blog noticed by more people so that I could finally get picked up by ESPN and get paid to sit around, watch sports and write about it. Then it dawned on me, in the form of a text update from the New York Times (all the news print to fit).

Someone should nominate me for the Nobel Prize for Literature! I mean, who cares that I haven’t actually written a great book? We all agree that I have the potential to one day, maybe, possibly write something that will change the world, right? I don’t see any problem with this. In fact, I think that starting now I will be launching the Stein on the Sidelines for Nobel Campaign. YES WE CAN!

To get things started, I will be providing a non-partisan discourse on the upcoming Miami vs. UCF football game and sending a surge of picks in to my season total, which is deteriorating quickly.

The Golden Knights are a tough football team, there is no doubt about it. Last season, the Hurricanes made the mistake of taking them lightly and almost suffered a defeat as a result. However, it is a new season, and the Whipple Stimulus Plan has helped to stabilize what was a crumbling offensive system. Interceptions are still a problem for Jacory Harris, and UCF can be opportunistic. However, overall, the success of Jacory Harris has trickled down to the masses, and the unit as a whole has seen remarkable growth; the Union is strong.

Here is the breakdown of what should be a 2-3 score win for the ‘Canes.

Quarterback: Harris needs to cut out the interceptions but has played remarkably well thus far, getting all of his receivers involved and pushing the ball downfield early and often. Harris has been particularly effective working the middle of the field, and UCF doesn’t have the speed at safety and linebacker to take away the center third. Meanwhile, UCF’s Brett Hodges has thrown six touchdowns and six interceptions against Samford, Southern Miss, Buffalo, East Carolina and Memphis (not exactly murderer’s row). EDGE: Miami

Running Back: After Damien Berry’s breakout, Miami looks better than ever. Graig Cooper and Javarris James will be rested, Lee Chambers will be desperate to show he still belongs ahead of Berry on the depth chart, and Mike James will continue to be a multi-purpose threat. UCF’s leading rusher is Brynn Harvey, who is definitely solid but not much more. EDGE: Miami

Receiver: UCF has a guy named Rocky Ross, a personal favorite of Stein on the Sidelines. However, Miami’s strength in numbers gets the advantage. EDGE: Miami

Offensive Line: Miami’s has played well. UCF’s has not been physical enough to average more than 3.5 YPC. Against Miami’s front, the Knights will have to be better. EDGE: Miami

Defensive Line: Well, assuming Miami has eight guys healthy, they are more talented and have performed better. However, UCF’s Bruce Miller and Jarvis Geathers each have 4.5 sacks and could create some heartburn for Jacory. EDGE: Miami

Linebackers: Miami is just too talented here, although the loss of Jordan Futch hurts. EDGE: Miami

Secondary: This should be the game that the secondary creates multiple turnovers for the ‘Canes. It is safe to assume that the Knights will pick Harris a time or two, based on the fact that Harris throws two every game lately. EDGE: Even

Special Teams: Matt Bosher and a fleet of gifted returners gives Miami the advantage, but watch out for UCF’s Quincy McDuffie. EDGE: Miami

Coaching: Randy Shannon and staff are starting to gel and have the soft part of their schedule to tighten things up. EDGE: Miami

THIS WEEK’S GUEST

Like I said, this is one girl who can talk some football. Well this week our guest appears to have done A LOT of homework. Probably more than I did for this entrie post. I am actually a little embarassed. Ladies and gentlemen, my friend and your favorite, Rachel Russo, trying to get guest pickers off the schnide:

"First of all, I’d like to thank Dan for giving me “the highest form of praise” in his last blog entry by saying that I, a measly girl, could talk about football. Now call me old fashioned, but I’m not even that big of a fan of women in general talking about sports and I don’t really consider myself to be an exception. His complement was touching none the less. On the other hand, it also set me up for failure. Since Dan declared to all of the world that I actually “know” football I can’t guest pick this game based on who has the best looking quarterback (Josh Nesbitt over Tyrod Taylor any day) or what team colors I like the best (maroon and orange together? barf). I started to get nervous that the whole world would be judging my football assessing skills. But then I realized that the only people judging me would be the 5 or 6 of you who actually read this blog (Editor's Note: ZING!) and let’s be honest, I’m not worried about you guys ;)

Before I actually get to the whole picking thing let me just give you a little more background info. I am from the great state of Virginia, Richmond to be exact (which is much classier than Blacksburg, by the way). Approximately 25% of my graduating class went to Virginia Tech, including all but one of my good friends. Growing up in VA you are expected to stay there, if not for life, at least for college. You
can’t imagine the confused looks and questions I had to deal with when I said I was going to the University of Miami instead of an in-state school. After a summer full of hearing about how great VA Tech was going to be and attending a million maroon and orange themed parties I started my freshman year full of resentment towards anything Hokie related. As a result, there is no game I look forward to more than the yearly Miami vs. Virginia Tech match-up. During my time at the U we went 2-2 and those losses hurt deep, adding to my resentment of Virginia Tech. So even though I’m committed to rooting against VA Tech football at all times, I’m going to try to not let all that bitterness cloud my judgment. Let me know how I do…

(SIDENOTE: Is it Stein on the Sidelines, or do the people in Virginia sound obnoxious? This is two guest pickers with pretty much the same story. And here I thought that they were all like Stein on the Sidelines' personal hero, General Stonewall Jackson. Take that, preconceptions.)

Let’s get to it- I’m here to guest pick this week’s match-up between the Techs, Georgia and Virginia. This is a hugeee ACC game between what I consider to be two of the top three teams in the ACC (Miami being the other, obviously). Both teams won big games last week. VA Tech stomped on Boston College and GA Tech should still be high off of their win against FSU.
Supposedly, Virginia Tech is one of the top five teams in the country and is in the running for a national championship (I’m not buying it). I still think that the Yellow Jackets can take this one though, and here’s how: DEFENSE.

This game is going to come down to who has the better defense. GA Tech needs to step it up. Allowing 400+ yards is unacceptable to say the least. They have been plagued with injuries (but who hasn’t?) and the healthy players have had to deal with mid-season tweaking along with some position shifts. I’m hoping the necessary changes have been made and the Yellow Jackets come out looking polished and focused. That brings me to my next point…GA Tech needs to stay focused on what’s going down in Bobby Dodd at 6pm, October 24, 2009 and nothing else. If they can get past this week with a W the future looks very bright. They can’t let those thoughts distract them though from doing what needs to be done Saturday night.

In terms of offense, I’m looking for a stellar game from Jonathan Dwyer. Lord knows I love me a good running back and alongside Jahvid Best (stud) and Graig Cooper (<3), Dwyer is one of my favorites. Nesbitt has been doing an awesome job of utilizing the passing game (Editor's Note: Debatable?) and some solid connections with Demaryius Thomas, among others, would be an added bonus.

So in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m going with GA Tech on this one (as should any good Canes fans out there, by the way). A Georgia Tech win helps us as much as it helps them. Here’s to the Hokies first conference loss on Saturday night. If I wasn’t going to be in Orlando cheering for my boys, there is nothing else I would rather watch."

PICKS

Well, last week was a debacle in every sense of the word. I should never have started this. Anyway, I went 1-9. My upset special failed. My guest picker failed. I am just waiting on a kidney to go at this point. My season record fell to 11-20 overall and 0-4 in upset specials. So, here are the 10 picks that will get me back over .500:

Texas over Oklahoma: Colt McCoy gets his revenge and makes his Heisman statement. Plus, his eyes are dreamy.

USC over Notre Dame: Duh.

Nebraska over Texas Tech: Alphabet Suh is a beast for the Huskers and can singlehandedly create enough pressure up the middle that he can break the Red Raider scheme.

Alabama over South Carolina: I always think it is funny that when they highlight a single image for each team in ESPN promos, South Carolina’s is always their coach, Darth Visor. Not a good sign in a game this big.

Boston College over North Carolina State: BC wins this week’s coin flip in the Tom O’Brien Classic.

Wake Forest over Clemson: Clemson at noon at home a week before a possible primetime game in Miami? TRAP!

Iowa over Wisconsin: If this were at night in Camp Randle, I would say “Upset Special”. But it isn’t. And I’m not.

UPSET SPECIAL

USF over Cincinnati: The Bulls at home on Thursday night on national television are very dangerous, and Cincy needs to prove to me that they are legitimate national contenders.

So there you have it. The seems like pretty much all I need to win the Pulitzer, no? Or at least get nominated. Anyway, STEIN ON THE SIDELINES FOR THE NOBEL!

Always guard the inbound passer.

Hot To Tailgate Like A Guy Who Wishes He Was A Pro

Hello All,

Alright, we're officially not going to talk about any of the picks I made last week in this post. There is a time and place for that, as the bit-too-old-to-be-THAAAAAAATTTTT- interesting guy in the Dos Equis commercials (that definitely would creep out your girlfriend if he talked to her at a party; there, I said it and will now incur the wrath of every frat bro that reads this, which is probably only one guy...and yet I digress) might say.

We are not really going to talk about the FAMU game either. You might find yourself thinking "Why Dan, why can't we get another running diary? We *SO* miss your excessive use of exclamation points and references to you and your dad screaming. Really, Dan, give us another!"

To that, I reply with a very flattered "nay". Don't get me wrong, I will still use exclamation points excessively, like I was typing this after a pot of coffee (which I am not). But the football talk will be minimal.

I mean, I loved the game. Damien Berry has been my favorite on the team for three years (mostly because I think he looks cool on a football field, which is a bit like when I was in 3rd grade and decided Ken Griffey was my favoite baseball player because he took BP with a backwards cap...I haven't progressed much I suppose) and finally had his shining moment, which went better than Andy Bernard's shining moment this week.

TANGENT: The Office dropped the ball with their wedding episode. I am not at all ashamed to admit that the reason my brother and I have watched every episode of this show is because of the Jim and Pam storyline. We actually felt like this was OUR wedding night. And how did NBC reward us? 35 minutes of dumb storylines and C-list jokes to go with 7 minutes of good television. The best scene was a guy splitting his scrotum. Thoroughly dissapointing stuff. NBC has 3 episodes to win me back or lose me forever. This coming from the kid that once watched every episode of "The Practice".

Alas, aside from a few injuries, the game went smoothly and all is well in Hurricaneland (thought about calling it something cheesey like "Cane Nation" but realized that UF had beat me to the punch on the douchey nickname...if I were at a party with UF I would definitely hit on his girlfriend VERY lightly, watch him overreact and make a scene, and then take the girl home anyway after she realized her boyfriend was a tool and she was going to make him pay...wow, I sounded like a Yankees fan there). However, after the first four weeks, a cupcake game was just not able to hold my attention. I watched every play, but I honestly can't recall many specific plays from the blowout. Although the FAMU band was great.

I am here to talk about the part of this game that was actually exciting the whole way through...The Tailgate (which you probably know because you read the title).

Tailgating at Miami games is not inherently fun like it is at Ohio State or Ole Miss (not a WORD about last week's picks, I will touch on them in due time). At Miami, having fun at tailgating is only as fun as you make it.

I am not a pro-tailgater, and have no clue how to do one of those cool articles about AWESOME tailgate recipes and KICKASS tailgate setups. However, I have always had fun, gotten adequately drunk and eaten good food at our tailgates. Here is the secret to my very meager success as a tailgater.

DO teach everyone "bones" at your site (which I, and everyone, stole from Steve; there I said it). You might come off as a tool at first, but eventually everyone gets drunk enough that they start to love it and pretty soon they are not only getting a little overzealous with it but are also doing it to random strangers walking by. The beautiful part? You're the one who started it! If you went without a girl and don't manage to snag one with this, I don't know what to tell you. This also reminds me...

DO high five/bones everyone that walks by. It lends a real "together" type of feel to the tailgate, while also breaking any potential boredom. If you can get past the fact that this means high-fiving Guido Miami Frat guys than it will increase your fun 5-fold. At least.

DO get more than two hours of sleep the night before spending all day in the sun. Snarl.

DON'T do 3 shots of Jack Daniels in the first 10 minutes.

DO 2 instead. Wait a little bit for the 3rd there tough guy. TRUST ME!!!!!!!

DO partner up with Stein on the Sidelines for cornhole.

DO expect Stein on the Sidelines to get a little toooooo competitive with the whole cornhole thing.

DO talk smack (or is it "trash") to the other team's fans, but only if you're willing to keep it light and admit it when they come back with something good. Also, it is absolutely not off limits to invite them over to have a beer and grab a dog.

DO keep it simple with the food. Brats. Burgers. Dogs. If you have a gay friend who is awesome at cooking (like I do) you can let him divserify. If not, dance with who brung ya. Shrimp is not something to mess around with if you don't know what is going on. Signed, Salmonella Poisoning.

DON'T yell "'Sup Tits" at your buddy when he is getting out of his car unless you know that no one else is in it. To explain my buddies and I call each other "Tits". It is just what we do. When my buddy showed up, I called to him in this manner. Well, as I yelled, out stepped 4 good looking girls, including one knockout, from his car. They all thought I was yelling at them and gave me a look somewhere between "I despise you" and "Die". Awkward. I suppose it didn't help when I tried to apologize and (after a few beers) said something like "I would never call YOU that," which is apparently not a very good cover up. Sigh.

DON'T expect to get through a tailgate (ONLY if you have been drinking, Am I Right?) without bumping in to at least one ex-girlfriend/hookup. It is inevitable. The Football Gods are fickle, but that doesn't mean they do not have a sense of humor.

DO be ready with a snappy retort for when they make their appearance. Like when my ex walked by the tailgate the other day and I yelled something like "The skank store called, and they said they're out of YOU!" when I thought I was getting being cast a dirty look upon. This is an example of a BAD comeback, and not at all what I was talking about. If Doc Walker was announcing it, he would use the teleprompter and say something like "BOOM, this is where he should have pounced... he is a CYBORG BROTHAS AND SISTAS!!!...and as you can see, the play just never developed, as indicated by the eyes rolling and the friend laughing in his face...SHE IS A CYBORG LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!" Even my friends didn't back this one up. Non-defensible. And let's just say this was not a friend-friendly Former Potential Heiress to the Stein on the Sidelines Fortune.

DO play the song "Family Tradition" by Hank Williams Jr. Non- negotiable.

DON'T expect Bored to Death to ever be a funny TV show. Wait, that isn't relevant? Whatever. It still sucks.

DON'T bring the television yourself. Too much maintenance.

DO park next to the guys who did bring the television. Brilliant, if I do say so myself.

And finally, DON'T expect to talk football with girls. However, be pleasantly surprised when you do. Later this week, my friend Rachel will be a guest picker after she and her friend Kelly completely stunned me with their football knowledge the other night. I mean, they knew what was going on. And they're women. Did I mention that they're women...and they could talk about football...well? That's one small step for woman...one giant leap for womankind.

Anyway, this is the "Stein on the Sidelines Tailgating Opus", which can always be updated. Stuff like "drink beer" and "bring a football" is too obvious and as such is not included. However, follow this and you should have an entertaining three hours of tailgating at Joe Robbie next time out.

As for my usual Monday Morning Awards, I am not doing them this week, as I literally only watched the Miami game. I didn't even see highlights. Kind of a touchy subject actually.

Now, all we need is for every former reader to surprise me with a tailgate where they each contribute something from this list...

Always guard the inbound passer.

And Here Comes the FAMU Band!

Hello All,

I walked in to work on Monday and received one of the biggest compliments I have received all season. Since there is not much else to talk about this week (every sportswriter in the world should be made to write “I will not write about Tim Tebow’s practice sessions” 1000 times on the blackboard), I will enlighten the masses.

To start, I am working in a mechanic shop. Yes, a mechanic shop that services semi-trucks. I change tires. They literally weigh twice as much as I do. As you can imagine, I am not the world’s greatest fit for this job, what with my Bachelor of Science and comeuppance in the “city” that is DePere, WI (population: 20,000; this is the big-time for the folks I work with).

Some highlights of every single day at my job:
- Walk in and put my manly looking brown bag lunch (which holds within it a granola bar and a sandwhich; not quite the half pound of Hamburger Helper mixed with half a can of bread crumbs I saw a coworker eat today) in the refrigerator.
- I do my best to communicate in a series of fragments that consists mostly of “how ya doin’” and “how ya doin”.
- Log in to the computer as the other four shop guys marvel that I have mastered the computer program in four days but take half an hour to back up a trailer. Yes, a full half hour to back a semi-truck trailer in to a parking spot. Try it sometime. It is ridiculous. And these guys do it in like two minutes. And yet I digress.
- Dread the inevitable “this truck needs two tires” instruction from my boss.
- Essentially, I take three times longer than everyone else to do anything and feel about as qualified as Larry David is to give a commencement speech. I thought the actual tires would be the hard part. Forget the fact that the tires weigh as much as they do; I have a hard time handling the air gun (essentially a big, powerful, compressed air powered screw driver) that it takes to loosen and tighten screws.
- I cannot understand half the things my boss says, as he speaks a dialect of Redneck that may be unique. Listen, I have lived in North Carolina, Texas, Tennessee, Wisconsin, Georgia and Florida (amongst other places). I have heard just about every version of English imaginable. And this is ridiculous.
- I get “dirtier than a chimney sweep”. And yet, my co-workers who do the same work stay remarkably (almost eerily) clean. The solution? I have no clue.

Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes, the compliment.

One of the guys I work with is about 6’8” and a solid 250 lbs. He is also dead silent most of the time. Anyway, I walked in to work the other day and was greeted with a simple “How ‘bout them ‘Canes?”

I couldn’t believe what had just been said to me. Listen, Stein on the Sidelines loves many things: Cornhole. Jeeps. Kelly Clarkson. The I-Tunes Visualizer. Twenty minutes of staring in to space every day. Patrick Swayze movies. Chicken (fried), cold beer on a Friday night, a pair of jeans that fits just right and the radio up (Wait, is that a song? Damn it! Damn it Zac Brown Band!)

But what I really like is when a big, silent, imposing, Florida Gator-rooting Good Ol’ Boy comes up to me and compliments my football team, which is admittedly probably too big a part of my life.

And why am I writing about this? Well, again, Miami is playing Florida A&M this weekend, and there is not a wealth of storylines. So really, I am just talking about a change in the perception of our program. No, not the type of recognition that comes from beating conference foes and longtime rivals like Florida State and Georgia Tech. That type of recognition really only comes from close-followers of the program and from headline-hungry media members.

It takes something special to get the auto-mechanics of the world to take notice. They live in a world of no-nonsense. Everything serves a purpose, and they don’t do well with frills. Very similar to a truck engine. And what Miami did last weekend was enough to prove something to the auto-mechanics of the world, the types of people who require real proof before they pay attention.

What did they prove?

That the ‘Canes are back? Well, I would say that this team still has a lot of improvement to do before they could be put in to the same sentence as the teams that built “The U”.

That the ‘Canes are national title contenders? Again, probably not this season. This team will still have a few more missteps and probably will lose 1 or 2 that they shouldn’t. It’s just the curse of the bulk of your contributors having less than two seasons of experience.

That the ‘Canes are worthy of everyone’s attention? Hell yes, and it feels good to be relevant again. Now, the trick for this team will be (just like before Virginia Tech) to keep their foot on the gas (see, it all ties back to the mechanic shop…well done Stein on the Sidelines) and not let a team sneak up on them. Because it would be embarrassing as hell to lose a game to FAMU.

And now, on to the FAMU Breakdown, rapid fire edition. As can be expected, Miami has much more talent than the Rattlers. However, do not be surprised if FAMU has some success at different points. They throw the ball well and Miami struggles to cover the pass. They say the real difference between D-1A teams and all the other teams is the talent in the trenches. FAMU might play better than expected early, but Miami should be able to wear them down as the game goes on and pull away (Miami’s real advantage is in depth in this game, assuming FAMU has some fast Florida athletes at the top of their depth chart at the skill positions).

Quarterbacks: Miami has Jacory Harris. EDGE: Miami

Running Backs: Javarris James just ran for 150 yards on one of the top defenses in the nation. EDGE: Miami

Receivers: Miami has over ten players with a catch this season and can substitute 6 players without much drop off at wideout. EDGE: Miami

Offensive Line: D-1A athletes vs. D-1AA athletes. EDGE: Miami
Defensive Line: D-1A athletes vs. D-1AA athletes. EDGE: Miami

Linebackers: Sean Spence and Colin McCarthy. EDGE: Miami

Secondary: Miami will get the edge but only because FAMU’s receivers will be easier to contain than Miami’s. EDGE: Miami

Special Teams: FAMU’s Leroy Vann has received national accolades for his dominance in the return game, but he hasn’t faced athletes like Jordan Futch, Arthur Brown and Ray Ray Armstrong (hell, even Corey Nelms) in coverage. Matt Bosher is punting extremely well. EDGE: Miami

Coaching: Randy Shannon’s crew is starting to hit their stride. EDGE: Miami

Week 4 Picks in Review

Well, that was a disaster. Great upset special, Dan. Tennessee over Auburn, really? I struggled like Vinny Chase in his PSA with Matt Damon. The carnage, when all tallied, resulted in a weak 4-7 (weaker than Vinny’s check to the One x One Foundation?) that brought my season record to 10-11, including 0-3 in Upset Specials. Also, guest pickers moved to 0-2. Woof.

This Week’s Guest

This week’s guest is future Nobleman and Magistrate Francis Carbone, picking the big one, LSU vs. Florida:

"Hello there Steininites, this is God himself. I was requested to preview the University of Florida versus Lousiana State University football contest that will happen on this Saturday. I haven't checked the time, but let's just assume it's 8PM because no human being ever wants to miss a *THRILLING* SEC matchup. Ever. Because when it comes to football the South Eastern Conference is somewhere between the NFC West and the 1985 Chicago Bears in skill, excitement, prowess, and good ol' fashion football playin'. Both of these teams in our matchup could beat the Lions so fast their sisters wouldn't even know they left the bed.


If you couldn't tell, this matchup has me all atwitter that I simply don't even know where to start. Actually, instead of calling it the matchup, let's call it National Championship Game I. It's just easier.


Florida (4-0, 2-0) has to travel the grueling 600 miles on separate planes to Tiger Stadium. After having played arguably the toughest schedule in the nation this year with Troy, Charleston Southern, a blowout of a talented Tennessee team and Kentucky, the Gators should be more than prepared to handle a stadium that can register on the richter scale. For those of you not in the loop, the Florida quarterback was knocked out of last week's Kentucky game by an illegal hit, and will be unavailable for National Championship I. Presumably, he didn't want his presence to have an undue effect on such a fine SEC football game that he let himself get hit. Otherwise I'd say this game would be a Tennessee-Style blowout: 62-0. However, Florida is a team that is known for two things: 1) Affidavits and 2) Depth. Their backup QB is theoretically just as good, so I won't hold it against them.


That being said, LSU (5-0, 3-0) has more than a realistic shot in National Championship I. Playing at home is a big plus, and you need everything you can get when playing the 33rd NFL team. Apparently, LSU students have gotten a hold of cell phone numbers for various people associated with the program (read: the backup QB and coordinators) to harass and intimidate Florida before they even step on the field. I wholeheartedly approve of this as LSU is stealing a technique that Dan LeBatard invented back in his days as a UM student when the Hurricanes were allowed to look at Notre Dame. LSU's front seven are some of the best in the country this year and will bring size, speed, agility and literacy to the the Gator offensive line. Combine this constant pressure with crowd noise and this game may well be as difficult at the epic Troy game at Ben Hill Griffith the other week.


The Tigers are going to pressure the Gators with the goal of rattling the quarterback, stuffing the run, and forcing bad mistakes and low percentage plays out of the offense. The Tiger offense is coming off of a huge win against Georgia that involved their sick offensive line puking on field during drives. Even with the illnesses the O-line was able to create holes, and establish the run with Charles Scott, which is what will happen in this game.


I'll take LSU in the best goddamn football game you'll ever see, 28-27."

Francis also included the following conclusion: "Oh by the way, I'm pissed because I actually had to rot my brain with research for these sisterf&@$#%s." This is why we're friends, ladies and gentlemen.

My Picks

Missouri over Nebraska: Blaine Gabbert pulls the Brett Favre on the Huskers.

Florida State over Georgia Tech: The ‘Noles stand strong by their coach and postpone the “Fire Boobah” talk for at least one more week.

Michigan over Iowa: This is the type of game Iowa loses every time they shoot up in the rankings.

Maryland over Wake Forest: I literally flipped a coin. That is all the ACC is anyway, right?

Georgia over Tennessee: Unless the referees penalize a Georgia player for waving to his mom in the stands.

Auburn over Arkansas: The Tigers score in bunches and the Razorbacks can’t play defense. Which is the SEC way of saying they suck. But because they play in the SEC, they don’t suck, they just “struggle defensively”. Which is a nice way of saying they suck. Wait, where was I?

Wisconsin over Ohio State: Not as big an upset as you might think. Trust me (says the guy who picked Indiana to beat Ohio State last week). If I were a gamblin' man I would bet on this.

Oregon over UCLA
Stanford over Oregon State


UPSET SPECIAL: Ole Miss over Alabama

I actually think that Alabama is the best team in the country, but I am thinkin’ the Rebs could do it. Jevan Snead is bound to be productive at some point, and ‘Bama has to go to Oxford for the game. Ah, hell, let’s call a spade a spade. I am picking Ole Miss because I hate Nick Saban and I would love to see my brother’s school knock him down a notch. Hotty Toddy!

Always guard the inbound passer.

How Do You Like Me Now?

Hello All,

Well, my hands have finally stopped shaking for long enough to sit down and type up my recount of the Miami- Oklahoma matchup, alternately the most frustrating and gratifying win I can remember.

Now I know what you are telling yourself.

“There’s no chance he is going to do another running diary for this game.”

And you could not be further from the truth ladies and gentlemen.

PRE GAME

Comin’ to you live from the Stein family football cave, eagerly anticipating the fourth leg of Miami’s gauntlet to open the stadium.

ABC shoots it down to Joe Robbie…errrrr Pro Player…errrrr Dolphin…errrrrrr Landshark Stadium, where we are greeted by Kirk Herbstreit and Brent Musbrger. YES! The last good two man booth in college football! We are off to a great start.

Let’s just say that this game is not setting up well for Miami. In what promises to be a physical game, Miami’s starting fullback (Pat Hill), starting defensive end (Olivier Vernon) and two starting safeties (Randy Phillips and JoJo Nicolas) are all scratches. Actually, the Nicolas thing might be good. Is that mean? Or is it just sad? Anyway, all of a sudden our lead blocker in the running game, only reliable defensive back and yet another defensive linemen are gone.

Down on the field, Miami is in the Orange over White. Phew.

My dad and I decide that we want Jimmy Graham to catch the first touchdown. Not only would it get him over the hump after last week’s performance, but it would get the stadium rockin’.

I motion to nickname Landry Jones “The ‘Stache”. Done and done.

1st QTR

• God damn it, it appears “The ‘Stache” has been thought of. Scratch that idea.
• Miami wins the toss and chooses to receive. This is perfect. Set the tone early. Get a score right out of the gates. Love the aggression.
• And we get right in to our typical gameplan, facing a 3rd and Medium early…and Randy Shannon calls for a timeout. Awesome. 1:32 in to the game and we are down a timeout. I mean, it’s only EVERY game that we end up needing one more timeout than we have down the stretch. I am sure that won’t come back to bite us in the ass.
• Jacory hits seldom used Tervarris Johnson for a first down out of the timeout. Again, this is why Mark Whipple is awesome. Johnson, in his previous three years, was essentially a wasted scholarship, listed at different times as the 4th string cornerback, nickelback, safety, tight end and now fullback. And he just got the offense started in the Oklahoma game. Love it.
• Harris follows up by throwing a bad interception. It looks like Leonard Hankerson broke off his flare route; Jacory threw it anyway, trusting that Hankerson WOULD NOT break off his route.
• The defense, after having the tempo dictated to it last weekend in Blacksburg, will surely come out blitzing and forcing the issue. Wait, they’re not? They’re doing the same thing as last weekend? Dan is getting angry…
• And Oklahoma marches down the field and scores a touchdown, beating Sam Shields something like 57 times on the drive. (7-0 OU)
• Question: If Miami knows that Sam Shields is a liability in coverage and is willing to deal with his growing pains as he learns the position, why not just put Brandon McGee and Jamal Reid out there? Why play a senior over freshmen when you’re going to get beat anyway. Nothing against Shields, because I admire him for taking one for the team and switching sides of the ball as a senior. Hell, I think it is a testament to his work ethic that he has earned a starting spot already. But this is four straight games that he’s been terrible in.
• Miami gets the ball back, and Jacory throws another bad interception. This would be slightly less aggravating if it was not on a jump ball in the middle of the field to Travis Benjamin (all 5’10” of him). WTF?!
• Marcus Robinson comes through with a sack after abusing his blocker. Meanwhile, Ray Ray Armstrong has looked great so far at safety. The kid has a nose for the ball, to be sure. He has not been tested in coverage yet, but he has done everything asked of him to this point. My point about playing the freshmen in the secondary just got made for me, and I thank you.
• And Shields just got beat again. Sam Shields is the football equivalent of the Washington Generals.
• DeMarcus Van Dyke gets called for borderline pass interference. This is not going well. It is a small miracle that the quarter ends with Miami only down a touchdown.

2nd QTR
• As if on cue, Oklahoma comes out of the quarter break and fakes a field goal. My dad knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. Musburger knew it was coming. And still, the Sooners got 2 ½ yards when they needed 2. Although, I would say that they referee spotted the ball a little charitably; either way, 1st Down Sooners.
• Sam Shields gets called for a ticky tacky facemask penalty…at this point, Miami has been called for a facemask and a pass interference, and twice has jumped offside. In a game against a great team, you just cannot help them by bailing them out with penalties. Just can’t do it (wow, did John Madden just take over this blog for that bullet point?)
• Miami holds and forces a field goal. (10-0 OU)
• Graig Cooper busts a big return, which then gets called back for clipping.
• Jacory hooks up on 2 straight plays to Aldarious Johnson, who is back in the rotation and providing Miami with another reliable third down option.
• After peppering Oklahoma along the sidelines and spreading them out, Baby J breaks a 50 yard run up the gut. HUGE momentum play.
• Jacory hits Jimmy Graham over the middle. TOUCHDOWN ‘CANES!!! Sometimes, my dad and I are prophetic. Not often. But sometimes. (10-7 OU)
• Miami comes down on kick coverage and traps Oklahoma inside its own 10…only to have to re-kick because of an offside penalty. That’s right, offside. On the kickoff. This is starting to get beyond frustrating. What’s a good word? “Infuriating”? That seems a little overdone. Either way, it feels like someone has electrodes attached to my gonads, and every time Miami does something good they send a shock through the wires. I am almost pre-conditioned to expect a flag on every big play for Miami. I am the most pitiful Pavlovian Dog you can imagine.
• Oklahoma goes 3 & Out after the re-kick.
• Miami follows suit
• Miami holds on D again, but Shannon does not use his timeouts on defense, instead being content to go in to the half down three. Yep, just got shocked again. Right in the gonads.

HALFTIME
• Well, the D has played solid ball, despite the penalties. My question is why don’t we ever blitz? Think about it. The whole defense is predicated on speed. Lovett is afraid to blitz because he doesn’t want our corners on an island. The problem is that because he never sends a blitz, the opposing quarterback just sits back and picks apart the coverage anyway. At least if we blitz we force the issue and a quick throw, especially against a statue like Landry Jones. Furthermore, as witnessed in the Georgia Tech game, this defense feeds off of big plays. All they need is one or two big hits to get rolling. Even if the blitz is not one hundred percent effective, it will still get the fire going inside of our defense. They will loosen up and start playing fast instead of tentatively. Am I the only one who knows this? It just can’t be. BRING THE NOISE!!!!!
• An underrated drink combo: Jack and Sprite. Don’t think, just do it. And then call me tomorrow and thank me.
• My mother: “Why aren’t all the old players on the sideline anymore?” A great question. For years, this weekly homecoming defined the Miami program. And now, it seems like the players on the sideline are few and far between. Yet another example of why this program is not where it used to be.

3rd QTR
• Corey Nelms, a walk on, comes out and lays the wood on the opening kickoff. Where the hell did that come from?
• Brandon Harris comes off the edge on a cornerback blitz and blindsides the quarterback, forcing a fumble that Miami recovers. This play was like Madden ’05 (the last one I played consistently), when you were about to hit stick someone and the screen slowed down and the controller started thumping like a heart beat. You knew something awesome was about to happen. Landry Jones looked like he had almost stopped playing. My dad thought there must have been a whistle blown because Brandon Harris was moving so much faster than everyone else. And all this on the first play of the half, when Lovett did the unthinkable and called a blitz. Shocking.
• Miami goes for the jugular on the first play, throwing to Dedrick Epps in the end zone for a touchdown on the first play. And we all thought tight end would be this team’s weakest position. I am not even going to bother with all of the caps and exclamation points, because I think it is obvious that three plays in to the second half the ‘Canes just went up on Oklahoma. (14-10 UM)
• Eric Moncur and Allen Bailey, the two best linemen do far this year for UM, make big plays to set up a 3& Out..but wait, flag down…and its pass interference on Sean Spence. Worst call yet, which is saying something. More on all this later.
• Oklahoma is melting down. They just called for personal fouls on back to back plays. And one of their running backs is trying to bait Moncur (a 25 year old, 260 pound defensive end for Carol City) in to a fight. YES!!!!!!!!!
• Oklahoma is really starting to play some dirty football. My dad quips “Our defensive linemen need to protect their lower extremities, huh?” Line of the night, easily.
• Jacory gets the ball and throws deep…he has Travis Benjamin…touchdown ‘Canes! (21-10 UM)
• Ramon Buchannon flattens the Sooner kick returner on the ensuing kickoff…where the hell did this kick coverage come from???
• At the end of a play, Oklahoma’s 330+ lb offensive lineman spears Ray Ray Armstrong from behind, clearly after the whistle. No call. In my life, I have been angrier about refereeing once before. And that was when it cost Miami a National Title. Seriously, this is pathetic. Armstrong is hurt on the play, and the refs call NOTHING. It’s like Bob Stoops told his linemen “sweep the leg”. And the refs were in the huddle. And vowed to say nothing about it. It reminds me of the scene in “The Express” (yes, I saw it, and enjoyed it…don’t you judge me) when The Texas players start punching Ernie Davis after a play and they call Davis’s team for a personal foul when they come to break it up. Just absolutely terrible. (That's right, two movie references in one bullet point)
• On a bright note, Sean Spence is having himself a bounce back game. The kid is everywhere. Good to see him back doin’ his thing.
• You’ll never believe this, but the refs just screwed Miami on a roughing the kicker penalty. Joe Joseph busted through the line and almost blocked the punt. He dove off to the side, specifically to avoid the punter (which is impressive considering he is 315 lbs). The punter comes down and lands on top of Joseph’s back (NOT A PENALTY; officially, not a penalty, according to the rule book) and then flops to sell it. Herbstreit even calls the kid out for laughing about it on the sideline (my man crush on Herbie continues to grow). The refs not only throw the flag, but assess 15 yards instead of 5 for just running in to the kicker; earlier in the game, they gave us 5 instead of 15 when Ray Ray collided with the punter while he was IN THE AIR. The result is a first down deep in Miami territory for the Sooners. We all know how this ends…
• Touchdown Sooners…and a balatant holding penalty goes uncalled. Go figure. (21-17 UM)
• Joseph is getting yelled at by everyone on the sideline. Honestly. Not warranted. He did exactly what he was supposed to and got called for a BS penalty. Not his fault. The alternative is to try and not block the kick. Which definitely would get him yelled at. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
• Miami and Oklahoma trade 3 & Outs. Eric Moncur comes up big again.
• The longest 3rd quarter ever concludes.

4th QTR
• Joseph gets his redemption, knifing through the Sooner line and planting the running back in the backfield to force a Sooner punt.
• Jacory makes a clutch 3rd down throw to Aldarious
• Baby J breaks off a 20 yard run
• Thearon Collier almost catches the dagger, a bomb that he laid out for full-extension and came just short on.
• Miami punts, and the Sooner return man fields it on the 1…here come the ‘Canes…and the return goes out to midfield after a blatant block in the back on Sam Shields springs the returner. This is turning in to a comedy of officiating errors.
• Marcus Forston just jumped offside for the third time. Someone needs to recommend decaf to the big man.
• The D comes up huge and forces a field goal. (21-20 UM)
• Jacory converts a 3rd and Long to Aldarious on a fake pitch play that was executed perfectly. Whipple called the pitch out of that exact formation shift three times in the first 3 quarters, all to set up the fake when it mattered. Textbook.
• Miami gets the ball back and is in 3rd and Long. This is the play of the game. Timeout is taken.
• Coming out of the timeout, Jacory completes to Epps for the 1st down. That should be the ballgame… Oklahoma is out of timeouts, Miami just needs to bleed clock…
• Baby J rips off a 14 yard run. Ballgame. MIAMI WINS! 3-1!!!!!!!!

The Morning After
• Gameball goes to: Javarris James
• I don’t really know what to say. I am still giddy. The defense came up huge, the offense made plays when it mattered, and the team overcame an awful start and terrible officiating to win. What more can you ask for?
• It was all worth it for Randy Shannon’s reaction. I thought he might cry afterward. I had never seen him happy before, but after this game he looked like a little kid. And why not? This is a legitimate signature win, beating a Top 10, national title contender from out of conference in primetime on national television. That is what Miami football is all about, and he knows it better than anyone else.
• There are obvious flaws, particularly pass coverage. But the ‘Canes will be favored in every game from here on out and should have learned its lesson about hype in Blacksburg. 11-1 is entirely possible (although still not likely) and that would put the ‘Canes firmly in the National Title conversation (if everything bounces their way). And all this a year ahead of schedule, with a treacherously thin offensive line and a banged up defensive unit. This feels pretty damned good. This was all about redemption. Miami redeeming last week’s performance. Miami getting revenge for the last matchup with Oklahoma. Shannon getting revenge against all of his naysayers (who you will find in droves after a loss and barely find at all after this kind of win). And most of all, loyal fans being redeemed after following this team through the valley of the last 4 seasons. This song was just too sweet.

Other Games I Watched
• Louisiana Tech vs. Hawaii: It would be easy for me to make a joke about Hawaii’s head coach and his homophobic comments before the season. Especially at a University formerly nicknamed the Rainbow Warriors. But I’m not going to. Stein on the Sidelines is classier than that. Anyway, Louisiana Tech smacked them and looked great doing it in their old school red, white and blue uniforms.
• West Virginia vs. Colorado: When I’m right, I’m very right. My dad and I had important stuff to discuss during this game, namely the Tyler Hansbrough cell phone commercial. So let me get this straight: Little girl posts sign for lost dog. Nameless guy takes a picture, which he sends in a mass text to all his friends. Hansbrough gets text and does the same. Hansbrough’s friend finds dog and texts him back. Hansbrough goes and collects the dog, and then brings it back to the little girl. Meanwhile, the original unnamed guy receives no credit while Hansbrough receives ALL the credit. And this is acceptable? Yet another reason to hate Tyler Hansbrough- he is a Glory Hog.
• Pitt vs. Louiville: This was when we found out that LaGarrette Blount is going to be reinstated at Oregon. What, is he seeing a Buddhist?
• Wisconsin vs. Minnesota: Why are they playing in October for The Axe? And why is Eric Decker still seeing single coverage?
• Dartmouth vs. Penn: This is the first leg of VS’s great doubleheader, followed by William & Mary vs. Villanova.
• Virginia vs. UNC: Sorry Steph.
• FSU vs. BC: The Mark Herzlich story is great, and I love the move by Gameday to go there this week. That being said, wouldn’t it be nice if FSU won a game every now and then?
• Washington vs. Notre Dame: ND scored on a 4th & Goal conversion that shouldn’t have been. In what is apparently the world’s darkest stadium. As much as I hate them, there is no denying that Golden Tate and Kyle Rudolph are studs. Also there was a great moment on the sideline, wherein NBC’s bimbo sideline reporter was trying to demonstrate what a turf toe is. The camera, mid-sentence, panned away from her back to the game that was between plays….and the bimbo, apparently angry, craned her neck to get back in to the shot and interrupted the guys in the booth that had started speaking again. High comedy. They missed the start of the play because of her temper tantrum. Seriously. I guess maybe you had to see it. (Snarl)
• LSU vs. UGA: Choke
• Penn State vs. Illinois: We landed on this game randomly at one point, and this was the literal conversation
-Dad: Who gives a s#$t?
-Stein on the Sidelines:

Best Game: Miami vs. Oklahoma. For everything I said above.

Best Uniform: Iowa. They always look great in the black over gold.

Game Ball Goes To: Toby Gerhart, Stanford. Pretty sure I misspelled his name at some point on this blog, but I don’t care, because this kid can play and has made Stanford in to a contender. Plus, he plays baseball too. And that always wins you points with Stein on the Sidelines.

Worst Uniform: Kentucky’s monochromatic royal blue with sparkly helmet paint. Here’s lookin’ at you, Ty.

Trojan Enz © Boner of the Week Award: The referees, and not just in the Miami game. There was the Notre Dame no-call on 4th & Goal, a terrible excessive celebration call in the Georgia game, and just an overall emasculation of the game throughout this season.

Brian Rolle “Should’ve Been a ‘Cane” Award: Corey Liuget, Illinois. This kid is a stud that can play defensive end or tackle, much like Allen Bailey. He went to Illinois because he liked the coaches and wanted to get out of Miami. How is that workin’ out? On top of that, Miami needs as many quality linemen as they can get, and this kid is being wasted at Illinois.

Non-BCS Name You Should Know: Damaris Johnson, Tulsa. This kid can flat out play receiver. Watched him early this season and he was the one kid that you had to watch no matter what he was doing on the field. Just electric.

Always guard the inbound passer.